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Thoughts of a Dying Soldier

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Thoughts of a Dying Soldier

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby The Southern Wind on Thu Nov 03, 2005 11:34 pm

Well, I got bored so I started writing. Apparantely it's from a NPC's perspective who died in the MO-V conflict with L3. I know it's pretty shitty but I figure someone might enjoy it. Feel free to critique my already shitty writin' an 'lemme know what'cha' think. Anyways, here it is...


Thoughts of a Dying Soldier

They say when we die that our lives flash before our eyes. My life didn't flash, it was slowly displayed. Now that sounds silly....Let me offer a better explination for it. You know how you used to go to the movies? Back before everything was instantly sent to some view screen you had set up in your house? Those times when you'd go out with your family just to enjoy time with them and let the kids catch a movie while you an your wife cuddled up in the row behind them? Yeah, it was more like that...

The story of my life isn't quite my life story. There is no me, there is only us. Now don't get me wrong, i'm not insane or anything. I mean, maybe I am insane? But the psycohological exam I took said that I was mentally sound. I'm not much of a writer, but i'll try.

There is no writer, though as experienced he may be, that can possibly capture the full scale brutality and ferocity of a battlefront. The pure carnage errupting around you is to rattle any normal man, but for a kid, it was much more. A few of the guys from my troop asked me if I lied to get into the force. Yeah, I lied. There was no possible way that I looked 18, they knew it, I knew it, but they took me in.

My troop? There was no official name for it....But if one had to be choosen, then I imagine "Cannon Fodder" would have suited us just fine. We were the best at what we did, or at least we thought we were. I mean, of course there were the Elites and in all honesty none of us were close to that level but we tried. We were the guys that got on the front line with bared teeth and claws of crimson. Originally, there were alot of people in the troop, but they were replaced...

Sure, one day you'd be sitting there with your buddy playing cards on your bunk and the next it'd just be an empty place beside you. This was war, what more needed to be known? It's just that age old thing you always hear but never think it pertains to you. You may not be here tomorrow so you cherish what you have.

Man, I always end up babbling about other things. But..i've got plenty of time to babble now. I mean....I feel the heat of the blast that hit my Virgo....But then again I don't. It seems like time has stopped so I guess i'm free to talk as long as I can.

My family? Yeah, I had a family, once...I had a great family....Kind of amazing how you can have something one day and it's gone the next. I really don't want to talk about that though...

Damn it's getting hotter...Maybe I don't have as much time as I thought..But man, we have had some great times. MO-V is a great place and I really recommend you visit it one day. The people are great, except for a few, but that's everywhere.

Yeah, I remember when we first arrived. The place was tore up, bad. Government? Nah, there wasn't a government. Total anarchy, but our leader and his Elites took care of that. Yeah....I met a girl there...Lexi. This girl man, she had the greenest eyes, brown-ish red hair. Enough to take your breath away.

I didn't get to know her long, but we had great times. One time I went AWOL from the ship and took her out to the park. We sat on the bank of the artificial lake and skipped rocks most of the night. This just seemed so right....I can't explain it.

If you don't know what love is, then you should find out. You are missing out on the best thing in this plane of existance. Man, it still brings a smile to my face...You know, i'd saved up a little bit of money...and bought a ring. I was worried, god I was worried. Here I was, a 17 year old soldier tryin' to propose in wartime. And you think paying your taxes is rough..

So, one night, I took her out again. We didn't go anywhere major, I couldn't afford it. So I set up a little picnic from what I could steal from the kitchen without getting caught. I even had a candle! It didn't set much mood though, I really don't see why people say it does. But the smile she gave me and the blush of her cheeks...It was worth getting in trouble over..It really was!

So we ate and talked a little bit more and she was about to leave. I'd been practicing these lines in my head for days now. I even stood infront of a mirror and tried it! But here I was, standing before the girl I love...Lexi....My Lexi.......And I dropped down to one knee...

The look in those jade eyes lifted my spirits, and almost my lunch. That REALLY would have been awkward...Anyways, so I pulled out the ring and spoke my question. And I kneeled there, waiting for that one word that would change my life completely....And that's when it happened...

The order came immediately, I didn't even have time to get the answer! All these mobile suits coming into the Colony was enough to offset anyone! I did do one thing though....I put that ring on that oh so important finger on her left hand and placed a kiss on her lips....Then I said the worst line I could ever think of..."I'll get back to you..." God, how stupid! I'd hit myself now if I could!

Before I knew it, I was running back into the Colony. I had to make sure Lexi got home alright. What type of gentleman would I be if I didn't? The Sarge saw me coming in and by the look on his face it was evident. He...was...PISSED...! I didn't have time to hear it but he also didn't have time to say it.

I rode a line up to my Virgo and powered it up. Instantly we were there, battle all around us...I saw the leader known as Wind at the head of it all and an Elite known as Kiyoshi beside him. Their beam sabers rained fury upon any fool stupid enough to get in their path....Wow....I wanted to be like them so bad...

