Julian Davies.
The neon lights of the shops went by in flashes. Julian was half walking, half running. He felt like someone was sitting on his chest. How the hell can she know that name… there should only be one person knowing, and that was one too many.
He felt his hands itching. The more he scratched them, the rougher they felt. He felt his phone buzzing in his pocket, but he wasn’t in the right mind to answer. He buried his hands in his jeans pockets, not having a jacket on him. He didn’t really know where he was going, but he felt like he had eyes on his back the entire time. Like officers would jump him again to arrest him and take him back to prison.
Although he did not discuss this with any of his friends, he had been having panic attacks for a long time. He felt scared he would cross the line, scared he would do something that would make him have to go back. The police jumping from out of nowhere the night he was arrested had definitely left a mark, and it made him feel like he was never safe.
He had a hard time adjusting back to normal life, and if he would tell his friends, they would likely assume he should be in the looney bin instead. He just got a job and his life back together, he couldn’t lose that, not because of Lauren fucking Clark. He had handled her exactly the way he shouldn’t have. He needed to go back to her. Talk to her again. Maybe he could offer her something, maybe he could convince her to drop the subject. He would just have to make her see his side of the story, there was no other way.
He almost jumped when he felt his phone vibrating again. He saw the name of his parole officer, Jason, appearing on the screen, along with the message he missed 5 calls already. He answered and heard how his voice was more high-pitched than usual.
”H-hey, man, I’m sorry… about that.”
He heard a relieved sigh on the other end.
”Julian, jeez, you had me worried. I haven’t received a call from you like that in a while. Where are you? I am here but I can’t see you.”
Julian looked around him, for the first time seeing the street sign. He was quite a bit away from the location he had given earlier.
”I just had to walk it off. I’m so sorry man, I didn’t know what to do, but I know now. I shouldn’t have called you.”
”Dude, you can always call me, we went over this. Just let me know where you are, we can talk.”
Julian looked around, his paranoia getting the better of him.
”No, man, it’s fine. I just had to think.” He cleared his throat, trying to sound a bit more like himself. ”The fresh air helped, I feel much better.” he lied.
He knew if he talked to Jason face to face, he would be distracted. Right now he needed to talk with Lauren and figure this thing out. Why did I have to react so violently, that’s not gonna help against Lauren.
”Then do me a favor, Julian. Make me feel better by seeing you are okay.” There were a few seconds of silence. ”You know what, let me pick you up and drop you off at the party again, that’s all I ask.”
Julian softly punched the brick wall he was leaning against while he contemplated the offer.
”No man, don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.” He put up a smile, hoping it made him sound more convincing. ”I’ll see you next week, you promised to come to the bar, right?”
Julian didn’t wait for an answer. ”Anyway, thanks again. You’re always there for me, I won’t forget it. Have a good night, I won’t disturb you again” He could hear another stammer on the other end, but he didn’t wait and clicked away the call.
It was only a few seconds before it rang again, but he clicked the call away and turned off his phone.
Julian still needed to calm his nerves. He couldn’t lose it again in front of Lauren. He saw a shop across the street. He walked inside, past the cat that was lying lazily on the doorstep.
He walked up to the counter. ”One square.”
He threw some money on the counter from his pockets, letting the cashier count what he needed.
”The bathroom is closed!” the guy told him rather passive aggressively.
Julian gave him a confused look. ”Did I ask?”
”Not yet, I’m just letting you know, this isn’t a public toilet.”
Julian scooped the money that was left back in his hand and shoved it down his back pocket without counting it.
”Dude, you can do with the toilet whatever the fuck you want, can I have my smokes now?”
The man gave the packet and Julian removed the plastic right away, leaving it on the counter as he removed one cigarette. He already lit it on his way out, and took a deep drag the moment he was standing outside.
It was helping, but he was still freaking out. He still had no idea what he would say, but he probably had to go through the dust pretty deep after his last stunt. He noticed his step became slower and slower, the closer he came to the party. He lit the next cigarette as the last reached the filter. Almost finding more comfort in having it in his mouth than from the nicotine he dragged out of it. He could hear the music from the apartment a while away. It was busier here with people still coming and going from the party, and a steady amount of smokers haunting the front door.
