Cassius Krause's Story

C a s s i u s

Diving into the lake, freezing water shocks my warm-blooded body. Holy fuck, I wish it was summer. I mean I could set the water on fire that would warm it up. It would also piss off everything else in the water. Nah. Bad idea. I’ll have to deal with it. Slipping hands one after another in an easy free-style, I start losing feeling in my toes and fingers. Lazily kicking across the lake I end up on the other side and flip onto my back. Damn is the sky blue. At least clouds dot the sky to disrupt all that blue. Hmm, right now seems like a lovely opportunity to think of some deep thought or something. Nah. Why entertain mind-readers with thought provoking shit?

Fingers brushed against my calf causing me to flail, sink, and push away from whatever caressed my poor leg. Oh. Just a dumb water nymph. Glaring at the stupid nymph, he beams smugly for startling me. Rude jerk.

“Go seduce some fishermen and drown them ,” I grumble.

“That’s a misconception, luv. ‘sides they never set a lake on fire,” he retorted.

“Okay, that was one time! One!” I scowled pulling myself up onto sun-warmed rocks.

I only want to unwind without interacting with people. High school already shoves enough of that down my throat. Luckily, something else caught the dumb nymph’s attention, don't really care what did, leaving me to lay on the lovely warm rock. Mmmm, warmth. I stretch out my arms and yawn. I could use a nap after a lengthy string of nights dedicated to scrambling to finish homework instead of sleeping for a sufficient amount of time. My eyes shut with delightful relief from being open for who knows how long.

C a s s i u s

“Cassius, you should wake up. You’re getting a sunburn,” a voice murmured near me as a finger prodded my sides. Eyes snapping open, I jerk up into a sitting position, which caused me to almost slide into frigid water, if it weren’t for my delightful familiar to save me from my cold, watery demise.

“Woah, what did I say about startling me?” I said while simultaneously rubbing my eyes and yawning my soul out. She rolled her Caribbean sea eyes.

“Not too, but you’re skin’s turning pink and I don’t think over exposure to sun is good for a human.” Finland said before standing up. Oh, woah. She. Goddamnit. Finland.

“Clothing! You need them! You’re not a fish right now!” I shouted scrambling up; motivation surged through my veins as I dived into cold fucking water. Stupid fish. He probably swam here somehow. I don’t know. By the time I’ve reached the other side of the lake, Finland decided to borrow my jeans. Okay. Genitalia out of sight. Thank the heavens and hells and everything merciful.

“Do you do this to shorten my life span?” I asked mournfully. Dragging myself out of the water, I collapsed on the gross dirt with gross little bugs running all over. Ew. Ew. Ew. Abruptly standing up, I wipe off dirt clinging to my chest and flailed around hoping insects didn’t crawl onto my body.

“Yes. Although, you basically do that on your own sooooo,” he laughed at the spectacle that I am.

“Oh shush your face. I’m awesome,” sticking out my tongue before shaking out my wonderful Spiderman-symbol shirt and tugging it on. He nodded with fake sympathy and patted my arm.

“Come on. There’s more people heading over to the lake and I don’t think you want to be around them, plus you have a history test tomorrow,” he said. I placed my hand over his mouth and shushed him soothingly as if calming a tense animal. Finland didn’t seem amused.

“You know me so well dear, but we should get food instead. I like food.”

“Or you could do homework. You did bring your backpack with,” she said.

“But but but food. It’s essential to living!” I said.

“Homework.”

“Food.”

“Homework.”

“Food.”

“Homework.”

“Food.”

“Homework.”

“Food.”

"Food."

"Homework...Damnit! That's cheating," I said while he preened smugly.

C a s s i u s

Huh, Finland packs more muscle than she looks. I should probably walk like a normal person instead of letting myself be dragged by my familiar, but homework is her goal. Homework is the enemy. She is the enemy. But she is my friend. No. She is the enemy. I am conflicted. I sob. “Where are my shoessssssssssssssss?” I whine because that is the only option, to annoy so much she abandons me in favor of sanity.

