"Why am I kind? … I do not have an answer to that question, Avalon... I have no idea why I am kind. It is not like treat anyone else badly... it just seems you make me a little more alive than anyone else, so I get the strength to care about you... Do you understand what I mean? Although... if this has to do with your blood or you... I cannot answer. I don't know, Avalon..."
His words were so minor to others, but for her, they meant much, much more. Even if he was unsure of how he felt for her, she knew that he cared in some way, which was enough to make her feel at least a tad special – far more special than she ever had in the entirety of her life.
"Both... it would just be so complicated..." His voice was extremely soft, so immensely so that she was forced to lean closer to him in order to hear. "We don't live in a fairytale where everything just works out if we give it some time... if I were to become your partner, it would give both of us trouble, Avalon. Please see reason... although I am not the one who should talk, I suppose... it is just... we would both be shunned and frowned upon... punished, if father so wills it... and besides what the rest of society things about human/vampire relationships- none of us will ever have children. I do not want any either way, so for me it wouldn't matter but you...? You would make a wonderful mother, I'm sure... and it would be sad to see that taken away from you. Even if you are a servant... I could always set you free. You could have a life, if you wanted one... and you could find someone of your own kind to love and marry and have children and raise a family with... you could actually... get some normality into all of the chaos you've had to live with all these years …” He went quiet for several moments, during which time tears had appeared in her eyes, a few escaping to leave trails down her cheeks. When his hand touched one, the coolness of them smeared across her skin.
”A-although... I do think... I love you..."
And there it was. His confession. The words that she had been waiting to hear since they were children. Although they had grown up together, they had lived in separate worlds; his that of the rich, vampire society, and hers of the poorer, human servitude. Yes, she was his servant, and he her master, but she had always loved him – in one way or another. At first, it was as a master – and then a brother – and finally a man. A slightly immature man, but a man nonetheless, and one that she knew without a doubt she could not live without.
Her cheek went cold when his hand dropped from it.
He suddenly chuckled, causing her brows to draw together in a bit of confusion.
"You're naive, Avalon..." Avalon took no offense to this, seeing as he was obviously teasing her, and in fact, soft pink hues of embarrassment rose to her cheeks. "We are different, whether you like it or not. Physically we may look alike, but truly... we are very different. I am a monster, you are a mortal. I am a vampire you are a human... you have a heart that beats and you need oxygen to stay alive... but I do not have a literate heart. Do you feel it? My chest? There is no heart beating inside of me... there is just a black hole. That is what makes me, and every other blood vampire, a monster. Even spirit vampires own hearts... not hearts like humans- as they do not have the same functionality... but they are nonetheless hearts … We... on the other hand, are blood thirsty beasts... monsters."
His words stung her, but not because of his indirect phrasing of rejection, but of his own self-respect. At first, her emotions were hurt, and she was on the verge of crying once more. After several seconds had ticked by, however, her sorrow was replaced by anger, and she felt her jaw clench.
"Every human who knows what is best for the run when they see a beast in the forest... every human who cares about their life would never approach anything which could kill them. It is not wrong of you to love me, but perhaps foolish... after all, would you really love a wolf who could turn on you any day? You will never know if I one day lose control and accidentally kill you. You will never be safe... and beautiful but foolish stories like the beauty and the beast aren't reality. They're nothing more but wishes which will never come true... ideas with no place in reality …”
“This is horrible, you know. We sound we're part of some kind of terrible love story. But we're not in twilight where Bella's life sucks but she gets to be happy in the end anyway although I really hoped both she and that Edward and that Jacob guy would just die... because truly, they were all very annoying …”
Twilight? What on Earth was Twilight? Having been stuck in the mansion all of her life, she hadn’t been exposed to any type of atrocities such as the ones that he was spewing. In fact, if asked, she wouldn’t even know what a television was.
"What I mean is... I am not a prince charming or your Edward. To be quite honest... and you know this truth; I just want to make it clear for you... I am lazy as hell, and no person in the world- not even my greatest love could make me change my way when it comes to that. Added to it, I'm really nothing better than a moody and bratty teen who doesn't give a damn about the world. I'm not brave and in bad situations, I probably wouldn't be able to save you. I mean, although I probably would be able to scare my brothers into obedience by putting them into place once and for all, I am still afraid of a lot of things... such as fire. Remember a year ago, when I was in the kitchen and almost freaked out because of the stove? I'm scared of loving too... I guess... and... a lot of other things. Really, I'm just a pathetic monster, not worthy of your love and devotion, Avalon... you should give it to someone who deserves it … Love someone... who may love you back properly and can give you what you need and deserve... I-I... don't think I am that one, and I don't think I will ever be... I'll always just be Andrei- a disappointment to the family and the one no one ever expects anything of. I'm terrible at being anything else... really. I-I love you but … I'm not worthy of you …”
Avalon was quiet for several moments, her eyes boring into his, the odd hues of them taking in his sorrow and the look of surrender that one would often gain when they had given up. Her own expression was stoic, but her lips were a thin line on her face. Finally, she lifted her hand and pressed her palm to his cheek.
