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Snippet #2467305

located in Cross Academy, a part of Vampire Knight: Bonds of Fate, one of the many universes on RPG.

Cross Academy

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Character Portrait: Balthasar von Nacht Character Portrait: Alarica Alistair
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It had been a day since the five of them returned from the skirmish, covered in blood but otherwise fine, only to find that the real fight had been the one pitched here. Aryan still had not woken, though Helen assured the rest of them that he simply needed time to recover. She, too, looked worse than theyā€™d left her, and heā€™d caught her downing no less than four blood pills at once. That hadnā€™t made a lot of sense until Alden explained what sheā€™d done. He owed her his thanks, but her discomfort around him had only increased in recent weeks and he didnā€™t want to trouble her unless he had to. He should probably write a note, or tell her through Sven.

For now, he steered clear of the infirmary, where she tended his younger brother. It upset him that heā€™d been gone when Yuki had reappeared, and unable to help his sister. It seemed, though, that even being on the scene would not have changed much, as perhaps the only ones that would have been capable of attacking Yuki had been waylaid by Freyrā€”probably quite an intentional move on his part. Stillā€¦ he should have been there, to protect his brother if nothing else.

It seemed his life was swiftly beginning to compose itself of things he should have done, or should have known, but did not. For someone who was used to succeeding with a fair amount of ease at whatever he put his hand to, it was especially discouraging. Though he did not make it obvious, Balthasar had rarely ever had to struggle with anything. He was simply a natural hand at the things he was taught. In a sense, heā€™d never learned how to fail, and it was proving to be a problem now. What did one do, when one ran into an obstacle that simply could not be moved? How was he supposed to forgive himself for failing them? Would they forgive him? That mattered more than anything.

He sighed softly, turning his head to look out over the water. Deep within the forest on the grounds of Cross, there was actually a small lake, surrounded by a copse of trees. Hardly anyone ever bothered to come this far out, and he had some time ago designated it as his sanctuary, the place he went when he needed to be away from everything else. To hide, maybe, but at least to slow down for a little while. It was exhausting, sometimes, trying to keep up with the expectations, or his whole family. He felt a bit like an old man before his time, unable to sustain the extended vibrancy and vivacity of the others. He supposed there might be a few who could relate, but though he was very good at listening, Balthasar sometimes had trouble sharing his own burdens. He only really knew how to shoulder them, not share them.

So instead, he took a moment every once in a while to rest, before he picked them back up again, and he did that here, laying on his back in the grass, looking out over the water and smiling to himself at the little microcosm of life that existed here. Fish, insects, birds, frogs, and the occasional lizard. He propped one of his arms on his elbow, holding an index finger crooked for a little hummingbird, which landed without a care on the extended digit. It reminded him a little of Winston, his aunt Avaā€™s familiar, its jeweled feathers shimmering brightly in the stippled sunlight that the autumn leaves allowed through.

When they returned to the Academy, it was to find Aryan in the infirmary, and Helen reassuring them that he would be fine. They returned to find that another battle had taken place here, and it caused Alarica's blood to boil. She shouldn't have left. She should have let her brothers handle the Level E's, but her anger, her desire to maim something, had over come her sense of judgement. And it was a mistake she didn't want to make again. She had visited Aryan's room perhaps the most out of her family, checking in on him when she could and spending the rest of her time training. Which is what she was currently going to do. Ulrik at her back, Angelus on her shoulder, she had left down an old beaten path.

She had discovered the area by accident really, and had she known who else would have been there, she might have relaxed her tension a bit. But as it were, she was still angry. She was angry at herself for not being there when Yuki returned, angry at herself when she found out who exactly Elizabeth was, and angry at herself because she could have done something to prevent it. Though it was a different story with Yuki, she could have at least prevented Elizabeth from becoming too close to Balthasar, and she still blamed herself for that. She released a frustrated sigh as she shifted slightly, moving so that she ducked underneath a fallen tree branch until she came upon the site of where she did some of her training.

She blinked slowly, her eyes fixed upon the form of Balthasar who was gazing out over the lake. She took a deep breath and walked over towards him, Angelus jumping from her shoulder into the nearby tree, as she placed Ulrik against the trunk of another. "You're just like aunt Ava, always attracting things," she spoke, a light hint of amusement laced in her voice as she took a seat next to him. Though that statement could be taken out of context, a part of her hoped he wouldn't. She meant it out of lightheartedness. Balthasar had experienced too much for her to mean it otherwise. She didn't want to hurt him more than she already had.

"It's nice to see you smiling again," she stated offhandedly. He hadn't smiled since a few weeks ago, and she missed it. Though she would always see it from afar, the last few weeks had wiped it from him.

