Meditation was a practice his parents had encouraged in him, to help him with his control, which could often beā¦ dubious, at best. There was something always there, in the back of his mind, that whispered to him in a voice that was not his, attempting to lure him with the promises of his own blood. For all that anyone knew, Balthasar was a somewhat-dense, but well-meaning fellow, who was perhaps a little too beholden to the whims of other people. But somewhere, deep down underneath that, was something else, something dark and quite possibly wicked. He didnāt understand it, but it was like all his desires and his temptations were bound up with his power, and he kept it contained in the smallest ball of untouchable things possible and tried to lock it in the furthest possible corner of his mind.
The metaphor was a little too spatial, but it was close enough. There was a part of him that needed constant restraint, and he didnāt like it. But he couldnāt indulge his own whims like other people could, because there was always a chance that something would go horribly wrong. He had no idea what heād become, if he allowed that power to overtake him, but he was pretty sure he wouldnāt like it. Pursing his lips, he sighed softly and decided to go do something productive. That usually helped when meditation did not.
He found himself walking towards the infirmary, and he could smell that Yuki was there, probably working as always. There hadnāt been nearly as many patients lately, but there was always something to do. He found her sorting through paperwork, perhaps test results or patient files, and took a seat across from her, smiling kindly. With a look, it was easy enough to figure out how she was sorting things, and he took to doing the same. Many hands made light work after all. āHey sis. How are you?ā
It had been three days since her encounter with Zero on the roof, and she'd not spoken to him since. She wasn't sure of what to say, anyhow. What right did she have to tell him she loved him when she'd caused him such obvious pain? As far as she could tell, he hadn't said a word to anyone, either, and for that, she was grateful.
As it were, she was so absorbed in what she was doing, for once in her life, she had no idea that Balthasar was even there until he spoke. It actually made her jump, and for a second, all she could do was stare at him. She blinked, her eyes falling back down to the papers and charts strewn across the table, and she sighed. There were dark circles under her eyes.
"Hey, Bal...sorry. I'm...not my best, at the moment." It wasn't an outright lie, but it wasn't the whole truth either. She quickly scooped up the charts that had been in front of her, specifically, her charts. For some unknown reason, she had the sudden desire to go over them again, and see if she'd missed anything. Whether it had anything to do with Zero or not, she didn't care. At least, that was what she told herself.
He glanced down in time to see what she was holding, and wondered what she was doing with her own medical files. But this, like everything else, was something she would tell him if she felt so inclined, and he wasnāt going to bring it up. Instead, he helped her sort them, mostly by what kind of data they contained, and he noted sheād been doing a lot of bloodwork on herself over the years. Curious, but he stilled his tongue even so, stacking the papers neatly and straightening the corners with his thumb until they were precisely in alignment. He had a few weird tics like this, but he just couldnāt help himself.
In the end, though, he did feel the need to make a more general inquiry. It was not like Yuki to be soā¦ skittish, especially not around him. Theyād known each other for a long time, after all, and their relationship had always been deep in its simplicity. He was her brother, and she his sister. It was purely that, and that lack of complication allowed for much to be spoken freely between them. āDo you need to talk about it?ā he asked softly, folding his hands onto the table in front of him and tilting his head slightly to one side, meeting her eyes with his own. He didnāt ask if she wanted to, because he was pretty sure that she didnāt. But there was a difference between wanting to discuss what was bothering her and needing someone to hear it.
Yuki sighed softly, looking at her brother with a half-hearted smile. "Is it that obvious?" She looked down at the files in front of her, the most recent on top. It showed various data, but the most important was the fact that it showed that her body was breaking down, and rapidly at that, to anyone who could read them. At first, she wasn't sure she should tell him.
And then the words tumbled out of her without her consent. "You're aware of what Kisuke did to me. He wanted to make me a Pure Blood by accessing our Grandmother's blood line through me. But, he failed. The problem is, he made me..." She paused, unsure of exactly how to explain it.
She set her mouth in a grim line. "You remember the story of what happened to Uncle Morgan? How he basically fell to Level E status and then came back? Essentially, the same thing is happening to me. But, it's a lot slower. And...there's no coming back from it. Not for me, at least." She looked down at her hands. "Give or take, I've got about fifty years left."
For a long moment, Balthasar did not say anything. He simply processed. And then, he took one of the medical charts off the top of the stack and read it over properly, still in silence. He was no expert, but he knew enough to understand what the data meant, and he realize with a heavy hit of dread that she was right. A deep breath expanded his chest, and when he let it out again, he seemed to deflate a little. Fifty yearsā¦ that was almost nothing at all, and yetā¦ any of them could die, on any day. The difference was that this was a hard deadline, not merely indeterminacy.
Some small thing, a fragment of the light inside his heart, flickered out, and his eyes seemed to dull in their color, just a little. When he looked at her, it was with open sadness, as one who has just endured something unspeakable. He swallowed, setting down the little piece of the chart, and for a moment, he considered making her an offerāhumanity was not the same as being a vampire, butā¦ He shook his head then, mostly to himself. That would give her, at most, ten more years than she had. And even if it did, they would be ten years in which she was no longer the same person she had been. He knew he would never want that, and he knew enough of her to understand that she would not, either. Besides, it would demand another life in exchange, and while he knew that the list of people who would willingly give theirs for that if she wanted it was quite long, it was also full of people she would not allow to die for her.
Bracing his hands on the desk, Balthasar pushed himself into a stand, moving around the table to be beside her, then he took her hand and tugged her up as well, mostly so he could wrap his arms around his sisterās back and hug her tightly. She had difficulty expressing her feelings, he knew this very well, but that did not mean that she was without them. āI love you, sister,ā he said quietly, āand when you are gone, I will miss you every day. But I have had eighty-five years by your side, and every one of them has been a gift. In this, the next fifty will be no different. It is like Aunt Ava has always told us: it is not the years in your life, but the life in your years. And you have lived well, Yuki. Soā¦ all I can ask is that you keep doing that. Live until you canāt live anymoreāand put as much into those years as you can handle. If you can do thatā¦ā he trailed off, his voice cracking faintly with the emotion he was holding behind his words.
āThen youāll have defeated him, once and for all.ā It would seem that killing Kisuke Sou had not quite managed to erase him from their lives, but this, if Yuki could do thisā¦ then she would have won, in the end, and all he wanted was for her to be as happy as she possibly could.
For the first time in three days, Yuki actually smiled. Granted, her face was currently buried in her brother's chest, but still. His words had been exactly what she'd needed to hear. He was right, of course, she needed to make the most of what she had left. And she intended to do just that, starting off with an apology to a certain Kuragari.
"Thank you, Big Brother." She whispered, wrapping her arms around him.