Snippet #2428955

“Why … Why are you so kind to me, Andrei? Viktor is the only other brother of yours that treats me even remotely right. But you … You’re different,”

He could see the pain in her eyes and hear in in her voice, yet Andrei could impossibly fully comprehend what she was thinking. He simply didn't understand how Avalon could be so upset about such a trivial matter as her sisters disappearance- as he knew Ethella would be brought home sooner or later. Andrei also knew there was more bothering Avalon than Ethella, but he just didn't know what it was. Quite frankly, the young vampire was more than confused. He was entirely lost in this whole situation, although he tried not to act the way.

"Why am I kind?" he asked thoughtfully, arching an eyebrow and tilting his head. "I do not have an answer to that question, Avalon... I have no idea why I am kind. It is not like treat anyone else badly... it just seems you make me a little more alive than anyone else, so I get the strength to care about you... Do you understand what I mean? Although... if this has to do with your blood or you... I cannot answer. I don't know, Avalon..." he replied softly, quietly, in hopes to somehow make sense to her... since he didn't make sense to himself. If she understood, however... they was a chance she could make him understand his own thoughts and feelings too. At least, so Andrei hoped.

“Could it really be that the gentleness I have seen in your eyes over the years wasn’t my imagination? Is it possible that you truly feel for me in the same manner that I feel for you? Because it seems that way."

Andrei listened silently to her silently, letting out a soft sigh as he felt her hand on his chest. Gazing into her eyes, he kept a solemn expression on his face, trying to avoid showing how confused he really was feeling in any way. However, Andrei had the feeling she would somehow know that anyway... he didn't know how, it was just a feeling she got. As she addressed his feelings, he frowned, a thoughtful look flitting across his features.

"I... don't know..." he repeated softly, shaking his head. Andrei knew exactly that he loved her, but he didn't know if he was allowed to admit it or not. Besides, he was afraid that if he actually admitted it, things would be expected of him... like marriage and honesty about a relationship- which both were totally impossible in the blood vampire world so far. He would be frowned upon, disgraced at worst... besides that, how would he be able to defend her against his brothers? He didn't know, but since her features was so uncertain, and so was his... he didn't want to allow himself to love her. Although, of course, he thought... it could actually be quite nice loving someone and devoting yourself too. As long as it doesn't mean I have to do cooking, cleaning or anything much at all... what's the point anyway? Memories are fleeting, the past... you cannot relieve them so why bother with anything at all? Where is the point?

"Andrei … I can’t pretend to understand what you are thinking, and most of the time, it’s difficult to even guess. But I can try to guess. I imagine that you aren’t sure of your feelings for me, or that you are battling with our different races. Am I correct?”

Biting his lip, Andrei replied meekly. "Both... it would just be so complicated..." he said softly, quietly, "we don't live in a fairytale where everything just works out if we give it some time... if I were to become your partner, it would give both of us trouble, Avalon. Please see reason... although I am not the one who should talk, I suppose... it is just... we would both be shunned and frowned upon... punished, if father so wills it... and besides what the rest of society things about human/vampire relationships- none of us will ever have children. I do not want any either way, so for me it wouldn't matter but you...? You would make a wonderful mother, I'm sure... and it would be sad to see that taken away from you. Even if you are a servant... I could always set you free. You could have a life, if you wanted one... and you could find someone of your own kind to love and marry and have children and raise a family with... you could actually... get some normality into all of the chaos you've had to live with all these years..." he trailed off with a sigh and shook his head, gently placing his hand on her cheek and stroking it carefully. "A-although... I do think... I love you..."

He let his hand drop back down to the mattress and then smiled weakly as he felt her linking their hands together, pressing her palm against his and lifting it into the air.

“Are we really so different, Andrei, that you can’t allow yourself to feel how you do for me? Because from the looks of it, there isn’t much variation between us … Your skin is pale, just as mine is … And soft, also … You have five fingers on each hand, a nose, a mouth, two eyes, two ears … And we both have hearts, which beat in our chests, that would not survive without oxygen. So really … Is there so much different between you and me? Because I can’t see any obvious features that battle each other. You merely drink blood for nourishment. So tell me this, Andrei … Why would it be so wrong for you to just give in like you did when we were in bed together, only with how you feel? Why can’t you allow yourself to love me?”

Andrei laughed softly, quietly as she asked if he thought they were were that difference and she used their 'hearts' as example. Shaking his head, he took her hand and placed it against his chest, remaining silent for a moment. "You're naive, Avalon..." he teased softly, smiling at her gently, "we are different, whether you like it or not. Physically we may look alike, but truly... we are very different. I am a monster, you are a mortal. I am a vampire you are a human... you have a heart that beats and you need oxygen to stay alive... but I do not have a literate heart. Do you feel it? My chest? There is no heart beating inside of me... there is just a black hole. That is what makes me, and every other blood vampire, a monster. Even spirit vampires own hearts... not hearts like humans- as they do not have the same functionality... but they are nonetheless hearts," he said softly, sadly, as he watched her carefully. "We... on the other hand, are blood thirsty beasts... monsters."

“I … I know that I love you. And I can’t live without my love for you. Your kind, gentle, and strong … You treat me well, and you take care of me when I need you to. You are sweet, funny, and devilishly handsome … To sum it all together, you are quite the catch … So is it really so wrong? Is it so wrong for me to love you, Andrei?”

Grimacing at her words, Andrei let go of her hand and shook her head, shutting his eyes for a moment.

"Every human who knows what is best for the run when they see a beast in the forest... every human who cares about their life would never approach anything which could kill them. It is not wrong of you to love me, but perhaps foolish... after all, would you really love a wolf who could turn on you any day? You will never know if I one day loose control and accidentally kill you. You will never be safe... and beautiful but foolish stories like the beauty and the beast aren't reality. They're nothing more but wishes which will never come true... ideas with no place in reality," he trailed off and then looked even unhappier.

"This is horrible, you know. We sound we're part of some kind of terrible love story. But we're not in twilight where Bella's life sucks but she gets to be happy in the end anyway although I really hoped both she and that Edward and that Jacob guy would just die... because truly, they were all very annoying," he sighed and then shook his head, wanting to get back on track.

"What I mean is... I am not a prince charming or your Edward. To be quite honest... and you know this truth; I just want to make it clear for you... I am lazy as hell, and no person in the world- not even my greatest love could make me change my way when it comes to that. Added to it, I'm really nothing better than a moody and bratty teen who doesn't give a damn about the world. I'm not brave and in bad situations, I probably wouldn't be able to save you. I mean, although I probably would be able to scare my brothers into obedience by putting them into place once and for all, I am still afraid of a lot of things... such as fire. Remember a year ago, when I was in the kitchen and almost freaked out because of the stove? I'm scared of loving too... I guess... and... a lot of other things. Really, I'm just a pathetic monster, not worthy of your love and devotion, Avalon... you should give it to someone who deserves it." Andrei whispered softly, quietly as he gently grasped hold of her hand again and have it a gentle squeeze.

"Love someone... who may love you back properly and can give you what you need and deserve... I-I... don't think I am that one, and I don't think I will ever be... I'll always just be Andrei- a disappointment to the family and the one no one ever expects anything of. I'm terrible at being anything else... really. I-I love you but..." he opened his eyes again and gazed at her; for a moment they seemed to flash in the bright blue tone they had once been when he was a child. "I'm not worthy of you..." he finished softly.