"Perhaps it's impossible to wear an identity without becoming what you pretend to be."
- orson scott card
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NICKNAMESXX spence
AGEXX 18
SEXUALITYXX bisexual
YEARXX senior
D.O.B.XX 27/08/00
HEXXX #636a76
HAIR COLORXX light brown
EYE COLORXX blue
Spencer is handsome. That much is immediately obvious from first glance. He is, however, also obviously the person who is either unaware or uncomfortable about it. His posture is always a little slouched, always trying to make himself a little smaller. His style is conservative, as he dresses a little older than he is. Seldom will you see him in just a t-shirt and jeans- he'll always have a blazer or a jumper thrown on over it. He prefers his hair messy, but generally tries to keep it neat. He's thin- a little muscle on his bones, but not much. He needs glasses to read, but hates wearing them around others as he thinks they make him look like a nerd. Deep down, he's love a tattoo, but his parents are opposed to them, and so he hasn't worked up the guts to get one. He has a few scars, mostly from childhood accidents, but one on his cheek from a smashed vase, and one or two on his thighs.
STRENGTHSXX
XX➥ photography : spence has one here of an eye for getting the right shot, and he's incredibly skilled with a camera.
XX➥ trustworthy : anyone could trust spence with a secret, and he'd carry it to his grave. if you ask him to do something time-sensitive, it will be done as soon as he can.
XX➥ hard-working : no matter how hard something seems, he'll keep pushing until it's done.
WEAKNESSES
XX ➥ passive: he lets himself be walked all over for the sake of peace and quiet, for the sake of making his own life easier.
XX ➥ anxious: he can't handle high pressure situations and has a tendency to just shut down when things get too much
XX ➥ dyslexia: he's always struggled with reading, but his family refused to let him get supports in school.
FEARSXX
XX➥ death: spence hates his life right now, and the thought of dying before it got better, before he got to leave a mark terrifies him.
XX➥ heights: he always gets dizzy and enters an irrational state of panic that he'll fall even if he's well back from the edge.
SECRETS
XX ➥ his family: his family is playing the image of a perfect, loving christian family, but in reality they're manipulative and borderline abusive at worst.
XX ➥ faith: hours before her disappearance, she told him that she was pregnant and that everyone would think it was his, and that was what she was planning on telling her parents.
PERSONALITYXXX Coming from a family of charismatic charmers who could talk for days, Spencer is truly the black sheep. He's quiet almost all of the time, not particularly liking to be the one to start a conversation. He's perfectly pleasant when he does get talking, but it can be hard to coax the conversation out of him. He could be described as standoffish, were it not for the awkwardness that radiates from him that shows he clearly isn't enjoying the social situation. It's the bane of his family- even when he stops fidgeting, stands up straight, and makes eye contact, there's just something about his manner that shows he isn't exactly the epitome of social grace.
All of this stems from a place of anxiety. It's a vicious cycle- his anxiety makes him awkward, which then makes him anxious that everyone will dislike him. He was always an anxious child, but knowing that he's the black sheep of the family and the least favourite only makes it worse. He wants to impress everyone, but he also wants, needs to be true to himself. He feels like he's on a tightrope, and one wrong move will just cause everyone to turn on him. As a result, he has a tendency to run away from anything stressful. His life is already precarious enough, he doesn't need more stress to risk pushing him off the edge. It's this that has caused him to hide his dyslexia from pretty much everyone. The shame of knowing that not only does he have it, but his parents denied him treatment would just drive the final nail in.
When you get past all these... quirks, Spence is actually an amazing friend. His sense of humour is quiet comments accompanied by a grin when he makes someone laugh. He's loyal to a fault, and you could trust him with your life. He's doing okay in school thanks to a lot of hard work that he embraces, and his passions really show through when he's got a camera in his hand. He's got a real skill for finding a story to tell in even the simplest of photos, and his lightwork is really impressive at times. He's modest and won't admit it, but it's really evident.
HISTORYXXX James Hawkins and Alice Keenan were high school sweethearts that married only two years after graduation. They were still in college, but believed there was no reason for them to wait, and plenty of reasons for them to not. Only a few weeks following Alice's graduation, she found out that she was pregnant. They started their family in Astoria and have remained there ever since.
Both came from deeply religious background, and so they raised their children in the same way. Church at least once a week, as well as Sunday school. William, Spencer's older brother, was the perfect angel child, down to the golden curls and cherub smile. He was charismatic and charming from a young age, had a beautiful voice and sang in the choir. Spencer had none of this. He was always a little awkward, never quite mastering the elegance and charm that his brother had. His parents made it evident that he wasn't the favourite, and for years, Spencer tried to impress them.
The constant pressure of trying to live up to his parents' expectations nearly drove him to breaking point a number of times. Eventually, he just had to accept that he was never going to be good enough in their eyes. Even if he had stopped trying to be perfect, the self-hatred hadn't diminished. In fact, as he hit puberty and learned something knew about himself, it only grew. Spence was just as attracted to guys as he was to women, if not even more so. His parents had constantly reminded him that this was a sin, that being gay was the devil's work. But Spence couldn't deny it. His self hatred nearly tore him apart, and he became extremely depressed and self-destructive, believing his life couldn't be worse. Until he was outed to the entire school, and his parents found out. Spencer wanted to destroy himself, wanted to die. His father threw a vase at a wall and narrowly missed Spencer, and they threatened to throw him to the streets. But for some reason, they instead decided to spin a tale where they were willing to help their son overcome his sins, regardless of who he was.
They tried setting him up with Faith, another good Christian girl. But while Spencer liked her as a friend, he couldn't actually bring himself to date her. His parents viewed this as a personal attack, and again nearly snapped and threw him out. But again, he was allowed to stay. He was just counting the days until he could graduate. And then Faith told him her little secret, and Spencer became afraid that he would become just like his parents, trapped in Astoria forever. Now, he's afraid for a whole different reason- the police have him as a person of interest after finding out he was the last person to see Faith alive. He's terrified they'll also find out of Faith's plans to tell everyone Spencer was the father.