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The Cost Of Paradise

The Cost Of Paradise

a part of “The Cost Of Paradise”, a fictional universe by Ersatz Creed.

With the arrival of a Pagan Priestess and a few of the followers she takes on pilgrimage never returning, the King and the Praetor have grown suspicious. They both have hired their own people to investigate what exactly is at this shrine.

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This conversation is an Out Of Character (OOC) part of the roleplay, “The Cost Of Paradise”.
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The Cost Of Paradise

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Ersatz Creed on Wed Sep 24, 2014 4:06 am

This is the auto-generated OOC topic for the roleplay "The Cost Of Paradise"

You may edit this first post as you see fit.
Looking at Julius I cleaned my tears and confessed. "I too ignored the soothsayer...and I too was stabbed by some one I loved."

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Re: The Cost Of Paradise

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Nobel Kiriano on Wed Sep 24, 2014 5:51 am

Made and submitted a character i believed to be rather interesting. He is strong but not god mod strong

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Re: The Cost Of Paradise

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby nibblesnbits on Wed Sep 24, 2014 8:51 pm

Hello everybody,

My name is nibblesnbits, aka Erika and I am your friendly co-GM along with Ersatz Creed! If you have anything you need to ask you can contact me or Creed. For the most part I am on almost all the time and he's on almost every day at least once.

Really, you can ask us anything about anything in this RP. We're so excited to get this thing started so invite your friends!

Good luck and welcome to The Cost Of Paradise!
Come Away With Me...Let me show you what I can see

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Re: The Cost Of Paradise

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Captain Awesome on Wed Sep 24, 2014 10:07 pm

Okay-okay. I'm sorry Nobel but, man, I got a bit of a bone to pick with the character.
Let me get this straight...he's a man that is tall, INCREDIBLY strong-don't deny it, able to wear basically tank armor without reactive technology (Even some jousting armor-armor that is smaller than Lion's-required the wearer to be, not only on the horse, but on a draft horse to move, since the user could not walk in it) and is harder than steel.
On top of this, he has heightened senses and is educated. He has overwhelming combat capability (I assume you mean with his armor on) and can SENSE DANGER (again, I assume) more accurately than the natural instinct most possess a little of. He also knows a lot of various little bits of trivia about random topics.
Now for his disadvantages:
Is a lone wolf and is too big to hide.
If that isn't over-powered, I don't know what is.

Now...I wouldn't throw this character away-despite what some guys out there believe with WAY over-powered characters, you can tone them down to be reasonable characters without trashing their general idea, so I ain't going to be that asshole that demands it be taken down. :P
Here's what I recommend:
-The guy, at 8'7, is huge. Like, 'HOLY F**KING S**T!!'-huge. We don't want an invulnerable character, so I'd say put him down to around 6'6-7'2, so he's still unbelievably huge but not two inches shorter than the tallest man ever in our world, and tone down his armor A BUNCH. Here, this guy ought to give a good example of how he would look...except much better-looking.
-Give him heavier armor than normal but not too much armor. Think a good set of jousting armor, like this or this. What you could do is look for a picture of normal armor that looks like that or a little heavier or you could actually go for a set of jousting armor and add that 'wow' factor of someone fighting in such notoriously-heavy armor, while sacrificing a larger amount of mobility.
-Unless it is magical or blessed in some way, the 'harder-than-steel' material has no basis behind it. It has to have a downfall, whether it is heavier (dear-god that would be hilarious with Lion's armor XD), or way more expensive than normal due to it being forged with a special material or magic. But, even with this armor, he should still be vulnerable to attacks with blunt weaponry and well-placed piercing attacks from something like a sword or longbow (within 100 yards).
-He likely had to buy his armor, If you want full plate armor of good quality, I'd be sure to provide a reason in the backstory for how he afforded it. This should be easy as long as you discuss the situation of his knight order. Keep in mind, the king made him leader, each of our characters are going to likely know a lot about the order already and it's hard if we know hardly anything about it.
-You gave him a six-foot long blade. To compensate, I'd be sure to mention that he can't attack as fast as someone with a normal weapon, despite his size. Also, to get rid of further balancing issues, he should perform sluggish enough to be classified as slow compared to a normal man when using his weapon and wearing his armor.
-Unless it is magic ability, seriously dude, get rid of the supernatural senses of danger. Your guy is human-let me remind you.
-In fact, if he uses a helmet with his armor or the armor goes up behind his head, like the original armor (for some UNGODLY stupid reason) I'd recommend putting down that he has decreased ability to look around.
-His shear size makes him a big target. He is likely to take the brunt of almost every ambush and most enemies of normal fights would choose to overwhelm him with numbers.
-I recommend you add to his advantages 'he is quite possibly the most intimidating person anyone's ever had to fight...like...ever'.
-When you put his weight down, it's probably around ~280 lbs. or something without armor. Around 370 lbs. for while he wears the heavy armor I assume you want. Again, this depends on the amount of armor you want for your character. For reference, think of this: the United States Marine Corps' optimal weight is around 165. After bootcamp, most weigh in at close to 200, if not more. That would be an average-sized guy after immense amount of training. Now add 1 1/2 to 2 feet of height on there.
-You never explained what a 'Human Wight' is. Be sure to explain his race in the profile.

