Romulus felt a constant burn in his arms and across his chest. Sweat dripped from his brow, down the side of his face, as he looked up at the bar above him, and the stone ceiling. Even in the Chantry cellar he could not escape the noise of activity. Haven had become an extremely busy place of late, even more so now that it was widely known that they would have forces departing for the Hinterlands again in a few days time. Romulus would be going with them, to meet the mage rebellion in Redcliffe, and... likely do nothing.
He grunted with each time he pulled his chin above the bar. The cellar, the very place he had first woken up following the explosion that had marked him, was naturally dark, only lit by a few torches set into sconces along the support pillars and the walls of the hallway that led inside. They were used for storage, since the Inquisition had no need to keep prisoners yet, and that meant that very few people came down here. Romulus was one of the few, making use of the privacy to have something of a personal place. It was known by anyone important that he sometimes ventured down here.
His thoughts drifted, until he was thinking about rats, and how similar he was being to one at the moment, and he growled, pulling his chin above the bar again. The sweat ran down his bare back and chest; he savored the warmth of working right next to a flaming torch. Thinking about the freezing cold outside only served to annoy him. Finally he dropped from the bar onto the ground, breathing heavily, and shaking out his arms.
Worst of all was that he couldn't figure out what bothered him more: that he wasn't finding the kind of experience in this Inquisition that he'd wanted, or the fact that he'd wanted it in the first place. He coiled his right hand into a tightly balled fist, and thought about striking the wooden pillar in front of him.
The sound of metal-girded boots clanking unceremoniously along the stone floor to his left was obvious, and heralded the approach of Khari, though she probably didnāt rank highly enough on the list of important people in the Inquisition to have known heād be here without needing to ask someone. Even so, it was clearly him she was looking for, because as soon as she was far enough into the room to be seen in the warm glow of the torchlight, it was obvious that she was looking right at him, and she smiled. āEveninā, Rom.ā She seemed pleased to have found him, and stepped out of the doorway into the chamber proper. āIād say I like what youāve done with the place, but itās actually making me feel a littleā¦ cagey.ā
He turned to look at her out of the corner of his eye, still for a moment, before he uncoiled his fist, turned around, and laughed softly, stepping away from the wooden support.
She grimaced. āGods, sorry. That sounded much more clever in my head.ā She appeared to be carrying a large sack over her back, and a smaller satchel in her other hand. The big one, she set down with a soft clink, but the second one, she kept hold of, opening the drawstring mouth of it and fishing out what seemed to be a piece of jerky or something. She held the bag out to him, clearly in offering.
āDonāt mind if I say so, but you look like you could use some. Itās elk, but they brined it in apples. Might be my favorite food ever. I was saving it for a celebration, butā¦ donāt foresee many of those in the future.ā
He was hungry, the workout only making him more so. When the light hit him more clearly, especially from the ceiling above, it lit up the multitude of scars that lined his body, all across his chest and back, blade and magic scars in equal measure. There were old burns, puncture wounds, slashes, too many individual ones to count. He was able to see Khari a little better when she came close, and he noted the bruises on her jaw and cheekbone.
Romulus took a few pieces of jerky from the bag, trying out the first, and humming his approval as soon as he'd chewed a few times. "Thanks." He gestured up at her, frowning. "What happened to you?" The question was asked casually.
She was clearly making an inspection of his inventory of scars, though it was for once not plain on her face exactly what she thought. His question, though, brought her eyes back to his, and she huffed. āGot into a fight with the taller, stronger, prettier and more charismatic elf in the group. Got my ass handed to me.ā She frowned; it was hard to say for sure, but there seemed to be something worse than a simple lost match underneath the expression, but she shook her head.
āI really hate feeling like a redundancy. The lesser of two, even.ā She bit off another piece of jerky with more force than was perhaps strictly necessary, mumbling something around her food that sounded suspiciously like āstupid shiny bastardā, but it wasnāt completely clear whether that was the right interpretation.
Romulus wasn't too surprised. From what he'd figured out, Khari was more than willing to fight anyone, even if the odds were vastly in favor of her opponent. Hell, he figured she'd fight the commander if he ever had the time. She didn't seem to care about whatever was stacked against her, and simply tried anyway. He liked that about her, a great deal.
