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Don't Panic.
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「 Kairo Choi ✧ 26 ✧ Music Therapist ✧ Hex: 400E15 」
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"I'm sorry Lu, I just can't today." Kairo repeated, his quiet steps taking him down another flight of stairs and through the spacious, empty hallway that led to his favorite place on earth. He could hear his fiance's annoyed huff on the other side of the call, followed by a beat of silence before her soft voice came again. "What's so important that you can't spend an afternoon with your fiance?" Kai remained silent, focusing his attention on opening the large metal door. His phone rested between his ear and his shoulder as he struggled to respond to her. "I'm just-" he pushed the heavy door open, the smell of freshly polished floors hitting his nostrils, before taking hold of the phone once again. "I'm meeting someone new today. It will be his first time and I don't want to appear unprofessional." he explained, tossing his bag on the ground with a thud.
"Ugh, another nutcase?" Kai rolled his eyes, his free hand tugging at the heavy red curtains to let in some sunlight. "Lu you know how I feel about you talking about my students that way." he muttered, a subtle frown settling on his otherwise peaceful features. Another sigh came from Lucy's end before Kairo spoke again. "I'll make it up to you soon, I promise." after a short pause the girl hummed before responding with a "You better." a soft chuckle left the dancer's lips before he and his fiance said their goodbyes and he was all alone in the spacious dance studio.
His eyes scanned the room to make sure nothing was out of place. This space, though empty and often quiet, had always been Kairo's favorite place to be. Not only because of what he was able to do here, but because of what it represented. A safe haven. A place for people to come and leave their worries and problems behind. A place of relief and self-love. That's what he intended it to be from the moment he arrived at the university and that's how he intended on keeping it. His dark eyes glanced at the clock on the wall. It wouldn't be long before his new student, as he preferred to call the patients, arrived. In the meantime he could start warming up. He walked over to the set of speakers and laptop and searched for the perfect melody to ease him into the day as he waited for Ethan.
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'This is a terrible idea' Ethan stated as he crossed the street. 'Music therapy? How has that helped anyone?' A week ago, Ethan had attended his therapy session to discuss how his week had been and as usual the therapist began to psychoanalyze him and manipulate him into confessing his feelings. Though used to it now and more willing to confess, it still bewildered him how quickly she could pull answers from him. By the end of it, Ethan had admitted to a mental breakdown he had in the school breakroom due to the overwhelming amount of deadlines he had assigned to him by his supervisor. His therapist, Marissa, had decided that it was time to try a different kind of therapy to help with his thoughts. Medication was helping, but was not enough. Ethan thought he was going to get electric convulsive therapy, which admittedly almost caused him to have a panic attack in the office. However, he was assured that it wasn't that and it was music therapy. Ehtan attempted to deny it at first, but Marissa had used her ability to manipulate him and got him to agree. It was to take place of one of the two normal therapy sessions. Today was the day and Ethan was not looking forward to it.
'They will probably try to make me sing. Or play an instrument. I cannot do any of those things and I am going to look like a complete idiot. And how is music supposed to get rid of my thoughts? Thinking is part of the normal body process! The only way to stop my thoughts is to die and I am not ready to die today!' As usual, Ethan's thoughts had taken over. Clark continued thinking that this was a trick and the therapist just wanted to kill him. He was starting to hyperventilate. Just as Ethan was contemplating heading back to his house, he received a text message.
From: Marissa, the therapist
To: Ethan
MSG: Don't be late! This will be good for you!
'1...2...3...4..' Ethan pocketed his phone and made his way up to the front door of the address his therapist had given him. '5...6...7...' He stood before the door, staring at it for a brief second. 8...9...10... Clark exhaled slowly. He was no longer panicking and was ready to, at least, meet the music therapist. He walked through the doors and asked the person at the front where the studio was. She pointed in a general direction and mentioned the signs on the wall that were easy to follow. Ethan nodded and started heading towards the direction. He slowly made his way down the stairs and down the hall. It was empty, quiet, and lightly dimmed. 'Please don't be a trick...please don't be a trick..' Ethan pushed open the metal doors. The first thing he heard was a soothing melody. The first person he saw was a tall and slim gentleman. "Are you umm..." Ethan quickly pulled out the business card that was in his pocket. "Kai..ro?" He was hoping that he had said that name correctly. "I'm Ethan. Marissa sent me." He stuffed the business card back into his pocket and slowly moved further into the dance studio, taking in his surroundings.
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「 Kairo Choi ✧ 26 ✧ Music Therapist ✧ Hex: 400E15 」
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Kairo had been swallowed up by the melody, his limbs moving slowly to give his body a nice warm up, that he didn't even hear the studio door open. "Are you um...Kai..ro?"?" nearly jumping out of his skin, the man turned on his heels to face the newcomer. A young boy, Ethan if he remembered the name correctly, looking significantly lost and nervous. "I'm Ethan. Marissa sent me.". Though he let the song continue to play in the background, Kairo turned down the volume before heading over to the boy. Aside from looking confused, he had a very innocent look to him, standing at several inches shorter than Kai himself. The dancer's lips morphed into a soft smile as he extended his hand to great him. "Kai is fine." he said, his voice a soothing deep as he shook the boy's hand. It wasn't hard to pick up on just how nervous he was, so Kai did everything in his power to keep a soothing tone, face and a warm welcoming smile. Not that it was difficult as it tended to be his default setting. "Did you find your way here okay? I know it can be a bit confusing." he stated, in hopes of calming the boy on the off chance that he had gotten lost or struggled to find the studio.
