xxi feel so damn worthless
xxanother day is gone
xxand all my faces are alibis
xxand me, iām half the man I wanted to be
xx
His hands were shaking too much to drink his coffee. Every time he attempted to pick up his mug, it felt like he was dangerously close to spilling it. So instead he was mimicking Jake's pose, his hands wrapped around the mug to hide the shaking. How long could he hide this? How long before Jake found out and decided that there was too much in his life, too much else to deal with, without Ben crashing in and making everything worse?
He shook his head as Jake thanked him for everything. He could see the tears in Jake's eyes and felt a lump rise in his own throat. "It's fine. Nobody should have to deal with this alone. I'm just... I wish there was more I could do. But..." He couldn't get the words out. He couldn't. "I'm sorry." That person, the person who could help, felt like a different person. So long ago. How easily he had done it. Why had it been him? Why had he been the only person who could help? He had been a good doctor but there had been nothing special about him. Why had the universe decided that he had the talent to do that, only to snatch it away? Beneath the fear and the confusion, anger burned deep down. It wasn't fair, and it felt like there was nothing he could do.