Snippet #2807701

Marcey watched the kids running around. She knew...she would never be able to have the luxury of this familial happiness so long as she continued to stay where she was. She was trapped by the choices of herself for justice; but she was also trapped with feelings of disgust. Disgust for herself. Disgust at the allowance of the choices she made. No one should submit to something that they don't agree to. There is absolutely no reason for anyone to submit to a bad situation is there is profound reasons for the moment to not even be there in the first place. She put her trust in someone, to love them and have them as her partner. For life...yet, that was betrayed and turned into something of a living hell...why was she going through these thoughts again?

Why did she repeat these same redundant thoughts over and over? Feelings of betrayal, feelings of abandonment, feelings of time wasted? She KNEW! Why was she so pathetic? Why?! WHY?! WHY?! These thoughts do nothing for her! Nothing for anyone. No one cares, the reports were buried! The moments of plausible action, LOST!

These thoughts do nothing but slip her into near insanity, trying to sort through her broken heart and mental torment. It was all she could do to not slip up with her plans. She thought about it! More than once! To let it all fall apart. To crawl into a corner. To slit her own throat. To go and just MURDER someone to feel SOMETHING again. Something POSITIVE. To bring back her feelings of control! To not lose her FUCKING MIND! Putting on this farce everyday was so goddamn HARD alone!

Marcey was visibly shivering and holding herself. She wobbled over to a bench, and sat down. Crumbling beneath her overwhelming feelings. She was buried in tears, but instead of wailing, she masked it by making a whimpering noise through the sniffling.

She managed to look up once, and saw a kid playing chess. He couldn't have been older than 9. But he was playing chess, just like her little one used to do at an even younger age. She would challenge her mother to game after game. Her first win was only three years into her learning the game. Most adults would stomp the kids, without mercy too, for learning. That was certainly the role her husband would take. It was one that warranted a steady hand of discipline AND encouragement to pull off properly. Marcey was loving, patient and tactful, meanwhile her husband was a brute tactician. Forcing their daughter through aggressive plays that lead to a series of discouragements and desire to quit. But Marcey would also come in, with a kiss, a hug, and a phrase. "We all fail, but our greatest wins always come after."

Marcey sat, frozen in grief. The words ringing true...