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A Tale of Two Wreckages: A True Story

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A Tale of Two Wreckages: A True Story

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby SinfulSoul on Fri Oct 27, 2006 2:19 am

Some people question my pimp status, others just stare in awe. This is an accurate recount of a day in the life of my awesomeness. And yes, the tale you are about to hear is a true story. April, I'm posting this conversation with or without your permission. =P

SinfulSoul4000: y0 poodle.
SinfulSoul4000: So I was driving.
Sarcasm Int3nd3d: :P Oh?
SinfulSoul4000: You know, minding my own business.
Sarcasm Int3nd3d: Coming to give Tonia and Ifood?
SinfulSoul4000: Yeah, I was just on my way ya know?
Sarcasm Int3nd3d: haha
SinfulSoul4000: 'cause I found some chicken in my fridge.
Sarcasm Int3nd3d: Did you get in a wreck?
SinfulSoul4000: Yeah, it was hidden way in the back.
Sarcasm Int3nd3d: Eww.
SinfulSoul4000: So I was minding my own business, and then BAM, KAPLOW, WHAM, SCREEEEEEEEECH, AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH WHOA! ...Dude...
Sarcasm Int3nd3d: OMG! Are you okay?!
SinfulSoul4000: Yeah. I was stopped at a stop light and this car thinks it's some kinda mechanical bull.
SinfulSoul4000: But my car is pimp status, ya know?
Sarcasm Int3nd3d: Hahaha, yeah
SinfulSoul4000: It's got an ass of steel, yeah.
Sarcasm Int3nd3d: So it's okay. :s
Sarcasm Int3nd3d: Pretend the period is a question mark.
SinfulSoul4000: So this mechanical bull reeks hell on my pimp status ass, ya know?
SinfulSoul4000: It gives it it's all.
SinfulSoul4000: It like backs up, and then rams it again and again.
Sarcasm Int3nd3d: Are you serious?
SinfulSoul4000: It really wanted a piece of that ass.
SinfulSoul4000: So I'm like WHOA dawg.
SinfulSoul4000: And you know, the first thing I'm thinking is "SHIT, DON'T SPILL THE DEW!"
SinfulSoul4000: So I like swirve to the left because this thing is ramming my ass at 40 mph.
Sarcasm Int3nd3d: XD!
SinfulSoul4000: And if it rammed anymore, I was gonna give the car in front of me some love taps.
Sarcasm Int3nd3d: How damaged is your pimp mobile?
SinfulSoul4000: So yeah. I use my pimp status to halt the car. I step out of the car, slightly dazed. You know, whip lash on an ass pounding that hard kinda doesn't make you think.
SinfulSoul4000: So I step out, and since I swirved to the left I'm in the middle lane changing lane.
Sarcasm Int3nd3d: mmhmm
SinfulSoul4000: And I'm like "Whoa... Dude..."
Sarcasm Int3nd3d: You should be a story teller.
SinfulSoul4000: I turn my head up, and I see the lights of heaven... Or maybe it was the fire of hell coming at me with the speed of a thousand horses.
SinfulSoul4000: Naturally I remember to close the door and I like dive onto the hood of my car.
Sarcasm Int3nd3d: At least you closed the door.
SinfulSoul4000: And I'm hiding behind the front bumper of my car looking for Death, ready to stare him in the face...From the front wheels of my car.
SinfulSoul4000: So I carefully inspect the area, and once I find the battlefield clear of all foes, I go to assess the damage done to my pimpness.
SinfulSoul4000: Naturally I go right... Back into the changing lane.
Sarcasm Int3nd3d: You dork.
SinfulSoul4000: I see the back left side of my car. I see scratches, the white paint chipped... It's flesh scathed beyond repair.
Sarcasm Int3nd3d: Aww.
SinfulSoul4000: I break down. I couldn't bare to see any more.
SinfulSoul4000: But then I look up, and I stare the one who caused my pimp status such pain.
SinfulSoul4000: This mechanical bull was like none I had ever seen.
SinfulSoul4000: It had it's mouth wide, like it was ready to chew. The upper lip was bent down, I could see it's saliva pouring from the depths of his throat.
SinfulSoul4000: It was spewing all over the floor, it must have been acid. Steam rose from the ground as it fell, singing the ground beneath it.
SinfulSoul4000: The bottom lip seemed to have fallen off in it's attempt to eat my ass.
Sarcasm Int3nd3d: haha
SinfulSoul4000: I suppose it was harder than expected to chew, the teeth were all gone. I saw it's fragile clear teeth all over the ground.
