But he was letting his mind wander. His original thought had been to try and remember the last time he actually slept. He was unable to do so. But then, sleep wasn't exactly necessary for him. Most of the time he'd simply lay there with Kazehana in his arms and listen to her breathing as she slept. He could remain that way for days on end without even blinking, unaware of the time that passed. That was much what he found himself currently doing.
It had been something he'd missed, painfully so, when he'd reawoken as Asilian and realized he was still alive. But nothing had hurt nearly a fraction as much than having to watch Lucifer torture her. Angels had the ability to see into any realm and any space of the fabric of reality, but they did not have to do so. But Asilian had forced himself to do so. Michael, Tsukiyo, even Yuemae had tried to get him to move, to stop, when they realized what he was doing, but he'd not. Much like he had not moved in the six months his son had been in Hell, he had not moved his gaze from his wife in the entire time he'd had to spend doing nothing.
It was his own self-inflicted punishment for leaving her, however necessary he knew it now to be. Since his return, as well as Kirito's own return, he'd recieved no new orders. He wasn't sure if that was a blessing or a curse. He cherished the time he got with his family, but it would also make it that much harder for him to leave if he did recieve orders. It wasn't something he was overly sure he was prepared to do. Leaving by death in order to protect them was one thing. Leaving them alive because he didn't have a choice was entirely different. Without really realizing it, he sighed, the slender finger that had been tracing patterns idly over the bare expanse of his wife's arm stopping half-way through a rune just above her elbow.
âIf you think any louder, As, youâll wake the whole apartment block,â Kazehana said, tipping her head back against his shoulder to look up at him with amusement. She wasnât in his mind at the moment, but it was easy to tell what he was thinking about. He always got a certain look on his face when he remembered what had happened to her in that year. Presently, she sat with her back pressed into his chest, a book held in both her hands. Sheâd never been the voracious reader that Tsuki was, but she did enjoy it in her downtime. For now, though, she set it aside and twisted so that she was facing him, sitting back on her legs on the couch and reaching up a bit, smoothing out the crease that had formed in his brow with the pad of her thumb.
She let her hand trail gently down his face, the fingertips alone in contact with the skin of his cheek. âYou know, donât you? That whatever happens now, Iâll understand?â She wasnât oblivious to the things he wrestled with, not even when sheâd wished to be. She knew very well what his current status as an angel meantâhe was Heavenâs soldier now, and like any other solider, he could be called away to war whenever it was needful. She didnât like it, but she didnât have to. She needed only to understand it, and accept it, and both of these things, she did to the best of her ability.
Sighing softly, she rose up onto her knees, draping both arms over his shoulders and touching her forehead to his. Kazâs eyes slid closed, and she hummed a contemplative note in the back of her throat. âIâm a horrible person,â she said, though there was a touch of humor in it. âThe world could end and all I can think is how much it sucks when you have to leave.â
Asilian couldn't help but chuckle at his wife's statement. "Well it certainly is obvious where our son gets it from. He'd flat out forsake the world, you and I included, just to be with Seph. It seems we're all rather hopeless." His fingers trailed lightly over her back, watching her as she closed her eyes.
"Understanding it doesn't make it any easier to bear, for either of us." He dreaded the thought of leaving her. It was ironic, really, that the fate of the world was at risk, yet if he got called to fight, he'd get called away from said world. He mentally shook himself. He really needed to stop brooding on things. So, he changed the subject. Well, sort of.
There was a small smile on his face when he spoke again. Thank you, love, for not hating me when I hated myself."
Hopeless? Maybe. But she was starting to suspect that theyâd all been designed this way, to have this capacity to love one person so much it hurt, so much that all else just failed to matter anymore. She wasnât sure if it was supposed to be a gift or a trial to overcome, but she couldnât say she had particular desire to overcome it, and in all honesty, her time with him felt like a gift. Undeserved, a little, but then, that was why it was a gift and not something else. You didnât have to be worthy of those, and so she chose not to worry about it too much, anymore.
âOh, Iâve hated you,â she said slyly, opening her eyes to reveal a glimmer of amusement in the blue-violet irises. They were so close their eyelashes brushed, just a whisper of contact. âBut not at the same times as you hated yourself, no.â She half-smiled, toying idly with the strands of his hair between her fingers. âMostly when you thought you were being noble and leaving me because it was the right thing to do.â The emphasis on the words was subtle, but present.