As for Vesryn... Romulus shrugged. "He seems like an ass. And there's something not right about him. He's... too well put together, or something. At least you're genuine." He didn't have the slightest clue what he felt was off about the elven man, other than he didn't know it was possible for an elf to have the kind of demeanor he had. That alone put him on guard. Romulus tore off another piece of jerky.
"You're not redundant, or lesser. Not to me." He might've said some other things, about her strength, her charisma, her prettiness, even. The tallness thing wasn't really up for debate. But he felt he'd said enough already.
That seemed to lift her spirits considerably, and she smiled again. āThanks, Rom. That means a lot.ā Her eyes wandered to the larger sack sheād brought with her, and lit up, almost as if sheād forgotten it was there. āOh! Thatās right. I got you something. Kind of. Donāt suppose your birthdayās anytime soon, is it?ā
He half smiled at the mention of a gift, and his eyes wandered to the sack. In fact, he was a bit unsure how to feel at the prospect of being given something. Suddenly, he was quite intensely unsure if it was acceptable for him to take whatever she offered... since nothing he had was actually his. Not even, to an extent, his life.
At her question, he shrugged. "I have no idea when I was born."
Khari seemed stunned for about two seconds before she appeared to do a bit of mental calculation and most likely came to the correct conclusion. āOh, right. Iām stupid sometimes, arenāt I?ā she huffed, but then her face brightened again. āBut the best part of not having a birthday is that you get to choose one, and on that day, everyone gives you free stuff and has to be nice to you. Itās great.ā She shrugged.
āIf I were you, Iād pick something likeā¦ a couple weeks out and tell everyone about it so they had some time to pull some good presents together, but in my case, I already thought about it, so.ā She nudged the sack towards him with a foot, but she did it carefully.
āHappy birthday, or something. At least Iām not late, right?ā
He understood the gesture, and he was appreciative of it, truly, but it would be plain to see that she'd made him uncomfortable with this. Whatever smile he formerly had faded while she described birthdays to him. He knew what a birthday was. Just because he didn't have one himself didn't mean he hadn't watched those more fortunate than himself celebrating theirs. Specifically, they were the people he had served his entire life.
Some of the slaves he had known knew their birthdays, but any celebration was kept to a minimum. Any gift had to be something terribly small, or otherwise consumable; most slaves would prefer a good bit of food to a worthless trinket that was only going to arouse suspicion in a master. The bag in front of him now was big, much too big. And Romulus had done little other than think of his status as a slave lately. He couldn't stop thinking about it.
He backed away a few steps, eyeing the sack warily. "I shouldn't. Whatever it is, I shouldn't take it."
She looked at him with some clear consternation, but then shook her head. āItās notā¦ā Khari sighed softly. āItās not a big thing, really. I know I talked it up a lot, but Iā¦ can I lend it to you? Iām serious, you can give it back whenever you donāt want it anymore. Itās not a personal thing, Iām notā¦ā For once, she seemed less-than-sure of her words, like she was struggling to frame the nature of the exchange.
He was overthinking it, he knew he was, but it seemed important to him, especially with how she had presented it. She was his friend, and he knew she considered him the same. He also believed that she wouldn't understand that anything he touched, anything he called his own, was immediately tainted, and automatically inherited by the one that owned him. A Dalish girl who had left her life behind to try and become a chevalier of all things? No, she wouldn't understand. She'd never seen any place like the place he came from.
Carefully, like he expected to find a poisonous snake inside, Romulus crouched down, and opened the sack.
Inside of it were several pieces of glassware, mostly: an alembic, a retort, several vials with stoppers, and a few flasks, as well as all the pieces of wood and metal necessary to set everything up properly on a desk or table, for the work of an alchemist. At the bottom lay a wooden case, well-made and fitted with a red iron lock. None of the pieces were obviously elaborate, but they were very well-made, and well-suited for the tasks theyād been designed for.
