Leopold Pratt's Story

L E O P O L D • P R A T T

“Did you hear that bitch? She asked if I got my hooves buffed by the local goblins. Goblins! Like I’d ever stoop that low. And I mean even if I did, I most certainly wouldn’t let the local goblins touch my babies. Have you seen their claws? Honey, I don’t think so.” Leopold looked up from his phone screen to see Sal nod sagely. That’s what he liked about Sal; he was cute and he listened. But mostly he was cute.

Speaking of attractive people, Leopold had a certain water nymph to see. He went back to his phone and turned abruptly on his hooves, effectively cutting Sal off and causing him to stumble. Without looking up, Leopold continued into the forest, leaving Sal all by his puzzled self.

“Uh-um, so I’ll just be going then?”

“See ya, Sal.” Leopold pocketed his phone in his open cardigan and lit a cigarette. Health warnings be damned, he looked cool as hell. The forest was relatively peaceful, and by that Leo meant loud-mouth birds and gross-ass bugs infested his space and air. Ugh. Why did nature have to be so gross. He frowned down at the bramble. Bluh. He was probably gonna get twigs and shit all stuck up between his toes. And he had just gotten them buffed and trimmed, too. Sigh, the things one does for love.

Leopold hummed to himself, lost in a lover’s reverie, and tilted his head back and exhaled. He watched the puff of smoke drift and curl through the leaf-filtered light. Damn. He should have brought his camera. That would have been such a choice snap for his blog… add a little photoshopped triangle in the center, maybe even an inspirational quote… ‘My brain hums with scraps of poetry and madness‘. Yeah, something like that. So choice.

He would have continued that thought, except a highpitched motherfucking screech tore him from his daydream. Leopold’s ears folded back against his skull in pain. “Jesus!” He gripped one of his throbbing ears and cursed. Stupid fucking oversensitive ears and stupid fucking kids. He huffed and stubbed out his cigarette on a neighboring tree, tossing it to the floor. What, it’s not like he was going to stub it out with his hoof in the underbrush, that could potentially start a forest fire. He couldn’t let that happen, he was a forest deity after all.

Righting his beanie and tugging his cardigan back into place, Leopold started back on his trek to the lake. He had future-boyfriend stalking to do.

((I swear to god, I love your overly hipster character.))

Flynn couldn't keep his attention to the fallen girl as a sound came from the bushes, if it was that deer again, He'd swore he had a stalker. Flynn paused when some kind of creature that looked like a goat on it's lower half appeared just a few meters away from him. He had seen these creatures around, but never talked to them as he knew that he'd probably mess the conversation up. And then again, he was just 'a brat' and who the hell would listen to his rantings? Exactly, not even a frog. Though, a deer would find the time to hear him out, but even that, it was still an animal.

What? Flynn couldn't believe the sight at a cigarette being thrown on the ground and just be lying there in the leaves. He was truly a nazi when it came to that, since he was the one that would suffer from complaints of the animals because some stupid hipster guy would throw his litter on the ground. And that was when Flynn greeted the girl goodbye, and skipped over to the probably two heads taller guy because of those hooves he was walking on.
"So, it feels like home huh? Throwing your ciggies on the ground? In case you didn't know, I'm trying to deal with birds and frogs complaining about guys like you here." He said, slightly holding back everything that could be seen as actual anger. But he was just truly pissed off, that attitude, that everything, he just wanted to punch it, even if he probably would end up being beaten up.

L E O P O L D • P R A T T

Leopold was half tempted to keep walking, but instead he slowed to a stop and updated his Twitter account. ’Ugh. Another hippie prick thinks he’s gonna save the world. FML #fuckinghippies #treehugger #nobueno’ Rolling his eyes, Leopold turned to face the irritating voice and audibly groaned. An elf. It just had to be an elf. Of all the species in Bluffton, it was a tree hugging, nature fucking, elf. Just his luck.