Closing the scant centimeters between them, Kaz nipped his lip playfully. âBut really, even then I never stopped loving you, so I suppose thatâs the important bit. You can be an insufferable idiot, As, but you are my insufferable idiot, no matter what.â She kissed him, teasingly chaste. âOr at least, I think so. What do you say, hm? Itâs not so bad, being mine. There are very tangible benefits.â Her hands smoothed a path down his neck and chest, coming to rest over his beating heart. She put a couple more inches of space between them and quirked an eyebrow.
âPlus, all the doom and gloom is putting a serious dent into whatever time we happen to have. I can think of better ways to spend it. I bet you could, too, if you used your imaginationâŠâ Her smile was positively wicked.
As raised one white eyebrow, his arms looping around her waist as her hands explored him. He pulled his face back away from her just slightly, a contemplative look on his face. "You know, I think there's something in the rules about this...something about angels and chastity...though I do have a son, so I guess I already broke that one..." He leaned in then, kissing her fully, pulling her closer to him as his tongue explored her mouth. He made a contented noise in the back of his throat.
"Or was that a rule only for monks? I can never remember..." Something dark glimmered in his eyes as he smiled, something very reminiscent of Asmodeus. Maybe the demon in him wasn't completely gone after all.
Kazehana had never been to Heaven, at least not officially, but it was honestly hard to imagine it being better than being with him. So in another sense, maybe she spent most of her time there, at least when he was around. She rolled her eyes, though, at the comment, uttering a small hm in reply. âDefinitely monks and priests,â she said dismissively. âI wouldnât exist otherwise, stupid.â Her father hadnât fallen because of his relationship with her mother, but for it, to be with her. Barring the fact that Cass had known what he was doing and done it willingly, her dad had been the only volunteer for a falling, the only one who resigned his status, so to speak, and heâd done it for love of her mother. And to her, at least, that seemed the obvious choice for him to have made there. This situation was quite different, obviously, but the sentiment was the same.
Ah, but she did love that. That little piece of dark that was in him still, giving him just a little bit of a sharp edge to him. Kaz was something of a fan of edges, all things considered. She had quite a few of her own, when it came right down to it. Narrowing her eyes, she moved forward such that she was basically sitting in his lap, then pressed the fingertips of one hand into his chest until he was on his back. Smiling slowly, she leaned down to speak in his ear. âAnd you, my dear Asilian, are no monk or priest.â Nibbling the shell of his ear, she chuckled darkly, breathily. âBut if you wish to insist, I suppose I will simply have to remind you why you arenât.â
It was As's turn to chuckle. "You always did know just how to remind me." He loved hearing her say his name, even if he wasn't quite sure why. Unfortunately, it seemed that Heaven had other plans.
"You had better have a damned-good reason to be here, Liarith."
Asilian's gaze, normally a bright blue, was now a sharp, wicked ice, staring at the point over Kazehana's shoulder. Liarith, Heaven's version of Hermes, the messenger-boy. Asilian knew what that meant. Heaven did like interruptions.
The lesser Angel bowed. "Apologies, Asilian. But...the Convergence has been called. The Seven are to return to Heaven, if they are not already there, immediately."
Asilian sighed harshly through his nose. He said nothing other than a sharp tilt backwards of his head, and the other angel disappeared. He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Their timing is uncanny..." He laid his forehead against Kaz's. What he said next, he probably should not have said, but he said it anyway. He was lingering, after all.
"I promise, I'll return as soon as I can."
She had a bad habit of wanting to punch angels, it seemed. Though she probably shouldnât hit the messenger. Bad form and all that. Sighing, Kazehana let him up, shaking her head slightly. âDonât make promises you might need to break, As. I can wait. Iâve gotten pretty good at that, you know.â She smiled at him, but her eyes were sad. She had a gut feeling that this was going to be one of those longer separations, and sometimes she really longed for the days when heâd had no obligations at all, and could be with her and their family all the time. But other times, she wasnât sure those days really existed. Even as a demon, heâd had to return periodically to his circle, and by the time Kiri had taken over that, they were smack in the middle of a war. Go figure.
Gently, she laid her hand against his cheek, rising with him so that they were both standing. âJust come back. Thatâs all I need.â It wasnâtâshe was lying to him, and it broke her heart. But not as much as the thought of the truth hurting him the entire time he was away. She was selfish, to be sure, but she could give up this much for his sake. For the sake of the world that needed him to be there and her to be here. Because for all else that it was, it was the world that had brought them together.
And that alone made it worth saving.
For a long few seconds, Asilian simply held her. He kissed her languidly, trying to ignore the pull he felt to return. In the end, he couldn't any longer. For her sake, he managed to smile.
"I will come back to you. I swear it."
It was only then that he seemed to dissolve into light, sparks the only trace that he'd been there at all, and then they, too, vanished. He would keep his promise to her.
Even if he had to fall again.