āItāsā¦ itās stuff for your tonics.ā Khari sounded much more tentative than she previously had, and her mouth pulled to the side, as though she were unsure what expression she should be wearing. āI remember you telling me that they protected you from magic, and that you were running out, so I talked to Rilien about what you would need to make them, and he said this would be what you ought to have for it. The box has reagents.ā
Romulus examined a few of the set's pieces with the utmost care, kneeling down and taking the alchemical equipment with steady hands. It was not as horrible a feeling as he'd thought, especially once he realized that these things were not hers to begin with. She'd worked with Rilien to acquire them. They were probably the Inquisition's more than hers. It was simply her own thoughtfulness that led them to his hands, since he was too unaccustomed to asking for anything of his own.
Satisfied with the examination, he put everything he'd removed back in the back, and closed it up. "I can't keep it," he said, with a little more certainty than he'd managed to muster before. "But I can use it. At least until the Breach is closed, and I have to go back." He picked up the bag, carried it over to the rest of his small pile of things, mostly consisting of his clothes, armor, and weapons, and set it down. He donned a light linen shirt on his way back to her.
"You know I'll have to go back, right? To Minrathous?" Things would be a great deal more simple, and also more complicated, if he didn't have to go back. But there was no sense thinking about that. While he was yet owned, he was still bound to Tevinter, and allowing himself to entertain other possibilities only led to pain. It was something he'd learned as a child, and didn't want to have to learn again.
Khari rubbed at the back of her head, inadvertently fluffing up a few more rambunctious curls from her plait, and sucked on her teeth for a second. āI mean, donāt take this the wrong way, butā¦ do you have to?ā She seemed honestly curious, rather than upset or contrary or anything like that. āI guess Iām justā¦ trying to imagine what would happen if you decided you didnāt want to, you know? Youāre here, and thereās this big army between you and anything anyone in Minrathous could send your way, and I donāt really see anyone forcing you to leave on this end, exactly.ā She sighed.
āBut really, what the hell do I know? Iām just a fool with a sword and a side of crazy. I canāt pretend like I understand how any of this works.ā
"An army is just an inconvenience to an assassin," Romulus said, somewhat sadly. If he were a different person, someone who had been placed much more by chance than by design at the Conclave, this would likely be much simpler for him. He probably could just escape from his past. But he was not a different person. "Chryseis Viridius, the woman that owns me, invested a great deal to make me into the weapon that I am. To make an enemy of her would be unwise, even if I wanted to." He sometimes felt he didn't use her name enough, and he wondered which way was better. Was it better to be reminded that a real person, someone made of the same stuff he was, owned his body and mind? Or was it better for her to simply remain as domina, a simple, controlling force, to be followed without hesitation?
"She has powerful allies, and a personal interest in my loyalty. To betray her would bring pain or death... but probably not to me." Killing him would be an abandonment of her investment. Killing his cause for betrayal would be the answer. At the very least, proving that it was in danger would give him reason to return to her service. In essence, any cause he had would be in immediate danger, until he no longer had it. There was no way out. He had accepted this.
"This... whatever this is, with the Inquisition. It's nothing more than a diversion for me. When it's done, I will leave with her, like nothing ever changed." The thought obviously weighed on him, but he seemed set in stone in the way he thought about it.
āWellā¦ shit.ā Khari apparently thought this was a sitting-down kind of problem, because she plonked herself rather gracelessly onto the floor after saying that, crossing her legs and propping her elbows on them. She rested her chin in a hand, rubbing at the bruises still on her jaw with her fingers, prodding them, almost. Her brows knit together over her eyes, darker than usual in the gloom of the cell block, and creases appeared at the corners of them. When she spoke again, it was slower and with more deliberateness than she generally had, and less certainty. Clearly, this kind of thinking wasnāt her usual element, but she was putting the effort into it.
āI meanā¦ I guess it sounds like any way this gets sliced up, sheās your problem, then. Soā¦ without ruling anything out yet, seems like thereās three obvious options for that. One, you convince her somehow that sheās better off if she doesnātā¦ keepā¦ you.ā The last few words were awkward on her tongue; very clearly, she wasnāt used to using terms like that when talking about people, but she didnāt comment on it. āSeems unlikely, from what youāve said. Two, you could make some kind ofā¦ exchange, I guess? I donāt know how much she thinks youāre, uhā¦ worth, or how that works, but theoretically thereās something sheād be willing to accept in your stead, maybe?ā Khari frowned, then shook her head. āAnd three, wellā¦ get her before she gets you.ā
She made a face, then regarded him speculatively over her knuckles. āBut that all assumes youād want to stay. That youād have a reason to want that. I mean, if it were me, I would, but itās not. Itās you, and only you can decide what you want. Only you can possibly know, even, unless you tell someone.ā Those words were perhaps the most uncertain of all, giving away the fact that his mental state was likely quite opaque to her, though she appeared to be trying to understand him as well as she could.
