xxi feel so damn worthless
xxanother day is gone
xxand all my faces are alibis
xxand me, i’m half the man I wanted to be
So when Jake said that he didn’t need to come, there was a little too much relief in Ben’s chest for him to be okay with. But there was a flurry of emotions too, fear that he’d just hurt Jake more, fear of leaving Jake alone with Autumn in case something happened... Fear that he might never see them again, that they will wouldn’t come back. He could see that Jake was upset and scared and there was a moment when Ben nearly said “fuck it”, a moment where he didn’t give into his own fear. But instead his own fear, his own self preservation, rose up and threatened to engulf him. He swallowed and nodded.
“I can.... if you...” he exhaled. “You have my number, call me if you need... anything. Company, a half decent cup of coffee, whatever. Jake, I...” Words rose and fell in his throat, jumbling in his slow, sluggish mind. “I’m sorry, for earlier. I just... just call me if you need anything, okay?” The vibration of his phone with a text made him glad of the distraction. “The taxi’s outside, you... you should go.”