As he waited for the reply, Kairo made his way over to a mini fridge he had in the corner of the studio. He hoped there were still beverages inside. Usually he would restock at the beginning of every week, but this week had been overwhelming to say the least. Corporate dinners with his family, the beginning of wedding preparations and on top of everything, seeing his usual students. He had simply just forgotten. Much to his relief, there was a bit of variety when he opened then small door. He pulled out a can of coca cola and held it in one hand as he picked up the iced tea and water in the other. "This is all I've got today, I'm sorry." he gave Ethan an apologetic chuckle. "Take your pick. I'll have better options next time."
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Ethan was focused on his surroundings. At this point, he no longer believed that Marissa was trying to kill him. The studio was virtually empty and had cameras in two the four corners, which he believed were linked to a security room. His nerves were eased a bit at the thought that if anything terrible happened to him, it would be recorded. But he was still going to be alone with a stranger for a while and that was not settling well with him. It had taken Clark weeks to warm up to Marissa. Ethan returned his focus back on the music therapist, who had turned down the music and reveled his face. It took a lot not to blurt out how handsome he was. He had soft facial features and a contagious smile. Ethan found himself smiling back at the man "Kai is fine." Ethan shook his hand. 'A nickname?' "Oh. Then you can call me Clark." He dropped the taller man's hand and ran it through his own hair. "Most people do, except Marissa. Something about professionalism..." He added with a shrug. He never understood why using his middle name was considered unprofessional, when everyone refers to him that way. He even let the first graders at the elementary school that he works at call him Clark.
Ethan tracked the therapist as he moved over to the mini refrigerator. He crossed his arms and slowly moved in the same direction that Kai had, still leaving plenty of space between the two of them. "Did you find your way here okay? I know it can be a bit confusing." Clark didn't think it was that hard to get here. "Yes I did. GPS is a wonderful thing." He assured him. And since he found it with such ease the first time, Clark knew that he wouldn't have an issue with it again. Ethan stopped walking when he made it to the middle of the studio floor. Close enough to the therapist to hear him and still close enough to the door to leave if he needed to make a quick escape. "This is all I've got today, I'm sorry." Ethan took note of the drinks in the man's hands. "Take your pick. I'll have better options next time." "Water is just fine." He didn't really drink much else. Unless it was alcohol and he was having a rough panic attack, but for the most part he just tried to drink water since his medication doesn't respond well to many other drinks. Clark moved a bit closer to take his water bottle. "So what exactly, is it that we will be doing? Marissa was vague and I don't really like surprises even though she says that they are good for me."
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「 Kairo Choi ✧ 26 ✧ Location: Dance Studio ✧ Hex: 400E15 」
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Kairo watched Ethan's every movement with careful consideration. Marissa had already told him a lot about him, from what he suffered to how he responded to her sessions, but in Kai's experience, hearing about someone from another person was never as effective as watching them himself. "Oh. Then you can call me Clark." The therapist let a small smile spread across his face, taking in the comment about Marissa, and nodded. "Clark. Got it.". He handed the boy his choice of drink and took the coke can for himself, deciding he could use a bit of energy.
As Kairo listened to the boy's concern, he continued to watch him closely, specifically his mannerisms. He seemed to be fidgeting with his hair and feet, very subtly and almost to the point where Ethan himself didn't even realize he was doing it, but it was there. Once he was finished, Kairo gave the boy a soft smile before walking over towards the back of the room where he kept his guitar. "Don't worry, there will be no crazy surprises here." he said, hoping to put the boy at ease. After picking up the wooden instrument, he made his way back over, gesturing to the couches that were backed up against the wall. "You're here to relax. That's all."
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Ethan opened his water bottle and took a sip from it. He continued to track the music therapist as he moved around the room. "Don't worry, there will be no crazy surprises here." This entire situation was a crazy surprise. He wasn't expecting to have to show up to music therapy and he wasn't expecting the therapist to be handsome. This whole thing has thrown him for a loop. Ethan enjoyed sitting in the same lazyboy chair every session and talking about the same stuff that he always does with Marissa. But now he is in an unfamiliar place, with a stranger, who just told him that he was here to relax. Clark went through half of his water bottle and stopped tapping his foot, that he hadn't even realized he was tapping. Kai gestured over to the couch and Ethan just looked in that direction, not making any sudden movements to go sit down. "How exactly to do you plan on getting me to relax?" After a moment of just standing in the center of the dance studio, he made his way to couch. "Do I have to tell you the same stuff I tell Marissa because I-I can't do that." He cannot bring himself to trust another person with everything that he is thinking and the things that he has done behind closed doors. 'What if he made the man mad one day? Then he could just go around and tell all of his personal business. What if he told his supervisor at work about his cutting habits? What if he told his parents that he was homosexual?!' Ethan hadn't even realized that he had been caught up in his thoughts again. He was breathing harder, his heartbeat was faster, and he was beginning to look pale. 'I just need one therapist! One!'