Well, that's my two-..uhh~ten cents on the matter. I seriously recommend making your character less...God-is the only adjective I can think of that fits. The points I mentioned should get rid of any ridiculousness of the character while still keeping him the most powerful out of any future characters (while still having everything being acceptable, so it is completely reasonable! :P).
Yyyyyeeeaaaaaah right, snake!

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Re: The Cost Of Paradise

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby nibblesnbits on Wed Sep 24, 2014 10:51 pm

Aerthus,

I have a tiny little suggestion to make to you, not to be snarky or rude but your character is severely underweight for being that tall. 6'4 people should weigh in around 156-197 lbs. according to Ideal weights set by doctors across the country.

So, here's my question...is he a pile of bones with literally no muscle at all? Or....does he have not have some bones? What's the deal there?

Also, Telekinetics....and Telepathic abilities....damn man, that guy is going to know everything about everyone and before they can say anything they could literally die on their swords.

You have to be careful on the Telepathic abilities (most players don't want their minds read instantly) and define out some range for it. Can he hear everything going on at once? Does he have to touch the person? Can they block him out? Right now, if you ask me it's a lot of OP without putting a cap on it.

Also, are their any consequences to having the ability to make objects move with your mind, read other people's thoughts, AND see into the future. Hell your guy could literally finish the story in one post if he has all this stuff. (Roll Credits!)

I would expect some headaches, maybe some nausea (I don't want to be reading my sister's mind when she's gushing about boy bands). See where I'm getting at?

Second little nit pick thing:

Explain to me how being emotionally detached is going to be a disadvantage. If everyone dies, he wont have a moment thinking about crying over them because he doesn't care, ergo, allowing no time for the Baddies to break his concentration. Also, doesn't that take care of the relationships thing?

Just some tips man. The more you outline what the limits of the power's are, you got a solid believable character. Sure it sounds cool, but do you really want to look into the mind of your buddies when he's having a wet dream....yea...didn't think so.
Last edited by nibblesnbits on Thu Sep 25, 2014 2:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: The Cost Of Paradise

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Nobel Kiriano on Wed Sep 24, 2014 11:01 pm

Where i can understand your concerns Sir Captain, This was suppost be be a larger then life person. He was meant to be powerful and yes he is but i wanted to include the fact that he still is mortal.
So i will address and try to be a little more detailed in this description
Point A his size. This man is a litter giant compared to most men and his size was suppose to be rather outrageous. something like most humans had never seen before.
Point B His armor. This armor is not magic but simply a rare martial metal enhanced, something rare that he got though his knightly order. The armor is a decent chunk of weight but do to his massive build he is not slowed down to much from it . I can easily come up with a story on how it was made but honestly i did not want to write up a story for every part of him and was giving a brief overview. Note that this armor does not give him invulnerability. the armor can still be damaged or destroyed and there are week points to it such as the joints. He also only has a light helm making his head quite open to ranged attacks from a skilled marksmen (he prefers to be to see clearly whats around him.
Point C The sword he uses Is very large and makes his attacks a bit slower but do to his training to fight monsters it is still rather fast, the problem is with it being this large it is very easy to read were the attack is going, anyone who is fast will find to be a very annoying person to try to strike with his blade.
His weight ..... ok i will agree with you there he should be heavier
last but not lest, I did not see a place to wright that down and no time to bring it up, so i was going to try and get that into the story latter. A wight Is a Sprite, or something that has been infused with one. The lion is not a full human, he has been fused with a spirit (probably something dramatic like the mate of the lion he killed) witch is why he is so abnormally powerful. and gives him such a strong senses
But i can understand your worries and i will go though and try to weaken him. still going to keep him a monster but ill weaken him a little bit

