Snippet #2761951

Having snuck past the watchmen and everyone in the base, Linde made her way through the mining tunnels connecting the base to the outside world. She had to hold her stomach, as the stitching was shaking loose because of the pace she was moving at. She knew she should slow down, since there was no reason to be going this fast. But she was already this close to turning around... She couldn't.

She'd done enough damage already.

Almost six hours passed as she power walked through the mines, using what she remembered of her time coming this way to try and find her way back. She got lost once or twice, but was able to find her way back by seeing little scratch marks on the walls where Sieg's armor had scraped the walls or someone's pack or weapon scratched against them in the confined space. Finally, she made it to the outside world.

She looked down, and the wrapping around her stomach was now stained red with seeping blood from her wound.

"... Damn." She whispered.

She walked over to the first tree she saw and sat down against its trunk. As she did so, she loosened the bindings around her stomach so she could see the wound.

It was relatively clean, but the stitching had come loose as she'd thought which allowed blood to seep out. If she didn't clean it again, it would become infected before long.

She set her pack down and reached in to find that she had just enough thread left for one last stitch job. As well, she had little left of her special salve, but even the little she had left would be just enough to seal this wound for good. She carefully snipped the stitching with a small pair of scissors she kept with her, and placed them back in the pack as she applied a new anti-septic lather and then sealed her wound with her salve. That done, stitches would not be necessary. But she stitched herself anyway as an added measure of security. She was going to continue moving at the pace she had before, so she needed all the insurance she could get against the wound opening again.

Until her body recovered properly from the battle with Ven, she would not heal like she used to. Baby steps.

With her wound cleaned, sealed, and re-bound, she closed her eyes to rest.

... Hours passed.

Linde's dreams were haunted with the memories of what she'd said and done since joining this group. But none haunted her so much as threatening the boy with torture for information.

All her life she'd loved children. Even as a child, she felt like a mother figure to her friends and neighborhood children. Each year that passed only reinforced this feeling and desire to be a mother when she grew up. Images of all the faces of children she'd met in her life began encircling her in the darkness of her dreams, all giving her a stern scowl and speaking as one about how horrible she was to threaten the life of one so young. She tried to defend herself, but she knew deep down there were no excuses.

The faces disappeared and were replaced by a single large image of the Red-Eyed Demon glaring down at her. He didn't need to say anything. She knew what that glare meant. Even he was disappointed at her for taking the idea of "do whatever it takes" to another level. He'd done many things in his life, but torturing a child was not one of them... Yes. The Red-Eyed Demon never tortured a child in his life. He'd killed them, but the deaths had been instantaneous and they were all children of corrupt nobles or major criminals. Torture was never an option.

Linde had taken things to a new low, and as she gazed at the Demon in her dreams she sat down to cry.

... And she woke up.

She felt her face and it was drenched with tears. She looked down and her shirt was drenched with tears all the way down to the naval. If she wasn't certain that she deserved what she was doing to herself by wiping her memory and forcing herself to forget the wonderful people she'd met and how much she cared about them, she was now.

To Linde, wiping her memory was a punishment. Not an escape. The others undoubtedly saw her as a coward who found a way out. A deserter who couldn't handle the pressure. But that's not what was on Linde's mind.

To Linde, she no longer deserved the right or privilege to be among them. She didn't deserve the good memories she'd created with them. She did deserve the pain of the bad memories, but that pain and those memories paled in comparison to how much the positive memories meant to her. Wiping them from her mind forever was the worst punishment she could give herself.

They were such wonderful people, no matter how flawed.

Miriam, Marcus, Jeanne, Sieg, Marcel, and... Quinn.

She repeated their names on a loop in her head and remembered each individual for what they brought to her life. She would never forgive herself for letting them go, but she had no choice. She didn't deserve them. So the choice was made.

Linde stood from the tree and grabbed her pack, trudging home across the countryside on semi-unsteady feet stumbling every so often before reaching the border of Cre' Est and Veilbrand three days later. Crossing into her homeland felt like a homecoming already, but it was a short-lived feeling. Another three days of walking saw the capitol city come into view at last, and she knew she finally made it home. She had finally recovered by this point, but it didn't feel like she had. There was a pit in her stomach as she beheld her city, and an aching in her heart as she entered an hour or two later to walk the streets she knew so well.

She beheld her Apothecary and Clinic not long after and walked inside, much to the joy of Cheyanne, her receptionist. The girl threw herself into Linde's arms with tears and a smile, welcoming her back vigorously while rubbing her face into Linde's chest. Linde chuckled and gave the girl a hug before going to her quarters.

... Once there, she sat down in front of the mirror and looked at herself.

She looked awful.

Her ponytail was dirty and unkempt compared to how it usually was. Her clothing ragged, dusty, and covered in stains. The bloody bandages had been done away with, but there were a few drops still on her shirt where Ven's hand had penetrated through to her flesh. Her pack was worn down and all but falling apart, so she knew getting a new one was in order.

Linde pulled out a parchment and pen, and wrote herself a reminder of what she was here for.

Linde, this is your reminder.

The last month and a half you have been away from the clinic, doing something important though you took it all for granted. You met and fought beside many amazing people, and defeated Master Assassin Ven of Te'i Sai in single combat. Hence the hole in your shirt on your left side where his hand penetrated your body to grab your insides. He nearly tore them out, but your new friends saved your life.

... You do not deserve them.

I will not tell you why. You don't need to know. The reason is one best forgotten, hence why this letter exists. Because there is something else you do need to remember. And that is the fact that you have lost something dear to you: Your identity.

Your time with Shadow has robbed you of what is most dear to you, and it's time for you to find it again. You will not remember the new friends you met, but they are aware of this. You've told them so in a farewell letter not unlike this one you've left yourself.

You must find your identity. You must regain the humanity you've lost by spending so much time with Shadow. And you must fight hard to never again lose sight of who you are or what you represent.

You lost sight of it once... Don't let it happen again.

Sincerely,

Linde Xe' Almna

Linde set the letter on the table, and looked in the mirror.

She placed her left thumb, left index finger, right thumb, right index finger, and right middle finger on very specific points around her skull and took a deep breath.

"... Goodbye, everyone." She whispered, one last tear escaping her eye.

She pressed down firmly, causing intense pain and flashes of color in her eyes as if lights were being shone into them. She let out a yelp of pain and, after a few seconds, let go of her skull and collapsed forward against the table. Breathing heavily, she pushed herself up and looked in the mirror...

Linde was startled by her appearance, looking down at herself and noticing the letter. Slowly, she picked it up to read it, and set it down once finished with a few tears rolling down her cheeks.

... It worked.

She didn't remember the letter. She didn't remember the people mentioned. The friends she'd lost. Whatever she'd done to warrant this decision. But she recognized her own handwriting, and she knew this was something she chose of her own accord.

She turned around away from the mirror and sighed.

And so, Linde refreshed herself and got back to work in her clinic as if she'd never left... As if she'd never met Miriam, Quinn, Jeanne, Marcus, Marcel, or Sieg.

She was a new woman now. One who knew she'd lost something. And one determined to regain what she lost in due time.