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「 Kairo Choi ✧ 26 ✧ Location: Dance Studio ✧ Hex: 400E15 」
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Tapping his foot, drinking a large amount of water in a short time, hesitant to sit down. It was more than clear to Kai that the boy was on edge, as if he were expecting something terrible to happen to him. "How exactly to do you plan on getting me to relax?" That was a good question, Kairo noted. How as he going to approach this? Something was visibly bothering Ethan and Kairo couldn't yet tell what it was, though he had a hunch, which was immediately confirmed by Ethan's next statement. "Do I have to tell you the same stuff I tell Marissa because I-I can't do that." There it is. the therapist thought to himself as he eyed the small couch placed across from where he was sitting.
"You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to." was Kai's first response, hoping to get his point across to a very anxious Ethan that this session was not meant to dig information out of him "The only thing I need you to tell me right now is..." he gestured toward the empty couch, thinking maybe Ethan would be much more comfortable sitting a distance away from him. "what's you favorite song?". This was usually a question most of his patience didn't mind answering, though he always had back ups on the off chance that they did. "I listen to just about anything, so whatever it is I can probably play it for you."
Of course the ultimate goal was to gain the boy's trust, to get a bit in insight into his mind and figure out that things that made him happy. However, that would come in due time, and Kairo had plenty of it. For now, they could just be two strangers enjoying good music.
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Ethan thought he was going to pass out. He was trapped here with a man that was going to somehow use music to force him to tell him everything about himself. He didn't want to do that. He couldn't do that. Clark could feel himself getting lightheaded, so he continued to drink his water. Maybe I should just leave... He thought to himself, glancing towards the front door. But that would be rude and then Kai would tell Marissa. Then Marissa would just scold me and then send me right back to this studio. I am stuck here. Just when he thought his heart was going to explode, the music therapist finally spoke up. "You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to." Clark let out the breath he didn't even realize that he was holding. He didn't need to share his secrets or tell the man about his day. That provided some relief. His heartbeat was slowly returning to its normal. He took his seat on the couch across from the music therapist. Ethan couldn't bring himself to sit next to him. That was just too close for comfort.
He finished his water and gently sat it on the floor of the dance studio. Ethan was tense and couldn't bring himself to relax in the couch, that was surprisingly comfortable. His back was straight, hands resting in his lap. Clark's index finger was tapping on his knee as he looked to Kai. "What's you favorite song?" Favorite song? Ethan had never thought about having a favorite song before. He usually isn't very picky about his music as long as it wasn't country. His music playlist was full of a lot of different songs, but which one did he want to hear right now? "H-how about..." He was still trying to think. "Lego House by Ed Sheeran." Clark often put on Ed Sheeran while at home. It wasn't about the song particularly, it was about Ed Sheeran's voice. It was oddly soothing for him and often kept him calm. Many soft-spoken singers, both pop and r&b, do this for him. This particular song choice, however, was chosen mostly because he liked the rhythm and he wanted to be distracted from his thoughts.
「 Kairo Choi ✧ 26 ✧ Location: Dance Studio ✧ Hex: 400E15 」
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Kai watched attentively as Ethan took a seat on the empty couch. He was still visibly nervous, and a little tense to put it lightly, but he was taking baby steps and that's what mattered. He waited for the boy's answer, and though he wasn't sure what he was expecting, it certainly wasn't what he got. Kai took a few seconds of silence to go over the song's basic melody in his head before responding. "Good choice." he complimented first before strumming a few chords, taking note in the back of his mind the kind of music that Ethan probably preferred. His song choice in particular, was a very calm and subtle melody, ideal for relaxing. So the dancer's fingers began to pluck away at the guitar strings, opting to exclude the lyrics at first, and let the soft melody echo throughout the studio.
He played a few seconds of the acoustic instrumental before coming to a slow pause. "Does that sound about right?" he asked, his gaze switching from his guitar strings to Ethan. His features remained serene as he waited for the boy's approval, and once he got it, he smiled softly and began to play again. This time however, he included the lyrics. He'd never had any vocal training, but had been lucky enough to find that he could actually hold a note. For this song in particular, his own voice happened to fall within the same register as the original singer, making it easier both on his throat and on Ethan's ears. He sang through the first verse and chorus, allowing Ethan to just listen in silence in hopes of easing his nerves, even if just a fraction of a percent. Before continuing, however, he glanced in the boy's direction to examine his reaction. If he seemed to be enjoying it, Kai would happily continue. However, if not he would have to find a different approach. The first day was always the most difficult, as he attempted to get a feel for the patient, their personality, their likes and dislikes. For a while it would have to be trial and error, but soon enough he would get it right.
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Ethan was unsure of what was going to happen next, now that the therapist new his go to relaxation song. Would Kai play the music from his phone? Would he question him about why he chose that song? Would the therapist attempt to make him sing it?! Ethan doesn't sing around other people. His parents always told him how wonderful his singing voice was when he was little, but as he grew older he stopped singing in front of others. He has reduced himself to singing in the shower and humming while cooking for himself. He had never attempted to sing for himself while he was experiencing high levels of anxiety. He prefers just to listen and focus on his heart beat when he feels as though he is reaching panic levels of anxiety. "Good choice." A few notes from the guitar echoed throughout the studio. Clearly the therapist intends to play the song. After another moment of silence the melody moved from the guitar to Ethan's ears. It was just as soft and relaxing as the original song was.