Leopold let his irritation show and cocked his hip to the side, “Now listen here, kid. I come from a long line of powerful satyrs, you know, forest deities, so don’t you go lecturing me on how to treat my own goddamn domain.” Yeah, if one could call a gross-ass forest they spent as little time in as possible their domain. “And for the record, I don’t care about your little Snow White issues; just ignore the vermin if you don’t wanna hear complaints.” He shifted his weight to the other hip, brushing his bangs back from where they stuck out of his beanie before resting his hand on his jutting hip. “’Sides, a squirrel or some shit’ll eat the cig before it causes any damage, See? Problem solved.” The ‘like, duh’ was heavily implied in his unimpressed stare. “Now go hump a tree or something.”

Arlathina Dalisia

I couldn’t believe that the ride from hell was over. I brushed a few stray, blonde hairs behind my ear and stood, walking from the interior of the escape pod. Before me, there stretched a forest, very similar to the ones on Isteria, but there was something different. The colors here were less saturated. On Isteria, the hues were so vivid that you could practically taste them, making this environment pale in comparison.

My pointed ears twitched at what sounded like speech, a short distance to the west. Given what had just happened to me, I was not sure whether or not I could trust anybody, but remaining alone was not an option. My assailants could be tracking the location of the escape pod right now. Frantically, I weighed my options.

ΩΩΩΩΩΩ

The earth delighted to feel my bare feet, or was it that my feet delighted to feel the bare earth? Either way, the crunch of leaves would have exposed my location to any enemies. This was intentional, of course. As I crashed through the troublesome branches and undergrowth, I began to moan and feign a sob. The halt of the aircraft had resulted in some minor abrasions, and I knew that I must play them off well. They were right ahead of me now, a group of—according to my best estimates—three people; two male and one female.

They spoke in a language that I could not understand, but this did not deter me from seeking their aid. One of the many special qualities of Isterians was their exceptional skills in the craft and understanding of language. After these beings spoke a few sentences to me, she would be able to analyze, deconstruct, and then reconstruct the language, thus learning to speak it—or at least be able to get my general message across.

They were very close to me now, and this was when the true actor began to shine. A tad bit overdramatically, although I honestly wasn’t that worried about it, I crashed through the last wave of foliage. Upon seeing the trio, I crashed to the ground in a limp pile, my body shook by fits of coughing. I was hoping that my performance would illicit the appropriate reaction.

C a s s i u s

Huh, Finland packs more muscle than she looks. I should probably walk like a normal person instead of letting myself be dragged by my familiar, but homework is her goal. Homework is the enemy. She is the enemy. But she is my friend. No. She is the enemy. I am conflicted. I sob. “Where are my shoessssssssssssssss?” I whine because that is the only option, to annoy so much she abandons me in favor of sanity.

Finland simply waves my lovely, old-as-fuck oxford loafers. I should purchase more shoes; only owning one pair of feet-protectors that are older than my father does not produce functional citizens. Hah, like I am a functional citizen. Finny, wonderful Finland carries all my stuff, drags me over gross dirt and probably massacres bugs with my poor body. “Ya know. One time, I saw a snake vomit a half-digested bird into the lake. I don’t know why I still swim there. There’s also those stupid nymphs, well one of them is really stupid and annoying and has freckles. I like his freckles. They’re cool. Freckles are cool. Why don’t I have freckles? Why don’t you have freckles? Why is everyone at the lake? I’m tired,” I ramble fluttering the arm that isn’t being dislocated from its shoulder spot.

“Cass.”

“Yes?”

“Shut up.”

I follow her suggestion because I am an obedient friend. The ground kisses my legs with scraps and cuts; the air pollutes my ears with people talking then coughing. Who coughs anymore? That is so overrated. Trees. So many trees, trees are everywhere. I miss the lake. Dirt is replaces with dried leaves and rocks, sufficiently increasing the pain of the foliage grating against my princess-sensitive-soft-precious skin. Birds chirp pleasantly, squirrels did squirrelly things; it is all very pleasant and nature-like. I hate it.

