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Biscuit von Von

"Justice is for me, I'm for the ladies!"

0 · 198 views · located in Aldaria

a character in “Infinite Doom: A Dark Lord's Tale”, as played by MaxwellH

Description

Name: Biscuit von Von
Title(s)/Nickname(s): Biscuit the Brave, Biscuit the Brash, Biscuit the Possibly-Maybe-Kinda Sexy
Age: 20
Race: Human
Gender: Male
Appearance: Image At the height of 6’1” not much else is known about Biscuit physically. It can be assumed he is quite fit and muscular given that he wields a large Battle-Axe. On the rare chance ladies get to see the deep dark abyss of his visor they can see his eyes are bright green and his skin is fair.

Theme Song: Meta Knight's Revenge

Personality: The lover of the justice, the strong warrior, the man with many secrets; that is Biscuit. He is suited in armour he does not remove (He sleeps standing up) so he is never weak. He fears barely anything, and because of all this, the ladies swoon as he passes by. What could be this man’s flaws?! He hates to think as he is invincible (partially). Leaping into combat with, mostly, no fear! He provides an aura of epic, until he’s on the ground being beaten by sticks for jumping into a crowd of angry people with sticks. Even with his faults and wounds he will never change, FOR JUSTICE!
Morality: Lawful and Justice filled.
Likes: Justice, Fighting, Women, New Things, Flowers, Princess’s, Weapons, Armour, Winning
Dislikes: Chaos, Debates, Homosexuals, Snakes, Trees, Dark Lord’s, Goblins, Swimming, Losing
Interests/Hobbies: Aside from enforcing justice Biscuit loves fighting, smiting, staring at women, and flower picking.
Skills: Comprehensive knowledge of flowers, knows how to bake, also knows how to maintain armour/weapons of all sorts.

Armor: A suit of Steel Plate Armour that is colored similar to brass covers his entire body excluded his eyes.
Weapons: Two-Handed Dual-Bladed Battle-Axe
Items: He keeps a large brown bag secured to his back but a rope wrapped around his waist. In it is; a water bottle, food, a set of bongo’s, toothpaste and a tooth brush, his keys, and a torch.
Abilities: Biscuit is an expert in the art of hitting things with an axe. He knows no magic (yet), and tends to create crazy insane techniques on the spot.
Trinkets: On a necklace hidden under his armour is a book regarding the laws of the land. He takes it out when people aren’t looking. On the same necklace is a book on flowers.

Family:
Father (Cookie): Died during Olivia’s birth
Mother (Catherin): Alive and well living in his home town of Village
Older Sister (Caitlyn): Owns a florist in the City, age 26
Younger Sister (Olivia): Still living with her mother, age 14

History: When born twenty years ago absolutely nothing of interest happened as he was an infant. Six years later his younger sister was born and at the exact same time his father, Cookie, had an extremely unpleasant heart attack. This event did not faze Biscuit much; the only major change in his life was that his older sister now had to earn money. Caitlyn opened a flower shop and he and she were constantly picking flowers. Then one fateful day some unjustly punks beat the ever living crap out of his eight year old self and his fourteen year old sister.

Swearing revenge he training in the way of the scariest weapon he could find for a year, then like a true agent of justice, he jumped on them with a wooden axe and gave them mighty fine splinters. Having earned revenge on those twerps he soon learned that they had been town wide criminals. From that point on he continued to train and apply justice directly to foreheads. On his eighteenth year of living he made himself his suit of armour and put in on. He has never taken it of since and now he ventures into the world.

So begins...

Biscuit von Von's Story

Setting

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Biscuit von Von

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The sun bellowed of delightful rays of light from the sky. The rays landed everywhere it was currently daytime, but it one spot those rays seemed brighter. This was of course on Biscuit von Von the Handsome and Heroic! He had gotten his quest to slay the Dark Lord Kalapenis two, no three, maybe four… a number of days ago, stopping now a town along the way to pick up food and toothpaste. As usually though ladies could not help but swam towards his perfect body, or what they assumed was his perfect body.
A cool summer breeze drifted by and conveniently at the moment all the women got chills from looking at Biscuit, and NO OTHER REASON. The girls squealed and some fell down, were all of these even ladies? Biscuit shook his head; he had drifted out for existence for a bit over a certain ladies pair of beauty. ”Ladies now if you would excuse me I have thing to buy,” they didn’t budge, actually he doubted they could hear him over the nearby goblin attack.