"What I want is rarely relevant. And Chryseis is only my problem if I make her into one.ā It was obviously difficult for many to grasp, especially in the south of Thedas, why a slave would ever want to remain a slave. And that wasnāt necessarily something Romulus wanted, but he did think it was probably for the best. For him, and for everyone else. His status actually afforded him a fair bit more than the vast majority of enslaved in Tevinter, and undoubtedly a great many free people living in other lands. If he had to sacrifice several personal freedoms to maintain thatā¦ well, heād proven already that it was a sacrifice he was willing and able to make.
He took a seat against one of the wooden supports, leaning his head back against it and momentarily glancing up at the torch hanging above him. "I may have painted her as an enemy to me, but I also owe her, and her father, everything. I am who I am because of them. Thisā¦ excursion, whatever I should call it, has already been more than I expected. I should be satisfied with that.ā Humbling his desires was something Romulus had worked many years to do, and since being roped into the Inquisition heād allowed them to wander, inappropriately so.
He regarded the way she sat, how she looked so thoughtful, with a smile of his own. She was putting a lot of effort into this, and it hadnāt gone unnoticed. "I will miss you when I have to go, of course.ā
Khari was quiet for a while, clearly digesting what heād said, and though the look she fixed him with then was measured, she did smile a bit. āIād miss you too, naturally. Havenāt had a friend in a while; managed to forget how nice it was.ā A pause, and then: āThis might sound weird, butā¦ if you ever get the urge to tell someone something irrelevant, not for advice or to do anything about it, butā¦ just to say it, then Iām here. Used to be that what I wanted was pretty irrelevant, too, not that Iām saying it was the same situation. Justā¦ I still wanted stuff, and I remember sometimes being almost choked, feeling like I couldnāt talk about it with anyone else.ā
He scratched the side of his head a bit awkwardly, but his smile didn't disappear. "I... thanks, Khari. I'll keep that in mind."
He grunted with each time he pulled his chin above the bar. The cellar, the very place he had first woken up following the explosion that had marked him, was naturally dark, only lit by a few torches set into sconces along the support pillars and the walls of the hallway that led inside. They were used for storage, since the Inquisition had no need to keep prisoners yet, and that meant that very few people came down here. Romulus was one of the few, making use of the privacy to have something of a personal place. It was known by anyone important that he sometimes ventured down here.
His thoughts drifted, until he was thinking about rats, and how similar he was being to one at the moment, and he growled, pulling his chin above the bar again. The sweat ran down his bare back and chest; he savored the warmth of working right next to a flaming torch. Thinking about the freezing cold outside only served to annoy him. Finally he dropped from the bar onto the ground, breathing heavily, and shaking out his arms.
Worst of all was that he couldn't figure out what bothered him more: that he wasn't finding the kind of experience in this Inquisition that he'd wanted, or the fact that he'd wanted it in the first place. He coiled his right hand into a tightly balled fist, and thought about striking the wooden pillar in front of him.
The sound of metal-girded boots clanking unceremoniously along the stone floor to his left was obvious, and heralded the approach of Khari, though she probably didnāt rank highly enough on the list of important people in the Inquisition to have known heād be here without needing to ask someone. Even so, it was clearly him she was looking for, because as soon as she was far enough into the room to be seen in the warm glow of the torchlight, it was obvious that she was looking right at him, and she smiled. āEveninā, Rom.ā She seemed pleased to have found him, and stepped out of the doorway into the chamber proper. āIād say I like what youāve done with the place, but itās actually making me feel a littleā¦ cagey.ā
He turned to look at her out of the corner of his eye, still for a moment, before he uncoiled his fist, turned around, and laughed softly, stepping away from the wooden support.