One moment it was just Finland and I accompanied by people noises and nature white noises, then it was a bunch of people and Finland and I. Awkward. “Finland,” I hiss totally discreetly, “I forgot to wash the paintbrushes,” which is code for “we need to leave now there are people here and I don’t like people”.

Unfortunately, my darling Finny felt some motherly urge to help the person coughing and abandoned me, I quickly pick myself up paranoid insects would swarm my prone body. How could he do this to me? She pats the cough pile of person’s back, asking in her sweet tone, “Hello, do you need to go to the hospital?”

Rolling my eyes, I note besides coughing girl, lingering the area are pointy-ear guy, sassy gay satyr hipster, and creepy looking female. Lovely. Goddamnit. Leo is here to stalk the stupid nymph no doubt. I hope he loses interest in whatever this is. I hope Finland loses interest actually. Silently, I will him to flounce over to the lake, but, alas, my will is not powerful enough.

Lola sighed and sat down, not paying attention to the two males. Until a female came over, she paid no attention whatsoever until she came coughing up dust. Lola asked the person patting on the girl's back, "Shall I take her to my father? He is a doctor." She looked at the girl. "If that's fine by you."

Xavier entered the scene. Looking around, he immediately ran over to Lola, embracing her in a tight hug. "Lola! What are you doing here? Why didn't you leave a note when you left?"

"Woah, Dad! I DID leave a note, I left it on the fridge." Lola sighed at her overly protective father, forgetting the girl for a minute.

Arlathina Dalisia

Arlathina looked up to find a pair of blue eyes greeting her. "What happened? You look pretty beat up." Arlathina opened her mouth to answer, but the man standing over her interrupted. He revealed himself as Dr. Xavier Goodman, and the being radiating magical energy behind him was... Lola.

Arlathina liked that name, how easily it rolled off the tongue. She tested it out with her own mouth silently, her lips savoring the strange feeling that lingered. The man gathered her up off the ground, informing her that they were heading towards his office. Arlathina wasn't sure what an office was, but it sounded nice; better than lying on the damp forest ground. She didn't struggle as the man looped his arm around her waist. She let her limp head swivel back and forth on her shoulders, occasionally offering an incoherent mumble to the pair escorting her.

Events had moved so quickly that Arlathina didn't have the time to observe the other members of the group. In the corner of her eye, Arlathina could have sworn that she saw a goat/human hybrid of some sort, but then she let out a snort. What a silly thought. It mattered little now. They were all fleeting, like a distant dream. All Arlathina cared about was that the pair were taking her away from the escape pod. Away from her assailants, her history.

When Arlathina was very young, she was instilled with a strong sense of morality. One of the sins in her planet's ecopagan religion was duplicity, but she felt that she had little choice. Verolissa. That will be my name. And I have no memory of what happened to me before I came to this planet. The decision had been made.

L E O P O L D • P R A T T

”Now go hump a tree or something.” His glare was interrupted by a loud and ear-abrading noise. Which is unfortunate because that was a pretty impressive glare. Leopold, doing his best to look a mixture of irritated and sexy, the latter not that difficult considering, turned his glare to… Another elf. Nope. Nope nope. Two elves in one day? Leo needed another cigarette. “No way. I am having none of that. I’m outta here.” He lifted his arms and ducked his head before turning back to the path towards the lake. It was his ‘I-give-up/surrender-please-let-me-be-I’m-so-done’ pose.