"Does that sound about right?" Ethan's eyes left the guitar to look towards Kairo. He nodded. "Sounds good." The song started back up again and Ethan moved his gaze back to the guitar. The singing had caught him off guard, since he was only used to hearing Ed Sheeran's voice. It was Kairo singing so well that had really caught him off guard and not really the singing itself. Ethan couldn't help but just watch the therapist sing. His voice was very similar to the artist and yet was special all on its own. Clark hadn't even realized how relaxed he had become. Kai looked to him and Ethan looked back at the guitar, a small blush on his face. He had been staring and that was rude. To prevent himself from staring, he closed his eyes and settled a bit more onto the couch. Ethan's focus was on the music. Not on his thoughts. Not on his problems. And not on the handsome music therapist that was now singing to him.
「 Kairo Choi ✧ 26 ✧ Location: Dance Studio ✧ Hex: #400E15 」
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Kairo played out the melody and sang the words to the best of his abilities. The guitar chords filled the entire studio, slowly coming down to a soft hum as the song ended. Ethan's eyes were closed, and perhaps Kai was enjoying this a bit too much. He wasn't sure if it was the sound of the guitar or the song itself that had calmed the boy's nerves, but he didn't want to ruin the peace by speaking or asking him any more questions. Instead, he laced one song with another. Luckily the ending of Lego House lent itself to seamlessly lead into the following guitar chords. Considering Kairo had written this song himself, it went without saying that Ethan wouldn't know it. Not to mention he'd never played it before, at least not for a patient. He'd played it for Lucy once, and though she complimented him on it, she didn't give it much of a reaction. Perhaps it wasn't a top 40's hit, but it was soothing enough to fit the situation.
The original melody was by piano, but it was easy enough to play on guitar strings. As the first note echoed throughout the room, Kairo wondered if it was even a good idea to play this song, but it was a bit to late now. He had to finish what he started. "This life has twists and turns, but it's the sweetest mystery...when you're with me-" he continued on, avoiding eye contact with Ethan. He didn't want to do anything that would make the boy feel pressured, so he focused solely on the guitar. It was a short song, and it came to an end much faster than the previous one. Finally, he lowered his hands and raised his head to look at Ethan, letting a soft smile grace his lips. "Sorry." he began "I love music so much sometimes i get carried away. But I'm also a big fan of Ed." he added, alluding back tot he first song he had played. He hoped Ethan had liked his self composed song and lyrics, but he wasn't going to ask him like he had asked Lucy.
Ethan was lost in Kai's soothing voice. He had a knack for singing. There was hardly a noticeable difference between him singing and the way that Ed Sheeran usually sings the song. The last time he could remember someone singing to him was his mother when he was around seven years old. It was before the panic attacks, the nervousness, and the medications. It was when him and his parents got along perfectly. At this age, he showed a strong fear of lightning and thunder. One this particular day, the lightning was bright and the thunder was deafening. Ethan was under his bed, thinking that hiding would help. It didn't. His mother found him and crawled under the bed with her terrified son. She cuddled him and attempted to soothe him with words alone. It worked for a moment but the lightening only became brighter and the thunder became louder. Ethan buried his face into his mother, body shivering in fear. Then out of a nowhere, his mother began to sing. Ethan doesn't remember the specific and couldn't quote any of the words. All he knows, is that was the calmest he had ever felt. Kai's singing was triggering that memory. Ethan hadn't decided if that was good or bad thing yet.
Ethan knew Lego House was coming to an end because he had listened to it a thousand different times. He had memorized all the words and the melody. He was expecting Kai to stop and speak up. But that isn't what happened. Instead a new song was started. Ethan had never heard of this song before. Ethan opened his eyes and looked over the music therapist. "This life has twists and turns, but it's the sweetest mystery...when you're with me-" The song was beautiful. He couldn't take his eyes off the man in front of him as he sang his lovely song. Sadly, the song ended. No...keep playing...keep singing.. It took a lot for Ethan not to say that out loud. "Sorry." Ethan raised an eyebrow, confused to why the therapist was apologizing. "Th-that's okay. I really liked it. You sing very well." He complimented, returning the smile. "Did you write that yourself? I had never heard it before."
「 Kairo Choi ✧ 26 ✧ Location: Dance Studio ✧ Hex: #400E15 」
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Kairo's gaze searched Ethan's feature for any sign of discomfort or panic, but there were none. Not like before, not like when he had first walked in and looked like he was seconds away from jumping out the nearest window. That was good, it meant that slowly, step by step, Kairo was already managing to make him feel a bit more at home. "Th-that's okay. I really liked it. You sing very well." the dancer merely smiled and nodded to acknowledge the compliment, but didn't speak to ensure Ethan continued his thought process. "Did you write that yourself? I had never heard it before." Kairo's eyebrows raised slightly at the sudden question. He wondered what had brought Ethan to immediately think he had written it? Did he look like the type to write songs, or was it simply so bad that he could only assume it was "homemade"?
"Ah, yes, I did actually." he said cautiously, watching for Ethan's body language. He let his elbows rest on his guitar, leaning back against the couch to take a more relaxed position. "The original was actually on the piano, but I can't exactly carry a piano around with me." he joked, adding in a soft half smile. "So I adapted it to guitar...it usually helps me when I'm feeling stressed or anxious." he added the last part, not only to take away from the spotlight on Ethan, but also to give him a reminder that Kairo, too, was human. He too felt stressed, anxious, scared, and at times even useless. Without using the cliche phrase, "you are not alone", he wanted to let Ethan that he truly wasn't. Not anymore.
