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He knew that he'd said he'd go, but now, he was regretting that. The memorial service had exhausted him enough as was. The thought of having to deal with any more people was exhausting him enough as it was. He'd asked Callum to pick him up, but his phone had died at exactly the same moment he'd decided that. And now his phone was taking ages to turn back on. Callum would probably be here before Alex even got around to texting him. Just perfect. He'd hardly moved from the bed except to retrieve his sketchpad from his backpack that was acting as a storage for everything that wasn't clothes. The room wasn't that untidy, but it certainly wasn't an image of cleanliness. Paper scattered the floor where he'd ripped out pages that he hadn't been happy with. He couldn't put what he wanted to onto paper, and that was frustating him a little. So, eventually, he'd just decided to start attempting to catch up on some sleep and pretend that everything that was happening... wasn't.
Callum took a deep breath as he stuck the key into the ignition of his 2011 Ford Bronco and turned it. The engine revved to life, growling hungrily for the open road. He reached out an pat the dashboard. "Sorry, pal. No roadtrips just yet. We have to go get Alex." He eyed the camera bag he had sitting in the shadows of his trunk and thought he should take it to the outing. Get pictures of Gemma, Lina... Alex.
He shook his hand and put the car in drive. He wasn't sure he wanted Alex to know about his new hobby. Not until he was any good at it. Alex was always incredibly talented art wise. Callum couldn't even draw a straight line to save his life. Even his hearts looked strange. He occasionally watched his phone as the GPS guided him to the hotel Alex was staying in. Guilt ate at the lining of his heart as he waited. It got to the point that Callum groaned and put his face in his hands, regret pressing down on his shoulders like weights. If only he had stayed. If only he had tried harder... but he had tried. He had done everything he could think of, everything the internet said to do, but Alex wouldn't listen. But he recovered, right? Yeah because you leaving pushed him over the edge. Callum stuck a hand out to lay into the horn and remembered at the last second that he was outside a hotel and not Alex's house. The car gave a soft honk causing head to turn in his direction. He lifted his hands apologetically and sat back in his seat with a sigh. He grabbed his phone from its mount on the dashboard and typed out:
Dude, we're going to be late Erased it. Wrote You gonna come down before I grow old and die alone?. Erased it. He groaned. Why was this so hard? He apologized. Alex knew how sorry he was. Maybe it was that Alex hadn't exactly said he had forgiven him. And Alex hadn't specified just what... they were exactly. Everytime his mind reverted back to before, it felt too easy. He needed to tone it down, but toned down didn't make him Callum. He tried again.
O prince up in his tower high cometh down lest we beest late for the ball. or I kicketh the bucket of old age. Sent.
The first Alex knew of his phone turning on was when it buzzed with a text. He rolled over, retrieving the phone. His stomach squeezed on seeing Callum's name. He read the text, a small smile crossing his lips at the message, but guilt stole it from his face.
Sorry, dude, really not feeling up to it. It was too brief, but what else could he say? Elaborate on his depression? Say how he'd just spent the whole afternoon asleep or drawing or staring at the ceiling? It wasn't necessary, so he wasn't going to share. He wasn't going to guilt-trip Callum. He felt bad enough for bailing on him.
Below, Callum's phone gives a happy chirp as his phone received a message. Despite the sounds, Callum's face wasn't happy. He opened the message and he sighed. He rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger and reread the message. Was it because of him? Because he was the one giving Alex a ride? Maybe he could text Cas... No. If they were going to fix things. It was going to be Callum. But that didn't mean Callum wouldn't offer.
Come on, Man. Don't do this. Is it me? I can text Cas if that would help. He was completely oblivious to the real reason for Alex's sudden distance of the situation, but he felt that if Alex didn't come down, Callum might never see him again. The ache for the open road was already settling in his chest. He wasn't sure how long he could stay in this stupid little town that held so many secrets. He also wasn't sure which window was Alex's but he stared up into him as if willing his friend--his love if he was being honest--to look down. Rapunzel, Rapunzel, look out your tower. See the prince waiting for... many an hour?" He groaned. Poetry was never his strong suit.
He was watching his phone for the reply, knowing that it probably wasn't going to just be a simple reply. And, sure enough, when he read the message, he just ran a hand down his face. He couldn't even send a freaking text without hurting anybody.
No, it's not you. This morning just took it out of me, you know? He sent, staring at the screen and reading Callum's last message. He just wanted to see Callum face to face again. Here, they could talk it out again. They could talk it out in private.
This tower of mine has a lift, if you want to talk face to face. Third floor, room 347. He sent, locking his phone, but staying staring at the screen.
Callum was muttering about his lack of social skills under his breath as he waited for a reply. As soon as his phone chirped, he quickly unlocked it and read the message. His eyes read the words slowly at first and then reread them before practically jumping from his car and made his way inside. It took everything in him not to run to the elevator. As he waited, he typed a reply:
I suppose I can brave that metal beast. I better get a kiss at the top." No. No no. He erased that last part and just sent: I suppose I can brave that metal beast. They just started talking again. No need to fuck it up with his failure of a flirt. He bounced on his toes as the metal doors slowly slid open and he practically hopped inside. It was completely empty so he didn't need to worry about bothering people with his fidgeting.
The doors slid open again on the third floor and he quickly made his way to room 347. He found it and lifted his hand to knock. And dropped it. Stop being a baby He lifted his hand again, took a deep breath and knocked. He let one word escape his lips, a whisper that sounded like a shout in the quiet hall, "Alex?"
Callum's reply made him smile a little, and his eyes shifted from the screen of his phone to the door. A few moments later, the knock came. He got to his feet, casting an eye over the room. It suddenly seemed ridiculously untidy, but there wasn't much he could do about it. So he just ran a hand through his hair, and opened the door. "Hey," he said, standing back to let Callum in. "Sorry about the mess, I just... I meant to tidy up, but then I fell asleep and... yeah," he said, shrugging. God, this was so much more awkward than he'd imagined.
Callum's heart jumped when the door swung open revealing a lightly disheveled Alex. He looked like he had been sleeping before Callum had texted him. He stepped inside, his eyes sweeping about the room. It was a mess, but it wasn't any worse than the back of his Bronco. [color=#004d00]"Hey, don't sweat it. You should see the back of my truck." Was it a truck? It was definitely bigger than a car. It felt powerful like a truck... he was sticking with truck. "But what's with all the paper?" He knocked a wad of crumpled paper across the floor with his foot, landing next to a pile of shoes and a backpack bursting with clothes.
He smiled at Callum's response. They'd never been the tidiest pair, and it was kind of comforting to know that some things never changed. "Just... drawings that weren't going to work out. I was getting frustrated, hence why they're flung... literally all over the room," he admitted, running his hand through his hair again. He sighed. "Sorry for backing out, dude, I just... Like I said, I've been asleep all afternoon, and I still don't have the energy to go out and try and deal with people again. I'm just... constantly tired lately," he said. It wasn't a lie. He was telling the truth, and praying that Callum wasn't going to question it.
Callum smirked. Everything about Alex was still so... Alex it was almost like he had never left. Like Alex hadn't fallen deeper and deeper into a pit. Almost. He tried to smile more, echo his friend's from before, but it was forced and weak so he dropped it. "You alright? It sounds like you need caffine, dude. Not more sleep." Not that he had said he would be doing more sleep. "Plus being around people might be good for you." He wasn't sure he could go if Alex didn't. He pushed the thought down. It was selfish and not how he needed to think to get Alex back.
Was he alright? That was the million dollar question. Alex just forced a grin. "Caffeine doesn't help all that much, to be honest. Trust me, I've tried." God, everything felt so forced with him. All he wanted was to sleep and everything else was just forced, just a mask to get him through life. "And I don't know- I was fine until I went out this morning and then bam, exhaustion. Do you really want me falling asleep on you?" He asked, half jokingly. Considering everything they'd been through, this felt... all wrong. Like small talk and nothing more, all while they pretended it was fine. When it wasn't.