Finland simply waves my lovely, old-as-fuck oxford loafers. I should purchase more shoes; only owning one pair of feet-protectors that are older than my father does not produce functional citizens. Hah, like I am a functional citizen. Finny, wonderful Finland carries all my stuff, drags me over gross dirt and probably massacres bugs with my poor body. “Ya know. One time, I saw a snake vomit a half-digested bird into the lake. I don’t know why I still swim there. There’s also those stupid nymphs, well one of them is really stupid and annoying and has freckles. I like his freckles. They’re cool. Freckles are cool. Why don’t I have freckles? Why don’t you have freckles? Why is everyone at the lake? I’m tired,” I ramble fluttering the arm that isn’t being dislocated from its shoulder spot.

“Cass.”

“Yes?”

“Shut up.”

I follow her suggestion because I am an obedient friend. The ground kisses my legs with scraps and cuts; the air pollutes my ears with people talking then coughing. Who coughs anymore? That is so overrated. Trees. So many trees, trees are everywhere. I miss the lake. Dirt is replaces with dried leaves and rocks, sufficiently increasing the pain of the foliage grating against my princess-sensitive-soft-precious skin. Birds chirp pleasantly, squirrels did squirrelly things; it is all very pleasant and nature-like. I hate it.

One moment it was just Finland and I accompanied by people noises and nature white noises, then it was a bunch of people and Finland and I. Awkward. “Finland,” I hiss totally discreetly, “I forgot to wash the paintbrushes,” which is code for “we need to leave now there are people here and I don’t like people”.

Unfortunately, my darling Finny felt some motherly urge to help the person coughing and abandoned me, I quickly pick myself up paranoid insects would swarm my prone body. How could he do this to me? She pats the cough pile of person’s back, asking in her sweet tone, “Hello, do you need to go to the hospital?”

Rolling my eyes, I note besides coughing girl, lingering the area are pointy-ear guy, sassy gay satyr hipster, and creepy looking female. Lovely. Goddamnit. Leo is here to stalk the stupid nymph no doubt. I hope he loses interest in whatever this is. I hope Finland loses interest actually. Silently, I will him to flounce over to the lake, but, alas, my will is not powerful enough.

Lola sighed and sat down, not paying attention to the two males. Until a female came over, she paid no attention whatsoever until she came coughing up dust. Lola asked the person patting on the girl's back, "Shall I take her to my father? He is a doctor." She looked at the girl. "If that's fine by you."

Xavier entered the scene. Looking around, he immediately ran over to Lola, embracing her in a tight hug. "Lola! What are you doing here? Why didn't you leave a note when you left?"

"Woah, Dad! I DID leave a note, I left it on the fridge." Lola sighed at her overly protective father, forgetting the girl for a minute.

L E O P O L D • P R A T T

”Now go hump a tree or something.” His glare was interrupted by a loud and ear-abrading noise. Which is unfortunate because that was a pretty impressive glare. Leopold, doing his best to look a mixture of irritated and sexy, the latter not that difficult considering, turned his glare to… Another elf. Nope. Nope nope. Two elves in one day? Leo needed another cigarette. “No way. I am having none of that. I’m outta here.” He lifted his arms and ducked his head before turning back to the path towards the lake. It was his ‘I-give-up/surrender-please-let-me-be-I’m-so-done’ pose.

Now he was going to the lake, hopefully uninterrupted, to bask on a sun warmed rock and watch the sun set (and hopefully maybe watch his favorite shirtless-nymph swim around). That was his intent anyways, until he walked straight into a fleshy blockade. Leopold stumbled back and threw his head up to find the receptor of much of his disdain; Cassius. His body was smeared in mud, it hung by clumps in his hair, leaves stuck out in impossible ways from improbable places, he looked utterly atrocious. Leo didn’t know whether he wanted to laugh or puke. He did neither, instead looking down at his own shirt. He blanched and a shrill and gaspy whine pulled itself from his throat. His shirt, his favorite white V-neck Solid! Smeared with ungodly mud and filth! Leo sputtered, tugging hopelessly at his shirt and pointed at the devil’s spawn. “I-you where’d- I- You!” Fucking hell! How could he face his hunky nymph looking like this? “You-you hooker!” His face flushed with anger and his face scrunched in unpleasant ways. The anger practically oozed from his soul and Leo wished uselessly for it to pierce through the witch’s body. And of course his ears chose that moment to twitch and shoo away the disgusting winged insects that infested the air. Leo wanted to stomp his hoof in frustration, he hated when they did that. It completely shattered his menacing appearance.