Now he was going to the lake, hopefully uninterrupted, to bask on a sun warmed rock and watch the sun set (and hopefully maybe watch his favorite shirtless-nymph swim around). That was his intent anyways, until he walked straight into a fleshy blockade. Leopold stumbled back and threw his head up to find the receptor of much of his disdain; Cassius. His body was smeared in mud, it hung by clumps in his hair, leaves stuck out in impossible ways from improbable places, he looked utterly atrocious. Leo didn’t know whether he wanted to laugh or puke. He did neither, instead looking down at his own shirt. He blanched and a shrill and gaspy whine pulled itself from his throat. His shirt, his favorite white V-neck Solid! Smeared with ungodly mud and filth! Leo sputtered, tugging hopelessly at his shirt and pointed at the devil’s spawn. “I-you where’d- I- You!” Fucking hell! How could he face his hunky nymph looking like this? “You-you hooker!” His face flushed with anger and his face scrunched in unpleasant ways. The anger practically oozed from his soul and Leo wished uselessly for it to pierce through the witch’s body. And of course his ears chose that moment to twitch and shoo away the disgusting winged insects that infested the air. Leo wanted to stomp his hoof in frustration, he hated when they did that. It completely shattered his menacing appearance.

Leopold wanted to scream. Or cry. Or maybe both. Just, damn it all! All he wanted was to watch hot, dripping wet men in peace. Was that too much to ask‽

C a s s i u s

One moment I stood happily waiting for Finland to stop helping the elf lady, the next moment my face was smashed with hair and disgustingly perfumed horns. I stumbled back and gagged theatrically. Oh, it was the hipster looking moderately ruffled by my oh-so-sudden appearance. His features crumpled up into a nasty look and an ear-splitting noise erupted from him. I cringed. Why was the satyr so angry? I arched an eyebrow; eyes flicked over him…oohh, the mud that clung to me migrated onto his shirt. Eh, it gave the shirt more character.

“I-you where’d- I- You!” he spat out waves of anger crashing against me. Jeez. He needed to chill out.

“Me!” I exclaimed pointing at myself nodding. I grinned as if encouraging a toddler to recognize me. Leopold was hilariously fun to rile up and provided fantastic blackmail when he was angry. Too bad Finny had my cellular device blocking my ability to capture this wonderful moment photographically.

“You-you hooker!” he snarled, face crimson with fury that should alarm my sensible being, but the insult was laughable—I mean—I snickered a little. Scrapping some irritating dirt off my cheek, I flicked the residue onto his splotchy face with utter nonchalance.

“I don’t remember getting paid for having sex. I don’t remember having sex with anyone,” I furrowed my eyebrow in mock contemplation. Shaking my head, a few leaves fell to the ground. Man, I feel gross and in dire need of a shower—I wondered if Finland was done being a good citizen helping the “sick” person. The female elf’s aura sure didn’t feel tinted with illness.

L E O P O L D • P R A T T

Oh, Leopold was going to kill him. He was absolutely going to kill him. Leo pictured himself reaching out and strangling the irritating witch and his inner voice laughed wickedly. No, no he was classier than that. Leopold Laemmle Pratt did not stoop to the level of lowly witch boys.

He smoothed down his shirt and let out a deep, shaky breath through flared nostrils. That’s better. No exploding veins today. Leopold opened his eyes, his anger barely contained by his haughty demeanor, and opened his mouth to let insults fly, only to have dirt fling onto his cheek. That little shit. That absolutely infuriating asshole. He tried to be calm, he really did. But now the insufferable prick had to die.

Leopold stomped forward, his face gone splotchy again, and began his attack on the witch. No he did not flail, his cat-fight slaps were skilled and graceful, thank you very much. “You motherfucking, goddamned, insufferable, irritating, fish-fucking, magic whore.” He barely got the words out between slaps. He was furious. With one last slap, Leopold stomped his hoof hard, barely missing a disgustingly bare fleshy foot, and shoved pass, “Get your virgin ass outta my way.” He was going to blog so hard about this.

In his haste he nearly ran into the genderless freak that basically clung to Cassius’s side. “Is the whole fucking town in this godforsaken forest‽” Leo wanted to pull his hair out. Well not really, he worked too hard to perfect it. No, he wanted to pull someone else’s hair out. Someone like Cassius. Yes that would be fantastic.