Callum nodded as he listened, thinking of anyway to help his love--his friend. "Sounds like you're not getting enough sleep." He looked up at Alex, his eyes worried. "Do you want to talk about it? About what happened? I mean either between us, or rehab, or whatever. Sometimes.. talking helps." How many times had he heard those words from Gemma as he shut her own, too afraid to tell her of his business... of what Alex really meant to him. He chuckled again. "I mean, if you did fall asleep on me, it's not like I would mind."
Alex decided against saying that he was sleeping ten, eleven, twelve hours a night, and then napping during the day. According to his therapist, that was normal, and that it would pass as he recovered. But that wasn't happening just yet. Probably because he wasn't sticking to all of her advice.
He shook his head as Callum asked if he wanted to talk. "I... I don't know if I can. I'm still trying to get my own head around it. Coming back here, seeing everyone..." Seeing Callum... "It's all kinda brought up the memories and the feelings and... I can't deal with it right now, Callum. Especially because the only thing that brought us here is someone dying." It could have been him. It was only luck, really, that he was still alive.
Callum took a step towards Alex, sick at the lost look on his face. "Nothing is going to happen to us, Alex. What happened to Lisa was an accident." He took a deep breath. "You're getting help right? What does your.. doctor? Therapist say?"
Alex didn't know what he wanted to do. Step closer to Callum? Step away? He wanted to both, but he didn't want to do either. So he stayed where he was, ignoring the sudden pressure on his chest. He didn't want to talk about this. He didn't want to talk about his problems, not to Callum.
"It's just... standard for a recovering addict. She says that if I wasn't an addict, I'd probably be on meds, but that she thinks I'd resort to abusing them." He wasn't going to say the word. Depression. He didn't want pity, he just wanted Callum to leave so he could go back to sleep and forget that it had ever happened and just... not leave the room until he was flying back. He wasn't going to tell Callum, but he agreed with the therapist. If anyone handed him anything stronger than paracetamol, he'd be downing it in the hope of taking the edge off.
At the word "addict" Callum winced. He feared Alex had been that bad. In fact, he knew it was true, but didn't want to accept it. Without permission, a memory surfaced. Alex's eyes wide and distant as he talked about whatever his drug addled brain was thinking. At first, Callum laughed with him. Even considered joining him if he wasn't thinking about how much Gemma would kill him. Then things went downhill quickly. Their inventory was depleting more rapidly than they could sell it and Callum, for a long time, refused to believe Alex was dipping into the stash. He had been wrong. He agreed with the therapist. He wasn't going to say it though. "Alex, you need to get out of this room. Some fresh air, some laughs. Then you can come here and crash or... He paused, his brain crying out Don't do it! "You could come back to the motel with me. Crash there. That way you're not alone." And I'm not alone anymore.
No. No, Callum wasn't getting it. He couldn't actually face it. The thought of heading out to a party, where everyone else would be talking about how great their life was and how they'd gotten everything they'd wanted. And then they'd look at him and he'd either have to tell more lies or tell the truth and deal with their pity and their general disappointment. He didn't want to deal with any of them. He wanted Callum to stay here with him and just chill and forget about the outside world and all their problems, but Callum wasn't going to let him do that. Callum sounded like his freaking therapist, preaching to him when he had no idea what he was going through.
He took a step back, running a hand through his hair. Being back here, having Callum talking to him like this- it was like he was back then, back when he'd either be high or so painfully sober, when everyone was telling him what to do and what was right for him when they had no idea what he needed. "No, Callum, I can't." He couldn't even say any more than that. He couldn't elaborate. He could feel the frustration starting to build already, but ignored it, trying to suppress it. If there was one person he didn't want to lose his temper with, it was Callum.
Callum froze. He knew that look. The fear that only disappeared when he was shorting shit or shooting up. He took a step back. He needed to fix it. How could he fix it? He looked around the room, trying to think of something quick. Before Alex exploded and the radiation would hit him right in the chest. He kicked a ball of paper when he took a step back and an idea snapped into place. "Show me what you're working on?" He wasn't sure how Alex would react to the change of topic. He knew Alex probably thought he was probing and being an ass and he would rather face his reaction to that request than make the gap between them bigger. He still wished he had the strength--and permission that's very important--to cross the room and kiss him. His hands shook with the need, but he stuffed them in his pockets.
Alex forced himself to take a deep breath. And another. He was fine. He was okay. He wasn't going to have to leave just yet. Callum wasn't leaving. He nodded once at Callum's request. Then again as he moved back to the bed, retrieving the sketchpad from the bedside locker. Another deep breath. He flicked through the sketchpad, landing on the draft he was happiest with. His therapist had been encouraging him to put what he was feeling onto paper, but Alex had never been good with words. So he drew. Sometimes he just drew what was in front of him. But he drew more than that too.
He sat down on the bed, staring at the drawing. His mind picked out the flaws and he wanted to rip it up. But instead, he looked up at Callum, forced a smile, and patted the bed beside him. He looked back down at the drawing, trying to see it for what it was. He'd never seen the Grim Reaper as a bad spirit. Somebody who was just trying to do what he was supposed to, but who was portrayed as evil for that. He wondered if the Grim Reaper was an outcast too. So he'd drawn the Grim Reaper in human form. Hollow, gaunt cheeks, but bright eyes that shone from even beneath his cloak. Hands that could carry a human as easy as they could take their hand. Like him but also nothing like him. He slid it across to Callum.
Callum waited. For and explosion. For a smle. When he didn't get either, he still considered the diversion a success. He watched as Alex pulled a sketchpad from the bed and began to flip through the pages. He waited until he was given the okay to cross the room and sat beside Alex. There was a small forced smile that reminded him of all the times Alex smiled apologetically after a bad episode. He gave a small smile back, just as he would before and took the picture. His jaw dropped. It was obvious it was modeled a little after Alex, but at the same time it was a totally different person. Not a person but a concept: The Grim Reaper.
The detail was amazing, though. Almost like a photograph. He brushed his fingers over the page, careful not to smudge it. He could feel where Alex had erased and reworked the picture, the dents from pressing harder with the pencil. He closed his eyes for a moment and pictured Alex working. He had seen his work in the past, but had definitely improved. And Callum couldn't help but be proud of him. He opened his eyes and grinned. "This is crazy good, Alex. You've gotten so much better." He looked up at Alex. "Not that you've needed to improve."
The smile that Callum's compliment produced was the first fully real smile that Alex had smiled in a while. "Thanks. Drawing is a great way to avoid my family," he said, shrugging a little. Was that too personal? No, not really. Callum had seen and heard all of his problems. This wasn't anything new.
"Listen, Callum, I'm sorry. Coming back and seeing everyone and... seeing you. It's tough. You know as well as I do that I could never really deal with my emotions all that well in the first place, and I've kinda got to learn to deal with it all over again. I get angry a lot and I get anxious a lot and... I'm afraid of losing everyone again," he admitted, not making eye contact. "I'm afraid of losing you again," he added, more quietly. "So a lot of the time I just feel like... it's better not to get close to begin with." God, his therapist was going to be proud of him when she heard what he was about to say. "But... it's not the same with you. I want things to go back to the way they were. I'm not easy to deal with, though, so if you don't want to... I understand." Wow, not only had he made a decision on what he wanted, he'd also admitted to it. He was on a roll.
Callum beamed when he saw Alex's smile. His real smile. "We all have our escapes." he replied with a shrug similar to Alex's. He saw the change in Alex right before he spoke and he listened, his full attention on him. He felt heat rise to his face when he said I'm afraid of losing you again. When he finished, Callum opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. The words hadn't formed yet, they were still lost in the words Alex had spoken.
His face heated and he stammered a bit, trying to get the words out. "I--You mean--We--" he took a deep breath. "Back to how things were, how?" He tilted his head slightly to the side, his eyes soft. His heart pounded in his chest in hopes of hearing what he needed to hear.
It was unusual that Alex could talk when Callum couldn't. Maybe the therapy was working after all. As he watched him, he was reminded exactly why he'd said what he had. He was tired of trying to deny it to himself. He still loved Callum, as much as he'd tried to persuade himself otherwise. So at Callum's question, he leaned across to kiss him.