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Re: The Cost Of Paradise

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Captain Awesome on Wed Sep 24, 2014 11:27 pm

Yeah, that was my bad. For some reason, I had confused '180' with '280'. Not a big difference. Only 100 pounds! Oh man, that was a huge mistake. X'D

Like I said, dude, he would be considered larger than life. A guy that's 6'9? 7? Given a two-handed sword and heavy armor by HIS standards? Anybody with a normal mentality would practically soil themselves! XD
I mean, my planned character is armed with a war hammer and a crossbow-two weapons designed specifically to take down characters as armored as your's-and it would take either distance or luck to beat him.
Nah man, for the armor, I'd just make it reasonable for a huge guy to carry and rearrange the advantages/disadvantages accordingly.
Leather helmet? yeah, that wouldn't be much of a hindrance to his sight. As with any helmet that protects lower parts of the head does but, if its more like a type of helmet that is more popular for lighter fighters, you could expect only a small decrease to peripheral vision.

Edit: Read the thing about the monster bones forged in his armor. That...would actually be a perfect explanation. Probably wouldn't increase the weight too much, though it would, but I could see it being well worth the extra weight. Nice.

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Re: The Cost Of Paradise

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby nibblesnbits on Wed Sep 24, 2014 11:44 pm

You could put the Sprite part as a definition under the term of what it is, Nobel. I would recommend that *nods*

As for the rest here, have cookies!

*leaves a plate of cookies in the lounge on the couch*

Also, Hello.

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Re: The Cost Of Paradise

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Captain Awesome on Thu Sep 25, 2014 12:07 am

*Looks down at the cookies*
...
*Three seem to disappear in the blink of an eye. Crumbs also seem to appear around my mouth in the blink of an eye.*

He-..*chews* Hello!

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Re: The Cost Of Paradise

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby nibblesnbits on Thu Sep 25, 2014 12:13 am

*places down milk as an after thought....*

Yes....hello cookie monsters. How's the day been/going?

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Re: The Cost Of Paradise

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Captain Awesome on Thu Sep 25, 2014 12:41 am

Well, I ran an marine corps IST (1.5 mile run+as many pull ups as you can do+as many crunches you can do in two minutes) and then went back to the recruiting office and worked out more with the other poolees during our weekly PT, which is kind of like 4/5 of an IST. Iiiiit suuucked-*Starts choking on cookie.* *Dies.*
*Ghost rises out of body...and takes another cookie.* *Chokes. Dies. Another ghost.* *Repeat cycle until 30 ghosts lie dead on the floor and the 31st goes for another cookie.*

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Re: The Cost Of Paradise

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Nobel Kiriano on Thu Sep 25, 2014 12:50 am

Grabs hand of 31st shoves back it body stops on chest and cookie flys out. " NO NO MORE FOR YOU."
sits down and grabs a cookie and starts to nibble at it as the corpse before him comes back alive.

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Re: The Cost Of Paradise

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby nibblesnbits on Thu Sep 25, 2014 12:52 am

...Marine...put down the cookie!

Anyways. I'll be back on tomorrow morning! It's my night shift!

Xoxo all! Sweet dreams!

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Re: The Cost Of Paradise

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Captain Awesome on Thu Sep 25, 2014 1:15 am

*Ghost 31 frowns, disappointed.* *Gets up with the other ghosts and notices I now have 31 copies of me.* "Bro..wha's up?" "Nothin' dude, jus' kickin' it!" *Both snap both of their fingers and yell at the same time:* "Swee~~t, bredduh!" *Waves goodbye to the ghosts* "You go, y'wonderful mother f**kers, you... ;-;" *The 31 ghosts wave goodbye and go off into the world, becoming doctors, scientists, and overall ass-kickers. Eventually becoming an instrumental force in humanitarian efforts, finding the cure for cancer, stabilizing the Middle-East, and bringing down many of the terrorist organizations preying upon the innocent...*

Rule #1 of the Delayed Entry Program. Don't call us marines. We don't earn that title 'til after The Crucible. :P
Later! I gotta hit the sack too. Friggen 2 AM over here.

