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Timekeepers' Chronicles (WIP)

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Timekeepers' Chronicles (WIP)

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Remæus on Sat Jan 28, 2006 12:09 pm

Written between 2002 and 2004 - the Timekeepers' Chronicles are part of the world that I am creating. Currently only pertaining to my character "Master", they are a work in progress. I have decided to make the attempt to picking this project back up.

I would appreciated any and all input. Destructive criticism is welcome, but be warned: I might be provoked to return insult. Constructive criticism, of course, is most welcome.

This'll be the topic that is the official resting place of all reader feedback, at least for now. So please - feedback! *snaps his fingers*

If you'd like to be part of the editing process, and have permission to make changes to the document (as you can see Miyumi has), simply post here and request it.

The Timekeepers' Chronicles
Last edited by Remæus on Thu Sep 14, 2006 2:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Remæus
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Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Zhelir Darkfall on Mon Jan 30, 2006 4:25 pm

I'll edit this post as I go along. As of this revision of the post, I've just finished part 1 of 4.

Definately a nice piece, thus far. The story is excellent, and it is helping me along with understanding where Master comes from, why he's such an excellent combatant. There are a few mechanical flaws -- typos, really -- which would be expected of something still in the works.

The only true issue I can think of is that the fight with the dragon seems too much like an RP combat scene, where one would go to great lengths to ensure that the opponent doesn't misunderstand what's going on in the heat of battle. Even this flaw is small, and only really noticeable in a couple spots. I'll just site one, to make sure I'm bein' clear enough.

"Quickly throwing himself back, Issachar flew through the air backwards"

That's just my oppinion, though; I may be alone in the oppinion. For me, that's a tiny smudge on an excellent picture.

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Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Remæus on Mon Jan 30, 2006 4:45 pm

My only writing experience is fighting... and as you know, some people argue whether it's MY left foot or YOUR left foot that I kicked YOU in the face with...

But yeah. Definitely Work In Progress (for like 4 years X_x).

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Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Je Suis INSANE on Wed Feb 01, 2006 2:23 pm

Eric, lovely story. Superb ideas.

I still can't understand why you want to rush it along. I feel like I'm being jerked around in time.

Keep the style constant. Your diction and phrases sometimes fall out of line. I hope you know what I mean.

****PS. I love the "still the main character but Master isn't the narrator" that the Chronicles have going on. It has the effect of the Great Gatsby. That you're main character doesn't always have to be in the spot light.****

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Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Remæus on Thu Sep 14, 2006 2:39 pm

Post updated.

Added previously lost sections.
Switched to writely.
Changed thread structure.

Enjoy.

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