Nathaniel reached his hand behind one of the rocks and under some carefully placed leaves and pulled out the small white box he had been searching for. He had long since learned not to keep them in the house after his mother caught him smoking and nearly set fire to both him and the cigarettes. Now he kept them out here, yes, of course she could still smell it on him and of course she knew that he still did it but it made it far less frequent and at least now she couldn't really say much since he was technically told not to ever bring cigarettes into her house again. At least when he smoked out here she couldn't really get too mad about it, besides by the time he normally came back in the smell of the woods had depleted the residue anyway.
He held a cigarette between his lips, tossing the pack to the ground as he pulled a small black lighter from his pocket. He flicked on the lighter and lit the cigarette in his lips. After even the first drag he was more relaxed. He could feel the dream slipping behind him as the cool breeze slapped against his cheeks and threatened to put out his smoke. He sank down beside the nearly empty pack and leaned against one of the rocks. He liked it out here. There was no one, just him. He could hear footsteps and crinkles in the leaves but he never had to worry about anyone coming back this far. Here it was just him, the one place he was truly alone. He took another drag and blew the grey cloud that followed out slowly, closing his eyes.
He hated this, he did. Normally it would have been fine but only weeks after his accident the twins learned of theirs and so any help he'd gotten in sorting his mess out was gone. Then their was the issue of his father. It seemed the only one who wasn't in the center of a whirlwind was Anna. Then there was the problem of his uncle's pack who they all knew, clearly had no sympathy for the sanctity of blood or family. Oh and to top it all off he still had to figure what the hell he was going to do with Caroline.
It had been nine months and he honestly couldn't really remember saying more than two words to her. He tried his damnedest to avoid her at all costs and made all failed times as short and silent as humanly, or not so humanly, possible. The only reason he knew her name was because his mother had informed him of it, and of course cussed him out when he pointed out to the alpha female that he didn't even know her name. He had never really had to witness this sort of thing. Not up close anyone, his immediate family had it in their genes to begin with and the other pack members lived on the property but most of them had their own dwellings so he never had to see anyone actually change somebody before. Besides, he would have been far too young to remember it anyway.
Nathaniel took another drag of his cigarette, realizing at the intense heat against his lip that he had let it burn almost all the way to the butt while he had been distracted by his own thoughts. He sighed softly and put it out against the rock he was leaning against and dropped the butt into the leaves, careful to be sure it was all the way out first. The last thing he needed was to set the frigging woods on fire, then he wouldn't only have the wrath of his mother to deal with but also a bunch of pissed of werewolves who now had nowhere to escape to.
Finally after minutes of sitting there and trying not to allow himself to really think of much aside from the contents of these woods he was finally a bit more relaxed again. If this didn't work there was always booze, though he wasn't much of a morning drinker, he had no problem with spending his nights liquifying away his troubles. It probably wasn't the best way to handle it, but hey, it sure as hell was effective.
"Yeah, except for if James pulls a thick one and goes against her. Again." James rolled his eyes dramatically. "That's exactly what I plan to do." He informed his brother. "She's not simply getting her way on this one, I'm tired of her trying to make our decisions hers.
Its not her life." He was not about to just let their mother get her way. She might think that she did, but she didn't get to have control over someone else's life, especially when that someone wasn't a technical a Brighton nor a pack member, and even more especially when that someone was Ella. He knew she probably wouldn't understand exactly what his words had meant but Ollie would. As much as he wanted to be able to save her and that baby, it was ultimately her choice and if she said no, it meant no. Maybe when it got closer to the end it would be different but as of right now, as little as he wanted watch it happen, if she wanted to die with that child, he wasn't about to go against her. Even if it meant sacrificing his own wants.
He smiled another soft smile at Ell, trying to reassure her that everything was fine, even though it wasn't and that their conversation wasn't something she needed to worry about. He saw Caroline pass and contemplated saying something but she didn't seem like she was in the mood for talking. Besides that was his brother's problem, Lord knows James had enough to deal with on his own.
"I'm cold." He looked back to the couch again.
"I'm sure you don't mind being used as space heaters?" He smiled softly, how was he supposed to say no to her, looking at him with that face.
He sat down on the couch beside her, staring straight ahead, not wanting look at her up close when she was so pale and looked so breakable. It was awful, seeing someone you loved on death's door step. He was almost startled when she placed her hand on his, moving it to rest on her stomach. He could feel the soft movement under his palm. It was both the best and the worst thing to happen in that moment. It made him want to both throw the entire sofa out the window and smile at the same time. He chose the latter, figuring it was the better option.
It was weird, almost eerie, how something that could feel to simple and sweet could be quickly destroying her. He both loved and somewhat loathed the child at the same time. It was confusing but he did, he loved it, how could he not love something that came from Ella? But it was also the reason that she hadn't been able to move from the couch or her bed very much in months and it was the reason that she very well might die in less than a week. Yet he still loved it. It was so sweet and gentle and it might be his. Either way he loved it, but there was also that small part of him that wanted to rip it out to make it stop. If there was someway to that without killing Eleanor in the process, and if hell froze over and she had let him, he probably would have.
Being here like this made it even more obvious that something had to be figured out soon. Made him realize just how close they were. Made him realize that even with the small part of him that resented that child, he wanted both of them to make it out alive. He knew where Ella was coming from, he didn't really want to know either. But they had to, it was their only option. "Mum's right though." He said softly to his brother. "We
can't deal with it." Not only could they not really hold out saying no to her especially if she actually ordered them to do it, but she was also right. There were no winning situations here so they were going to have to go with the one that at least had some small amount of happiness in it. And it certainly didn't involve her dying, now they just had to convince Ella.