”SHIT,” Biscuit shouted as he remembered this hoard of people were crowding around him because they were under attack, and that one over they his beauty, he liked that one.
”Excuse me, pardon me, got some saving to do. Goddamn… move it.” Biscuit was getting real sick of all these people from this unimportant town, who wanted HIS HELP getting in HIS WAY. He knew what had to be done, he’d use THAT technique. He began to scream, first it was almost to quiet to be heard, but it quickly became louder and louder. There was no way the goblins weren’t paralyzed with fear and awe at such a manly shout!
”Manly Technique! MANLY CHARGE OF TERROR!” He heard the crowd of people gawk in awe and finally move out of his as the technique took place. The seemingly simple technique was anything but, leaning forward with his armoured shoulder pointed towards the three goblins, this attack was imbued with his essence of man!
Yeah it’s just a normal shoulder charge.
The unsuspecting goblins who thought they could torment and beat this villagers let loose screams of utter terror as the mass of metal flew towards them. Letting loose a cry of Biscuit smashed his shoulder into the face of the beast and proceeded to stand of straight, launching the poor soul into the air with a caved in face. The two other ones were no longer as confident about stealing from the villagers, they tried to slowly back away, but they’re tiny legs were no match for the sexiest stride in the world. Leaning in close to the faces of the goblins he whispered,
”Did you kill anyone?” The goblins shuddered a quietly, almost inaudibly replied
”N-no sir,” Biscuit turned around and looked at the awe inspired crowd, they sure looked fine
”So what did you little imbeciles do?” The goblins awkwardly looked at each other and thought heavily about staying silent,
”We were just scouting, but we got spotted, apparently our sheep outfit wasn’t very good…” Biscuit turned around again and did indeed she crumbled pieces of white cardboard.
”Well, one of you is going to go back and tell the Dark Lord who the manliest man of them all are, the other is going to play soccer with the sexiest man alive, you have 5 seconds to pick. Biscuit stood up straight once more and began to slowly count down as the goblins frantically pointed at one another. The seconds ran out, the goblins turned slowly towards Biscuit as he began to heartily laugh!
”Also, tell the Dark Lord Kalapenis to send me a challenge next time! Grabbing one at random he tossed it behind him, the other goblin swallowed a huge gulp of air and looked at Biscuit desperately, ”Sorry buddy, you lost the lotto, ULTIMATE FINISHER!” Pulling his leg a high as he could into the air above the goblin, which was quite high for a man fully suited in armour, Biscuit ended the ‘fight’ ”MAAAAAAANLY STOOOOMP!
The crashing a smashing of bones and stone from the market square they were end sent echoes of manliness across the city, all the men who weren’t there suddenly felt a little less masculine, all the ladies everywhere felt a little more aroused he was sure. Raising his leg from the tiny crater he had created Biscuit turned to the crowd and dropped the most amazing line he could think of,
”Ladies I’d quickly grow tired of easy fights like that, but looking at you girls is never exhausting,” Biscuit winked with his bright green eyes and turned to go buy the supplies he needed too. Then he needed to find the witch lady that started stalking him a few days ago so he could get a move on, but he almost forgot, he also had to write a letter to send to the Princess! ’Uuugh, I HATE writing letters.’

Setting

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Biscuit von Von Character Portrait: Caroline-Marie Begonia

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The utmost glorious sun, the. main source of energy to Aldaria (besides poker games, strong beliefs in the oddest of deities, and lamp oil, the latter there was a severe lack of) shined down brightly and beautifully. Unfortunately, it shined down quite terribly hot, not exactly the best weather for one who's wearing an outfit consisting mostly of black. And while a big rimmed hat did provide protection to the young witch's head, it also made set hat stuffy, causing Ol' Rick to begin to sweat.

Now, a sweating toad must truly be a sight to behold (and toad's sweat was a great ingredient for a strawberry flavored potion), however, with Ol' Rick sitting on Caroline-Marie's head, she was not. As opposed to being identifiable, she looked like something you'd regurgitated, and proceed to regurgitate after looking at. However, this slimy extract was making for very good sunscreen, so Marie left it on. Though it looked repulsive for humans, she'd encountered many-a goblin whom of which attempted to flirt with her.

