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Infinitous-Zero "Quagmire Jones"
God of Physics and Mathematics
0 · 444 views · located in 
A small coffee shop on Earth.
a character in “Apocalypse Over Coffee”, as played by Senior Citizen
Description
Scrawny pasty skinned boy of about 13, he has large green eyes that are amplified in size by his unfashionable thick black glasses. He likes to comb his hair back and sometimes applies grease at other times forgets to take showers to many days in a row, in either case it's kept out of his face. Clothes is merely a buffer or artificial skin, that is meant to protect the mortal body from small dust particles, and varying temperatures. As such Infinitous will wear anything. Usually a simple white shirt and black pants, and yes a pocket protector too, his whole closet is mostly this outfit combo! Lately he's taken to wearing a little black bow, finding the symmetry of it appealing. It dose not help man kind's case at all that he's been beaten up several times at school for wearing it, and those are just his fellow nerds from the advanced placement classes!
Personality
Guys like Newton, Einstein, and Plank spent the entirety of their lives reverse engineering Infinitous' work. He's the one who came up with the physical laws of the universe. As such he's anti-social blunt and pragmatic. By human standards one would almost call him so calculating to the point of being callous, but what humans would think of him matters not. He had no say nor interest in the particulars behind the making of humanity, although he did agree that there must to be intelligences, as the universe needs observations and perceptions to be shaped properly after all (doesn't contradict with fortune :P) so he did bestow upon mankind the gift of logic and rational thought. However he dislikes the creation, and would love nothing more then for the other gods to agree to scrap the whole project to start over with a more logical species. Preferably something androgynous that makes copies of themselves, and are only interested in solving problems. Still if there were anyone who had the infinite patience to get to know Infintous better, they would probably find that beneath this super computer of a deity lies not a microchip but a very sensitive and compassionate heart.
Equipment
He's got a quantum computer he made himself, that looks like an ordinary lap top and it runs on the energy of space itself! It's got a custom OS compatible with ALL programs. It's more convenient then anything else. Also he carries a "Rubix Cubed" that is to say a Rubix cube where all the colors have to match in 9 dimensions (to humans it would look like an ordinary one, since they can only see in 3, but they would never be able to solve it) Lastly the many allergy medications his mortal body demands to function properly, some pens, and sheets of paper.
History
Infintous-Zero was roaming well outside the parameters of this existence, he had stayed away since most of the galaxies had formed according to his computations (for the second time around). He was working out a formula for a theoretical universe that would have a slightly higher gravitational constant, when he was called to decide the fate of man kind. Annoyed at the prospect of having to socialize (and argue) with the other gods, as well as having to study this impetuous "unstable" creation all at the same time, but never turning down the other gods when it comes problem solving, he grudgingly obliged to observe mankind as objectively as possible.
So begins...
Infinitous-Zero "Quagmire Jones"'s Story
- Seen 45 Times • Page 1 of 3 • 1, 2, 3
He was livid with anger and his face flushed with red. Quagmire stayed stiffly bent over his computer for a few seconds panting almost as fast a as fast as a dog. He calmed his breathing and then slumped down onto his chair. He roughly turned the lap top to a left angle so that Maisie could could only see the back of it. "Hmph that's not an error, this code is not to be implemented here...it's just something theoretical I've been working for the third universe if we decide to make one." I don't need you to make me any charms, if I believed for one-trillionth of a second that one of your nick-nacks could be of any help to me, then my margarine of error would rise exponentially! Math is the only constant, it's always the same, infallible, reliable, unlike certain personalities, the solution is there if you analyze the problem hard enough." He typed as he talked. "Now if you really wanted make yourself useful to me, you would get me my milk and brownie which I've left over there, if not don't bother me! I want to get this done as soon as possible."
