xxxi feel so damn worthless
xxxanother day is gone
xxxand all my faces are alibis
xxxand me, I'm half the man I wanted to be
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”I didn’t plan on staying long but it looks like Autumn has other plans.” The amount of love that was evident in just that one glance at Autumn spoke volumes about Jake to Ben. Some of the parents here treated their kids like burdens. Even when he’d been working as a doctor, he’d seen the frustration parents treated their kids with when the kids were genuinely sick and unwell. Most of them showed genuine concern, but it was always the nasty few that stuck in your mind. And the ones like Jake, the ones who Ben got the impression would do anything for their kids.
Then Jake seemed to catch himself and realize where they were, apologizing for taking up Ben’s time. Ben shook his head as Jake said they could probably find their way there. “Not at all. I like talking to you. Between you and me, Rose over there has been trying to flirt with me since the moment she came in, and she really can’t seem to take a hint that I’m not interested. You’re much nicer ,” Jake said, lowering his voice and smirking a little. “And honestly, if you guys are okay with having me tag along, I’d be only too happy to come along. I live a very boring and lonely life,” he added, shrugging.
Part of him wondered what the hell he was doing. The more people he let in, the more questions he was susceptible to, and the more answers he’d have to give. Jake wasn’t even going to be sticking around for a while. He’d be gone, and things wouldn’t have changed in the slightest for Ben, but there would be another person who knew his face, knew his name, knew where he was. He didn’t want to make room for two more people only for them to leave another gaping hole in his life.
Because that was it, wasn’t it? He was so desperately lonely that he saw one pretty face, one caring soul, and something in him wanted to let it in. He wanted to break the monotony, to have something and someone different in his life for once. He’d never been terribly good at letting his head choose instead of his heart. But now he had to. It would be dinner, and that was all. They’d move on and he’d stay here, go back to normality and everything it entailed. Loneliness was better than the alternative.