SinfulSoul4000: It had a tongue like none I had ever seen. The mangled mess was spewing acid with a hunger I cannot even begin to describe.
SinfulSoul4000: I must have broken its legs in some time portal twist, because I don't even remember beating it up. It must have been my pimp status breaking it at the knee caps of it's front legs.
Sarcasm Int3nd3d: Hahaha
SinfulSoul4000: The poor beast's upper lip eventually fell with a loud thud. I knew it was defeated, the acidic saliva stop spewing out of it's mouth.
SinfulSoul4000: But to my great astonishment, it had a prisoner from within.
SinfulSoul4000: A fair maiden of a kind of a beauty I have never seen before. She must have been from elvish decent, the blonde hair and fair skin was a dead give away.
SinfulSoul4000: Naturally I ran to her side to make sure the beast had not hurt her.
Sarcasm Int3nd3d: Oh lord.
SinfulSoul4000: Fortunately for her she hadn't suffered any harm, however the beast had taken victim her communications device.
Sarcasm Int3nd3d: -Rolls her eyes.- You're such a dweeb.
SinfulSoul4000: I helped her out of the belly of the beast, and being the hero that I am for having saved her from the beast, we made sweet sweet love in the middle of the battleground.
Sarcasm Int3nd3d: GAH! TMI!
SinfulSoul4000: Once we had finished, we exchanged numbers... And something she said was "insurance." I suppose she wanted me to propose marriage.
SinfulSoul4000: I tried to explain to her that we had just met, I couldn't make that kind of commitment, but she insisted that she wanted insurance.
SinfulSoul4000: She dug into my pants, I suppose she found what she was looking for.
Sarcasm Int3nd3d: LOL
SinfulSoul4000: Only then was she satisfied, but demanding as she was I promised to send word in the future. We parted as the Kings guard arrived to take the beast and my pimp status carriage to the yard.
Sarcasm Int3nd3d: Oh lord.
SinfulSoul4000: And here I am, a broken man torn between an elven woman and the morals I hold in such high esteem - and need I remind you, pimp-status-carriage-less.
Sarcasm Int3nd3d: Poor poor Sishy.
SinfulSoul4000: However it seems the King's Guard have noticed my great feats of heroism, and have offered to provide me compensation and a temporary carriage. It will have to do until I find another suitable mode of transport.
Sarcasm Int3nd3d: -Snerk-
SinfulSoul4000: Yeah, just another dawggy day in a dawggy world.
Sarcasm Int3nd3d: Uh huh.
SinfulSoul4000: You know what else is crazy?
SinfulSoul4000: So my friend picks me up after the wreck, and we're driving back to my pad 'cause there's just no point in going to class now.
Sarcasm Int3nd3d: Other than you?
SinfulSoul4000: I mean... To Tonia's place.
SinfulSoul4000: And on our way back, we count the number of wrecks that we see.
SinfulSoul4000: We counted 6 wrecks on our way back, all within one mile of where mine happened.
Sarcasm Int3nd3d: Wow. ><
SinfulSoul4000: All in the same two-three hour period.
SinfulSoul4000: Rush hour in Tucson is hell.
SinfulSoul4000: Six wrecks...

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Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Zhelir Darkfall on Sat Oct 28, 2006 2:50 pm

Proof: An excellent RPer can actually generate a defensive barrier in times of duress.
STAVE: Commala-come-ki,
There's a time to live and one to die.
With your back against the final wall
Ya gotta let the bullets fly.

RESPONSE: Commala-come-ki!
Let the bullets fly!
Don't 'ee mourn for me, my lads
When it comes my day to die.

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Tips: 0.00 INK Postby SinfulSoul on Sun Oct 29, 2006 3:02 am

To the Beast's credit, it did manage to penetrate my protective bubble to some extent, causing significant paint scraping on the corners. Witnesses tell me that even more damage was done to the back, but of course I couldn't bare to look at my precious beauty in such a condition. I must say that takes a massive amount of power to do. All the better reason for me to have slayed it. I can't have beasts going around thinking they can penetrate my bubble whenever they feel like it n' shit.

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