Heā€™d sensed her approach, because he was unable to do otherwise. Nobody else smelled like apples and cinnamon, at least not to his knowledge. Heā€™d certainly never run into it in another person, and something about it suited her. The hummingbird took off at the sound of anotherā€™s footsteps, though not before hovering in front of his nose for a few seconds, then zipping off to wheel a pair of circles around Alaricaā€™s snow-colored crown before leaving the clearing. ā€œIā€™m not sure why,ā€ he admitted a touch wryly, completely missing any implications but the obvious ones. ā€œI donā€™t smell half as nice as she does, and Iā€™m a horrible baker, besides.ā€ Well, horrible was a bit of an overstatement. He could make simple things, both sweets and otherwise, but he tended to stay away from the complicated dishes, since there were so many experts in the family. He subsisted mostly on blood tablets, anyway.

He hadnā€™t noticed heā€™d been smiling actually, though it widened a little at the observation. ā€œMaybe I shouldnā€™t be, butā€¦ thereā€™s something about this place. It sets me at ease, I suppose. Itā€™s likeā€¦ for all the troubles we endure, life somewhere goes on, and itā€™s no so bad.ā€ Not when the birds still sang and the fish still swam, anyway. It was something very simple, but he took great comfort from it. Moving slowly up into a cross-legged seated position, he shook his head, mussing it with his fingers to dislodge any stray bits of grass or leaves.

ā€œThat soundsā€¦ kind of stupid, now that I say it out loud.ā€ He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He was really doomed to be the one forever without the right words, wasnā€™t he? Sure, not everyone was Aryan or Alden, but when even Zero was more eloquent than youā€¦ you werenā€™t doing too well, honestly.

She resisted the urge to roll her eyes at her cousin. "There is nothing wrong with that. I'd give anything to feel like that," she stated, plucking a leaf out of his hair as he tried to dislodge the rest. Which was true. She would give anything to have that sense of mind, to find a moment's peace in all the fighting they were doing. But then again, she really wouldn't know what to do with herself if there was nothing to fight. They all grew up in the war, though silently quelled for the time being, and it was something she had only known. To be able to feel peace somewhere in a time of endless death and war, was something she envied about him right now.

"A moment's peace in a time of war is still something you should cherish. It's not often we get to have times like these, and be able to enjoy them. Maybe you're right, maybe we shouldn't be smiling during such a time, but," she paused, a frown marring her face lightly. Perhaps he was right. Smiling, laughing, these were all things best done with the family, however; their family was short a member. "Everyone deserves to smile, even in such times. If we didn't, then that means that they've won. That they managed to take away the only thing we could possibly ever have; our smiles," she continued as she sighed. She was always like this, stumbling over her words as she tried to talk to her cousin.

It probably made little sense to him, but then again, it made little sense to her. She let out a frustrated groan as she fell on her back, eyes staring up at the sky in the process. "I don't think it's ever been that bad. As long as I have you...all," she corrected herself as she realized what she was about to say. "I don't think life could ever be bad. As long as we face the hardships together, then nothing could ever be bad," she continued before releasing a small sigh. "Now I feel stupid saying that out loud," she scoffed a bit, a small smile covering her lips.

ā€œBut now youā€™re smiling, too,ā€ he pointed out, his own reaching his eyes, which seemed somehow bluer in the light. ā€œIf it makes you smile, then itā€™s worth saying, I think.ā€ It was trueā€”she did not often wear a genuine smile. She had a mischievous smirk, certainly, one she usually wore when engaging in shenanigans with her brother (or brothersā€”all three of them scheming together was rarely good news for anyone else), but that was different. War had made them all harder, flintier people, to an extent, but sometimes, he wondered if it might not have changed her most of all. He still remembered what sheā€™d been like as a child, after all, before it had really reached her the way it did now. He felt a little sad for that, but it was hard for him to resent it, not when the person she was was someone he cared about so much.

ā€œI understand,ā€ he said with a nod, his expression softening. Though her sentences may have been a little jumbled up, he could tell what she was trying to get at with them, and he agreed. They did all deserve to smile, and part of growing up as they had was learning to do so, even when circumstances were averse. He worried for his brother, yes, and his sister even more-so, but Ary would get better, and they would get Yuki back. It was all simply a matter of time. He had faith enough in his family to believe that.

ā€œItā€™s not so hard, you know,ā€ he said, referring to finding the little moments of peace. ā€œYou just have to open your eyes and really look at things. Likeā€¦ā€ he trailed off for a moment, then stood, thoughtlessly reaching for her hand and pulling her along with him, until they both stood at the edge of the pond, a short distance away from what was apparently a nest of duck eggs. ā€œIn a few weeks, those will be baby ducks. Isn't there something a little bit amazing about that? How something so fragile can become something so alive?ā€ He sighed, not sure if that really translated, but he thought it miraculous all the same.