"Ah, yes, I did actually." Ethan was thoroughly impressed that Kairo wrote a song. There is a certain level of discipline and patience one must have in order to do such a task. Ethan can barely sit still to complete a task without wandering thoughts and doubt. But that has more to do with his severe anxiety than anything else. Ethan was trying to imagine what would be like to write a song and be able to sing it. He was never given the gift of song, not like his mother and not like Kairo. But every now and then he will hum something because it makes him comfortable. "The original was actually on the piano, but I can't exactly carry a piano around with me." Ethan added piano player that made his therapist so talented.
"So I adapted it to guitar...it usually helps me when I'm feeling stressed or anxious." Ethan raised his eyebrow at Kairo. His therapist got anxious? He was wondering what kind of things that he got nervous about. Probably about his job? Or his bills? At least he was functioning and trying to help other people. Ethan was just trying to keep his thoughts from making him kill himself. If all he worried about her bills and his job, that would actually be better. "Well it was a really good song. You should sing during all of our sessions..." Ethan stated, shyly running his fingers through his hair. He glanced over at the clock and then back at his therapist. "Th-this was fun...but I think I should go." It was weird having to be with someone so new. He just wanted to go home and relax.
「 Kairo Choi ✧ 26 ✧ Location: Dance Studio ✧ Hex: #400E15 」
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"You don't need someone to complete you, you only need someone to accept you."
It was the same argument all over again. Kairo had heard it many times from his mother and father, something he had worked hard to get through. What he hadn't expected was to hear it from his future wife. The person that was meant to support him, to love who he was and what he did. Her words of disapproval rang through his ears like a war cry, it made his insides turn in discomfort. "Lucy I don't want to talk about this anymore" his throat felt dry, his voice coming in raspy huffs. He leaned against the dance studio wall, eyes focused on the door across from him. Ethan could be walking in any minute. Kairo would be damned if he let him find him in this state.
"You never want to talk about it, Kairo! Can't you understand I'm trying to help you?" a heavy sigh escaped the dancer's lips, his eyes falling to the polished floor. "You know this job is not going to take you anywhere! Why are you so damn stubborn?" The knot in his throat grew heavier with every word that came out of his fiance's mouth. He remained silent, allowing her to carry on with her belittling words, nit-picking at every little fault she could find in regards to his career, just like his parents had done. Eventually she came to a halt, demanding to know if he had been listening. Which in all honesty, he hadn't. Not that she had said anything he hadn't heard before/ "Lucy, I'm really busy right now. Did you call me just to insult my job and my patients or do you actually have something important to say?" The other end of the phone line was silent for a moment, and Kairo took in a gulp of air, mildly surprised with his own response.
"Kai...I just want you to be successful because I love you"
"I have a session I need to get ready for. Goodbye Lucy." he could hear her protest coming through the speaker right before pushing the end button. The room fell silent, and Kairo's hands fell limply to his sides, an exasperated sigh leaving his body. The backs of his eyes had begun to burn, and the knot in his throat was still very much present. Had the situation been different, he would have cancelled all his appointments and spent the afternoon alone in the studio gathering his thoughts, but that wasn't an option right now. Ethan was seconds away from walking in. Not only was it too late to cancel, but he truly didn't want to. Ethan needed him...and quite frankly, he really needed Ethan right about now. Rather than a patient or student, the boy had become a friend...a good friend. AT least Kairo liked to think so. And Ethan seemed to be at a point where he trusted Kairo, even if just a little bit.
A loud huff echoed throughout the studio as Kairo pushed himself upright, taking a few long sips from his water bottle and setting it back in the fridge. [i]"Get it together Kairo..."[/i\ his eyes remained closed for a few seconds while he simply breathed at a steady, slow rhythm, and felt his muscles beginning to relax, opening his eyes again only when he heard the studio door being pushed open and shortly after, Ethan's face came into view. The dancer immediately smiled, pushing all of his personal problems to the back of his mind as if nothing had ever happened.
Ethan was actually a bit excited to see Kairo today. He was starting to enjoy the sessions they had. It was different from his sessions with Marissa. When he was with her, it was very formal. She would ask him a generic question and he would answer vaguely. Then she would ask if there was a deeper meaning and then with her mental manipulation, Ethan would confess to basically everything that hew as feeling for the past week. This was actually one of his better weeks. Clark managed to get all the work he needed done for work. He spent some time with his parents which came with its own anxiety, but it wasn't anything that he couldn't handle. Overall, he was having a good week. This was rare and he was trying to enjoy it while he could. Part of enjoying his week was arriving on time to his music therapy session. Spending as much time as he could Kai would be the best part of his week.
Since meeting with Kai on a weekly basis, Ethan has opened up to him rather quickly. He doesn't completely trust the man yet, keeping some of his dark thoughts to himself. But for the most part, he tries to talk to him. What makes his session so different from Marissa, is that it is informal. And they have more of a conversation and that eases Ethan's nerves a lot. He made his way into the dance studio. Ethan kindly waved hello to the receptionist like he did every time he walked in. He made his way through the halls and down the stairs. He pushed the heavy studio doors open and glanced around the room. Ethan quickly locked eyes with Kai, who was across the room. "Hi. I'm on time, right?" He was sure that he was, but he could just have easily arrived early due to the eagerness of wanting to be at this session. "I-I wrote down some songs I thought we could listen to today.." Despite his new comfort around Kai, he still got a bit nervous around the male. Ethan hasn't admitted to anyone that he had a minor crush on his music therapist and he doesn't plan on telling anyone anytime soon. "W-we should start with A-adorn by Miguel and th-then Novacane by Frank Ocean.." He moved to sit on the couch. "I know they aren't um new, but they uh soothe me."
