wednesday 2nd september
at college
At one point, Jamie thought that Bella was approaching him. But when he finally dared to look up and see, she was gone. Maybe it had just been his imagination. It was breaking his heart having to do this. He didn't have any other choice- if he didn't stay away, her boyfriend would tell her everything. The thought of that had already given him several panic attacks. Even though this was already eating away at their frienship, her knowing would bury it for good.
He reached his locker and started piling his stuff into it. As he was replacing one of his band's stickers on the inside of his locker, his phone started buzzing in his pocket. Without thinking, he pulled it out, taking out one of his headphones as he did so. He glanced at the caller id and froze, his finger hovering over the answer call button. Bella. Again.
Was something wrong? Calling him in the mornings wasn't anything new, but calling him twice in the space of an hour after a summer where he'd hardly spoken to her was unusual. What if something was wrong? He should answer and find out.
But there was a lot of people around. He could be there, watching him. He could be the one calling him from her phone to see if he'd stick to his promise. Jamie's stomach twisted. He really, really wanted to talk to her, but couldn't. The fear of what her boyfriend would do was just far, far too great. He ran his free hand down his face, leaning against the locker beside him. He was a shit friend. He should answer and tell her boyfriend exactly where to shove it. Fight him or something. But he'd managed to find out about Jamie liking Bella- what if he found out about everything else?
The thought of Bella knowing that, of knowing about his depression, his drinking habits, his father... He felt his breath hitch in his throat and quickly shoved his phone back into his pocket, running his hand down his face and turning back to his locker. She was better off without him. If she hated him, then maybe it wouldn't hurt her as much if he died. Maybe she'd be glad to get rid of him. She probably would. After all, he'd been a shit friend. Everyone would probably be glad to get rid of him. He wasn't even that good of a musician, so it wasn't like Celine would miss him from the band. He was entirely replaceable.
He reached his locker and started piling his stuff into it. As he was replacing one of his band's stickers on the inside of his locker, his phone started buzzing in his pocket. Without thinking, he pulled it out, taking out one of his headphones as he did so. He glanced at the caller id and froze, his finger hovering over the answer call button. Bella. Again.
Was something wrong? Calling him in the mornings wasn't anything new, but calling him twice in the space of an hour after a summer where he'd hardly spoken to her was unusual. What if something was wrong? He should answer and find out.
But there was a lot of people around. He could be there, watching him. He could be the one calling him from her phone to see if he'd stick to his promise. Jamie's stomach twisted. He really, really wanted to talk to her, but couldn't. The fear of what her boyfriend would do was just far, far too great. He ran his free hand down his face, leaning against the locker beside him. He was a shit friend. He should answer and tell her boyfriend exactly where to shove it. Fight him or something. But he'd managed to find out about Jamie liking Bella- what if he found out about everything else?
The thought of Bella knowing that, of knowing about his depression, his drinking habits, his father... He felt his breath hitch in his throat and quickly shoved his phone back into his pocket, running his hand down his face and turning back to his locker. She was better off without him. If she hated him, then maybe it wouldn't hurt her as much if he died. Maybe she'd be glad to get rid of him. She probably would. After all, he'd been a shit friend. Everyone would probably be glad to get rid of him. He wasn't even that good of a musician, so it wasn't like Celine would miss him from the band. He was entirely replaceable.