For the most part, Roman was quite good at not being emotionally provoked, at least on the surface. Many things got to him, but he tried not to let that be seen for a multitude of reasons. This time, though, he couldn't help but roll his eyes dramatically in response to Nick. So far, he had done pretty good with forgetting the whole 'Cara situation' as he liked to call it. Killens hadn't planned on telling anyone, quite frankly because it wasn't really anyone's business, but then especially after Cara just vanished. He had suspicions that what happened between them might have been the cause for her leaving, and if anyone knew about what happened, then they might suspect the same thing. Of course, it found it's way back to Nick, probably through Brooke or something. He wasn't sure, and he didn't care too much at this point since such occurrences had happened in the past, plus there was the fact that he'd gotten over the initial frustration of people knowing. Still, it wasn't his conversation of choice, but he did have to refrain himself from correcting Nick. He definitely wouldn't say that Cara was 'into him,' especially not after she ditched, but that was neither here nor there, he reminded himself, and to be completely honest, he didn't want it anywhere near him. But that was besides the point.
In the past, Roman had never really fared well with girls. Not because he didn't like them, because he did, but because he could never invest his time in them for too long. Few things excited him, but even when he did like a girl, he'd appear too disinterested for their taste and nothing would really manifest. Perhaps it was his pride or just the way he was raised where ostentatious affection wasn't a norm, but he could never really bring himself to love someone. Not romantically at least. He loved Nick, and he loved Brooke, but they had years behind them, and the love was clearly anything but romantic. It wasn't that he didn't want to, but the idea of it was daunting. There were so many expectations and ways to mess up, and he was too entitled, and selfish really, to want to compromise with anyone. Whenever a girl would come to him telling him they needed more, or that they felt like they were somehow a nuisance to him, Killens would either take it offensively or not take it all, and things would end. He knew it wasn't fair, and he knew that in all situations he was the main culprit which was why he just tended to stay away from relationships. For once, instead of being the first one to solve the problem, he was the cause of it, and that was threatening to him. Of all things, this was one he couldn't explain and didn't know how to fix, so when it was brought up, he shut down. Admittedly, it was frustrating. Sometimes he did want someone. Sometimes he did think about the future and wonder if the present him was the final version of himself. And while he wasn't totally dissatisfied with how he currently was, he didn't want to remain this way forever. He did want to have someone, or at least he thought so. Whenever he did fantasize about the possibility of finding 'the one', or hell, just anyone who could tolerate his reclusive personality, his mind would innately push it away out of discomfort.
It was just something foreign to him. It was something that seemed to come so easily to everyone else except for him, which was also something he wasn't familiar with, and something he didn't like. He was used to being good at everything and not needing help. He was used to not messing up and being a step ahead. He was used to people looking to him in awe, wondering how he did things that to him were just simple and self-explanatory. With this came a leftover resentment towards his parents that didn't have the chance to reveal itself until after he'd ran away and realized that he was never going back. Until he realized that he had nothing to lose and could hate them for sheltering him, and feeding his pride for their own benefit, and for never giving him the kind of parental love that any child would need. He was still embarrassed for running and throwing everything behind because he did have everything, or at least he could have. The thought of it made him feel weak. But whenever he did sit down and think of why he felt so ostracized when it came to certain things, mostly with displaying emotions and love, he couldn't help but look to how his parents raised him. Of all the things they led him to believe were important, all of them very formalized and objective, forming deep relationships wasn't one of them. Networking was important, sure, but asides from that people weren't really good for anything else but to help you advance in the world of competition. They were only there to be used for your own benefit and perhaps he pushed people out because of this. Because he innately wondered what he would gain from spending time with them, how they could help him, and he always came up short. In his eyes, he wasn't sure why, but part of it came back to his pride. Even still, Roman couldn't help but wonder that maybe if his parents weren't so distant, all of this wouldn't be so unfamiliar to him. Maybe of all the things that came easy to him, one of the most universal things in the world could as well. But it wasn't like that, and he didn't really like to dwell on it because it brought back many unresolved problems he had and refused to deal with because they made him feel trapped, like now.
He shuffled in the booth, everything seeming to have shrunk all of a sudden. As he sipped on his water, the liquid apparently having lost its ability to hydrate him, he smiled and rolled his eyes some at Nick's joke. "Nah," he said. "No Ronda's." The matches were overwhelmingly male. He could recall on a few occasions girls fighting, but it was never taken seriously. The girls that were there were really only there for entertainment purposes, tending to cling to whoever won that night; understandable since it was a given that that guy was getting paid, which meant they would too if they went home with him. Of course, not all the girls there were prostitutes. Many were just friends of some guy's girlfriend who knew that many of the men there were looking for a good time once the matches were over. After years in the game, it was a given that Roman had at some point spent a few nights with these girls. He had his spells where he enjoyed it, and actually looked forward to it, since it was an easy way to alleviate any loneliness without there being strings attached. Then there were other times when he'd really only do it for looks, because everyone else was doing it, and standing out in those kind of environments wasn't always the best option. It didn't bother him like it used to. Being a street fighter wasn't really just fighting. Everything else that came with the job were pretty much negatives, but he'd numbed himself to them by now, and really didn't think twice about them most of the time.
"Thank God, since they'd probably kick my ass." Not realizing he was doing so out of discomfort, he reached for the salt shaker and fiddled with it in his hands. "But you know me: more of a lone wolf. I'd like to keep it that way. I try to stay out of it anyway since I don't want some guy after my ass because I fucked his girlfriend. New York's a hell of a lot smaller when you think someone's after you," he said with a smirk, although this got him to thinking how the city really did seem like it was condensing as the years went on. He knew his growing weariness for it was more so due to his life circumstances associated with living there, but he was still sure that he was getting sick of New York. "Sometimes I think about just leaving and dropping all this shit, but I don't know where the hell I'd go, or shit, how long I'd even last. I lucked out with you, but I'm not banking on finding another overly welcoming guy to take me into his basement with open arms. That sounds weird when you say it like that, but you know what I mean." When the food finally came he turned back to Nick, wanting to deflect the conversation off of him. "Maybe that's Brooke's problem. She's probably sick of being here. I mean, who wouldn't be?"