She grimaced. āGods, sorry. That sounded much more clever in my head.ā She appeared to be carrying a large sack over her back, and a smaller satchel in her other hand. The big one, she set down with a soft clink, but the second one, she kept hold of, opening the drawstring mouth of it and fishing out what seemed to be a piece of jerky or something. She held the bag out to him, clearly in offering.
āDonāt mind if I say so, but you look like you could use some. Itās elk, but they brined it in apples. Might be my favorite food ever. I was saving it for a celebration, butā¦ donāt foresee many of those in the future.ā
He was hungry, the workout only making him more so. When the light hit him more clearly, especially from the ceiling above, it lit up the multitude of scars that lined his body, all across his chest and back, blade and magic scars in equal measure. There were old burns, puncture wounds, slashes, too many individual ones to count. He was able to see Khari a little better when she came close, and he noted the bruises on her jaw and cheekbone.
Romulus took a few pieces of jerky from the bag, trying out the first, and humming his approval as soon as he'd chewed a few times. "Thanks." He gestured up at her, frowning. "What happened to you?" The question was asked casually.
She was clearly making an inspection of his inventory of scars, though it was for once not plain on her face exactly what she thought. His question, though, brought her eyes back to his, and she huffed. āGot into a fight with the taller, stronger, prettier and more charismatic elf in the group. Got my ass handed to me.ā She frowned; it was hard to say for sure, but there seemed to be something worse than a simple lost match underneath the expression, but she shook her head.
āI really hate feeling like a redundancy. The lesser of two, even.ā She bit off another piece of jerky with more force than was perhaps strictly necessary, mumbling something around her food that sounded suspiciously like āstupid shiny bastardā, but it wasnāt completely clear whether that was the right interpretation.
Romulus wasn't too surprised. From what he'd figured out, Khari was more than willing to fight anyone, even if the odds were vastly in favor of her opponent. Hell, he figured she'd fight the commander if he ever had the time. She didn't seem to care about whatever was stacked against her, and simply tried anyway. He liked that about her, a great deal.
As for Vesryn... Romulus shrugged. "He seems like an ass. And there's something not right about him. He's... too well put together, or something. At least you're genuine." He didn't have the slightest clue what he felt was off about the elven man, other than he didn't know it was possible for an elf to have the kind of demeanor he had. That alone put him on guard. Romulus tore off another piece of jerky.
"You're not redundant, or lesser. Not to me." He might've said some other things, about her strength, her charisma, her prettiness, even. The tallness thing wasn't really up for debate. But he felt he'd said enough already.
That seemed to lift her spirits considerably, and she smiled again. āThanks, Rom. That means a lot.ā Her eyes wandered to the larger sack sheād brought with her, and lit up, almost as if sheād forgotten it was there. āOh! Thatās right. I got you something. Kind of. Donāt suppose your birthdayās anytime soon, is it?ā
He half smiled at the mention of a gift, and his eyes wandered to the sack. In fact, he was a bit unsure how to feel at the prospect of being given something. Suddenly, he was quite intensely unsure if it was acceptable for him to take whatever she offered... since nothing he had was actually his. Not even, to an extent, his life.
At her question, he shrugged. "I have no idea when I was born."
Khari seemed stunned for about two seconds before she appeared to do a bit of mental calculation and most likely came to the correct conclusion. āOh, right. Iām stupid sometimes, arenāt I?ā she huffed, but then her face brightened again. āBut the best part of not having a birthday is that you get to choose one, and on that day, everyone gives you free stuff and has to be nice to you. Itās great.ā She shrugged.
āIf I were you, Iād pick something likeā¦ a couple weeks out and tell everyone about it so they had some time to pull some good presents together, but in my case, I already thought about it, so.ā She nudged the sack towards him with a foot, but she did it carefully.
āHappy birthday, or something. At least Iām not late, right?ā
He understood the gesture, and he was appreciative of it, truly, but it would be plain to see that she'd made him uncomfortable with this. Whatever smile he formerly had faded while she described birthdays to him. He knew what a birthday was. Just because he didn't have one himself didn't mean he hadn't watched those more fortunate than himself celebrating theirs. Specifically, they were the people he had served his entire life.