Infinitous-Zero "Quagmire Jones" Infinitous' fingers danced across the key bored as fast as was humanly possible, he was glad to have posses someone that was accustomed to using a keyboard with frequency, and who's intellect mirrored his even if still insignificant. He was surprised that Maisie was actually bringing him his snack, and now he wanted to make haste before she noticed that it was in fact an error he had made. He minimized the window as she place the food beside him. "Tankx" he muttered. It was then when he heard the door open. He recognized her immediately it was Nyahmoori , if not the fate of mankind he would for certain be changing the structure of pollen tonight, he wouldn't be letting her go until he got at least that, the northern hemisphere's tilt in relation to the sun would help him, as it was below freezing, he knew she loathed the cold. He heard Maisie greet her, and then go off to find that lazy mortal girl, now it was his time to make conversation. "Nymph we need to speak about the reproductive cells of flowers, I understand they need to be light enough to carry in the wind, but countless millions are lost in the nostrils of other animals each time! This is inefficient and not to mention cruel to the nostrils involved. When we make our third universe and Earth you have to do something about that!"
Infinitous-Zero "Quagmire Jones" He sighed and glared at Maisie with irritation, how dare she disrupt him at a conversation that was none of her concern. "Are you insane, this vessel with his IQ of 206 is an extraordinary rarity by human standards, he has 1/2 of a 1/4 of a 1/8 of 1% of my actual intelligence, the brain of any other human would not allow me to think at all!" He noticed she continued talking but he was hell bent on speaking louder so she'd here him, that's when he noticed her fiddling with his milk! "Hey, what do you think you're doing to my beverage! Honey and cloves? Is that scientifically proven to improve allergies or is this just your ridiculous influence on the universe? Mumbo Jumbo in other words..."
Infinitous-Zero "Quagmire Jones" "I Put my faith in science," He tried to wrestle the milk from her as he spoke "Not the mind narrowing education those mortals who have so insolently taken this world as their own lab and playground give those in the medical community, antidepressants are made to fry neurons you're more likely to commit suicide if you take them, anti-biotics do just as much or more damage to the body as the bacteria itself, that doesn't meant it has to be that way, it's become an industry they keep cures because sick people very are profitable, it's quite disgusting but then again human beings are usually disgus-." He watched in horror as he saw his milk splash like a white tsunami across the table, and he barely had time to pick up his precious computer. "My miiiiiilk" he shrieked. "YOU ARE SO CLUMSY, do you do these things because you're trying to help me or are you fighting me passively? GIRL! GIRL! Give me another milk, and clean um this mess, if you want someone to pin the fault on someone blame her!" He swatted the air in Maise's direction, and moved his computer onto another table.
Infinitous-Zero "Quagmire Jones" "Funny how you choose to ignore me...," said Quagmire with a smirk he moved his eye's to his particle monitor program, to make sure she wasn't trying to distract them, while she used her divine abilities to run a mock." It's true that while deities posses human bodies they were not to, blatantly manipulate the universe but he wasn't expecting Cassius to follow rules any sort of a social structure, she thrived on chaos after all. It was fine though, there were no anomalies to be found.
"ugh that voice! The way you've mutilated that body, those vocal cords are so parched, did you really have to make it so that every word you say carries a sound comparable to a thousand cats in distress!" He realized she was going for his lap top, that was the greatest show of disrespect for Quagmire, when you violated someone's personal space, or in the case of the physical plane their possessions. "GET YOUR SLIMY MEAT HOOKS AWAY FROM MY COMPUTER!" He jerked away his lap top and calmed himself, she would enjoy seeing him lose control to much, he was going maintain his grasp on the situation and hopefully so would the others. "Oh I'm sorry, dose my law of inertia bother you because not all of the silly milk, fell out? Well you know there's no sense in crying over UN-spilt milk," Quagmire threw his head back and cackled and snorted, feeling like he was reclaiming the battle ground with his comeback.
