malachai bernard
xxxāDear child, choose to forgive yourself.
xxxYou are human, flawed, and
xxxmost of all worthy of love.ā
xxx- Desiree Nala Dupree
xxxI woke up from a never-ending dream
xxxI shut my eyes at 17
xxxI lost every moment in between
xxxI felt the sun rise up and swallow me
Eden grinned as Kai asked if he was serious. So many of their stupid jokes and dumb ideas had started as one of them jokingly suggesting something and the other deciding they should do it, and this was no different. Of course, it usually ended in a fashion that some would probably describe as ābad,ā but they always laughed until their ribs hurt and tears streamed from their eyes. And for Eden, anyway, that was enough.
Kai joining in on his mockery of the aristocracy made Edenās grin widen. He knew that there would be some in the room who would lament what the order had become, with so few of the chosen ones being from a āsuitableā background. A conversation in which heād overheard somebody complaining about the āstandardā of the protĆ©gĆ©s a few years ago had sparked the whole thing when heād relayed it to Kai, and their terrible impressions had begun. But, over time, theyād gotten quite good at portraying a caricature of the old money that surrounded the order.
But that didnāt stop them from finding the whole thing hilarious, and when Kai started laughing, it was enough for Eden to also drop the act as Kaiās laughter spread to him. Whenever the other boy started laughing, Eden couldnāt help but laugh, too, especially now with the alcohol beginning to buzz through his system. The harder Kai laughed, the more he set Eden off, to the point that it was Kai that eventually had to drag the two of them, still giggling, towards the dance floor. Finally, Eden managed to fix his overly pompous and snobby expression and posture back on his face. He even managed to hold it until Kai let go of his arm and took a step back.
The minute Kai grinned, Eden could feel his act beginning to slip. That smile, that genuine, warm, bright smile, it always made Eden smile too, no matter what. It was a smile heād do anything to get, a smile heād search the stars for. So as Kai lowered his head and held out his hand, Eden smirked and sank into a perfect curtsy before taking Malachaiās hand.
That contact felt like an electric current running through Edenās hand until it felt like it was the only thing he was aware of. It felt like he was controlling somebody elseās body as he stepped into the hold. His hand hesitated for what could have only been a moment before coming to rest on Kaiās waist. All thoughts of chaos and mischief were entirely out of Edenās head at that moment. The only thing he could think about was the points of contact between them, and that was the only thing he cared about maintaining. He was looking at Kai, really looking at him, and Eden suddenly remembered the last time theyād been this close to the other. He couldnāt remember much about that night, but he could remember the feeling of Kaiās arm around him, helping him home, how much heād liked that. He could remember the slurred confession. And most of all, he could remember kissing Malachai as clear as if heād been stone-cold sober.
There was static from the moment Eden's palm touched Malachai's, and Kai wondered if Eden had felt it as well because, for a brief time, he watched his friend hesitate as if testing Malachai's touch. Malachai offered Eden a subtle gesture of comfort by nodding his head, then gently drew Eden against his body and felt him relax the tension. Kai closed his eyes and took a long, controlled deep breath between clenched teeth as he sensed Eden's touch on the small of his back. Malachai was experimenting with fire. He hasn't had this much contact with Eden since that night. The night of too many cocktails, Eden's touch caressing his thigh, and then those eyes. That night was a blur, but those blue eyes were prominent and Malachai's favorite feature. Eden's blue eyes glistened back at him like the layered marine ocean that captivated Malachai and caused him to sink in its sparkling seas. One thing led to another, and they were leaning in like magnets until their lips met, generating an electric current to flow through Kai's body, similar to how Eden had fit his palm almost perfectly into Kai's. The only difference this time was that Malachai was reluctant to repeat the incident with Eden's questioning of his identity. Even after a few more ācuriousā hookups, Malachai began to wonder whether his romantic feelings for Eden had resurfaced.
Malachai and Eden stood there swinging their hips in sync to music that wasnāt intended for slow dancing, and he could hear hushed murmurs from a few bystanders who looked at the queer couple. But Malachai didn't mind since it was just them and the countless 'what ifs' at the time. For instance, 'what ifā they hadn't kissed? 'What if,ā they hadnāt met? 'What if,ā they didn't know the person having the greatest effect was standing directly in front of them? Malachai believed Eden was the most beautiful 'what if,' despite Malachaiās acquaintance with this portion of the tale. So many possibilities tugged at his heartstrings that it seemed inevitable. It was the reason Malachai was cautious about anyone he allowed to get near since he didn't know whether they'd remain or if they'd leave him the next day. Eden was one among those who remained at his side. Nonetheless, Malachai's other hand on Eden's shoulder slightly twitched as if urging to draw Eden even closer in dread of becoming the 'what if' into oblivion.
Malachai's thoughts entered his head as they slow danced, and the booze was finally setting in. Kai pressed his forehead against Eden's and looked him in the eyes, smiling wistfully. "What if," he murmured more to himself than to Eden. Still, he had a glimmer of hope that Eden understood what those two words meant, so simple but powerful, like a blank canvas with endless possibilities. Malachai gently gripped Eden's hand for comfort, his agile fingers intertwining with Eden's before carefully bringing them to his gentle lips. His gaze never leaving Eden's, he kissed each finger gently, allowing his buzz to sink in deeper. Eden and Malachai's customary intimacy represented a profound bond for two people involved in an ambiguous romance.