Leopold wanted to scream. Or cry. Or maybe both. Just, damn it all! All he wanted was to watch hot, dripping wet men in peace. Was that too much to ask‽

C a s s i u s

One moment I stood happily waiting for Finland to stop helping the elf lady, the next moment my face was smashed with hair and disgustingly perfumed horns. I stumbled back and gagged theatrically. Oh, it was the hipster looking moderately ruffled by my oh-so-sudden appearance. His features crumpled up into a nasty look and an ear-splitting noise erupted from him. I cringed. Why was the satyr so angry? I arched an eyebrow; eyes flicked over him…oohh, the mud that clung to me migrated onto his shirt. Eh, it gave the shirt more character.

“I-you where’d- I- You!” he spat out waves of anger crashing against me. Jeez. He needed to chill out.

“Me!” I exclaimed pointing at myself nodding. I grinned as if encouraging a toddler to recognize me. Leopold was hilariously fun to rile up and provided fantastic blackmail when he was angry. Too bad Finny had my cellular device blocking my ability to capture this wonderful moment photographically.

“You-you hooker!” he snarled, face crimson with fury that should alarm my sensible being, but the insult was laughable—I mean—I snickered a little. Scrapping some irritating dirt off my cheek, I flicked the residue onto his splotchy face with utter nonchalance.

“I don’t remember getting paid for having sex. I don’t remember having sex with anyone,” I furrowed my eyebrow in mock contemplation. Shaking my head, a few leaves fell to the ground. Man, I feel gross and in dire need of a shower—I wondered if Finland was done being a good citizen helping the “sick” person. The female elf’s aura sure didn’t feel tinted with illness.

L E O P O L D • P R A T T

Oh, Leopold was going to kill him. He was absolutely going to kill him. Leo pictured himself reaching out and strangling the irritating witch and his inner voice laughed wickedly. No, no he was classier than that. Leopold Laemmle Pratt did not stoop to the level of lowly witch boys.

He smoothed down his shirt and let out a deep, shaky breath through flared nostrils. That’s better. No exploding veins today. Leopold opened his eyes, his anger barely contained by his haughty demeanor, and opened his mouth to let insults fly, only to have dirt fling onto his cheek. That little shit. That absolutely infuriating asshole. He tried to be calm, he really did. But now the insufferable prick had to die.

Leopold stomped forward, his face gone splotchy again, and began his attack on the witch. No he did not flail, his cat-fight slaps were skilled and graceful, thank you very much. “You motherfucking, goddamned, insufferable, irritating, fish-fucking, magic whore.” He barely got the words out between slaps. He was furious. With one last slap, Leopold stomped his hoof hard, barely missing a disgustingly bare fleshy foot, and shoved pass, “Get your virgin ass outta my way.” He was going to blog so hard about this.

In his haste he nearly ran into the genderless freak that basically clung to Cassius’s side. “Is the whole fucking town in this godforsaken forest‽” Leo wanted to pull his hair out. Well not really, he worked too hard to perfect it. No, he wanted to pull someone else’s hair out. Someone like Cassius. Yes that would be fantastic.

Leopold changed directions and stormed off, his hooves stomping a bit more forceful than strictly necessary. Oh, he couldn’t wait to get his hands on his pan flute. Cassius would so regret soiling his favorite shirt. He didn’t know what exactly he was going to make the witch do, but it would most likely be embarrassing and cause a life time of regret. Or maybe he’d just make the damn witch stub his toe repeatedly, or spill one of his potions all over his favorite shirt. Yeah, yeah that was perfect.

Leo hardly noticed he had arrived at the lakes edge, too busy brooding and plotting a witch’s end. He sat himself down on a sun-warmed rock and rested his arms on his furry knees. He glanced down at his hooves and let out a whiney sigh. Already caked in mud. He just couldn’t catch a break could he? Scooting forward, he dipped his toes in the chilled lake and began scrubbing the filth away.