Sebastian watched her hands rub her moist eyes, brow still wrinkled in concern. This entire set-up was so awkward. Why couldn't things just go back to how they were before? It would have been easier for everyone, right? Yet, at the same time, he certainly wanted to work out this awkwardness between them. They were Hunters together and the group of Hunters was so tightly knit, he couldn't bear to keep any awkward feelings between them. A Hunter was expected to assist their fellow Hunters. Seb couldn't even begin to count the number of times he'd raced back to help out a recruit.
It was only human nature to hold grudges, but he knew they were the difference between life and death in such situations. He shuddered lightly at the thought and focused back on Annelise. She gave him a sad smile which surprised him greatly, given just a few minutes ago she had been bawling her eyes out.
"I don't know. And, it's not really a now thing, either..." He nodded, turning his right hand in a circle to prompt her forward. Seb tried to make the gesture seem as kind as possible, but he was already so on edge that he was certain she might grow sad again.
"You can speak louder..." he murmured, his voice staying even and soft as he addressed her. "It started a year or so after my training...so... I've felt like this for 3 years, since I was 16. And...why you?" Their eyes met and he sighed, looking sadly at her heartbroken expression. "I have.. no idea. I sometimes think that, maybe it's because I'm desperate for affection. But it can't be that.. I've had boyfriends who treated me well, but I never felt this way...it's just something about you that I can't explain..."
Again he nodded and then shrugged at her final comment. "No...you don't sound like a moron," he murmured. Sebastian stood up to his full height again and looked down at her still, arms crossed. "So is it love or is it just wanting to have someone to love so much you latched to me...?" Sebastian sighed and chewed the inside of his cheek slowly, realizing that must have sounded horrible to her. Oh God, what could he say? Love wasn't his forte. The only time he had to worry this much about love was when that one girl chased him endlessly on the playground to profess her love for him in the second grade. He'd hidden under the slide every day that week during recess. Sighing, Seb looked up toward the sky and then back at her.
"Look, it's not that I'm not interested in you...you're a sweet young woman, really." He smiled down at her and then placed a hand lightly on her shoulder. "I'm just...I know there are so many more men that would be ten times better for you than I am. I can't love you...Hunting is my life, Annelise. It's my only purpose...the only thing I'm good at. I just...God, I don't know. I just don't know what to say or what to do..." He frowned. "I don't want to hurt you, you know I don't...I just don't know what to do anymore."