Callum's pulse thundered in his ears as he waited for Alex to answer. Please Please Please It sang. Alex's blue eyes grew intense in a way that Callum recognized and before Alex even moved, he had his answer. He leaned forward as well, his hand coming up to cup Alex's cheek softly, his thumb gliding across his cheek bone. He paused, only for a moment, building the tension and then his lips met Alex's. It was as soft and warm as he remembered, this time without the tingling of drugs burning through Alex's veins. He held himself back from being too forceful--too passionate. Not for fear of hurting Alex, but so he could speak. He needed to make sure Alex understood something if they were to move forward.
"Alex," he whispered as he pulled back slightly, laying his forehead against Alex's. "I need you to understand something." He looked up into those blue eyes that held him captive since the day they met. "I meant what I said back at Lisa's..." he didn't finish it. Death had no place in their conversation. So instead he went around the word. "I'm not going anywhere. If you want me, you have me. I've learned what it's like to not have you and I don't want to taste that life again. I made a mistake and I'm sorry, but if you're taking me back. I'm not letting you go. I will always be here for you. In the way I never was before." He leaned his head down, his lips just barely touching Alex's. "I love you, Alex Holmes."
It was everything he had been waiting and hoping for. Everything he had remembered. His skin tingled where Callum touched it, like static electricity. Even when Callum pulled away, resting his forehead against Alex's, Alex could still feel the electricity. His hand rested around the back of Callum's neck, and he couldn't stop himself from smiling, even as Callum met his eyes. The idea of having Callum all to himself, without fear of losing him... Alex wasn't so scared any more. Having Callum this close made everything feel a little better.
"Good," he replied. "Because you're not getting rid of me," he said. At Callum's words, his smile just grew. "And I love you, Callum Wilcox," he said, before closing the slight distance between them to kiss Callum again. He'd forgotten how much he'd missed it. It was almost exactly like everything his doctor had told him to avoid, because it would just get him hooked again. And she was exactly right.
He pulled away, but not too far. He couldn't remember the last time he'd grinned this much. "Well, haven't we got a party to go to? I think I'll just about be able to manage it now that I have you," he said.
Callum felt heat running through his veins at Alex's kiss. He heard his words echoing in his ears. His heart was racing--fluttering really--in his chest. He desperately wished he had his camera so he could take a picture of this moment and hold onto it forever. There was a tingling sensation on the skin of his neck and his lips. Pretty much wherever his body met Alex's. When Alex pulled back he felt a grin take form on his face. The chuckle that bubbled up from his core was practically a giggle. He was drunk on Alex's kisses and high on his touch. How could Alex have prefered drugs to the feeling of this?
He looked up at his love from under his eyelashes, the action more effective now that he wore contacts instead of his glasses. "Party? What party?" he asked huskily. He chuckled again, laying his forehead against Alex's shoulder. "Man the party. I almost forgot about it. You really want to go?"
As Callum leaned his head against Alex's shoulder, Alex rested his head against Callum's. He'd missed being this close to somebody. Not just sex, just having this kind of physical contact. Just being near somebody like this. He ran a hand through Callum's hair as he talked about the party. "Well, we both said we were going," he said. "And I don't particularly want to have to try and answer the questions of what we did while we weren't there," he teased.
Callum closed his eyes, reveling in the feel of Alex's fingers in his hair. It was comforting and the warmth of being near him was making him sleepy. Alex's teasing snapped him out of the feeling. Callum growled and turned his head, kissing the skin of Alex's neck. "Don't tempt me." He sighed happily and pulled back. "You're right though. We said we'd be there and we should. You should change." He stood, pushing back Alex's hair from his face and giving his forehead a soft kiss. "I'll wait outside your door otherwise I might distract you and we'll never get out of here." he teased.
Once Alex was finished and had whatever he wanted to take with him, Callum took ahold of his hand, and lead him down to the Bronco where he grabbed his camera bag and set it at the space below Alex's feet. As he drove towards the gathering of old friends, he had one hand on the wheel and one hand intertwined with Alex's fingers. He smiled to himself and turned on the radio, singing along to whatever song was playing for the millionth time.
The feeling of Callum's lips on his neck sent shivers down his spine again. But then Callum pulled away, and Alex sighed a little, grinning at the forehead kiss and gentle tease. He changed quickly, the change of clothes helping him to feel somewhat normal again. He couldn't believe how well things had gone. He'd pictured an argument, him exploding at Callum over something small... and it had gone the opposite. It had gone exactly as he'd wanted it to go. That didn't seem to happen all that much.
The drive to the pre-arranged spot was just as good. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt this... peaceful. Callum's fingers in his, Callum singing along to the radio... He wanted to say it was like the old days, but it wasn't. In the old days, he'd either be high and singing along with Callum or babbling about something strange, or trying to recover from a hangover or general low, when he wanted to ask Callum to stop singing, because he had a headache, but didn't, because he didn't want to let Callum know how bad he was feeling.
He got out of the car, taking the supplies he'd picked up on his way back from the service with him. It was only a short walk to the site, but it looked like everyone else was already there. "Sorry, guys. My ten minute nap turned into a few hours."
He knew that he'd said he'd go, but now, he was regretting that. The memorial service had exhausted him enough as was. The thought of having to deal with any more people was exhausting him enough as it was. He'd asked Callum to pick him up, but his phone had died at exactly the same moment he'd decided that. And now his phone was taking ages to turn back on. Callum would probably be here before Alex even got around to texting him. Just perfect. He'd hardly moved from the bed except to retrieve his sketchpad from his backpack that was acting as a storage for everything that wasn't clothes. The room wasn't that untidy, but it certainly wasn't an image of cleanliness. Paper scattered the floor where he'd ripped out pages that he hadn't been happy with. He couldn't put what he wanted to onto paper, and that was frustating him a little. So, eventually, he'd just decided to start attempting to catch up on some sleep and pretend that everything that was happening... wasn't.
Callum took a deep breath as he stuck the key into the ignition of his 2011 Ford Bronco and turned it. The engine revved to life, growling hungrily for the open road. He reached out an pat the dashboard. "Sorry, pal. No roadtrips just yet. We have to go get Alex." He eyed the camera bag he had sitting in the shadows of his trunk and thought he should take it to the outing. Get pictures of Gemma, Lina... Alex.
He shook his hand and put the car in drive. He wasn't sure he wanted Alex to know about his new hobby. Not until he was any good at it. Alex was always incredibly talented art wise. Callum couldn't even draw a straight line to save his life. Even his hearts looked strange. He occasionally watched his phone as the GPS guided him to the hotel Alex was staying in. Guilt ate at the lining of his heart as he waited. It got to the point that Callum groaned and put his face in his hands, regret pressing down on his shoulders like weights. If only he had stayed. If only he had tried harder... but he had tried. He had done everything he could think of, everything the internet said to do, but Alex wouldn't listen. But he recovered, right? Yeah because you leaving pushed him over the edge. Callum stuck a hand out to lay into the horn and remembered at the last second that he was outside a hotel and not Alex's house. The car gave a soft honk causing head to turn in his direction. He lifted his hands apologetically and sat back in his seat with a sigh. He grabbed his phone from its mount on the dashboard and typed out:
Dude, we're going to be late Erased it. Wrote You gonna come down before I grow old and die alone?. Erased it. He groaned. Why was this so hard? He apologized. Alex knew how sorry he was. Maybe it was that Alex hadn't exactly said he had forgiven him. And Alex hadn't specified just what... they were exactly. Everytime his mind reverted back to before, it felt too easy. He needed to tone it down, but toned down didn't make him Callum. He tried again.
O prince up in his tower high cometh down lest we beest late for the ball. or I kicketh the bucket of old age. Sent.
The first Alex knew of his phone turning on was when it buzzed with a text. He rolled over, retrieving the phone. His stomach squeezed on seeing Callum's name. He read the text, a small smile crossing his lips at the message, but guilt stole it from his face.
Sorry, dude, really not feeling up to it. It was too brief, but what else could he say? Elaborate on his depression? Say how he'd just spent the whole afternoon asleep or drawing or staring at the ceiling? It wasn't necessary, so he wasn't going to share. He wasn't going to guilt-trip Callum. He felt bad enough for bailing on him.