Infinitous-Zero "Quagmire Jones" Just when he thought the situation was taking on a more organized and controllable pattern, having gotten Cassius to be somewhat cooperative, which excited him getting a chaotic to make any sort of a pact no matter how short, was undiscovered country to him, Danse begins to act much like the stereotype of his favorite sub-culture. "I can't believe this! I am not trying to control the universe, I was merely trying to put a stopper to her mischief, for the remainder of this grueling meeting. Why can't people be logical! I always took you as such, instead it seems your feelings are hurt because you feel left out? Well fine! Brood for all eternity for all I care! I'll make a universe were death isn't part of the equation my self, I don't know who called for this meeting but I hope this 4 dimensionally challenged dimwit who's late is happy with him or herself!." Quagmire plopped himself onto a chair, and began typing code onto his theoretical universe. He his mortal coil, sweating for he used intense concentration, try as he must he could not change the fact that his universe would be stagnant with death out of the equation. His lack of people skill was sealing universe's 3.0's fate before it could ever begin, and 2.0 future seemed to get dimmer by the millisecond.
"Don't bother we can never get any where with them, order and chaos will never be able to reach a consensus. Do you know what happens when positive and negative forces come together? You get nuetrality in this case nothingness, they cancel each other out!" Quagmire continued to typed without moving his eyes frome the screen, he ignored what Cassius said. He was acting about as mature as his current mortal body, if not more, he didn't care. He needed time to recharge his social batteries. In truth he was scared he didn't want to quit, he wanted a dynamic ever changing and beautiful creation, which was mathematically based but also beautiful, something who knew he could never pull of without the aid of the other gods, for he hadn't a single artistic shred in his entire body. The barista hadn't cleaned the mild and is was begining to stick and dry on the table, perhaps she was to timid, to disrupt the gods, or perhaps Cassius and Danse possibly even Quagmire were scaring the crap out of her.
Infinitous-Zero "Quagmire Jones" Quagmire sighed feeling the confidence rushing back into him, he had his precious tidy organizational control back. "First lets begin by stating our grievances with the current state of existence, especially those grievances that are related to our most intelligent creation, if you can even call them that, side issue. Just say what you think is wrong with mankind, simple enough right?"
Infinitous-Zero "Quagmire Jones" "In all my vast existence I've never heard a more idiotic statemant! That makes no sense I can't even begin to articulate on how many levels that sort of thinking is fla-," Quagmire realized that his rant was going to prove fruitless, he took a deep breath. "Alright well...that's a very unique point a of view, but a three being a living thing had to be created, and it was by Nymph over there, the existence is more like a lump of clay, it needs to be molded, for us deities creation gives us purpose, at least those of us who aren't la-," "Maisie! What do you think?"
Infinitous-Zero "Quagmire Jones" Quagmire piped in even before his 'partner and ally' could finish. "Well if you're of humans that might present a problem, how could you possibly be objective...But I don't think that you really are, I mean are humans capable of creating a god! That's preposterous! It maybe a mystery to us what our origins are how we just come into being, I have a theory of course, we will ourselves into being but at a future time, since we're not limited to linear time which I of course have invented."
