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The Story of a Grifter: 1

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The Story of a Grifter: 1

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Gabriel Faile on Fri Aug 04, 2006 3:23 am

This is my story. The story of my life when I was in my late teen’s. It’s a sad, sad story but it’s true. It starts out in the dark corner of a club, after hours.


This Friday night was just like every other. I sat in the dark corner of the small club on one of the couches. I knew my pupils were huge as I dropped my head back against the top of the couch just to stare at the ceiling. I was high as bullocks. The blue retard I had taken earlier had come into full swing. I could feel everything starting to get almost fuzzy and shake a tiny bit as I smiled to myself.

When I raised my head I saw a bunch of people there that I knew. Rain and Travis were playing pool on the table closest to me. Kyle was working the bar, Ashley and Tanya and a few other girls I knew by sight were standing around the bar talking to Kyle. Roger and Shawn were on the couch next to me and Sun was walking up to me before dropping down on the couch beside me.

"What's up Grifter?" he asked. Grifter obviously wasn't my real name, but it was what most people knew me by down here.
I glanced over at him before changing my gaze back to the room full of E-tards.
"Just noticing that this place has become a drug den. I used to be straight edge." I replied as I lit up a smoke before handing him one. He smiled and nodded a little as I lit it up for him as he took an inhale.
"Yeah. It really is a shit hole."
"Yeah, but fuck do I love E." I replied smiling. E was street for ecstasy. The party drug. Kept you up, and you felt great all the time. Everything felt great. You could get into a fight on this pill and you would just laugh when you got hit. It would tingle a little, that’s about it. I knew from experience.
Sun just laughed and dropped back deep into the couch.
"What'd you take tonight? The blue retards or the yellow pikachu's?"
"Tards. There so much better, with no sketch.” Sketch was the term we used for coming down off of E. You didn’t want to see anyone, eat, talk, or move really. It sucked, but right now, it was worth the eight hours of high I got off two pills. He smiled at me and dropped his hand on my knee.
“Truth.” He paused for a moment as Rain sunk the black. “Wanna shoot?”
Sun didn’t mean heroine, he meant a game of pool. A smile crossed my lips. I could never refuse a game. I wasn’t the best at it in the place by far, but god damn was it fun.

So, we got up and played our game. I won by far. Sun isn’t very good, but he loves it like me. Nothing like playing pool in very little light, high as can be, smoking, with techno ripping in the background.

When 7:00am on Saturday June 5th rolled around the back door to the Cathedral opened up. All of us stoners slipped out into the already risen sun. It was not a pleasant thing to come out to coming down off of E. The light almost burns your eyes after spending eight hours locked in a room. I sighed and said my good bye’s to Kyle, Sun and about thirteen others before slipping into the front seat of my sunburst orange Cobalt SS and drove home.

I spend all of Saturday cowering in bed and trying to eat and sleep. The rest of the week went as usual. A couple of tests in my three high school courses, ancient history, photography and history of wars. I was one of the only people who went to the Cathedral who was still in school. Most people at school just looked down on me for going there. I had a lot of piercing and a few tattoos but that wasn’t to be a bad ass, that was to show off who I am for those who care to look. I didn’t care for the negative attention; anyone who started a fight got one. I was also a martial artist on Monday, Wednesday and Thursday. Ninjitsu. I was a red belt. I also had a steady girlfriend who never came with me. She thought it was shit hole and she was right. Natasha. She lived with me then. We were both in our second year of grade twelve and lived in my mom’s house. She was really cool about it. I love my mom. But every week I spent looking forward to my few hours of freedom at the Cathedral, the club.


Now, you may think it sounds like I have a great life, but my grades are declining, slowly. My life with my girlfriend was not good. I just didn’t want to spend any time with her and my drug use was sky rocketing. You see, I didn’t start out as hard as E. Like every other teenager I started out drinking. Then I went to pot. Then to shrooms, then I started smoking, hash. Then ecstasy, and now, every so often it’s blow, heroine or delotas. Anything to fill that void inside of me. I don’t know what it’s from, but it’s something. Something that’s been eating away at me for a long time and every Friday night, and sometimes Saturday nights too, twenty dollars of ecstasy fills that.