To the side he saw Adonis smoking, and still finishing his own, Julian went over to him. He kept to the side, since he saw his friend was still on the phone. He only picked up parts of the conversation.
“I might have to slip something in her drink, but I can make it happen.”
Julians ears pricked up, not expecting that. Julian scraped his throat, not feeling comfortable knowing his friend had no idea he was there. He threw his cigarette on the ground and squashed the burning ash with his shoe. As soon as he did he saw Adonis turn to him. His eyes definitely turned larger for a moment, before turning away from Julian.
“I gotta go, I’ll call you tomorrow.”
Julian watched as Adonis stopped the call. Whatever that was about, it was nothing good. And knowing his friend didn’t always stick to the rules, it actually made him worry a bit. Adonis walked over to Julian, holding out another cigarette, which Julian gladly took. I’m smoking as much tonight as I did in the past 2 months combined.
“What you doing out here?” Adonis asked. ““Only the fuck ups and exiles hang out by the stoop.”
Julian laughed as he lit Adonis' cigarette first, and his own second. He slipped the lighter back in his pocket together with his cold, turned off phone.
”I qualified under both categories for years, is my fuck up card revoked or something?”
He looked Adonis dead in the eyes next, feeling calmer himself if he could worry about someone else. ”I’m not going to pretend I didn’t hear that.”
He felt little enthusiasm for lying to his friend.
”Just gonna say, it sounds like an awful idea, and if it’s meant for anyone in here, I still know how to knock your teeth out.”
He put his left hand on Adonis’ right shoulder. With a soft smile on his face: ”Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. Now, I need to see a dog about a bone. Do you know where I can find Lauren?”
Adonis just smiled as Julian referred to what he’d just said, shaking his head as he hit his cigarette. Though the threat sounded tempting, Adonis laughed at the prospect of Julian ‘knocking his teeth out’. Julian might have been able to beef up in lock up, but Adonis was in those pits throwing and dodging licks. He’d let Julian find that out the fun way, though.
“Didn’t figure you for a masochist.” Adonis answered Julian, unsure why people kept seeking out Lauren, subjecting themselves to her manipulations. “No idea, follow the smell of sulfur - that’s bound to lead you to her.”
He felt his hands itching. The more he scratched them, the rougher they felt. He felt his phone buzzing in his pocket, but he wasn’t in the right mind to answer. He buried his hands in his jeans pockets, not having a jacket on him. He didn’t really know where he was going, but he felt like he had eyes on his back the entire time. Like officers would jump him again to arrest him and take him back to prison.
Although he did not discuss this with any of his friends, he had been having panic attacks for a long time. He felt scared he would cross the line, scared he would do something that would make him have to go back. The police jumping from out of nowhere the night he was arrested had definitely left a mark, and it made him feel like he was never safe.
He had a hard time adjusting back to normal life, and if he would tell his friends, they would likely assume he should be in the looney bin instead. He just got a job and his life back together, he couldn’t lose that, not because of Lauren fucking Clark. He had handled her exactly the way he shouldn’t have. He needed to go back to her. Talk to her again. Maybe he could offer her something, maybe he could convince her to drop the subject. He would just have to make her see his side of the story, there was no other way.
He almost jumped when he felt his phone vibrating again. He saw the name of his parole officer, Jason, appearing on the screen, along with the message he missed 5 calls already. He answered and heard how his voice was more high-pitched than usual.
”H-hey, man, I’m sorry… about that.”
He heard a relieved sigh on the other end.
”Julian, jeez, you had me worried. I haven’t received a call from you like that in a while. Where are you? I am here but I can’t see you.”
Julian looked around him, for the first time seeing the street sign. He was quite a bit away from the location he had given earlier.
”I just had to walk it off. I’m so sorry man, I didn’t know what to do, but I know now. I shouldn’t have called you.”
”Dude, you can always call me, we went over this. Just let me know where you are, we can talk.”
Julian looked around, his paranoia getting the better of him.
”No, man, it’s fine. I just had to think.” He cleared his throat, trying to sound a bit more like himself. ”The fresh air helped, I feel much better.” he lied.
He knew if he talked to Jason face to face, he would be distracted. Right now he needed to talk with Lauren and figure this thing out. Why did I have to react so violently, that’s not gonna help against Lauren.