Leopold changed directions and stormed off, his hooves stomping a bit more forceful than strictly necessary. Oh, he couldn’t wait to get his hands on his pan flute. Cassius would so regret soiling his favorite shirt. He didn’t know what exactly he was going to make the witch do, but it would most likely be embarrassing and cause a life time of regret. Or maybe he’d just make the damn witch stub his toe repeatedly, or spill one of his potions all over his favorite shirt. Yeah, yeah that was perfect.

Leo hardly noticed he had arrived at the lakes edge, too busy brooding and plotting a witch’s end. He sat himself down on a sun-warmed rock and rested his arms on his furry knees. He glanced down at his hooves and let out a whiney sigh. Already caked in mud. He just couldn’t catch a break could he? Scooting forward, he dipped his toes in the chilled lake and began scrubbing the filth away.

The cold chill of the lake sent shivers down Ollie's spin, tingling her fingers and toes. Her short brown hair fanned out around her head but when it began to tickle her shoulders and neck, she swam back to shore, dug a hat from the recesses of her bag, and, after furiously shaking it to be sure there were no bugs, tucked the wet strands inside as best she could. She could tell it looked sloppy, so instead she took it off, shook her head a bit to get the wet hair back in its rightful place, and put the hat on backwards, its flat rim pointing towards the ground. The ants had cleared away from what she could tell, so, she slipped back into her shorts and boots, but not before emptying the contents of her pack, shaking everything off, and putting everything back so she could make her way back to her bike.

Her toes felt slimy and cramped in her boots and Ollie made a mental note to dry her feet before ever trying to wear boots. She enjoyed the scenery though. It was unlike life on the road; picturesque, breathtaking. There were downfalls to the scenery, like the irritating feeling of bugs crawling across her skin, despite the fact that there was probably nothing there at all. It made her think about all of the little skin crawling things that were more or less a fragment of the imagination. At least on her precious motorcycle, the wind was too ferocious for her to hear her own thoughts, much less daydream. It didn't matter much to her, because she was often sure that her mind played tricks on her, like, for instance, she was positive she could see a boy sitting by the edge of the lake cleaning the hooves that extended from the furry mass of his legs. The closer she got, the more realistic it looked. She felt compelled to at least say hi.

Someone's obviously never heard of a razor, she thought, picturing a razor getting tangled in the thick fur and giggling foolishly.

"You look like you've had a rough day," Ollie said, plopping down beside him. It briefly occurred to her that she probably looked a mess, but it was nothing compared to his dirty shirt and the hatred and anger that radiated from his persons.

L E O P O L D • P R A T T

“You look like you’ve had a rough day.”

Leopold looked up with an expression equivalent to that of a drowning man who had just been told he’s slightly damp and gave the newcomer a onceover. “Yeah, well you’re not so hot yourself, honey.” He scoffed and returned to glowering at his hooves. Leo’s ears swiveled towards the sound of a body dropping beside him and arched a thick, inquiring brow. When the girl made no move to leave, Leopold sighed and let his prickly aura deflate, “He just doesn’t understand how mad he makes me. Or maybe he does and gets a kick out of seeing me all riled up. The sick bastard.” He fumed, ears twitching irritably, “That douche-canoe had the fucking gall to flick dirt on my face! Right below my eye!” He jabbed a painted nail at the spot for emphasis and let out a frustrated snarl. “Sometimes I just want to pound his smug little face into the mud, he just makes me so mad, ya know?” He sighed heavily, body sagging, “Gods, I hope his karma is a bitch.”

Inhaling deeply he let out a sharp breath and a considering hum, “Ya know, that actually felt way better than blogging.” He flicked his gaze over the young woman again. The small smile of appreciation vanished as quickly as it appeared, replaced by a frown and a sigh. "Honestly, sweetie," Leopold lifted a limp strand of hair from her face, "Ever heard of conditioner?"