There was no alarm blaring, no birds singing and no coffee pot bubbling with a freshly brewed liquid filled with the ability to awaken even the dead from pure slumber. Instead there was a single man who walked around the apartment in black and white checkered pajama bottoms and nothing else, scratching at his head as he sorted through the assortment of junk on the counter looking for a clean cup. Beer cans and bottles rolled around on the floor, with wrappers for different kinds of food and candy helped fulfill the look of a pig sty. Stains of differing variety covered the marble countertops and hardwood floor. Upon finding a cup that was only partially dirty, he went to fill it up with water only to find that the sink was filled with...some kind of liquid. There was a hint of disgust on his face as he reached through the muck, which was somehow thick and creamy, to drain the sink before allowing himself to grab a drink of water and scrubbing his hand down.
A snore erupted behind him as he took a large gulp, looking over to the living area. Once again, there was litter of every size, shape and color but the only body was a kid in his early twenties who slept like a contortionist. His feet were high up on the brown leather couch, easily slipping over the top as he lay vertically on the sofa. Somehow he was fast asleep, his clothes wrinkled and showing signs of a long night. The man stroked his black beard, contemplating his possible actions and all of them involved throwing something at the kid. Looking at the ground, he picked up an empty beer can, and with surprising accuracy, threw it directly into the kid’s face. The kid woke with a start, rolling off the couch and landing on the floor with a mixture of a thud and several crunches as cans and wrappers were crushed beneath him. “Rise and shine Victor.” The man stated, turning his attention back to the kitchen.
“Fu-Dickbag!” Victor cursed as he slowly stood up, holding his head slightly as he looked back to his Uncle. He looked around the place, grimacing at the mess but ended up smiling because of the memory that was created last night. His Uncle rummaged around the fridge, probably looking for something to start cooking while Victor took one look at his clothes and spit out his tongue. “How did...did I spill beer on myself?”
“Nah, I think is was...Vixen? Whatever she was calling herself that night.”
“Right? There’s no way that was her real name.” Brian gave a shrug as he pulled out a carton of eggs.
“If it was, her parents must have wanted her to grow up as a disappointment.” Victor winced before giving a smile.
“Harsh man, real harsh.”
“Truth stings like bactine. Go clean yourself up, you look like shit.” Victor ignored him, instead flipping through the couch and loveseat cushions to find the remote. Instead he found a number of drug packets and at least one used condom.
“Dude...did someone pork someone on your loveseat?” Brian looked up before rolling his eyes.
“One fucking rule, and everyone breaks it.”
“Heh...one ‘fucking’ rule.” Victor laughed before another beer can smacked him in the back of the head.
“I said go clean yourself up! Stop looking for evidence that someone got luckier than you.”
“In a mo mo man, I want to catch up with current events!” Victor stated as he continued to search the immediate area.
“Why? Looking for another villain for you to go parading yourself in front of?”
“Maybe...also want to see what caused that blackout yesterday.” Brian paused from his preparation of breakfast long enough to remember that event.
“Huh, yeah. I can count on one hand how many times this building has lost power.”
“Yeah, I’m just glad it didn’t happen during the party...could you imagine all those people in here without music or lights or anything?”
“It would be like herding cats...drugged out and horny cats.”
“There’s another sex joke in there somewhere.” Victor said as he continued to search.
“Get your mind out of the gutter, and cmon, if you can’t find the remote then go cl-”
“Found it!” Victor exclaimed as he flipped the tv on and flopped onto the couch, wincing as he pulled a couple of cans out from underneath him. There was an exasperated sigh from Brian as he switched channels to find the local news until finally the familiar news anchors were in front of him. It took a number of minutes before they got around to talking about the blackout, and while Victor knew it affected a large chunk of the city, the news confirmed that it was indeed caused by a cape. Victor snapped his fingers several times at the revelation, standing up and spinning around a couple of times before stopping and pointing directly at Brian. “Called it.” There was a pause as Victor stared at the screen for a few moments longer, mention of a bank robbery that happened yesterday by what appeared to be a shapeshifter with a mind for the grotesque. Victor stared at the screen as some footage appeared from the battle, and he made a gagging sound at the sight of it all. “Man...really? I mean, congrats on taking on a whole bank by yourself but do you have to look like something that was puked up by a sick dog? Do you see that Brian? That has to be more than a little fucked up, right?”