”Then do me a favor, Julian. Make me feel better by seeing you are okay.” There were a few seconds of silence. ”You know what, let me pick you up and drop you off at the party again, that’s all I ask.”
Julian softly punched the brick wall he was leaning against while he contemplated the offer.
”No man, don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.” He put up a smile, hoping it made him sound more convincing. ”I’ll see you next week, you promised to come to the bar, right?”
Julian didn’t wait for an answer. ”Anyway, thanks again. You’re always there for me, I won’t forget it. Have a good night, I won’t disturb you again” He could hear another stammer on the other end, but he didn’t wait and clicked away the call.
It was only a few seconds before it rang again, but he clicked the call away and turned off his phone.
Julian still needed to calm his nerves. He couldn’t lose it again in front of Lauren. He saw a shop across the street. He walked inside, past the cat that was lying lazily on the doorstep.
He walked up to the counter. ”One square.”
He threw some money on the counter from his pockets, letting the cashier count what he needed.
”The bathroom is closed!” the guy told him rather passive aggressively.
Julian gave him a confused look. ”Did I ask?”
”Not yet, I’m just letting you know, this isn’t a public toilet.”
Julian scooped the money that was left back in his hand and shoved it down his back pocket without counting it.
”Dude, you can do with the toilet whatever the fuck you want, can I have my smokes now?”
The man gave the packet and Julian removed the plastic right away, leaving it on the counter as he removed one cigarette. He already lit it on his way out, and took a deep drag the moment he was standing outside.
It was helping, but he was still freaking out. He still had no idea what he would say, but he probably had to go through the dust pretty deep after his last stunt. He noticed his step became slower and slower, the closer he came to the party. He lit the next cigarette as the last reached the filter. Almost finding more comfort in having it in his mouth than from the nicotine he dragged out of it. He could hear the music from the apartment a while away. It was busier here with people still coming and going from the party, and a steady amount of smokers haunting the front door.
To the side he saw Adonis smoking, and still finishing his own, Julian went over to him. He kept to the side, since he saw his friend was still on the phone. He only picked up parts of the conversation.
“I might have to slip something in her drink, but I can make it happen.”
Julians ears pricked up, not expecting that. Julian scraped his throat, not feeling comfortable knowing his friend had no idea he was there. He threw his cigarette on the ground and squashed the burning ash with his shoe. As soon as he did he saw Adonis turn to him. His eyes definitely turned larger for a moment, before turning away from Julian.
“I gotta go, I’ll call you tomorrow.”
Julian watched as Adonis stopped the call. Whatever that was about, it was nothing good. And knowing his friend didn’t always stick to the rules, it actually made him worry a bit. Adonis walked over to Julian, holding out another cigarette, which Julian gladly took. I’m smoking as much tonight as I did in the past 2 months combined.
“What you doing out here?” Adonis asked. ““Only the fuck ups and exiles hang out by the stoop.”
Julian laughed as he lit Adonis' cigarette first, and his own second. He slipped the lighter back in his pocket together with his cold, turned off phone.
”I qualified under both categories for years, is my fuck up card revoked or something?”
He looked Adonis dead in the eyes next, feeling calmer himself if he could worry about someone else. ”I’m not going to pretend I didn’t hear that.”
He felt little enthusiasm for lying to his friend.
”Just gonna say, it sounds like an awful idea, and if it’s meant for anyone in here, I still know how to knock your teeth out.”
He put his left hand on Adonis’ right shoulder. With a soft smile on his face: ”Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. Now, I need to see a dog about a bone. Do you know where I can find Lauren?”
Adonis just smiled as Julian referred to what he’d just said, shaking his head as he hit his cigarette. Though the threat sounded tempting, Adonis laughed at the prospect of Julian ‘knocking his teeth out’. Julian might have been able to beef up in lock up, but Adonis was in those pits throwing and dodging licks. He’d let Julian find that out the fun way, though.
“Didn’t figure you for a masochist.” Adonis answered Julian, unsure why people kept seeking out Lauren, subjecting themselves to her manipulations. “No idea, follow the smell of sulfur - that’s bound to lead you to her.”