「 Kairo Choi ✧ 26 ✧ Location: Dance Studio ✧ Hex: #400E15 」
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"You don't need someone to complete you, you only need someone to accept you."
The moment Ethan walked in, it's as if all of Kairo's problems suddenly vanished. This had happened to him before with a few of his students, but never quite to this extent. The boy's question about whether he was on time or not made the therapist smile a bit and he immediately nodded, letting Ethan speak as he made his own way over to the mini fridge."I-I wrote down some songs I thought we could listen to today.." this made Kairo smile even more. The past few sessions, Ethan had been opening up to him a lot more. The fact that he prepared beforehand for this session meant that at the very least he was enjoying it, and Kairo could only hope that it was helping him even if just a little bit.
"Old, but gold" the man said after listening to all of Ethan's suggestions. He grabbed a couple of bottles of sweet tea he had been keeping for when Ethan came back as well as a couple of nags of kettle corn. He remembered Ethan briefly mentioning this was his go to snack, so he made sure to stock up on it this time around. He also bought a small box of doughnuts for himself, and Ethan if he so happened to like them. He pushed a small round table with his knee until it reached the couches, covering it with all of the snacks he had in his hands. "Personally I really like Frank Ocean." he added before taking a seat on the couch next to him. They had progressed from sitting on different couches to sitting on the same couch just a few feet apart. It might not seem like much, but to Kairo it was a sign of progress. "Here" he said, handing Ethan a bottle of sweet tea as well as taking one for himself.
Ethan settled more on the couch. Kai went to get them snacks and a drink. It was a normal part of their sessions. They would eat snacks, listen to music, and talk. Ethan did most of the talking, but he was becoming more and more okay with that. He hasn't revealed anything that felt too personal or too revealing. He has admitted to loving kettle corn and sweet tea. They were his go to snack and drink. Kai seemed to like it too since he would have it stocked for their sessions. 'Or he was just using the snack to manipulate you into getting comfortable with him.' He shook the thought away, as he took hold of the sweet tea bottle. "We can listen to Frank Ocean first...I actually have some other songs I like by him.." He added in. He opened up the bottle and took a sip from it. Kai settled down next to him. It was a big mental step for Ethan to finally start sitting next to his therapist. It was a big mental step and there are still some days where he wants to sit on the other couch. But Ethan forces himself to sit next to him for two reasons. One. He is trying not to be afraid of confessing things to Kairo or of him in general. Two. He has a crush on the older male and just wants to be close to him. Ethan ate a few pieces of kettle corn. "Let me start telling you about my day, before I get too scared." He admitted with a shy smile. "It was actually one of my uh better weeks. For the first time in a long time I felt like things were actually going my way." Ethan added with a brighter smile before eating more kettle corn.
「 Kairo Choi ✧ 26 ✧ Location: Dance Studio ✧ Hex: #400E15 」
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"You don't need someone to complete you, you only need someone to accept you."
Kairo watched Ethan's movements with both curiosity and compassion. To say that the therapist had developed a huge soft spot for his student would be a big understatement. Just watching the boy carry himself so much more casually and comfortably compared to the first day he came in made Kai want to smile. It may not have felt like big steps to Ethan, but Kai was certainly taking notice. The boy suggested listening to Frank Ocean first, and Kairo began to reach for his guitar, ready to follow along to whatever Ethan suggested, however, he was surprised yet again when Ethan volunteered to talk about his day. Kairo's brows lifted slightly, accompanied by an approving smile as he took a sip of his drink. "I'm all ears." he said, giving the boy a cue to continue.
"It was actually one of my uh better weeks. For the first time in a long time I felt like things were actually going my way." that statement alone brought a bright smile to Kairo's face as he immediately gave Ethan a playful thumbs up. Kairo knew that the way he treated and acted around his patients would be considered "unprofessional" by just about any other therapist out there, but he also knew that this was the most effective way of talking to them and getting them to oopen up to him that he could find. "That's amazing, Clark." he finally responded, leaning forward ever-so-slightly. "Seeing you walk in here with that cute smile of yours is officially the highlight of my day." he half teased, half stated. It wasn't a lie, by any means. His day had been far from great, but seeing Ethan so happy made his worries vanish.
However, that didn't last long at all. "Kairo, why aren't you answering your phone?" The therapist' gaze shot up at the speed of a bullet the moment he heard the familiar voice and the echo of the double doors opening and shutting closed again. "Lucy...why are you here?" taking one look at Ethan was enough to tell Kairo that his fiance's unexpected visit was already making him uncomfortable. "I'm in the middle of a session, you can't just barge in like that." he could feel the irritation bubbling in his stomach and in the back of his throat, but for Ethan's sake more than anything, he kept his movements subtle and his voice as steady as he possibly could. "We can talk about this later-"
"Oh no you don't, Kairo Choi, I'm your fiance for Christ's sake, you can't just ignore me." Kairo's lips pressed into a thin line to keep from yelling something he would later regret. He took in a breath of air, releasing it slowly, before attempting to respond. "I would never ignore you Lu...but this isn't the time or the place to talk about our personal lives. So...can you please leave?"