“How do you have this energy when you were dead asleep no less than a few minutes ago?” Victor walked to the kitchen and sat down at one of the stools lining the standalone counter.
“Filled with life, vigor, and more than a little spite fueled by my epically grumpy Uncle.” Brian glared at Victor as he held the frying pan filled with eggs. Victor let his tongue hang out, pretending or maybe not to salivate at the thought of food before his Uncle’s hand grasped his entire face.
“I said clean up, you’re not getting food until you have a shower and look presentable.”
“You’d make a great mom someday.”
“Fuck off and get your shit together.”
It took a number of minutes for Victor to get fully cleaned up, filtering through his room which was a disaster area on it’s own to find something that was partially clean after having his shower. Once that was done, he returned to the main area to find that Brian had cleared off the eating area at least. There sat a plate with eggs, toast and some orange juice. “Lorietta is coming by today right?”
“She’ll be here at noon. I’ll probably have to give her a bit extra today, this place looks like a tornado went through it.” Victor shrugged, sitting down beside his Uncle and immediately launching into his food.
“Such are the hazards of hosting your events in your own home, besides she likes getting the extra money.”
“Maybe...so what are your plans for today? Do you have your own gigs lined up?” Victor peered over at the DJ setup that Brian had for his own events. A top of the line rig set up in front of the dance floor they had installed so that Brian could make his home his workplace.
“I have one in a couple of days down at Buckshire, but until then not really. Was just planning to cruise, see what trouble I could get up to.”
“You mean see if any villains happen to spark up beside you.” Victor gave a smile, pulling up his backpack and placing it on the counter.
“You know me so well. Tell me, what am I thinking about right now?”
“Probably about dicks...lots and lots of dicks.”
“Going straight for the jugular...I like it.”
“The joke or the dicks?” Victor slugged Brian across the arm, earning a smirk from his legal guardian. “There’s been no decent mentions of criminal activity among the clients, so I don’t have any leads for you to chase down.”
“Eh.” Victor replied, wolfing down the rest of his breakfast with amazing speed. “It’s alright, sometimes just spontaneously coming across something is more fun! How could they expect me if I didn’t even expect me!”
“That sentence is a whole lot of stupid.”
“You’re stupid.” Victor shot back as he grabbed his backpack. “Anyways, say hi to Lorietta for me!”
“Stop off at the bank!” Brian yelled at him, causing Victor to stop mid-stride.
“For what?”
“Your part of the rent.” Victor slapped his forehead.
“Right, I knew that, I have the rent, you got it...but the bank got robbed yesterday.”
“There’s more than one bank Victor…” This earned a smile from the airheaded teen.
“You’re quick on the take this morning Bri Bri. Fine, I will stop by the bank and get your part of the rent.”
“I mean it Victor, I will bitch slap the bills out of you if I have to.” Victor continued walking towards the elevator, which acted as the front door to their penthouse.
“Naw, I got this! Get money, pay my pimp, got it.”
“Did you just call yourself a whore?” Victor paused for a moment.
“I didn’t think that one through.” Victor shrugged, giving a two fingered salute as the elevator doors opened and he stepped inside. “Whatever, I’ll go get your money and shit sir! I got this!” The doors closed, leaving Brian sipping at a cup of orange juice and doing his best to not throw something else at his charge.
The door to the underground garage opened and Victor drove his yellow 2015 mustang out from the doors, taking the corner a bit sharper than he probably needed to as he accelerated to the speed limit as fast as he could manage. The window was down and his arm was hanging out the side, douchebag style. As he drove, he reached into his pocket and pulled out his iphone, opening the internet app and navigating to PHO. His eyes shifted between the phone and the road as he continued, constantly flipping through articles to see what was being talked about, giving an upvote or downvote to people who deserved it. While he didn’t post as often as he would have liked on the site, he enjoyed reading the discussions and pestering cape haters whenever he got the chance. Once he read enough, he flipped his phone to music and started blasting it through his car stereo and placed it in his cupholder.
A constant smile was plastered on his face, his default setting, as his stomach growled. Even though he had just had breakfast, he was still hungry. First stop would be somewhere to grab some more to eat, and after that would be the bank...unless something more interesting came up.