Friday June 12, 11:58pm

I get to the Cathedral late that night. I got into another fight with Natasha. When I got there my good friend Sun greeted me with a cigarette and threw his arm around me as we walked up to the door.
“Grif, I got a surprise for you this weekend.” he said to me with a wicked smile.
“All I can say is it better be hard, because I need an escape.” I replied dully between drags. His smile dropped to a frown.
“Another fight with Tash?” I grimaced and nodded. His frown flipped again as he started to talk. “This’ll take y’er mind off of her for about six hours.” as he pulled a paper covered pill out of his pocket. “Candy flippin’ “ I couldn’t help but smile as I placed the pill upon my tongue.

Candy flipping is a term used for ecstasy wrapped in acid. An intense high, the feeling of well-being from the E and the hallucinations from the acid. I just had to wait for the paper to melt before I swallowed the half disintegrated pill.

When it finally hit I was sitting on the couch next to Sun. We were practically inseparable on the weekends. I kept seeing little orange gnomes doing an Irish jig and couldn’t stop laughing. Natasha was totally out of my mind.

Sun was sitting with his arms across the top of our couch trying to kick something. He was tripping as hard as I was. This was great. Well, it was for the first three hours. Then I started thinking about Natasha. She kept appearing in front of me kissing a guy from our school. Mike Stevens. I had thought she was cheating on me for about a month now. I didn't really care. She was either at home, school or work. Well, I didn't think that I cared. This pissed me right off.



Monday June 15, 1:32pm

It pissed me off so much that at lunch on Monday I walked right up to Mike and his jock friends in the cafeteria and punched him in the jaw. He dropped like a rock.

Two hours later I was suspend and sitting shirtless and sockless in my room smoking a cigarette playing my guitar. I was doing a little bit of Papa Roach work when I looked at myself in the mirror.
At this age I had shaggy blonde hair with dark brown roots showing, the Papa Roach dead roach on my left shoulder, my left nipple pierced, a sword with wings down my back, the chaos star on my right bicep, a yin-yang on my right calf, my right nostril pierced, my right eyebrow, the center of my lip, two on the back of my neck, one inch and a three inch below it, three in my left ear and four in my right ear, my tongue and a tribal that fades to a flame going down my right forearm. I also wore a ring on every other finger on each hand, on the right hand starting with my pinky, and on the left starting with my ring finger.
I looked at myself in the mirror with my wet hair hanging in my eyes as I sat with one leg up and my ripped black jeans on as Natasha came storming into the room interrupting my playing. Nothing bugged me like when she yelled at me when I had my guitar going.
"WHY THE FUCK DID YOU HIT HIM?" she exclaimed. A small smile curved up on my lips as I continued to play. I knew what would piss her off.
"Can we talk about this later? I'm kind of busy right now." I didn't look up but I could feel her fuming.
"FINE!" she yelled and slammed the door behind her.

That night we had our argument that slowly deteriorated into a passionate discussion that led to amazing make-up sex. She was good. She always had been. It was beyond me why I had a great girl like her, but I liked it.
I couldn't help but smile as I laid there with her sleeping in my arms. She was satisfied with me, why would she cheat? She wouldn't. With that, I drifted off to sleep with not a worry in my head.

OOC :: Critism is welcome, but please be gentle. This is the first work of fiction I've wrote in about a year and a half, enjoy! : ) There will be more parts to come for those of you who do enjoy it.

-Edited Version.
Last edited by Gabriel Faile on Fri Aug 25, 2006 9:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Gabriel Faile
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Tips: 0.00 INK Postby MeiaGisborn on Mon Aug 21, 2006 6:21 pm

The story of my life when I was in my late eighteen’s.


I think you mean, at the end of your year of being 18 but I think its just better to say you were 18 or say in your “late teens.”