Some of the slaves he had known knew their birthdays, but any celebration was kept to a minimum. Any gift had to be something terribly small, or otherwise consumable; most slaves would prefer a good bit of food to a worthless trinket that was only going to arouse suspicion in a master. The bag in front of him now was big, much too big. And Romulus had done little other than think of his status as a slave lately. He couldn't stop thinking about it.
He backed away a few steps, eyeing the sack warily. "I shouldn't. Whatever it is, I shouldn't take it."
She looked at him with some clear consternation, but then shook her head. āItās notā¦ā Khari sighed softly. āItās not a big thing, really. I know I talked it up a lot, but Iā¦ can I lend it to you? Iām serious, you can give it back whenever you donāt want it anymore. Itās not a personal thing, Iām notā¦ā For once, she seemed less-than-sure of her words, like she was struggling to frame the nature of the exchange.
He was overthinking it, he knew he was, but it seemed important to him, especially with how she had presented it. She was his friend, and he knew she considered him the same. He also believed that she wouldn't understand that anything he touched, anything he called his own, was immediately tainted, and automatically inherited by the one that owned him. A Dalish girl who had left her life behind to try and become a chevalier of all things? No, she wouldn't understand. She'd never seen any place like the place he came from.
Carefully, like he expected to find a poisonous snake inside, Romulus crouched down, and opened the sack.
Inside of it were several pieces of glassware, mostly: an alembic, a retort, several vials with stoppers, and a few flasks, as well as all the pieces of wood and metal necessary to set everything up properly on a desk or table, for the work of an alchemist. At the bottom lay a wooden case, well-made and fitted with a red iron lock. None of the pieces were obviously elaborate, but they were very well-made, and well-suited for the tasks theyād been designed for.
āItāsā¦ itās stuff for your tonics.ā Khari sounded much more tentative than she previously had, and her mouth pulled to the side, as though she were unsure what expression she should be wearing. āI remember you telling me that they protected you from magic, and that you were running out, so I talked to Rilien about what you would need to make them, and he said this would be what you ought to have for it. The box has reagents.ā
Romulus examined a few of the set's pieces with the utmost care, kneeling down and taking the alchemical equipment with steady hands. It was not as horrible a feeling as he'd thought, especially once he realized that these things were not hers to begin with. She'd worked with Rilien to acquire them. They were probably the Inquisition's more than hers. It was simply her own thoughtfulness that led them to his hands, since he was too unaccustomed to asking for anything of his own.
Satisfied with the examination, he put everything he'd removed back in the back, and closed it up. "I can't keep it," he said, with a little more certainty than he'd managed to muster before. "But I can use it. At least until the Breach is closed, and I have to go back." He picked up the bag, carried it over to the rest of his small pile of things, mostly consisting of his clothes, armor, and weapons, and set it down. He donned a light linen shirt on his way back to her.
"You know I'll have to go back, right? To Minrathous?" Things would be a great deal more simple, and also more complicated, if he didn't have to go back. But there was no sense thinking about that. While he was yet owned, he was still bound to Tevinter, and allowing himself to entertain other possibilities only led to pain. It was something he'd learned as a child, and didn't want to have to learn again.
Khari rubbed at the back of her head, inadvertently fluffing up a few more rambunctious curls from her plait, and sucked on her teeth for a second. āI mean, donāt take this the wrong way, butā¦ do you have to?ā She seemed honestly curious, rather than upset or contrary or anything like that. āI guess Iām justā¦ trying to imagine what would happen if you decided you didnāt want to, you know? Youāre here, and thereās this big army between you and anything anyone in Minrathous could send your way, and I donāt really see anyone forcing you to leave on this end, exactly.ā She sighed.
āBut really, what the hell do I know? Iām just a fool with a sword and a side of crazy. I canāt pretend like I understand how any of this works.ā
"An army is just an inconvenience to an assassin," Romulus said, somewhat sadly. If he were a different person, someone who had been placed much more by chance than by design at the Conclave, this would likely be much simpler for him. He probably could just escape from his past. But he was not a different person. "Chryseis Viridius, the woman that owns me, invested a great deal to make me into the weapon that I am. To make an enemy of her would be unwise, even if I wanted to." He sometimes felt he didn't use her name enough, and he wondered which way was better. Was it better to be reminded that a real person, someone made of the same stuff he was, owned his body and mind? Or was it better for her to simply remain as domina, a simple, controlling force, to be followed without hesitation?