Below, Callum's phone gives a happy chirp as his phone received a message. Despite the sounds, Callum's face wasn't happy. He opened the message and he sighed. He rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger and reread the message. Was it because of him? Because he was the one giving Alex a ride? Maybe he could text Cas... No. If they were going to fix things. It was going to be Callum. But that didn't mean Callum wouldn't offer.
Come on, Man. Don't do this. Is it me? I can text Cas if that would help. He was completely oblivious to the real reason for Alex's sudden distance of the situation, but he felt that if Alex didn't come down, Callum might never see him again. The ache for the open road was already settling in his chest. He wasn't sure how long he could stay in this stupid little town that held so many secrets. He also wasn't sure which window was Alex's but he stared up into him as if willing his friend--his love if he was being honest--to look down. Rapunzel, Rapunzel, look out your tower. See the prince waiting for... many an hour?" He groaned. Poetry was never his strong suit.
He was watching his phone for the reply, knowing that it probably wasn't going to just be a simple reply. And, sure enough, when he read the message, he just ran a hand down his face. He couldn't even send a freaking text without hurting anybody.
No, it's not you. This morning just took it out of me, you know? He sent, staring at the screen and reading Callum's last message. He just wanted to see Callum face to face again. Here, they could talk it out again. They could talk it out in private.
This tower of mine has a lift, if you want to talk face to face. Third floor, room 347. He sent, locking his phone, but staying staring at the screen.
Callum was muttering about his lack of social skills under his breath as he waited for a reply. As soon as his phone chirped, he quickly unlocked it and read the message. His eyes read the words slowly at first and then reread them before practically jumping from his car and made his way inside. It took everything in him not to run to the elevator. As he waited, he typed a reply:
I suppose I can brave that metal beast. I better get a kiss at the top." No. No no. He erased that last part and just sent: I suppose I can brave that metal beast. They just started talking again. No need to fuck it up with his failure of a flirt. He bounced on his toes as the metal doors slowly slid open and he practically hopped inside. It was completely empty so he didn't need to worry about bothering people with his fidgeting.
The doors slid open again on the third floor and he quickly made his way to room 347. He found it and lifted his hand to knock. And dropped it. Stop being a baby He lifted his hand again, took a deep breath and knocked. He let one word escape his lips, a whisper that sounded like a shout in the quiet hall, "Alex?"
Callum's reply made him smile a little, and his eyes shifted from the screen of his phone to the door. A few moments later, the knock came. He got to his feet, casting an eye over the room. It suddenly seemed ridiculously untidy, but there wasn't much he could do about it. So he just ran a hand through his hair, and opened the door. "Hey," he said, standing back to let Callum in. "Sorry about the mess, I just... I meant to tidy up, but then I fell asleep and... yeah," he said, shrugging. God, this was so much more awkward than he'd imagined.
Callum's heart jumped when the door swung open revealing a lightly disheveled Alex. He looked like he had been sleeping before Callum had texted him. He stepped inside, his eyes sweeping about the room. It was a mess, but it wasn't any worse than the back of his Bronco. [color=#004d00]"Hey, don't sweat it. You should see the back of my truck." Was it a truck? It was definitely bigger than a car. It felt powerful like a truck... he was sticking with truck. "But what's with all the paper?" He knocked a wad of crumpled paper across the floor with his foot, landing next to a pile of shoes and a backpack bursting with clothes.
He smiled at Callum's response. They'd never been the tidiest pair, and it was kind of comforting to know that some things never changed. "Just... drawings that weren't going to work out. I was getting frustrated, hence why they're flung... literally all over the room," he admitted, running his hand through his hair again. He sighed. "Sorry for backing out, dude, I just... Like I said, I've been asleep all afternoon, and I still don't have the energy to go out and try and deal with people again. I'm just... constantly tired lately," he said. It wasn't a lie. He was telling the truth, and praying that Callum wasn't going to question it.
Callum smirked. Everything about Alex was still so... Alex it was almost like he had never left. Like Alex hadn't fallen deeper and deeper into a pit. Almost. He tried to smile more, echo his friend's from before, but it was forced and weak so he dropped it. "You alright? It sounds like you need caffine, dude. Not more sleep." Not that he had said he would be doing more sleep. "Plus being around people might be good for you." He wasn't sure he could go if Alex didn't. He pushed the thought down. It was selfish and not how he needed to think to get Alex back.
Was he alright? That was the million dollar question. Alex just forced a grin. "Caffeine doesn't help all that much, to be honest. Trust me, I've tried." God, everything felt so forced with him. All he wanted was to sleep and everything else was just forced, just a mask to get him through life. "And I don't know- I was fine until I went out this morning and then bam, exhaustion. Do you really want me falling asleep on you?" He asked, half jokingly. Considering everything they'd been through, this felt... all wrong. Like small talk and nothing more, all while they pretended it was fine. When it wasn't.
Callum nodded as he listened, thinking of anyway to help his love--his friend. "Sounds like you're not getting enough sleep." He looked up at Alex, his eyes worried. "Do you want to talk about it? About what happened? I mean either between us, or rehab, or whatever. Sometimes.. talking helps." How many times had he heard those words from Gemma as he shut her own, too afraid to tell her of his business... of what Alex really meant to him. He chuckled again. "I mean, if you did fall asleep on me, it's not like I would mind."
Alex decided against saying that he was sleeping ten, eleven, twelve hours a night, and then napping during the day. According to his therapist, that was normal, and that it would pass as he recovered. But that wasn't happening just yet. Probably because he wasn't sticking to all of her advice.
He shook his head as Callum asked if he wanted to talk. "I... I don't know if I can. I'm still trying to get my own head around it. Coming back here, seeing everyone..." Seeing Callum... "It's all kinda brought up the memories and the feelings and... I can't deal with it right now, Callum. Especially because the only thing that brought us here is someone dying." It could have been him. It was only luck, really, that he was still alive.
Callum took a step towards Alex, sick at the lost look on his face. "Nothing is going to happen to us, Alex. What happened to Lisa was an accident." He took a deep breath. "You're getting help right? What does your.. doctor? Therapist say?"
Alex didn't know what he wanted to do. Step closer to Callum? Step away? He wanted to both, but he didn't want to do either. So he stayed where he was, ignoring the sudden pressure on his chest. He didn't want to talk about this. He didn't want to talk about his problems, not to Callum.
"It's just... standard for a recovering addict. She says that if I wasn't an addict, I'd probably be on meds, but that she thinks I'd resort to abusing them." He wasn't going to say the word. Depression. He didn't want pity, he just wanted Callum to leave so he could go back to sleep and forget that it had ever happened and just... not leave the room until he was flying back. He wasn't going to tell Callum, but he agreed with the therapist. If anyone handed him anything stronger than paracetamol, he'd be downing it in the hope of taking the edge off.
At the word "addict" Callum winced. He feared Alex had been that bad. In fact, he knew it was true, but didn't want to accept it. Without permission, a memory surfaced. Alex's eyes wide and distant as he talked about whatever his drug addled brain was thinking. At first, Callum laughed with him. Even considered joining him if he wasn't thinking about how much Gemma would kill him. Then things went downhill quickly. Their inventory was depleting more rapidly than they could sell it and Callum, for a long time, refused to believe Alex was dipping into the stash. He had been wrong. He agreed with the therapist. He wasn't going to say it though. "Alex, you need to get out of this room. Some fresh air, some laughs. Then you can come here and crash or... He paused, his brain crying out Don't do it! "You could come back to the motel with me. Crash there. That way you're not alone." And I'm not alone anymore.
No. No, Callum wasn't getting it. He couldn't actually face it. The thought of heading out to a party, where everyone else would be talking about how great their life was and how they'd gotten everything they'd wanted. And then they'd look at him and he'd either have to tell more lies or tell the truth and deal with their pity and their general disappointment. He didn't want to deal with any of them. He wanted Callum to stay here with him and just chill and forget about the outside world and all their problems, but Callum wasn't going to let him do that. Callum sounded like his freaking therapist, preaching to him when he had no idea what he was going through.
He took a step back, running a hand through his hair. Being back here, having Callum talking to him like this- it was like he was back then, back when he'd either be high or so painfully sober, when everyone was telling him what to do and what was right for him when they had no idea what he needed. "No, Callum, I can't." He couldn't even say any more than that. He couldn't elaborate. He could feel the frustration starting to build already, but ignored it, trying to suppress it. If there was one person he didn't want to lose his temper with, it was Callum.