It’s a sad sad story, but it’s true.


Comma after the first “sad.”

It starts out in the dark corner of a club after hours.


If read it like that, it could mean a few things. I think you mean, it was after the club was not open, in which case there should be some kind of punctuation after "club"; maybe a comma. But you can also reword that sentence completely. That’s truly up to you.

He smiled and nodded a little as I lit it up for him as he took a huge inhale.


Hmm…I’m not sure if you would say “a huge inhale” but I’m not sure how to rephrase that.

When 7:00am Saturday June 5th rolled around the back door to the Cathedral opened up and all of us stoners coming down off of E slipped out into the already risen sun.


I’m sure if you re-read that, you’ll see that it doesn’t make much sense because of the lack of punctuation and the way it’s phrased.

I was one of the only people who went to the Cathedral who was still in school and was doing well, but most people just looked down on me.


I understand what it means but once again, the sentence structure makes it difficult to understand at first glance.

I had a lot of piercings


There is no plural on piercing.

Ninjitsu, I was a red belt and had a steady girlfriend who never came with me.


I believe the Ninjitsu part should be kicked up to the previous sentence and inserted properly in there. It just doesn’t flow right with that sentence.

She thought it was shit hole and she was right. Natasha. She lived with me now.


The “Natasha” kind of works here and seems to have a style on its own. Maybe doing the previous sentence in the same way, might form a style here.

but slowly my grades are declining, my life with my girlfriend is not good.


First, it should be phrased: “my grades are declining, slowly.” In the second part of that sentence though you switch tense and if you are still sticking with the past tense that you were using the whole way through, then it should be “was” instead of “is.” That second part as whole though could be tightened up a little bit, but that’s up to you.

I just don’t want to spend any time with her and my drug use is sky rocketing.


Once again, tense switch. Gotta be consistent.

Then too shrooms, and when I started smoking, hash.


I think you meant “to shrooms” but then again maybe you are saying “two.” Not sure. Also I think you meant “and THEN I started…” yeah?

Then ecstasy, and now every so often it’s blow, heroine or delotas.


Not quite sure what you mean here.

Oh something I had to ask before I move on. You said in the beginning that it was a “club” and I thought about a club, where you know go dancing and all that, but maybe you meant as a society. Though, by the way you phrased it, it could mean what I thought it meant at first. Anyway, then you switched to the Cathedral. Kinda confusing there. Not sure what it is really.

I get to the dungeon late tonight.

Tense switch.

I just had to wait for the paper to melt before I swallowed the half desinigrated pill.


Disintegrated.

Hmm….anyway, not bad. Just a lot of confusion and I do hope I don’t seem harsh, just gotta point out the things I spot. Though the decisions you make about your writing, solely rest on you. One thing though. I am led to believe in the beginning that something was going to happen on that day you started the story with, but then many days passed and it ends with “no worry” in his head. Kind of a bad lead. Gotta watch out for those types. That’s it really. I like the humoristic twist and it seems like you’ve done a bit of research on what you want to write on, just watch out for some of the inconsistency in your writing.

~peace

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Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Gabriel Faile on Fri Aug 25, 2006 9:08 pm

Thanks Meia. Like I said it's been awhile since I've written anything.

As for the club, every friday night and saturday night it closes down at midnight and they lock the doors after kicking everyone out but the regulars. The name of the club is The Cathedral.

And to tell you the truth, it's not research it's experience.

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Tips: 0.00 INK Postby MeiaGisborn on Sat Aug 26, 2006 1:32 am

Oh wow. Interesting. You might want to make it more obvious though with the name of the club and all. XD hee hee..

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Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Gabriel Faile on Sat Aug 26, 2006 11:03 am

Heh. Thanks, I think I did,
every week I spent looking forward to my few hours of freedom at the Cathedral, the club.

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Tips: 0.00 INK Postby MeiaGisborn on Sun Aug 27, 2006 10:29 pm

Must have missed that. o:

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