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Snippet #2816316

located in Airdalen Academy, a part of No-Go AA+, one of the many universes on RPG.

Airdalen Academy

None

Setting

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Tsukiko Kitogawa Character Portrait: Chase Kaufman
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Image


As his hand returned to the bed, Tsukiko took a quiet breath in. It made it a bit easier to think, she didn't blame Chase for the situation, hell, she didn't even blame herself. It was a party, things got out of hand, it was bound to happen sometime. Honestly, it was a huge surprise that it never had in the past, it was probably a miracle or just dumb luck, but the fact was that it did happen last night and she was unable to forget it. She could remember a lot of issues in their friendship over the years. Insecure partners that didn't understand their special brand of friendship, paparazzi drama, running from the police after a wild party, and each had their own personal issues with family and the like, but they always got through it. Nothing they had been through together had been nearly this tough for her to navigate. She felt like she was grasping at straws, and she was terrified of losing her best friend, well, her only friend. She wasn't an easy person to get along with given how she held a general hatred toward other girls, how she had to be the center of attention with guys, Tsukiko was a handful that most wouldn't want to touch with a ten-foot pole. While she was a generous spender when it came to her paramours, she was pretty needy in regards to affection and attention, starved for it really.

It was a problem, her behavior, it was risky, she knew that. Tsukiko wasn't entirely proud of herself for how she behaved, but it filled a void she couldn't address, one that was too painful to admit she even had. Rather than talking about it, healing, Tsukiko chose to drown it out with parties, with guys, even if none of it ever lasted, even if she wasn't interested in the guy at all aside from him being a distraction from her pain. It wasn't healthy, but it was working, more or less. She didn't have to face the real issue as long as she kept her loneliness well fed. However, this time, it wasn't simple. If things got too real, if she felt herself even remotely catching feelings, Tsukiko would drop a guy just as fast as she plucked them out of a crowd and she felt no remorse doing it. Chase wasn't someone she could simply discard like that. Even if she could, she wouldn't be able to move on about her day as if nothing happened. She would feel guilty, and in all honesty, she didn't want to do it.

This was hard on Chase as well, Tsukiko knew that. He was a people pleaser, he always put others first, to a fault, she often would scold him for it, but it never changed anything. It was who Chase was, and honestly, it was part of the reason he was so difficult, why he was such a threat to her version of the status quo. He's...always been too nice. Like... No! Don't think about him. You can't. Tsukiko harshly reprimanded herself as her thoughts dared to veer to her relationship with Makoto. While Chase was his own person, the two boys were both insanely kind, understanding, warm. Makoto wasn't ridiculously attractive like Chase, she'd met him before her time as an idol, but they had that much in common. Enough to trip her up like this, to dredge up the painful memories and trauma that kept her from ever having a meaningful relationship, meaningful friendships, or anything worth true value really.

"It wasn't your fault. You know how... parties can be."

Nodding ever so slightly, Tsukiko agreed. Parties were their own entity, and it was unpredictable what turn a party would take. They were volatile, and they quickly got out of control in the wrong hands, or the right ones, depending on one's perception and tastes. As she saw his facial features tighten, Tsukiko noted he was still struggling with his hangover. This was horrible timing, the conversation should have happened later, when they were both prepared, less hungover, but it had already begun. Shutting it down now, it didn't feel like an option, she wasn't sure what would happen to them... but it also felt like it would do them no service to not be at one hundred percent.

"I was the one who made the first move and if you say... sorry then.."

He's going to apologize... it isn't his fault either though. It was impossible circumstances! This is a mess... Tsukiko thought to herself, torn from her thoughts as he grew ever closer, much like the night before. Her body froze, her heart beating so hard she thought it might explode if their lips did happen to make contact. Wetting her lips, her breath hitched again in her nerves. The thought of kissing again wasn't unpleasant, she wanted to do it as well. Chase wasn't alone in that regard, as much as real intimacy terrified her she wanted the same thing, but she knew she shouldn't. Couldn't. It would only make things messier, make her relationship with Chase harder, it would complicate her friendship in ways she didn't feel she was ready for. She wasn't girlfriend material for a nice guy like Chase, she would only hurt him. She wasn't equipped to be a 'good' girlfriend. He was too good for her in every way. Still, logic was not in the room, so Tsukiko closed her eyes. She was the farthest thing from a model of self-control. She was impulsive, selfish, childish, so it came as a relief when Chase shut the moment down, as she didn't have the discipline to do so herself, or the heart. The last thing she wanted to do was reject him in such a delicate moment, but it felt like either choice would damage things. If she pursued this with him, she would undoubtedly hurt him, she was no good, a flirt and a tease. She enjoyed attention of men far too much, she was hardly ever faithful to her 'boyfriends' after Makoto, purposefully choosing bad boys because it was easier to do as she liked. They seldom cared what she did, and if they did, it was for their pride or reputation, not because they genuinely cared for her. Chase...he cared too much, too deeply... and she would surely make mistakes that would rip him apart. She would ruin it. It was the only thing she knew how to do.

"Don't be sorry, Tsukiko.. okay?"

ImageThe hug was too reassuring, Tsukiko felt unsanctioned tears sliding down her cheeks. The girl seldom cried, but she was so relieved, and his embrace was too comforting, her emotions got the best of her. She was sorry, regardless of his reassurance that she had done nothing wrong. He was too good, too nice. She didn't deserve him, even as a friend. How in the world did she get so lucky to have such a person in her life? Even as a friend, she felt unworthy of the person holding her. As much as she wanted to say something, to reassure him too, there was a knot in her throat. She couldn't get words out through her tears, so she simply returned his embrace, her long slender fingers releasing the sheets to wrap her arms around him. With one in his hair and the other shoulder blade, Tsukiko clung on tightly, as if he might fade away if she let up even a little.

"It was a lot of pressure but it's over now. We'll be okay. I'm here for you."

Biting her bottom lip and releasing it, Tsukiko let out a weak laugh, "Me too." she agreed. It was scary, they'd pushed beyond her comfort zone, but she couldn't let go of him. He was too important. She knew she wasn't being fair. She had kissed back that night, hadn't tried to shut it down... She had been feeling a kind of way for some time but lied to herself that it was normal. I'm the worst... how could I catch feelings... He deserves a lot better.

Tsukiko reminded herself. She ruined one amazing guy, she wasn't going to let herself destroy another one, "O-Oh, we should go back to the mall. I have some shopping to do for my Kris Kringle, and well, Christmas in general. The bathroom is over there. I'll grab you something to wear." Tsukiko stammered, trying to get them out of the current atmosphere. If they were among people again, perhaps they could start putting what happened behind them that much quicker.




Charm: +1 to Chase




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