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Re: The Cost Of Paradise

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby nibblesnbits on Thu Sep 25, 2014 1:59 pm

It wasn't a direct address towards you, sorry. It was more of a huh, a marine?

But you don't call yourself that....what do you call yourself? Wanna be Marines? Pre marines? I'm guessing Jar head is...insulting?

(I'm in the German sector of life, American Military terms and names are not something I am super familiar with, Sorry!!)

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Re: The Cost Of Paradise

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Captain Awesome on Thu Sep 25, 2014 2:23 pm

No you're fine. It's not an insult, it's just the wrong term. :P
After someone DEPs-in they're referred to as a 'poolee', since they're signed up and just waiting to go to bootcamp. I'm a poolee.

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Re: The Cost Of Paradise

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby nibblesnbits on Thu Sep 25, 2014 3:58 pm

Ahhhh. Okay ^-^

That makes sense....sorta lol

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Re: The Cost Of Paradise

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Aethus on Thu Sep 25, 2014 7:27 pm

Ah, finally so this is why we haven't started

didn't notice this whole post.

Anyways, ok response to your words.

Weight and height thing is a mistake, can be fixed.

1. Telepathy/Telekinesis
I guess I'll reveal it here, but essentially, exorcists pull their eyes out, pop their ear drums, and remove their vocal cords to go through a transformation of sorts (Spiritual). Seeing more than they could ever do than normally.

Telekinesis is studied rigorously and could essentially be something like magic is. Obviously he can't go Magnito on a building and tear it out of the ground, but he can push people away and, more importantly, he can control his "god given weapons" with the upmost grace.

Telepathy isn't the standard "I read your mind, I win" nonsense. He reads surface thoughts, senses things around him that changes and identifies them that way. For example, he's walking through the forest and he'll notice the ground and trees around him. Maybe there's a cursed bog and he notices a shift in the natural order and notes that this bog has things inside it. he doesn't have instant i see everything powers.

A skilled person can hide from an exorcist like a skilled thief, though this then becomes a test of skill between the exorcist and the person. Standing absolutely still and quieting your mind can leave him blind to his sight. However, that's only when you notice him from afar because if you tried to quiet your mind and stay still, he'd notice that you disappeared. Then there are also ways to hit him through his telepathy, things that wouldn't work with normal people in the first place.

The sight into the future is mostly like spider sense things. Its not "I see what happens in the future" its "OH SHIT THAT ARROW IS GOING TOWARDS MY KNEE!"

2. Emotionally detached means many things. He's emotionally detached from people, from humanity, from himself, etc. His only goal is to serve his religion and even now he questions his purpose. He is empty, but tries to detach himself to get closer to his religion, perhaps resulting in even more emptiness. However, I do want to change this in the story. It'll be a long road, but hopefully people can make him more than just some mindless slave to a β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ β–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆβ–ˆ.

Whoops, did I just say that? Tee Hee





Also, when are we gonna start?

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Re: The Cost Of Paradise

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Captain Awesome on Thu Sep 25, 2014 9:26 pm

Okay, so I take it, you're one of the writers Ersatz mentioned in the interests post?

And the thing about the exorcists:...That's so metal~ O-O
As for the telepathy, there already is something like that in Catholicism so you might as well say it's 'gifted sense' instead of calling it something completely different from what it suggests. Y'know, like if there isn't anything as OP as telepathy in this world, just say it doesn't exist there either.

I'm currently drawing up the guy. I should be done early tomorrow afternoon and done with his full profile by tomorrow night. So I'll be ready around then.

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Re: The Cost Of Paradise

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby nibblesnbits on Thu Sep 25, 2014 10:00 pm

You probably should include little details like that in to your character chart so that we, as fellow writers know what to expect. You can write anything down. A good RPer knows that what we may know something that our characters have no idea about. This doesn't mean that you have to give everything away, but it will later help us create responses to situations...like meeting a guy with no eyes.

Also, little explanations about the limit of powers and how they work is also good for us to know as writer's so we're not worried about having our characters outmatched right from the bat and also, again, writing reactions to such amazing qualities that make the other character unique.

I appreciate the response and clarification on your part Aethus.

As responce to your start question: I have a post ready to go and am just waiting for Eraz to give the go ahead. And for everyone to feel comfortable with religion, laws and rules. That way we get questions out ahead to have an amazing start to an amazing RP!

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