Malachai took Eden's hand and trailed his fingers up his arm, interlocking his hands behind Eden's neck. It was dangerous, extremely dangerous, particularly in front of the others. However, the booze gave him fresh confidence, which clashed with his feelings. He leaned close to Edenās ear. āExcuse me, Mr. Thomas, but I may have been mistaken,ā he said indistinctly, his smile widening, āfor you are a wonderful dancer just as you are well-dressed.ā As they pirouetted around the dance floor, he chuckled as he pushed his temple to Eden's. Malachai's eyes closed once more as he focused on the warmth of Eden's chest against his heart, which was pounding rapidly in his chest to match the instrumental bass of the music that filled the air.
Eden had never been a risk-taker. Even from a young age, it felt like his thoughts had always had a habit of getting caught up in themselves and becoming a tangled ball of roots, catastrophizing and confusing him. Everyone around him had praised it as responsibility and as being āmature.ā And then heād met his friends. Heād met Kai, and suddenly, the risks didnāt seem so terrifying because there was always somebody by his side, keeping him fixed to the earth and making sure he couldnāt get too entangled in his thoughts. With a smile and some encouragement, Eden found he was able to take risks.
Being pressed that close to Kai felt like the biggest risk heās ever taken.
He was never sure about anything these days. It didnāt take much to unsettle his surety. Sometimes, he just woke up and felt like the earth had gone beneath his feet, and nothing was the same as it had been when he went to sleep. But he felt sure that he wanted to be there, pressed to Kai, his hand in Kaiās. With his eyes closed, it felt like it might just be the two of them left in the ballroom, or maybe even the world. He wouldnāt have minded either of those things. It felt right, and that was such a rare thing these days. The whispered, barely audible āwhat ifā seemed like a wish and a wish that Eden shared. But acknowledging it would break its magic. He only opened his eyes as he felt Kaiās hold on his hand change, and he was afraid that the dream would shatter. But instead, Kaiās lips- so soft, so gentle, so tender- on his fingers just added to the dream, and Eden managed a soft smile.
Kai wrapped his arms around Edenās neck, leaving both of Edenās hands to fold around Edenās back. This, too, was a risk, especially as Kai leaned into Edenās ear, close enough that Eden could feel the other manās breath on his neck. Kaiās whispered comment could have been taken a number of ways. Eden decided to play along. āI could say the same about you, Mr. Bernard. Youāre truly enchanting tonight; you know that?ā He remarked, pulling away ever so slightly, allowing him to brush a few strands of hair out of Malachaiās face. It was as he moved that he spotted a member of the upper class theyād been mocking only so recently- or had it been hours ago? He couldnāt tell anymore- leaning to her neighbor and whispering something with a disgusted look on his face and a pointed look in their direction. āI do say, Mr. Bernard, we seem to be gathering a lot of attention rather,ā he said, his voice slipping into a mockery of that accent again as he turned the full of his attention back to his dance partner. Sober him might have lingered on that fact. But right then, right there, he couldnāt have cared less.
When Eden pointed out a small group of upper-class witches talking about them, Malachai's grin vanished. And, to Malachai's surprise, as he glanced over his shoulder, he noticed the pointing and disapproving glances from a group of high-class witches. Malachai shook his head, returning his gaze to Eden. His hands, locked behind Eden's neck, slid down his back to his waist. While intoxicated, his emotions were out of control, and the alcohol was burning his insides. Kai brought back that same wonderful feeling from that one crazy night he had with Eden, and it was fantastic. Eden's presence was always reassuring during Malachai's worst moments. However, it did not deter Malachai from what he did next. He swung Eden around, spinning on his heel so that he was now facing the gossip. Malachai held his gaze on a single individual in the throng, much as he still had Eden against him. As he stared at them, the coldness in his eyes became stronger, becoming black and frigid. Then he focused on the strength from inside, which flooded him from the inside out till his hand had opened off Eden's waist. He made a waving motion in the direction of the gossipers. Immediately, he watched as the wine glass in one of the personās hands began to shake, then the red wine erupted from the wine glass like a volcano and splashed on the personās white attire. He grinned as he saw the terror etched on the person's face as their friends hurriedly searched for napkins. āI don't believe they'll be concerned about us anytime soon,ā Malachai said, biting his lip to keep the laugh at bay as he returned his focus to his friend.
Eden almost regretted pointing their observers out to Kai. Almost, but not actually. Because soon, the boyās attention was back on Eden again, and Eden just about forgot what heād just said. Edenās breath caught in his throat for a moment as Kaiās hands skimmed along his body, coming to rest on his waist. For a moment, Eden had forgotten where they were, for a second remembering that night in their dorm and for a brief second, maybe even wishing they were there again. And then they spun, and Edenās attention was almost forcibly dragged back to the room around them. He watched Kai as his expression changed, becoming more intense and focused on something. Eden wanted to look to see what precisely that look was focused on, but instead, he couldnāt tear his eyes away from his dance partner. It was only when he heard the cry of shock that he turned around properly to look. Once the laughter started, Eden knew he didnāt have a hope of stopping it, so he tried to suppress it and maintain a somewhat composed expression. However, the minute Kai looked at him, Edenās composure broke, and he burst into laughter, unable to hide it properly. Finally, feeling that theyād probably already drawn enough attention to themselves, he took Kaiās hand, lacing his fingers through his friendās. āCome on, letās go find the girls and tell them about it,ā he said, dragging him back towards where theyād last seen Shiloh and Jupiter.