Callum froze. He knew that look. The fear that only disappeared when he was shorting shit or shooting up. He took a step back. He needed to fix it. How could he fix it? He looked around the room, trying to think of something quick. Before Alex exploded and the radiation would hit him right in the chest. He kicked a ball of paper when he took a step back and an idea snapped into place. "Show me what you're working on?" He wasn't sure how Alex would react to the change of topic. He knew Alex probably thought he was probing and being an ass and he would rather face his reaction to that request than make the gap between them bigger. He still wished he had the strength--and permission that's very important--to cross the room and kiss him. His hands shook with the need, but he stuffed them in his pockets.
Alex forced himself to take a deep breath. And another. He was fine. He was okay. He wasn't going to have to leave just yet. Callum wasn't leaving. He nodded once at Callum's request. Then again as he moved back to the bed, retrieving the sketchpad from the bedside locker. Another deep breath. He flicked through the sketchpad, landing on the draft he was happiest with. His therapist had been encouraging him to put what he was feeling onto paper, but Alex had never been good with words. So he drew. Sometimes he just drew what was in front of him. But he drew more than that too.
He sat down on the bed, staring at the drawing. His mind picked out the flaws and he wanted to rip it up. But instead, he looked up at Callum, forced a smile, and patted the bed beside him. He looked back down at the drawing, trying to see it for what it was. He'd never seen the Grim Reaper as a bad spirit. Somebody who was just trying to do what he was supposed to, but who was portrayed as evil for that. He wondered if the Grim Reaper was an outcast too. So he'd drawn the Grim Reaper in human form. Hollow, gaunt cheeks, but bright eyes that shone from even beneath his cloak. Hands that could carry a human as easy as they could take their hand. Like him but also nothing like him. He slid it across to Callum.
Callum waited. For and explosion. For a smle. When he didn't get either, he still considered the diversion a success. He watched as Alex pulled a sketchpad from the bed and began to flip through the pages. He waited until he was given the okay to cross the room and sat beside Alex. There was a small forced smile that reminded him of all the times Alex smiled apologetically after a bad episode. He gave a small smile back, just as he would before and took the picture. His jaw dropped. It was obvious it was modeled a little after Alex, but at the same time it was a totally different person. Not a person but a concept: The Grim Reaper.
The detail was amazing, though. Almost like a photograph. He brushed his fingers over the page, careful not to smudge it. He could feel where Alex had erased and reworked the picture, the dents from pressing harder with the pencil. He closed his eyes for a moment and pictured Alex working. He had seen his work in the past, but had definitely improved. And Callum couldn't help but be proud of him. He opened his eyes and grinned. "This is crazy good, Alex. You've gotten so much better." He looked up at Alex. "Not that you've needed to improve."
The smile that Callum's compliment produced was the first fully real smile that Alex had smiled in a while. "Thanks. Drawing is a great way to avoid my family," he said, shrugging a little. Was that too personal? No, not really. Callum had seen and heard all of his problems. This wasn't anything new.
"Listen, Callum, I'm sorry. Coming back and seeing everyone and... seeing you. It's tough. You know as well as I do that I could never really deal with my emotions all that well in the first place, and I've kinda got to learn to deal with it all over again. I get angry a lot and I get anxious a lot and... I'm afraid of losing everyone again," he admitted, not making eye contact. "I'm afraid of losing you again," he added, more quietly. "So a lot of the time I just feel like... it's better not to get close to begin with." God, his therapist was going to be proud of him when she heard what he was about to say. "But... it's not the same with you. I want things to go back to the way they were. I'm not easy to deal with, though, so if you don't want to... I understand." Wow, not only had he made a decision on what he wanted, he'd also admitted to it. He was on a roll.
Callum beamed when he saw Alex's smile. His real smile. "We all have our escapes." he replied with a shrug similar to Alex's. He saw the change in Alex right before he spoke and he listened, his full attention on him. He felt heat rise to his face when he said I'm afraid of losing you again. When he finished, Callum opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. The words hadn't formed yet, they were still lost in the words Alex had spoken.
His face heated and he stammered a bit, trying to get the words out. "I--You mean--We--" he took a deep breath. "Back to how things were, how?" He tilted his head slightly to the side, his eyes soft. His heart pounded in his chest in hopes of hearing what he needed to hear.
It was unusual that Alex could talk when Callum couldn't. Maybe the therapy was working after all. As he watched him, he was reminded exactly why he'd said what he had. He was tired of trying to deny it to himself. He still loved Callum, as much as he'd tried to persuade himself otherwise. So at Callum's question, he leaned across to kiss him.
Callum's pulse thundered in his ears as he waited for Alex to answer. Please Please Please It sang. Alex's blue eyes grew intense in a way that Callum recognized and before Alex even moved, he had his answer. He leaned forward as well, his hand coming up to cup Alex's cheek softly, his thumb gliding across his cheek bone. He paused, only for a moment, building the tension and then his lips met Alex's. It was as soft and warm as he remembered, this time without the tingling of drugs burning through Alex's veins. He held himself back from being too forceful--too passionate. Not for fear of hurting Alex, but so he could speak. He needed to make sure Alex understood something if they were to move forward.
"Alex," he whispered as he pulled back slightly, laying his forehead against Alex's. "I need you to understand something." He looked up into those blue eyes that held him captive since the day they met. "I meant what I said back at Lisa's..." he didn't finish it. Death had no place in their conversation. So instead he went around the word. "I'm not going anywhere. If you want me, you have me. I've learned what it's like to not have you and I don't want to taste that life again. I made a mistake and I'm sorry, but if you're taking me back. I'm not letting you go. I will always be here for you. In the way I never was before." He leaned his head down, his lips just barely touching Alex's. "I love you, Alex Holmes."
It was everything he had been waiting and hoping for. Everything he had remembered. His skin tingled where Callum touched it, like static electricity. Even when Callum pulled away, resting his forehead against Alex's, Alex could still feel the electricity. His hand rested around the back of Callum's neck, and he couldn't stop himself from smiling, even as Callum met his eyes. The idea of having Callum all to himself, without fear of losing him... Alex wasn't so scared any more. Having Callum this close made everything feel a little better.
"Good," he replied. "Because you're not getting rid of me," he said. At Callum's words, his smile just grew. "And I love you, Callum Wilcox," he said, before closing the slight distance between them to kiss Callum again. He'd forgotten how much he'd missed it. It was almost exactly like everything his doctor had told him to avoid, because it would just get him hooked again. And she was exactly right.
He pulled away, but not too far. He couldn't remember the last time he'd grinned this much. "Well, haven't we got a party to go to? I think I'll just about be able to manage it now that I have you," he said.
Callum felt heat running through his veins at Alex's kiss. He heard his words echoing in his ears. His heart was racing--fluttering really--in his chest. He desperately wished he had his camera so he could take a picture of this moment and hold onto it forever. There was a tingling sensation on the skin of his neck and his lips. Pretty much wherever his body met Alex's. When Alex pulled back he felt a grin take form on his face. The chuckle that bubbled up from his core was practically a giggle. He was drunk on Alex's kisses and high on his touch. How could Alex have prefered drugs to the feeling of this?
He looked up at his love from under his eyelashes, the action more effective now that he wore contacts instead of his glasses. "Party? What party?" he asked huskily. He chuckled again, laying his forehead against Alex's shoulder. "Man the party. I almost forgot about it. You really want to go?"
As Callum leaned his head against Alex's shoulder, Alex rested his head against Callum's. He'd missed being this close to somebody. Not just sex, just having this kind of physical contact. Just being near somebody like this. He ran a hand through Callum's hair as he talked about the party. "Well, we both said we were going," he said. "And I don't particularly want to have to try and answer the questions of what we did while we weren't there," he teased.
