Being in Chaseās arms, in her bed, it was a dangerous situation to remain in for Tsukikoās incredibly confused heart. So when they parted for him to take a shower, Tsukiko smiled warmly. It felt safe, comfortable even, in his arms. Yet it was too comfortable. She didnāt deserve things like that. He was too good for someone as damaged as her. She was as toxic as they came to other girls. She tried to kiss a guy that she clearly knew Shiori cared about when her cousin struggled to let herself feel anything for anyone. What kind of monster did things like that? She slept with the hellion of Airdalen after the Halloween dance and fled the scene at first light! She wasā¦ a poison. A poison she wouldnāt allow to infect Chase.
When the door closed behind Chase, Tsukiko allowed herself to fall back on the bed and cry even harder, ensuring that she did so very quietly. It wasnāt fair. Why did she have to develop feelings for the only light left in her world?
Wiping away her tears, Tsukiko forced herself to her feet. She couldnāt leave Chase naked in the bathroom, he needed something to change into that didnāt smell of the beach. Plucking one of her managerās more stylish outfits from his meticulously organized closet, Tsukiko began to walk back toward her room just in time to hear Chaseās phone. Where was that coming from? She went through the apartment, searching, not finding it until the second ring.
Snooping wasnāt beyond Tsukiko, but she had never done so with Chase. She was about to return to her room, on the other side of the apartment until she saw the preview of the last message flash across the screen, coming in just as she found the phone.
Her lips tightly pressed together as her hand gripped the phone tighter. Her body trembled seeing the message, a reaction she wasnāt accustomed to. Sure, she had been jealous many times in her lifeā¦ but never when it came to Chase and other girls. He was the one person she never felt that she had to balance on a tightrope to impress. She was a vindictive girlfriend, she had wrecked many girls lives in middle school for even looking at her boyfriends.
That wretched side of her had her thumb hovering over the button that just needed to be swiped to open his phone, he never remembered to lock his phone down, which kind of concerned her if she was being honest. It would be easy to delete the message or write something nasty to the girl pretending to be Chase and just block the number if she wanted tā
"Tsukiko?"
He isnāt yours. You donāt have the rightā¦ she reminded herself, clenching her eyes shut and shaking her head. What she was about to doā¦ it was wrong and exactly the reason she couldnāt be in a genuine relationship. She was toxic. She almost sent a nasty message to a girl flirting with Chase, almost violated the privacy of her best friendās phone.
That was a line she knew she couldnāt crossā¦ and if they dated, she couldnāt promise she wouldnāt. She wasnāt good at trusting others and if she learned nothing else about Chaseā¦ he hated having his privacy invaded. Soā¦ as much as it hurt to do nothing whilst knowing the content of the last message, that was exactly what she did. He would never forgive me if I did something ugly like thatā¦ I canāt lose him, even if we have to remain friends to ensure that doesnāt happen. She was near tears again, and it was enough to drive her mad. She had to stop that crap. She couldnāt keep bursting into tears!
Before he had the chance to come looking for her she quickly returned to her room, āSorry, I heard your phone so I went on a scavenger hunt. Let me put on some leggings real quick!ā She called out to him, refusing to look in the direction of the door at first.
The pinkette searched her drawers haphazardly, snatching up a pair of sunglasses and put them on, as well as a pair of colorful leggings from one of the lower dresser drawers to go under her baggy shirt. It was a slightly disheveled look for an idol to have, especially with her unkempt hair, but she didnāt have the energy to go all out.
Putting on a beanie that matched the color of her leggings, she let out a long sigh, trying to compose herself. Sunglasses indoors came across as a bit pretentious, but more than anything Tsukiko wanted to hide her eyes in the event they chose to betray her again. With his change of clothes neatly folded in hands and his phone placed on top. While she inadvertently peeked at the message preview, no messages had been opened, deleted, or replied to. Tsukiko reach everything out in front of the crack in the door, āGood thing I heard your phone. Be careful, it is on the top.ā She forced a smile and a dash of her usual cheerfulness to her voice.
As an idol that had done her fair share of interviews, she knew how to fake her tone, if nothing else. She was a singer for Peteās sake, she had to master at least that much. She was about to turn away, not confident that she could fool him into believing she hadnāt seen the messages if she continued, and she didnāt want him to think she went through with going through his phone when she had just barely overcome that temptation.
Walking away was the plan, but her brain had a bit of a meltdown getting a glimpse of him with a towel draped over his shoulders. She couldnāt see anything else because of the door, but it was enough to freeze her in place for a moment with flushed cheeks, āU-Uhm, you do realize that is a pretty dangerous sight even when it is only that much, right? I-Iāll let you get dressed!ā She quickly blurted out. Her brain, her heart, they were all muddled.
There was a reason she never dated guys in the limelight, they were constantly surrounded by girls vying for their attention. Chaseā¦ they met because of their individual connections to public attention and while she wouldnāt change a thing about their past, she knew she would go mad with jealousy. She was too malignant after the bad no-strings-attached relationships she dived into when Makoto died. She picked up jealousy, resentment, and the inability to trust her partners. I canāt be another source of his pain. And as I amā¦ I would be no better than some of the girls heās dated already. She had to keep herself under control.