"She has powerful allies, and a personal interest in my loyalty. To betray her would bring pain or death... but probably not to me." Killing him would be an abandonment of her investment. Killing his cause for betrayal would be the answer. At the very least, proving that it was in danger would give him reason to return to her service. In essence, any cause he had would be in immediate danger, until he no longer had it. There was no way out. He had accepted this.
"This... whatever this is, with the Inquisition. It's nothing more than a diversion for me. When it's done, I will leave with her, like nothing ever changed." The thought obviously weighed on him, but he seemed set in stone in the way he thought about it.
āWellā¦ shit.ā Khari apparently thought this was a sitting-down kind of problem, because she plonked herself rather gracelessly onto the floor after saying that, crossing her legs and propping her elbows on them. She rested her chin in a hand, rubbing at the bruises still on her jaw with her fingers, prodding them, almost. Her brows knit together over her eyes, darker than usual in the gloom of the cell block, and creases appeared at the corners of them. When she spoke again, it was slower and with more deliberateness than she generally had, and less certainty. Clearly, this kind of thinking wasnāt her usual element, but she was putting the effort into it.
āI meanā¦ I guess it sounds like any way this gets sliced up, sheās your problem, then. Soā¦ without ruling anything out yet, seems like thereās three obvious options for that. One, you convince her somehow that sheās better off if she doesnātā¦ keepā¦ you.ā The last few words were awkward on her tongue; very clearly, she wasnāt used to using terms like that when talking about people, but she didnāt comment on it. āSeems unlikely, from what youāve said. Two, you could make some kind ofā¦ exchange, I guess? I donāt know how much she thinks youāre, uhā¦ worth, or how that works, but theoretically thereās something sheād be willing to accept in your stead, maybe?ā Khari frowned, then shook her head. āAnd three, wellā¦ get her before she gets you.ā
She made a face, then regarded him speculatively over her knuckles. āBut that all assumes youād want to stay. That youād have a reason to want that. I mean, if it were me, I would, but itās not. Itās you, and only you can decide what you want. Only you can possibly know, even, unless you tell someone.ā Those words were perhaps the most uncertain of all, giving away the fact that his mental state was likely quite opaque to her, though she appeared to be trying to understand him as well as she could.
"What I want is rarely relevant. And Chryseis is only my problem if I make her into one.ā It was obviously difficult for many to grasp, especially in the south of Thedas, why a slave would ever want to remain a slave. And that wasnāt necessarily something Romulus wanted, but he did think it was probably for the best. For him, and for everyone else. His status actually afforded him a fair bit more than the vast majority of enslaved in Tevinter, and undoubtedly a great many free people living in other lands. If he had to sacrifice several personal freedoms to maintain thatā¦ well, heād proven already that it was a sacrifice he was willing and able to make.
He took a seat against one of the wooden supports, leaning his head back against it and momentarily glancing up at the torch hanging above him. "I may have painted her as an enemy to me, but I also owe her, and her father, everything. I am who I am because of them. Thisā¦ excursion, whatever I should call it, has already been more than I expected. I should be satisfied with that.ā Humbling his desires was something Romulus had worked many years to do, and since being roped into the Inquisition heād allowed them to wander, inappropriately so.
He regarded the way she sat, how she looked so thoughtful, with a smile of his own. She was putting a lot of effort into this, and it hadnāt gone unnoticed. "I will miss you when I have to go, of course.ā
Khari was quiet for a while, clearly digesting what heād said, and though the look she fixed him with then was measured, she did smile a bit. āIād miss you too, naturally. Havenāt had a friend in a while; managed to forget how nice it was.ā A pause, and then: āThis might sound weird, butā¦ if you ever get the urge to tell someone something irrelevant, not for advice or to do anything about it, butā¦ just to say it, then Iām here. Used to be that what I wanted was pretty irrelevant, too, not that Iām saying it was the same situation. Justā¦ I still wanted stuff, and I remember sometimes being almost choked, feeling like I couldnāt talk about it with anyone else.ā
He scratched the side of his head a bit awkwardly, but his smile didn't disappear. "I... thanks, Khari. I'll keep that in mind."