Callum closed his eyes, reveling in the feel of Alex's fingers in his hair. It was comforting and the warmth of being near him was making him sleepy. Alex's teasing snapped him out of the feeling. Callum growled and turned his head, kissing the skin of Alex's neck. "Don't tempt me." He sighed happily and pulled back. "You're right though. We said we'd be there and we should. You should change." He stood, pushing back Alex's hair from his face and giving his forehead a soft kiss. "I'll wait outside your door otherwise I might distract you and we'll never get out of here." he teased.
Once Alex was finished and had whatever he wanted to take with him, Callum took ahold of his hand, and lead him down to the Bronco where he grabbed his camera bag and set it at the space below Alex's feet. As he drove towards the gathering of old friends, he had one hand on the wheel and one hand intertwined with Alex's fingers. He smiled to himself and turned on the radio, singing along to whatever song was playing for the millionth time.
The feeling of Callum's lips on his neck sent shivers down his spine again. But then Callum pulled away, and Alex sighed a little, grinning at the forehead kiss and gentle tease. He changed quickly, the change of clothes helping him to feel somewhat normal again. He couldn't believe how well things had gone. He'd pictured an argument, him exploding at Callum over something small... and it had gone the opposite. It had gone exactly as he'd wanted it to go. That didn't seem to happen all that much.
The drive to the pre-arranged spot was just as good. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt this... peaceful. Callum's fingers in his, Callum singing along to the radio... He wanted to say it was like the old days, but it wasn't. In the old days, he'd either be high and singing along with Callum or babbling about something strange, or trying to recover from a hangover or general low, when he wanted to ask Callum to stop singing, because he had a headache, but didn't, because he didn't want to let Callum know how bad he was feeling.
He got out of the car, taking the supplies he'd picked up on his way back from the service with him. It was only a short walk to the site, but it looked like everyone else was already there. "Sorry, guys. My ten minute nap turned into a few hours."
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A few days after the funeral, a day or two after they’d all been interviewed. It had been an intense few days, and they all needed to let off steam. So somebody had thrown a party. A mutual friend, a friend of Sarah, the girl who had been murdered. She’d been such a wonderful person, one of those people who’s always looking out for everyone else, who had been involved in pretty much every club going. Turns out she’d been hooked on prescription drugs. That hadn’t been what had killed her- it had been revealed that it had been a murder, that she’d actually been in a rehab programme to get off the drugs.
At first, it had been quiet. Chill. Mostly just a chance for everyone to talk. But now it was starting to liven up, to become an actual party. The alcohol was flowing, but it was still at that nice point where things were still fun, and nobody was messy drunk or out of control. Everyone seemed to be having a good time.
Everyone, that was, except for Lee Romero. The anxiety was starting to creep in as it started to feel more and more like... those parties. And his anxiety had already been at a higher level than usual what with the brutal interrogation from the police. Well. It hadn’t been that brutal. But it had been intense and unpleasant and it had been with the same police officers he’d gone to about Neil, the man who had manipulated him and forced him to have sex with strangers. At first, he thought they were going to tell him that he had been released. Instead, he’d been questioned. He hated it.
And now, for some ungodly reason, he was at a party. He hadn’t even ran into anyone he knew yet. He was just standing there, clutching a drink, and wishing he was somewhere else entirely. What if a... client showed up? What if nobody he knew showed up? What if Neil had gotten out and he showed up?
But he couldn’t bring himself to leave. He took another sip of his coke and waited. Half an hour. If nobody showed up, he could leave after half an hour.
At first, it had been quiet. Chill. Mostly just a chance for everyone to talk. But now it was starting to liven up, to become an actual party. The alcohol was flowing, but it was still at that nice point where things were still fun, and nobody was messy drunk or out of control. Everyone seemed to be having a good time.
Everyone, that was, except for Lee Romero. The anxiety was starting to creep in as it started to feel more and more like... those parties. And his anxiety had already been at a higher level than usual what with the brutal interrogation from the police. Well. It hadn’t been that brutal. But it had been intense and unpleasant and it had been with the same police officers he’d gone to about Neil, the man who had manipulated him and forced him to have sex with strangers. At first, he thought they were going to tell him that he had been released. Instead, he’d been questioned. He hated it.
And now, for some ungodly reason, he was at a party. He hadn’t even ran into anyone he knew yet. He was just standing there, clutching a drink, and wishing he was somewhere else entirely. What if a... client showed up? What if nobody he knew showed up? What if Neil had gotten out and he showed up?
But he couldn’t bring himself to leave. He took another sip of his coke and waited. Half an hour. If nobody showed up, he could leave after half an hour.
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000000L E E 0 R O M E R O 00000000000000000|00000000000000000000000000 L I N C O L N 0 C O L E
Lee had never imagined himself being held like this by Link. And yet, here he was. He inhaled deeply, taking in the smell of Link. He just wanted to remember this moment, the feeling of being guided oh so carefully to Link's bike. He climbed on, carefully, still aware of how clouded his head was. He took the helmet and pulled it on. It felt a tad claustrophobic, but he wasn't going to not wear it. He could just about hear Link through it, and he wrapped his arms around Link as tightly as he could. And then they were off, speeding into the night. Perhaps on any other night, Lee might have enjoyed it, but the speed almost made the dizziness worse. But he didn't dare close his eyes for fear he'd pass out. So he just held on tighter to Link.
Glad that the other male couldn't see his face, Link had blushed lightly. His dark blue eyes focused on the road. His heart beating fast, with Lee's arms around him. He smiled, this is what their life could've been. If his mom had lived, if he had been brave enough to tell someone about his dad. But he hadn't been, and now he lived in the fear of being harmed, or harming those close to him. He should see his brother soon, maybe talk to him about it. He was proud of the gargantuan little shit.The scenery of the night had always eased Link's mind, the sound of the cars passing by him on the road, the calm and collected feeling the night had anyway. Stopping at a red light, he spoke up slightly. "You doing okay back there Lee? We're almost at the hotel, so just hold tight a few more minutes."
As he finished speaking, the light they had stopped at turned green, and with another rev of his engine, the duo would race down the streets. Ending up at the hotel, that Link was staying in. Turning off the motorcylcle, he let himself sit on the bike for just a little longer, with Lee's arms wrapped around his body.
The night blew by in a whirl of blurred colours and lights. Despite the vague nausea, he found a slight rush of adrenaline starting to pump through his veins. It sucked that this was the first and possibly only time this was ever going to happen. He had to keep reminding himself to enjoy it before it vanished, before things went back to how they were. As they stopped at a red light, he could hear Link talking to him. He just nodded, but they took off again into the night. And like Link said, it wasn't too far to the hotel. Once they stopped, Link didn't move. Lee didn't either, simply leaned his head against Link's back and just... let himself enjoy the moment. Let himself breathe. He only moved to pull off the helmet, because it was really starting to feel a bit claustrophobic. "Should we head inside? It's kinda cold," Lee said, because it was the first time he had really felt the cold. Or maybe it was just him being a little shaky. But either way, he felt like being in in the warmth would help.
"U...Uh yeah." he stammered, before he would get off the bike before placing Lee's arms over his shoulder to help him move off the bike. His eyes locking in the forever whirlpool of emotion. Moving slowly grabbing his wallet and taking out his room key, the two would be an awkward tangle of limbs walking up the stairs and finally reached the room, he swiped the card and opened up the door, leading the two to topple over and to protect Lee, he'd move in front quick leading to the other male landing on top of him.
Moving inside was a little awkward. Lee was leaning more on Link than he would have liked, but he was starting to have a hard time keeping his eyes open. He was just so tired all of a sudden. And then there was the warmth of indoors, the feeling of Link's arm around him... for the first time all evening, he felt truly safe. Like he could just sleep. He didn't even notice he was falling until suddenly, he was on top of Link. And he was wide awake again, aware of how close his face was to Link's, of how physically close they were. He'd never looked into Link's eyes like this, the other man was that inch or so taller than him. But here they were now, this close. And thankfully some of Lee's impulse control was still intact, because in that moment, all he wanted to do was kiss Link. "Somebody's eager," he teased lightly, his words slurring more than he would have liked. He managed to get to his feet, somehow, managing to keep his balance.
