Snippet #2575992

He must have lost blood faster than he thought he would, because between Dorian not letting go and the door opening he felt hinself growing inexplicably weaker and weaker by the second. Shoulders slumped, muscles relaxed...everything grew heavier.

The emotions were still there. The same, but now slowed, as if corn syrup had been poured on them.

Too tired to fight. He nearly fell over when he was dragged up from the floor and escorted out. They had to wake him up after bandaging his arm.

Numb. And buzzing. Hazy. He yawned during Mildred's snappy reminder to behave. He nearly tripped on stage when they filed out. And it took every ounce of his already handicapped concentration to keep from collapsing during the ceremony.

They should have just let me bleed out, he thought.. They should have just ended his suffering now. He wasnt right for this. He was never right for this. And it was now clear more than ever that everyone hated him. Or they would now, once word got out.

Except for Dorian. But even then, you could care for a complete stranger and still not want to associate with them ever again.

Bitter words. Those hurt more than anything Tallyho or Kyle had said.

Yet it killed him that he was still affected by them.

Finally they were shuffled off stage, but Haru didnt seem to be finished with them. He wanted to know what had happened. Or rather, once in a closed room, what the fuck had happened.

Harpers first thought was that no one would say because they wouldnt want to get in troubles for nearly causing a suicide. But then it hit him. Who was to say Haru didnt hate his guts either? Hell, maybe hed congratulate Tallyho for putting him in his place. Maybe offer a couple words of "save the death threats for after you save the world". And then he would just turn on him. Yell at him for jeopardizing everything. For being so selfish. For being so weak. And stupid. It was his fault, naturally. His fingerprints were on the knife after all.

He'd had enough of being yelled at for today. He just wanted to sleep. Or get drunk. Or maybe sneak out to the ocean, where he could properly do himself in without Dorian interfering.

So in a flat, quiet voice, Harper answered Haru's question. "Nothing," he said, "Nothing happened. I was just being stupid. Like always."