The planet defensors took the damage of the incoming 105mm shots. I turned around to catch the Leo with a wide angled shot from my beam cannon. Leos....They were pathetic....What idiot would actually pilot one of those things? Better yet, place them up against a suit that had a weapon which would cut through them like a sword through paper?

I was bumrushed though. A Leo came up at my back and rammed me with it's shoulder. Several of those damned 105mm bursts ripped through the gundanium armor of my suit, but that wouldn't stop me. Right now I was thankful for Sarge and the beam saber he'd given me. Now was the time to put it to good use..

I stabbed that Leo's shoulder and ripped it clear across to the other one, making a nice new arc in the place where it's head once was. It didn't take long for another to advance and I wasn't about to give him time for something like that. One of my buddys fired a blast at his back, I think his callsign was "Padre" or something...Anyways, the Leo moved towards me to dodge the blast. I guess he figured i'd take it lighter on him or something. All I had to do was stick that saber out and just let him run into it.

But then it hit me. A blast so close, so powerful, that it completely knocked out my defensors and put my suit on the ground. My generator was hit.....And I knew what this meant......I was losing power, bad....and if it was aimed correctly, it could overheat and i'd be nothing more than a stain on the ground.

I rolled my suit over with the remaining power I had.....A damn Taurus was coming down towards me. It was obvious that he had his beam weapon charged to it's fullest....And a shot this close, especially at this point....was very bad...He was intent on this one though....He dropped on me.

He stuck that damn weapon right to the door of my cockpit and was ready to fire....And I knew he would...but he didn't have this one planned.....My Virgo's hands reached up and grabbed hold of the shoulders of the suit as it fired.....And then it hit me.....Lexi....I'd never see her again.......Ever..

I'd never know that answer! I had to know, it wasn't fair! Had I actually convinced myself that I WAS what they called us?!? Cannon Fodder?!? God, no!

It was too late though.....And the it happened....That saying.....Life flashing before my eyes......It was less than that....maybe....Just a blink........And i'm left with one thing to say.....

Tomorrow isn't promised.........today...
Oº°‘¨The Southern Wind¨‘°ºO

(¯`·._)The Concrete Cowboy(_.·`¯)

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Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Karaudu on Fri Nov 04, 2005 2:49 am

It's good, you have focus, but I lost interest about midway through. It rambles more then it needs to at some points or makes some things unclear as to their meaning. Perhaps a more clearified thought should replace some things, but I do like the fact this is from the perspective of just another "nameless" soldier on the battlefield it gives real feeling to the RP beyond just the "Heroes".

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Tips: 0.00 INK Postby The Southern Wind on Fri Nov 04, 2005 8:58 pm

It's meant to ramble. Come on, it's a kid, wouldn't you start tryin' to cover everythin' if you knew it was your last time to speak?

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Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Je Suis INSANE on Fri Nov 04, 2005 10:50 pm

Have you ever read "All Quiet on the Westren Front"?
Good book if you haven't you should.

Well your "Thoughts of a Dying Soldier" I got around two thirds of the way through it and thought 'this seems familiar some how'.

You have a very defined style which suited the topic you chose but if the topic reminds your audience too much of something else... that is how you say"not good".

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Tips: 0.00 INK Postby The Southern Wind on Fri Nov 04, 2005 11:25 pm

Well, can't say I read it but I might check it out.

Each person has their own distinct writing form an some seem the same. I jus' thought, since I was extremely bored and never write at all, i'd give it a shot. I mean, sure, I do RP an all an that's fun, but I figured this would be different. This is what a true soldier sees an feels...Alotta' people mention it...Hell, most've never even been there. I can't say that I have but man, I tried.

I jus' hope someone liked it an I thank ya' for your critisim.

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Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Zhelir Darkfall on Sun Nov 06, 2005 1:35 pm

I liked the story quite a bit. In terms of content, I think it's excellent. Exactly the kind of odd, frivilous thoughts (minus the whole bit about Lexi) that would cross a kid's mind when he knows he's in deep shit.

My only suggestion would be the mechanics department. Some not-so-good mechanics in use, but mostly minor things. If run through a grammar check, I'd say the thing would be perfect.

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o_0?!11

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Jewbie on Tue Nov 08, 2005 3:44 pm

I wish I had four hands, so I could give this FOUR THUMBS DOWN.

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Tips: 0.00 INK Postby The Southern Wind on Tue Nov 08, 2005 7:49 pm

I have comments for you, but i'll leave this on topic. 'Sides, you don't need four hands, only one.

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lol.

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Jewbie on Wed Nov 09, 2005 5:29 pm

Sure you do. 8)

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Re: o_0?!11

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Senor_Fun on Thu Nov 10, 2005 1:04 am

Jewbie wrote:I wish I had four hands, so I could give this FOUR THUMBS DOWN.


Four hands? My crotch tingles with the possibilities.
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Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Delve on Sun Jan 08, 2006 2:58 am

Third word.

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