Kairo validating Ethan's good week, made him feel good inside. From some of their other sessions, the anxious male has truly horrific days. There was even one session in which he had been mute the entire time and just cried. It was a very interesting session. So to know that having a good week made the therapist happy, meant that he really cared about how he was. Not that Marissa didn't care, she just didn't look like she did. Ethan thinks she takes her professionalism with him way too seriously. "Seeing you walk in here with that cute smile of yours is officially the highlight of my day." Clark couldn't help the small blush that came to his cheeks. He ran his fingers through his hair and glanced away for a second in attempt to hide it.
He thinks my smile is cute! Should I tell him I think his smile is cute too...not that is bad. He is my therapist. I shouldn't even think he is cute... He took a sip of his water. "I-I'm glad we are both having good days.." He commented. But he would quickly realize that he spoke too soon. The large studio doors opened and slammed close. The sound echoed throughout the studio along with the voice of a woman. "Lucy...why are you here?" The woman had a name. Lucy. Ethan was very confused. He has never had someone interrupt his sessions like this. He didn't know what to do. In a strange way, he felt like he was intruding. He needed to get away. Get out. That woman is his finance. She knows you like her husband. Now she is mad. Go! Without saying anything, he just grabbed his things and stood up. "I uh..umm..bye!" He just bolted out of the dance studio, letting the heavy doors slam behind him.
Ethan could feel his hear his heart beating. It felt like it was right in his ear. The secretary watched him as he headed out the front door and out onto the street. The sidewalks were covered with people and Ethan felt like he couldn't catch his breath. He stumbled back until he hit the wall and then he just slid to the ground. He was breathing deeply and trying to ignore his thoughts. How could you crush on a engaged man? He is never going to want you? Lucy will always come first. It's your fault the session ended. It's your fault she is mad.
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「 Kairo Choi ✧ 26 ✧ Location: Dance Studio ✧ Hex: #400E15 」
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"You don't need someone to complete you, you only need someone to accept you."
As much as Kairo attempted to keep his cool, Lucy was slowly using up all his patience. He prayed that she would leave in peace, otherwise he might explode in front of Ethan and that is the last thing the boy needed to see. He heard some shuffling behind him and quickly switched his attention from Lucy to Ethan just in time to see him getting to his feet and gathering his things. "I uh..umm..bye!" and just like that, the boy ran out. Of course, Kairo's first instinct was to run after him, but he felt a hand latch onto his arm and spin him back around.
"Where do you think you're going? Just let the freak leave, we're not finished here." Kairo felt every muscle in his body tighten, and a surge of anger unlike anything he'd ever felt before run through him. He'd had enough for today.
"Let go of me." he almost growled, bringing a shocked expression to the woman's face. She slowly released his arm, taking a half-step back. Without another word, the dancer ran out of the studio in the same direction Ethan had gone, grabbing his phone and keys on the way out, and ignoring every call and plea that came from behind him. He ran down the hall and out the front doors, his head twisting in every direction expecting to see Ethan waiting for the bus or maybe even climbing into a cab, but there was no sign of him anywhere. It wasn't until he turned to head back inside, set on giving Lucy a piece of his mind, that he notice a familiar face crouched down on the floor against a nearby wall. A mix of emotions washed over Kairo, but mainly guilt and a little bit of anger.
The therapist immediately approached the boy, crouching down in front of him so that they were at eye level. "Hey..." he spoke calmly, but loud enough to be heard over the crowd of people. He immediately realized all those unfamiliar faces walking by were probably not helping the situation, so he gently cupped Ethan's face, his hands serving as some sort of blinders so that Ethan could see only Kairo's face and no one else. "It's okay...just breathe...I'm here." there wasn't much he could do out here in the middle of the street, but he hoped that his words and his being there helped at least a little bit.
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「 Kairo Choi ✧ 26 ✧ Location: Dance Studio ✧ Hex: #400E15 」
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"You don't need someone to complete you, you only need someone to accept you."
As much as Kairo attempted to keep his cool, Lucy was slowly using up all his patience. He prayed that she would leave in peace, otherwise he might explode in front of Ethan and that is the last thing the boy needed to see. He heard some shuffling behind him and quickly switched his attention from Lucy to Ethan just in time to see him getting to his feet and gathering his things. "I uh..umm..bye!" and just like that, the boy ran out. Of course, Kairo's first instinct was to run after him, but he felt a hand latch onto his arm and spin him back around.
"Where do you think you're going? Just let the freak leave, we're not finished here." Kairo felt every muscle in his body tighten, and a surge of anger unlike anything he'd ever felt before run through him. He'd had enough for today.
"Let go of me." he almost growled, bringing a shocked expression to the woman's face. She slowly released his arm, taking a half-step back. Without another word, the dancer ran out of the studio in the same direction Ethan had gone, grabbing his phone and keys on the way out, and ignoring every call and plea that came from behind him. He ran down the hall and out the front doors, his head twisting in every direction expecting to see Ethan waiting for the bus or maybe even climbing into a cab, but there was no sign of him anywhere. It wasn't until he turned to head back inside, set on giving Lucy a piece of his mind, that he notice a familiar face crouched down on the floor against a nearby wall. A mix of emotions washed over Kairo, but mainly guilt and a little bit of anger.
