Snippet #2667291

Christopher

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Well...
That happened.
Holy shit that actually happened.
Holy mother of fucking god I stole Savannah's virginity!
What the fuck am I going to say to Izzy and Simon?!
"Sorry I took your daughter's virginity, it wont happen again" ?!
By the fucking angel Christopher what have you done?

She's asleep beside me, exhausted probably. I can see the bruise on her leg - how the hell did I manage that? Her arms are draped across my bare chest and her head is nuzzled into the space between my shoulder and jaw. She is so beautiful. But I can't... I can't commit to all this - all these feelings I'm having. It makes my head spin and ache like there's a fire in my mind. It makes me want to scream and tear my heart open. It's like being ripped apart from the inside out.
But at the same time, it's like being whole. It's like having part of you that was once missing become full again.
But it's so much pressure.
Pressure not to hurt her. Not to let her down. Not to do the wrong thing.
But am I already doing the wrong thing?

My head starts to throb.

I need to get out.

I slowly slip out of the bed, gently moving Savannah's arms off me. She sighs slightly and curls up. I grab my jeans and put them back on. I turn to look at her and I notice that one of the bed posts have snapped. What the hell did we do last night? I run my hands through my hair and grab my shirt. It's kinds nice to be wearing clothes again.
I never wanted to fall in love. I never wanted any of this. But it seems inevitable. Like a moving train hurdling towards me on an unstoppable course.
Impossible to avoid but you don't want it to hit you.
And when it does it's the most painful thing you could ever imagine but the most exhilarating as well. I don't know what I want anymore.

The pain in my head is getting worse.

I look at Savannah one last time before I step out of the cottage and into the fresh air. I take a deep breath and close my eyes. If I leave her here would that be wrong? The others are probably wondering where we are. Maybe even having suspicions. I know I should go, forget this whole thing. treat it like a one night stand and never see her again but part of me doesn't want to go.
It wants to stay and hold her close and never let go.

She doesn't deserve to deal with someone with trapped emotions like this. She shouldn't have to deal with that.
She deserves better than me.