Amalie watched as her King noticeably winced at her reference to their tragic past. He closed his eyes, and Amalie wondered if it had been a mistake to mention what had happened. Maybe it was still too soon for him... Amalie and her husband didn't often talk about what had happened, but she knew it had effected him deeply. Of course, she still cried over it in private. And she still occasionally woke up screaming, clutching at her flat stomach. Her screams soon dulled to bitter sobs, and she would feel Orion reach out a hand to her. But he wouldn't speak, he wouldn't look at her, he wouldn't hold her. He'd just reach out his hand to her.
The losses had had a great impact on Amalie, and she was able to cry over it. But the deaths seemed to have a much more subtle, yet equally devastating effect on her husband. He'd become almost obsessed by the idea of having an heir, and crazed by his lack of one. Amalie still awaited the day when he would turn on her. He was so angry over it, and the Queen was sure he must blame her. After all, it was her body that was failing her. It must be her fault. She'd spent so long scrutinising every single little thing she'd done whilst pregnant, trying to work out what it was that she'd done wrong; what mistake she'd made. Other women seemed to birth children with such ease. What was it that she was doing so wrong that she was causing her own body to reject the most natural process of all. Sometimes, she felt broken. Like a failure. And it was as if she was living every day waiting for Orion to realise and find a new Queen. All she could do was pray to whoever would listen to allow her just to give Orion this child, alive. But she would not allow her worry to show. She had to stay optimistic and confident about a positive outcome. If not even she had faith, this child stood no chance.
"Yes, yes it is," Orion agreed with her. He kissed her forehead, and for a moment Amalie was swept with hope, her previous fears dismissed temporarily. "He will live, by god he will, I know it."
Her husband pressed his face into her hair, inhaling. There was something so reassuring about his tone. Orion was such a powerful man. When he spoke, people listened. When he entered a room, he exuded the kind of confidence that forced people to look at him. He was authoritative and proud. He was persuasive and convincing, and his tone simply made Amalie want to believe him. And, perhaps, in that time, she did.
"God, I love you," he said into her hair. Amalie felt her body relax against his, his affirmation giving her confidence and the feeling of safety.
"I love you too," she murmured back truthfully. Amalie knew Orion had not always been faithful to her. She was sure he thought she knew nothing of his dalliances, but she was not stupid nor in denial. She may not chose to share her knowledge with her King, but that did not mean she was ignorant. She loved her King, but she understood he was King. This could only be expected, and there had been many much worse than him. Besides, if he was oblivious, it was much easier for her to control his affairs. Amalie kept tabs on everyone he'd slept with, to ensure they could not become a risk to her position, and to make sure no bastards were produced as a result of his unions. She was not cruel or paranoid, but she was manipulative. And with no children of her own, her position was still not completely safe. She had to be careful. And these were simply the precautions she was forced to take.
Her attention was drawn away from her thoughts once more as she felt movement. She sat up a little straighter, looking to Ori, who she found looking her up and down with concern.
"Darling, the ride won't be too uncomfortable, will it? Nor the summit too stressful for you? I don't want anything too..." he trailed off. But he did not have to finish the sentence for Amalie to know what he meant. Of course, he was concerned, as she was, about the safety of being at the summit in her fragile state.
For a moment, Amalie paused, unsure. She desperately wanted to be at the summit, to see her sister and ensure she was able to do everything within her power to bring peace. But, maybe that was selfish? Maybe she wasn't putting the best interests and safety of her baby above all? Maybe this was why fate hadn't yet allowed her to become a mother yet, because she didn't deserve it. Then again, millions of other woman had done it without spending their pregnancies wrapped wool. Life couldn't just stop because she was afraid. Besides, she'd be so careful last time and it had still happened. It seemed, if God did not intend for her baby to be born, then there was nothing she or anyone else could do about it.
"I will be perfectly fine, Ori. Do not worry," she told him reassuringly. "The physician said the heartbeat was strong. And I will be careful, I promise you," she swore, looking up at him, eyes full of turbulent emotions. "Focus on the summit, my love. You know how important peace is to me," she said, carefully broaching the dangerous topic. "I don't want my children to grow up in a world full of war," she added, gently squeezing his hand, that was still resting in hers at her stomach, using the leverage she knew their child already held.