The therapist immediately approached the boy, crouching down in front of him so that they were at eye level. "Hey..." he spoke calmly, but loud enough to be heard over the crowd of people. He immediately realized all those unfamiliar faces walking by were probably not helping the situation, so he gently cupped Ethan's face, his hands serving as some sort of blinders so that Ethan could see only Kairo's face and no one else. "It's okay...just breathe...I'm here." there wasn't much he could do out here in the middle of the street, but he hoped that his words and his being there helped at least a little bit.
Despite closing his own eyes to avoid seeing the people on the street, Ethan could feel their eyes on him. He was breathing hard and fast and he could feel sweat dripping down his neck. He didn't want to be here anymore, but he couldn't bring himself to get up and walk away. He was truly paralyzed and that was making it worse. Get up before someone calls the police on you for loitering. Get up before Kai's wife comes out and yells at you. Get up. GET UP. GET UP! His heartbeat still sounded as though it was in his ears and his face was flushed red. He felt pathetic and small. Clark couldn't believe that he hadn't be able to get far away like he wanted. All the progress he was making and all the changes to his medications felt like it didn't matter. Because he always ended up here. Curled up and in need of saving.
You are worthless. Everyone knows it. Marissa knew it. Your Parents know it. Your co-workers know it. Your elementary kid students know it. And now..Kairo knows it.
"Hey..." Ethan opened his eyes and immediately recognized the brown eyes staring back at him belonged to his music therapist. He was mostly confused by his presence. Maybe he had died and this was his heaven. Ethan quickly noticed the area around Kairo and realized he was still on the street. Clark shook his head. "I-I-I.." He couldn't even bring himself to say words since he was breathing so hard. The small attempt to speak had made him light-headed. He just shook his head again. Kairo them took hold of his face and shielded his peripheral vision. All Ethan could see was Kairo. "It's okay...just breathe...I'm here." He took a moment to examine his features, momentarily getting lost in his eyes. His heart rate was still rather fast, but he could no longer hear it in his ears and his breathing had slowed a bit. "I-I-I need to get out of here...t-take me out of here..." Was all he could bring himself to say.
「 Kairo Choi ✧ 26 ✧ Location: Dance Studio ✧ Hex: #400E15 」
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"You don't need someone to complete you, you only need someone to accept you."
Something inside Kairo snapped the moment he saw Ethan's terrified eyes. Something between anger towards Lucy, the cause of all this, and the need to protect Ethan from the world around them. It's not like this was the first time one of his students had a panic attack, and as far as Kairo was concerned it certainly wouldn't be the last time. And yes, he cared about all of his students, in the kind of way that made him want to fix all of their problems and see them smile, genuinely smile, everyday. But, with Ethan it was something entirely different. Perhaps this was something he wasn't meant to be feeling, but looking at the boy right now with such a scared and broken expression on his face, Kai wanted nothing more than to shield him from the rest of the world, fight off anything and anyone that could possibly hurt him to prevent this from ever happening again. He knew this was an irrational wish. There was no possible way he could protect Ethan every single second of every minute of every hour but...damn did he wish he could.
He knew the rational, professional way of handling this. He would help Ethan up, find him a cab, make sure he had enough money for the ride and send him home to calm down. But there was no way in hell he was going to do that. Call him unprofessional but there was only one thing he could do now. "Alright..." he said, finally letting go of Ethan's face, though he maintained eye contact to prevent the boy's eyes from wandering. "Let's go." with that, while still crouching down to Ethan's eyes level, Kai held out his hand for the boy to take. He wouldn't be going anywhere until he knew Ethan was somewhere safe and sound. He didn't give much of an explanation of where exactly they were going, so before Ethan could ask, Kai spoke again. "Just trust me." he added a slight nod and a warm smile in hopes that Ethan would understand that right now, rather than being his therapist, Kai just wanted to be someone he could feel safe with.
Ethan needed to be far away from here. If there was anytime that he could use a super power this would be it. He wanted to disappear. He wanted to fly away. He wanted to run super fast in the opposite direction of the studio. It was too much. This feeling was overwhelming. Although Kairo's presence was helping, it wasn't calming his nerves as much as it should. Clark was expecting his therapist to do the professional thing. Call him a cab and making sure he got home safely so he could deal with the anxiety. Kai let go his face and the overwhelming feeling of being watched slowly crept back up, but he continued to hold eye contact. All he could think about how easy it was to get lost in them. "Let's go." Clark raised an eyebrow at Kai. Where would they be headed? He is just going to send you home so that he can be with his wife. His thoughts never ceased to make him feel small.
He wanted to ask where they were headed and even insist that he could make it there are in his own. But Kai must have seen that coming, because all he respond with was "Just trust me." In any other situation, Ethan would have said no. And he would have figured found some inner strength to runaway from him like he does from everyone. But this was different. Ethan wanted to go with Kai. Just being around him was making him feel better and he wanted to have that feeling. Clark needed that feeling. With a small nod, he slowly managed to push himself off the ground. He felt a bit light headed as he was on his own two feet, leaning against the wall for some support. "I-I-I t-trust you.." He stated, just in case that wasn't clear before.
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