“First of all, you are incorrect in the assumption that I care about being shunned upon by others, whether they are of your kind or mine. I do not see as to why it would matter. Love is love, and if two people love each other, they should not care what others think of it. Just because you are a vampire, and I a human, does not mean that we cannot love each other, and it surely does not mean that we do not have the right to be together. Also, in regards to having a family … You do realize that there are both human and vampire orphans, correct? So we do not necessarily need to have children of our own. Have you not heard of adoption?” she asked, raising a brow at him. Her hand moved from his face to his knee, which it squeezed gently.
“This supposed chaos … Is the only thing that I’ve ever known. But it’s my home. Both the good and the bad, for any and all madness, is a part of my life, just as much as my sister is. This is my home – this mansion, the other servants … And you. You are my home. I don’t want normality … I don’t want a family … If it means that I cannot be with you … I need you in my life, that is what I know, and if we were to somehow find a way to have children of our own, that would be wonderful. But I need you more than I wish for children.” Her expression darkened immediately after she finished speaking, her fingers tightening around his knee.
“Monster?” she asked, her voice dripping with disgust. “You are no monster, Andrei. You are only what you allow yourself to be. If one wishes to be a monster, than that is what they are. But you do not want to be one. You are many things, but a monster you are not. A monster would not sit here and try to convince me to find someone else to love, for my own safety and happiness, at the sake of your own feelings. A monster doesn’t worry for my bodily safety. A monster doesn’t feel,” she said softly, her hand dropping from his, and falling atop her opposite one, both of them now being placed atop his knee. She leaned in close to him, nearly going cross eyed due to the new small distance.
“A monster doesn’t give a little girl a stuffed animal for her seventh birthday just because her own family forgot about it,” she said, referring to the time around a decade before, when he had given her one of his stuffed toys in an effort to make her feel better about her parents and sister forgetting her birthday.
“… And as the years flowed by, some villagers told travelers of a beast and a beauty who lived in the castle and could be seen walking on the battlements, and others told of two beauties, and others, of two beasts.”
She lowered her gaze for a moment, before raising it once more to his, fresh tears glistening in them.
“… For cannot a Beast be tamed?” she asked softly, taking one of his hands between both of hers, folding it within her grasp.
She chuckled a bit, amusement appearing on her face.
“Yes, all of that may be true … You are lazy as Hell … And a bratty, moody, overly hormonal teenager … And you also do not deserve me,” she teased, moving her hand to flick his nose, before returning it to his own.
She suddenly fell serious, her expression deadly so. “But … You are brave. You may not think it, but you are. You also are not pathetic, nor a monster … And you are not a disappointment. You have never done lower than my expectations of you, and you have always been brave. It takes quite a lot for someone not to showed their fear when it is at its greatest point – which, last year, I could tell when you were faced by the fire. We grew up together, Andrei – I know how to read you, and your emotions. You are like that of an open book, and are quite legible and easy to read,” she joked, her nose touching his, her eyes staring into his own.
“You will never be a disappointment in my eyes. You are you, and that is all that matters. Everyone has quirks, even your father … But that is what makes you you. Without them, you are nothing but a machine. You may not be perfect, but you are perfect in my eyes. You are perfect for me. I do not ask for much, Andrei, but you surpass my levels for qualification in a suitable man to love and be with.”
“I am not asking for marriage, or jewelry, or even attention from you. I am … I am only asking for your love. You do not have to be there all the time, but I want you there. I want you in my life. I want you to hold my love, and I want to know that I am the only one that will ever have yours. You are my life, Andrei … Without you, I would be little more than dust in the wind – and worthless, forgotten memory in the back of everyone’s minds. I would be nothing, and my life would hold no meaning …”
She lowered her forehead to her hands, which still held one of his clasped between them. Her tears caught her thumbs and trickled between them, dropping to his skin.
“I don’t care what others think. I don’t care about the risk of my own safety. I don’t care about not having a family, for you will be my family. I don’t care that you aren’t perfect – in fact, I like you more that way. And I don’t care you are not my ‘knight in shining armor’. I don’t need a knight … All I need is you. Please, don’t give up on something that you haven’t even tried for. At least give it a chance. Give us a chance … Don’t give up on us, when you haven’t even tried …”
“One week … That is all that I ask for … One week. Allow yourself to love me for one week ….That is all that I want … Even one week will be enough to last me a lifetime of memories … No matter the heartache of not being with you, should you choose that it is not worth the trouble to be with me, I will always have my memories to look back on. One week … Will you give me that much, Andrei? Please? Or will I be reduced to the low level of begging for you to do so?” she asked, lifting her head to look up at him. “During this time, I will have sex with you as often as you wish, and give you any blood that you desire. Just … One week …”