His face turning red upon the impact of their bodies, he was thankful that the other male had gotten up as fast as he did, as he would shoot up straight after him. His mind currently on the situation that had just happened a few moments before, he would turn his head and try to calm himself down. He would chuckle a bit at the slurred tease the male uttered, before shutting the door softly behind Lee. "Mi casa es su casa. Um, I have some extra clothes for you if you'd like to change. And...I only got one bed, so I can take the floor if you'd like," he stopped himself from rambling, as he would move to the suitcase that he had brought with him, and took out a soft gray sweatshirt, reading their high school's name and a pair of black sleep shorts. He set the clothes down on the bed, before he idly wandered around.[ color=#517887]"Ummm are you hungry? I could order some pizza if you'd like."[/color]
"You don't have to sleep on the floor, I don't mind sharing," Lee said, then immediately realised what he'd said and blushed a little. "Or I can sleep on the floor, I honestly don't mind," he hastily added. He picked up the clothes and looked around for a bathroom to change. "No, thanks, I'm not hungry. Kinda just... tired." He decided against mentioning the nausea. "Where's the bathroom? Just so I can change," he asked. God, it sounded just as awkward as he felt, and he had to stop himself from cringing. It was like being an awkward teenager all over again and he hated it.
They've shared a bed before, well, it was a tangle of limbs and a night Link actually enjoyed. But, he didn't need to admit that he wanted to share a bed with Lee, just the two of them holding each other. His dark blue eyes stared at Lee, the beauty the other male held. He'd realize he was staring towards the other boy, he'd turn red and look away. "O..Oh yeah, the bathrooms over there, and we can share the bed. It's nothing to be concerned about. Plus, it'd be better to have someone right there on your side incase somehting happened," he'd briefly let out, befor he smiled awkwardly. While the other boy went into the bathroom to change, Link changed into his usual attire for sleeping, and sat on the bed.
There was a moment of silence when Link just looked at Lee. Lee found himself blushing and unable to maintain eye contact. He didn't miss Link doing the same though. He nodded as Link pointed out the bathroom, and had to suppress another blush when Link said they coud share the bed. He had a point, but Lee had never quite forgotten the first time they'd shared a bed. It had been a little awkward at first, but that hadn't stopped him from enjoying it immensely. He stepped into the bathroom to change. The clothes were soft and comfortable, and he was immediately grateful for them. Sleeping in his own clothes wouldn't have been ideal at all. He stepped back out into the bedroom and sat down on the bed beside Link. "Thanks."
"It's no problem, anything for you, gorgeous...." his mind froze, his body froze. He didn't mean to utter those words, but looking at Lee, something withing urged him too. He knew that Lee probably wouldn't remember in the morning. Link bit his lip, before he took a deep breath and would mentally speak to himself. "Yougot this Cole, your old man's dead. Don't. Be. A. Pussy." he would nervously look down before he'd chuckle lightly and whispered a slight here goes nothing. "Lee, I haven't been fully honest with you. I love you.....I have since that first night we fucked. Sounds weird, but because of you I felt like I was important. I felt like I could do this, but I got scared. I became so in my head of what everyone else's opinions were, I saw you get the shit kicked out of you at school. My dad was the coach, I couldn't risk it....," he pasued before he turned Lee's face towards his own and pressed his forehead to the other beginning to speak oncemore. "I figured if I hurt you enough you'd hate me. You'd leave, and I could be...normal again. But you didn't you'd retaliate. And it made me even more heads over heels for you. So I took it as you being my personal target, that way nobody could hurt you. But....it fucked me over and fucked you over. I couldn't stop thinking of you, even after I left. Tee and I stayed up for hours talking about it. I never tried to reach out, because I'm still driven by that fear.....Lee Romero. I love you, and I have since I first laid my eyes on your beautiful brown ones," he finished befrore he'd breath slowly. His mind internalizing what he just did, before he would look into Lee's eyes which were so close to his own, for a hopeful sign of rejection or disgust....that way it'd make it so much easier for Link to move on.
Lee just looked at Link as he called him gorgeous, a little taken aback. And then he started speaking, and Lee suddenly couldn't keep eye contact. He'd hoped- not even hoped, dreamed- that something like this would happen. Not in this exact situation, obviously. But he hadn't ever let himself believe it might actually happen. He'd struggled to let himself believe that Link would ever even just look at him that way. But then Link was pressing his forehead to Lee's, and Lee had no choice but to look him in the eyes. Lee doubted he'd be able to remember any of this in the morning, and he wished he would. It was everything he'd wanted to hear. Everything he'd wanted. And when Link finished, Lee found himself speechless. His brain was swimming too much for him to form a coherent sentence, for him to say everything that he wanted to say. So instead he leaned in and kissed Link, all the while hoping that something might just stick in his brain for him to remember in the morning.
As their lips collided, his mind suddenly stopped. It was like everything he had just spoken into reality, and he loved it. His mind reverted back to the night they shared. The sweet kisses, the tender promises. All of which Link had shattered. They were deep into the kiss, and he pulled away for breath. He smiled, and he'd look at Lee with a tender smile. He was glad he could get this out, even though it wouldn't be remembered. He'd shrug, and smile. "I think...it's time for us to sleep. I can already tell we'll have a big day tomorrow, with more Sara-related events."
Lee smiled as Link pulled away, his head aready feeling calmer and clearer. He didn't know what tomorrow held, but for the first time he found himself not worrying about it. Maybe it was the drug, maybe it was the kiss, maybe it was a combination of factors too broad to comprehend. He nodded as Link suggested they go to sleep. [color=#4e4956]"Yeah. Sounds good.[/color[
Link would lay down, pulling the other male closer to him. wrapping his arms around the other, pulling him closer than he had earlier. He hummed happily as he whispered a small goodnight to Lee. His mind thinking about the other boy, but slowly turning from the happiness to the worst possible situation. He had ended up hurting the other so much, he had damaged him...both mentally and physically.
Lee let himself be pulled close by Link, smilling. He could already feel sleep starting to pull at the corners of his mind, so he didn't try to resist it, just let himself drift off to sleep in Link's arms.
Lee had never imagined himself being held like this by Link. And yet, here he was. He inhaled deeply, taking in the smell of Link. He just wanted to remember this moment, the feeling of being guided oh so carefully to Link's bike. He climbed on, carefully, still aware of how clouded his head was. He took the helmet and pulled it on. It felt a tad claustrophobic, but he wasn't going to not wear it. He could just about hear Link through it, and he wrapped his arms around Link as tightly as he could. And then they were off, speeding into the night. Perhaps on any other night, Lee might have enjoyed it, but the speed almost made the dizziness worse. But he didn't dare close his eyes for fear he'd pass out. So he just held on tighter to Link.
Glad that the other male couldn't see his face, Link had blushed lightly. His dark blue eyes focused on the road. His heart beating fast, with Lee's arms around him. He smiled, this is what their life could've been. If his mom had lived, if he had been brave enough to tell someone about his dad. But he hadn't been, and now he lived in the fear of being harmed, or harming those close to him. He should see his brother soon, maybe talk to him about it. He was proud of the gargantuan little shit.The scenery of the night had always eased Link's mind, the sound of the cars passing by him on the road, the calm and collected feeling the night had anyway. Stopping at a red light, he spoke up slightly. "You doing okay back there Lee? We're almost at the hotel, so just hold tight a few more minutes."
As he finished speaking, the light they had stopped at turned green, and with another rev of his engine, the duo would race down the streets. Ending up at the hotel, that Link was staying in. Turning off the motorcylcle, he let himself sit on the bike for just a little longer, with Lee's arms wrapped around his body.
The night blew by in a whirl of blurred colours and lights. Despite the vague nausea, he found a slight rush of adrenaline starting to pump through his veins. It sucked that this was the first and possibly only time this was ever going to happen. He had to keep reminding himself to enjoy it before it vanished, before things went back to how they were. As they stopped at a red light, he could hear Link talking to him. He just nodded, but they took off again into the night. And like Link said, it wasn't too far to the hotel. Once they stopped, Link didn't move. Lee didn't either, simply leaned his head against Link's back and just... let himself enjoy the moment. Let himself breathe. He only moved to pull off the helmet, because it was really starting to feel a bit claustrophobic. "Should we head inside? It's kinda cold," Lee said, because it was the first time he had really felt the cold. Or maybe it was just him being a little shaky. But either way, he felt like being in in the warmth would help.