Infinitous-Zero "Quagmire Jones" The barista must have been breathing a sigh of relief, Danse made his way towards Quagmire, who was satisfied to see that he was indeed responding. Infinitous consciously calmed the body of young Quagmire so that the brilliant mind that was barely capable of holding a insignificant portion of his intellect could think with clarity. Danse was came to a stop irritatingly close to Quagmire, he was sure he was mocking him by making as good an attempt to imitate the affect of the void in this physical plane as was possible, to make things more annoying Quagmire had to look up to meet the taller boys eyes, providing him with another layer of annoyance, this one being unique to the universe he engineered. For an instant he wanted to push Danse back, but that would have been imprudent and illogical, Danse might kill young Quagmire, Infintous didn't want that, and relapsing time would result in the boy dieing in as many times as Infinituous chose to repeat the process until one of them grew tired of the game, in petty vengeance Infitous would have stuffed Danse's corpse into a miniature black-hole forcing him out of the body, the same verbal battle to take place here would have dragged on else where. A clash of deities, was not unlike a dog chasing his own tail. "Let me guess, you don't agree?" "Ugh" Quagmire contorted his face in disgust. "That carcass is starting to stink! If you're going to posses a dead body next time do us all a favor pick one who's flesh has already decayed in full!" In truth young Quagmire's nostrils were to watery and stuffed to smell anything, but he's was running at the max level of pompous little jerk mode now. "Anyways to answer your question of course I disagree that is the most idiotic half brained dimwitted thing I've ever heard! It'll be my pleasure really to correct your stupidity! Do you know of a game called truth or dare Danse? I'm sure some moronic teens might have gone to far on the stunt they might have asked one of their group to
Infinitous-Zero "Quagmire Jones" Quagmire could of thought that time was relapsing itself because of some error he made in the code, he mused while Danse laughed at him, he wasn't saying anything that he didn't anticipate. Why did he even bother to lecture him? Danse was speaking of how he didn't actually kill how it was the fault of other deities, or circumstances even taking the opportunity to aggravate Maisie further by giving her some of the blame. Still it was death that caused the neurons to cease their bio-electric signaling to one in other, he's the one who detached mortals from the physical plane often against their will, his argument boiled down to the same thing, he was misunderstood, and no mortal or god would ever comprehend his greatness. Quagmire rolled his eyes, but he was snapped back to reality, when he heard Danse call him Quack, he raised an eye-brow, how did he know his classmates in the gifted class called him that? Did he ran into them this afternoon he wondered in a bit of malicious delight. When he realized that Danse was charging young Quagmire, he tensed up with a shot of adrenaline and anger, if he dared kill his vessel, he'd make death reveal his true feelings as forcibly and cruelly as he could. But like a category 5 hurricane that gets snapped back to sea by a cold front his fury was pulled away before it could do damage. Nothing to snuff out, it was prudent of death to not bother. Really Ininitous was far more fascinated with his own reaction, why did he find Maisie's feeling significant enough to defend all of a sudden, as if they were some scientific truth, and did it matter did it have any affect on her conciseness at all? The Goddess in question began speaking and she seemed to have renewed strength. Quagmire quietly sat back down and grabbed his lap top he sifted through his research paper on humanity, there was unforeseen phenomena he had to cover, before drawing a conclusion. "I think maybe you sympathize with them more than you let on." Quagmire snorted i
Infinitous-Zero "Quagmire Jones" Quagmire snorted in amusement, it was obvious death loved life, the evidence was insurmountable, starting with the fact that he bothered to show up rather then apathetically wait in the side lines, like most gods it seemed were doing. "Let it all rot" yelled Danse, and Quagmire snapped his head back up away from the screen. Cassius ran happily to Danse's side, how could this be possible? His calculation of Danse' behavior could not be this inaccurate. He had to be bluffing! Infinitous felt the boys heart flutter again, and he drew in short breath to provide the hungry organ with oxygen, Quagmire physiology was in panic mode again. He suppressed it, Danse was merely playing a cosmic game of chicken he was sure of it. His was thoughts were cleared by the abrupt sound of clapping. "No need to wait any longer," Quagmire knew who it was, without having to inspect the host, it was the Goddess of Justice. This precocious but cocky little girl usually irritated him, in the way she proclaimed to represent order, when it was he who was the true god of order, not the subjective version that humanity had invented. Still for some reason he was pleased by her arrival. “First we should appoint a secretary to take down the minutes. I nominate myself as Judge over the proceedings and then after a discussion of pros and cons, we will vote. Agreed?” However he was not going to spoil this child, by obeying her requests at once simply because she owned a pretty mallet with a shiny reflective surface. Hey took his Rubix cubed out of his bag and began matching the colors.
Infinitous-Zero "Quagmire Jones" Infintous smirked as he, matched all the green square together in the 5th dimension. "I'd sooner be able to make sense of 2 and 2 make 5, I think you'll find that order has ceased to exist in this coffee house, what with all the egoistical self pitting, sobbing, and whining about voids long gone. Really Cassius you must feel right at home, this is almost as insane as the actual void itself."
- Seen 45 Times • Page 1 of 3 • 1, 2, 3