Snippet #2793106

The girl from school seemed to be deliberating over how to respond. He couldn’t blame her, no one liked to be ambushed by a random classmate on the weekend. Having no idea that it had very little to do with him, he could only spiral. What the hell was I thinking? I’m an idiot. This. This is why I don’t do stuff like this. Kei reminded himself, wincing, finding his choice to be nothing short of cringeworthy. Approaching her because he chickened out from interacting with her alongside Rocco the day before... did he really believe things would change after one pep talk? That he could forget how easy it was to lose one of them? That he’d lost the most important girl in his life chasing another that now totally hated his guts? And for what? What did he have to show for his past efforts? Nothing. He’d lost both of them. How stupid could he be? It didn’t matter how moving Rocco’s speech was, his trauma was too deep for him to move past overnight, even if it did serve to give him a brief sense of courage. Only enough to find himself in his current predicament it seemed. His false courage had evaporated all at once leaving him to fend for himself. How he'd survive to get out of it, well, he was on his own to figure that bit out.

Unfortunately for Kei, the girl’s face did not give much away either, but he figured that the awkward silence spoke volumes. At least that is what his oldest friends paranoia and anxiety had assured him. He’d made her uncomfortable or she was soon going to be laughing at his expense. If that wasn't bad enough, the box in his arms had become a bit heavy after holding it in one position for too long. Things were already embarrassing as it stood so Kei had no intention of making his aching arms known to her. He couldn’t, he was in the presence of a girl he would see around school. He didn’t want to be known as a creep and a weakling.

There was a ton of canned food in the box, so it wasn’t especially light, in his defense, but he wasn’t looking to make excuses. He only hoped that she wouldn’t be able to tell that he was losing feeling in his right arm and the left wasn’t far behind. He had this at least at surface value, right? He shifted the box ever so slightly, doing his best to be discreet as he tried to redistribute the weight without making it known to his classmate. Unsure of how many ‘cool’ points he’d lost, Kei felt he couldn’t afford to lose anymore.

“Yeah, you could say that. I'm Nozomi, Mao. Nice to meet you, Watari-san. Officially, anyway."

Well, now I know her name, but... what do we do now? I didn’t think this through beyond introducing myself. Fuuuck. Kei nearly groaned aloud, but he managed to keep his distress to himself, clipping off the temptation just in time. However, he wasn't completely in the clear as his facial expressions, unlike that of his classmate, gave everything he felt away. Kei was quite often a completely open book. Wishing to kick himself repeatedly for going out on a limb without proper preparations, Kei began chewing on the inside of his cheek. What should I say now? Umm... Think dumbass, think! What exactly he was trying to prove to himself by approaching this girl he didn’t really know, but it felt like a disaster. He should have pretended that he didn’t notice her, could have moved on without all this awkwardness he now felt, but no, for some reason after the chat with Rocco the day before he had the bright idea to work on his issues with girls, but he wasn’t entirely sure what came next in his rehabilitation after ‘introduce yourself to the girl from school’. He suddenly wondered if he was becoming the king of half-baked ideas. Was there a crown for that title or was it simply honorary? There should at least be a few perks to the title if he had to look like an idiot, some sort of compensation for his humiliation.

Fortunately for Kei, his panic was cut short, the girl began walking the way he planned to go. Following behind her with silent dread, Kei readied himself for some sort of ridicule. Surprisingly, it never came. In fact, she held the door so he could pass through without fumbling to do it himself, saving him from making himself look like an even bigger idiot. An appreciative smile crossed his lips, steel blue eyes locking on her for a moment before actually passing through the doorway, “Thanks, Nozomi-san.” Kei shot her an appreciative smile, albeit a small one. He couldn't get past his nerves, his paranoia, it felt like he was walking through a minefield. The worst part was, he could remember clearly how it felt to never worry about this sort of thing. He resented himself for letting himself feel this way, but he resented himself for a lot of things since her death. It seemed his primary emotion was regret, and it was utterly exhausting. It was no wonder that Kei was tired all of the time.

His relief was almost palpable, but he was left wondering if she was doing that to rush him along, a subtle means of escaping him sooner, or if she was genuinely helping him because he didn’t fuck the introduction up as bad as he’d thought. A pessimist at heart, Kei found it difficult to cling to hope with the latter. Heading inside and finally placing the box on the appropriate table, Kei was hesitant to look over his shoulder. If she was already gone, he had his answer. However, if she was still there, that was equally terrifying. That meant he had to think on his feet and say something else to her. Why didn’t he just stay in bed today? Ugh.