ā€œAnd a tiny little seed can become a whole tree! An apple tree, if you like. I guess I justā€¦ I have to care about ducks and trees and people becauseā€¦ because there has to be a reason, you know? A reason why everything we do is worth it, but also a reason why, even when I get it wrongā€¦ I can still bring myself to try again.ā€ The smile disappeared, replaced with the broken expression it had been trying to repair, and he sighed softly. ā€œAnd Iā€™ve been getting a lot of it wrong, lately.ā€

"Well would you look at that, I am smiling," she chided back, though it only caused her smile to turn brighter. It, however, disappeared from her face the moment his hand grabbed hers, and she had to fight the sudden fast paced drum of her heart and the heat rising to her face. She tried to focus on what he was saying, however; the only thing she could focus on was how his hand still held hers. She was able to focus though when he began speaking of the unhatched eggs, how it was miraculous that they could be so fragile, and yet turn into something so alive. Perhaps it was. She just had to see it. The frown appeared once more as she thought about it. She would have to see it. Was she even capable of seeing such things?

"Because there is always a reason. If we didn't keep trying, how can we ever achieve the things we have today? How can we ever hope to protect those we care about if we didn't keep trying? How does a bird learn to fly if it doesn't keep trying to leave the nest? How does a newborn foal not know how to stand, run, walk, minutes after it is born if it doesn't keep on trying? It is a base desire in all of us to just keep trying, reason or not," she finally found her voice, the warmth of his hand slowly becoming a bit cold. She watched as the smile disappeared from his face, replaced with something that pulled at her heart. She didn't like seeing him like this. She really didn't, and it was killing her more-so to see him like this than it did to ignore him.

She placed her free hand upon his cheek, touching it softly as she stared at him. "Not everyone can get it right all the time, Balthasar. We all screw up from time to time, but that just means we have to try harder," she stated, her lips pursed into a thin line. "You can't keep blaming yourself for things that happen. We cannot be in control all of the time, and things will always slip through us, but...like you said. All you can do is keep trying. There will come a day when you finally get it right, and until you do, I'll be here for you," she concluded, truth shining behind her eyes as she spoke those words. She wouldn't avoid him like she had, instead, she'd remain by his side so long as he wanted her to. She would be there for him, to help him along the way until the day came where he finally got it right.

She was rightā€”he knew she was. And yetā€¦ forgiving himself had always been the hardest of tasks for Balthasar. Forgiving other people was easyā€”he could even forgive someone like Elizabeth, even after how badly sheā€™d hurt him. But forgiving himself for being deceived, for letting Yuki be taken right from under his nose, for not being there to protect Aryan when he needed it mostā€¦ these things rankled him like little else. It was so difficult, because he should have been capable of seeing and doing all of these things. He was capableā€”he just hadnā€™t lived up to his capability. And that hurt more than simply trying and failing ever would.

He let his eyes close, leaning for a moment into her hand. Cracking them open again, he gave her a melancholy smile, the best one he had for the moment. ā€œYou know, for a long time, I wondered what Iā€™d done wrong to make you so upset with me. Now I wonder what I could possibly have done right to deserve your help.ā€ His cousin had grown into a truly extraordinary person. They all had, but something about Rica was a little different. He couldnā€™t put his finger on it, but maybe it was just that honesty she had about her, the complete and utter frankness by which she lived. He would have expected someone like that to disdain him, who always searched for the right thing to say and so often came up short.

He moved a step closer, so that he could put his arms around her shoulders and deliver a companionable hug, enveloping her in what warmth he had to offer, which was, temperature-wise, quite a lot. His pyrokinetic talents meant that he ran a bit hotter than the average person, which was somewhat the opposite of the way she was a bit cooler to the touch than most. ā€œThanks, Rica,ā€ he said, pulling back and laying a hand atop her crown. ā€œI think we should go check on Ary now, how about you?ā€

She shook her head a bit. She wouldn't tell him why she avoided him. She couldn't. Perhaps one day she would, but for now, she would keep that to herself. She did, however, allow a light smirk to pull at the corner of her lips as he continued to speak. He didn't have to do anything right to have her by his side, for her to be there for him. All he had to do was remain the same. To remain Balthasar, and she would always be there regardless. She was slightly startled though, when his arms enveloped her in an embrace. If he could have, Angelus would have laughed himself out of the tree at the red color his master's face sported. Luckily for her, she was able to contain it when he pulled back.

"You're welcome," she muttered beneath her breath before she turned to face him again. "I think that would be best," she responded, the smile returning to her face, though a light pink still dusted her cheeks as she grabbed his hand, lacing her fingers with his. "Ary might be awake now, it would be nice to see if he's recovered," she spoke, trying to ignore the fluttering beat of her heart as it thrummed a bit faster beneath her rib-cage.