xxi feel so damn worthless
xxanother day is gone
xxand all my faces are alibis
xxand me, iām half the man I wanted to be
xx
xx
xx
xx
xx
xx
xx
Jake's words didn't exactly put him at ease. He didn't want to have to have anyone to worry about him. He'd done enough damage, he didn't want to drag anyone down any further. He wanted someone, but mostly he wanted to not need someone. Jake shouldn't need to be strong for someone else. He was losing the most important person in the world to him, he didn't need to worry about someone else. So he just smiled sadly and tried to get his words together. But then a nurse emerged from the room and temporarily distracted Jake, giving Ben enough time to formulate what he wanted to say. The offer of going home was tempting, but Ben also had to be realistic.
"I... I think I need to be around other people right now," he admitted. Being alone would let all the thoughts in, remove the distraction, and make things twice as hard. "And even if I'm not exactly a rock of emotional fortitude, I think you want the company more than you're letting on," he said with a small smile. Hospitals filled everyone with anxiety, especially when it involved your kids. Especially when everyone was being vague so far. He needed to be there for Jake, even if Jake said he didn't.
"Ben? Benjamin Chapman?" The voice made Ben's stomach drop through the floor as he turned, slowly. He was half relieved at the face he saw. One of the few people he'd confided in after getting home... but he'd still ghosted him. He'd disappeared without saying a word when things had just gotten too much. "James. I... it's been a while," was all Ben could get out. They'd been in college together and had lost touch. Then they'd reconnected after Ben had gotten back and... Ben had been a mess. He'd wanted someone to help him forget it all. It hadn't lasted long, Ben hadn't been able for it. But they'd stayed friends. Which had just made it worse when Ben had all but disappeared.