"U...Uh yeah." he stammered, before he would get off the bike before placing Lee's arms over his shoulder to help him move off the bike. His eyes locking in the forever whirlpool of emotion. Moving slowly grabbing his wallet and taking out his room key, the two would be an awkward tangle of limbs walking up the stairs and finally reached the room, he swiped the card and opened up the door, leading the two to topple over and to protect Lee, he'd move in front quick leading to the other male landing on top of him.
Moving inside was a little awkward. Lee was leaning more on Link than he would have liked, but he was starting to have a hard time keeping his eyes open. He was just so tired all of a sudden. And then there was the warmth of indoors, the feeling of Link's arm around him... for the first time all evening, he felt truly safe. Like he could just sleep. He didn't even notice he was falling until suddenly, he was on top of Link. And he was wide awake again, aware of how close his face was to Link's, of how physically close they were. He'd never looked into Link's eyes like this, the other man was that inch or so taller than him. But here they were now, this close. And thankfully some of Lee's impulse control was still intact, because in that moment, all he wanted to do was kiss Link. "Somebody's eager," he teased lightly, his words slurring more than he would have liked. He managed to get to his feet, somehow, managing to keep his balance.
His face turning red upon the impact of their bodies, he was thankful that the other male had gotten up as fast as he did, as he would shoot up straight after him. His mind currently on the situation that had just happened a few moments before, he would turn his head and try to calm himself down. He would chuckle a bit at the slurred tease the male uttered, before shutting the door softly behind Lee. "Mi casa es su casa. Um, I have some extra clothes for you if you'd like to change. And...I only got one bed, so I can take the floor if you'd like," he stopped himself from rambling, as he would move to the suitcase that he had brought with him, and took out a soft gray sweatshirt, reading their high school's name and a pair of black sleep shorts. He set the clothes down on the bed, before he idly wandered around.[ color=#517887]"Ummm are you hungry? I could order some pizza if you'd like."[/color]
"You don't have to sleep on the floor, I don't mind sharing," Lee said, then immediately realised what he'd said and blushed a little. "Or I can sleep on the floor, I honestly don't mind," he hastily added. He picked up the clothes and looked around for a bathroom to change. "No, thanks, I'm not hungry. Kinda just... tired." He decided against mentioning the nausea. "Where's the bathroom? Just so I can change," he asked. God, it sounded just as awkward as he felt, and he had to stop himself from cringing. It was like being an awkward teenager all over again and he hated it.
They've shared a bed before, well, it was a tangle of limbs and a night Link actually enjoyed. But, he didn't need to admit that he wanted to share a bed with Lee, just the two of them holding each other. His dark blue eyes stared at Lee, the beauty the other male held. He'd realize he was staring towards the other boy, he'd turn red and look away. "O..Oh yeah, the bathrooms over there, and we can share the bed. It's nothing to be concerned about. Plus, it'd be better to have someone right there on your side incase somehting happened," he'd briefly let out, befor he smiled awkwardly. While the other boy went into the bathroom to change, Link changed into his usual attire for sleeping, and sat on the bed.
There was a moment of silence when Link just looked at Lee. Lee found himself blushing and unable to maintain eye contact. He didn't miss Link doing the same though. He nodded as Link pointed out the bathroom, and had to suppress another blush when Link said they coud share the bed. He had a point, but Lee had never quite forgotten the first time they'd shared a bed. It had been a little awkward at first, but that hadn't stopped him from enjoying it immensely. He stepped into the bathroom to change. The clothes were soft and comfortable, and he was immediately grateful for them. Sleeping in his own clothes wouldn't have been ideal at all. He stepped back out into the bedroom and sat down on the bed beside Link. "Thanks."
"It's no problem, anything for you, gorgeous...." his mind froze, his body froze. He didn't mean to utter those words, but looking at Lee, something withing urged him too. He knew that Lee probably wouldn't remember in the morning. Link bit his lip, before he took a deep breath and would mentally speak to himself. "Yougot this Cole, your old man's dead. Don't. Be. A. Pussy." he would nervously look down before he'd chuckle lightly and whispered a slight here goes nothing. "Lee, I haven't been fully honest with you. I love you.....I have since that first night we fucked. Sounds weird, but because of you I felt like I was important. I felt like I could do this, but I got scared. I became so in my head of what everyone else's opinions were, I saw you get the shit kicked out of you at school. My dad was the coach, I couldn't risk it....," he pasued before he turned Lee's face towards his own and pressed his forehead to the other beginning to speak oncemore. "I figured if I hurt you enough you'd hate me. You'd leave, and I could be...normal again. But you didn't you'd retaliate. And it made me even more heads over heels for you. So I took it as you being my personal target, that way nobody could hurt you. But....it fucked me over and fucked you over. I couldn't stop thinking of you, even after I left. Tee and I stayed up for hours talking about it. I never tried to reach out, because I'm still driven by that fear.....Lee Romero. I love you, and I have since I first laid my eyes on your beautiful brown ones," he finished befrore he'd breath slowly. His mind internalizing what he just did, before he would look into Lee's eyes which were so close to his own, for a hopeful sign of rejection or disgust....that way it'd make it so much easier for Link to move on.
Lee just looked at Link as he called him gorgeous, a little taken aback. And then he started speaking, and Lee suddenly couldn't keep eye contact. He'd hoped- not even hoped, dreamed- that something like this would happen. Not in this exact situation, obviously. But he hadn't ever let himself believe it might actually happen. He'd struggled to let himself believe that Link would ever even just look at him that way. But then Link was pressing his forehead to Lee's, and Lee had no choice but to look him in the eyes. Lee doubted he'd be able to remember any of this in the morning, and he wished he would. It was everything he'd wanted to hear. Everything he'd wanted. And when Link finished, Lee found himself speechless. His brain was swimming too much for him to form a coherent sentence, for him to say everything that he wanted to say. So instead he leaned in and kissed Link, all the while hoping that something might just stick in his brain for him to remember in the morning.
As their lips collided, his mind suddenly stopped. It was like everything he had just spoken into reality, and he loved it. His mind reverted back to the night they shared. The sweet kisses, the tender promises. All of which Link had shattered. They were deep into the kiss, and he pulled away for breath. He smiled, and he'd look at Lee with a tender smile. He was glad he could get this out, even though it wouldn't be remembered. He'd shrug, and smile. "I think...it's time for us to sleep. I can already tell we'll have a big day tomorrow, with more Sara-related events."
Lee smiled as Link pulled away, his head aready feeling calmer and clearer. He didn't know what tomorrow held, but for the first time he found himself not worrying about it. Maybe it was the drug, maybe it was the kiss, maybe it was a combination of factors too broad to comprehend. He nodded as Link suggested they go to sleep. [color=#4e4956]"Yeah. Sounds good.[/color[
Link would lay down, pulling the other male closer to him. wrapping his arms around the other, pulling him closer than he had earlier. He hummed happily as he whispered a small goodnight to Lee. His mind thinking about the other boy, but slowly turning from the happiness to the worst possible situation. He had ended up hurting the other so much, he had damaged him...both mentally and physically.
Lee let himself be pulled close by Link, smilling. He could already feel sleep starting to pull at the corners of his mind, so he didn't try to resist it, just let himself drift off to sleep in Link's arms.
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A week had passed since the party. An intense week. Cops had been conducting interviews and asking questions, questions that not everyone could answer. "Who were you with?" "What were you doing?" Some people had alibis. Some had alibis that they didn't want to give. There was too many secrets that went unspoken, that even the cops couldn't be trusted with. Everyone had a secret, something they were hiding.
And the secrets weren't going anywhere either. They didn't disappear when they weren't an active problem.
A week had passed since the party. An intense week. Cops had been conducting interviews and asking questions, questions that not everyone could answer. "Who were you with?" "What were you doing?" Some people had alibis. Some had alibis that they didn't want to give. There was too many secrets that went unspoken, that even the cops couldn't be trusted with. Everyone had a secret, something they were hiding.
And the secrets weren't going anywhere either. They didn't disappear when they weren't an active problem.
- 4 posts here • Page 1 of 1