Walking through a small town with her gooey mask on, she looked around for someone, but she was too sure who. While she had heard many, many tales of a brave and absolutely sexy knight whom fought for justice, and many declarations of his newest quest, to defeat the Dark Lord, Kalamitus the Rotting, she had never actually seen said knight before. Caroline-Marie felt obliged to join such a noble and sexy hero on his quest, as every hero needed a female and absolutely stupid companion. So, using the most reliable in the latest of tracking technologies, an enchanted boot, she had ended up following him to a generic village that likely ended with the letter A.

Walking past marketplaces and stands, of vendors trying to scam things to you in any way they can, Marie felt her hands twitching. There were so many things that could simply be grabbed, and she'd have them. And the vendors had so much stuff anyway. Maybe grabbing and apple or two wouldn't hurt, and how about some pots, be great for cooking with, and how about that cow! And the chair! That's not for sale? Even better!

Caroline-Marie ended up sitting on a cart that was absolutely filled with random stuff, while the markets lay bare of inventory, and people, lucky for her! They must had been all out on lunch breaks, or fainted after seeing her face. The cart was pulled by three strong mules and a cow, and it made it's way through town. Marie felt that this was a good time to check her tracking device. Pulling a large old boot from the pile, she took a deep waft from it's inside...

...And proceeded to throw it away, as it was no enchanted boot, but an ordinary smelly boot she had stolen received, though this one was not was ordinary as it seemed. It was extraordinarily smelly! Pulling out an entirely different boot, she took another waft of it. She wasn't too far from the Knight.

And then, something caught Marie's muck-covered ears. "MAAAAAAANLY STOOOMP!" Follow by the sound of a crack that somehow felt oddly arousing. Such a manly attack could have only been preformed by a true Knight of true manliness, whom of which could only be Sir Biscuit von Von! Jumping off her cart, Marie ran straight in the direction of the crack.

Upon arriving, however, she did not see any Knight. What she saw was a hulking mass of tin, with eyes that were simply made of dark and empty sockets with a souless gaze. It gloated in an utmost menacing posture, over killing an identifiable creature, an example of what it would do to the city if it wasn't stopped. People, maybe only women, gazed at him in fear, knowing harm would come to their orifices. How it would come didn't seem to apparent, but it was likely through aggressive fondling. Such an evil could only be stopped by Caroline-Marie.

Pulling her wand out of her holster, pointed at the creature and shouted "Menacing creature of no soul! Taste some of Mom's old spinach casserole!" A green light shot from Marie wand and into the tin-things mouth, of which probably wreaked. Then, as the thing was distracted with the terrible-tasting spell, Marie took her broom and at the thing, broom raised in the air. She ran with a rather loud and obnoxious battle cry, the goop on her face getting into her mouth, and then bashed the evilroid on it's nut with her oversized floor brush.

Setting

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Biscuit von Von Character Portrait: Caroline-Marie Begonia

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Biscuit had just about finished gloating and being generally awesome in the Town Square, maybe just one for arm flex or a wink. Maybe he wouldn’t though, a horrible stench had rolled into the area, and does damn sheep probably took the smelliest shits of their lives (as always). Actually, that didn't smell like sheep shit… Biscuit couldn't hold his curiosity any longer and turned to investigate the source of the smell, a tiny female thing; goblin, human, frog, swamp monster? All Biscuit could identify was slimy greenness, a horrible stench, a pointy hat, and that it was indeed a women, all incredibly handsome men like him could sense women a mile away.

"Menacing creature of no soul! Taste some of Mom's old spinach casserole!" The female shouted,

“Umm, excuse me but,” Biscuit was cut short by the, well he was pretty certain it was a witch now, pointing a stick at him which shot out a repulsive looking casserole. Soaring true and gracefully through the air, like a spinach eagle, it shot straight into the sight holes of The Great Biscuit’s helmet. From the horrible stinging in his eyes at this point her was sure the casserole was spinach, with plenty of cheese, an egg or two, far too much salt, and… chili peppers? Well now was a moment Biscuit was quite crippled by his armor, he couldn't wipe off the horribly stinging casse- ’Why is she screaming now…’

The battle roar of the female witch grew closer and closer to him, and also slowly more gurgled too. Was she taking a drink of water as she charged at him, was this some sort of secret one hit kill attack? Is this some sort of ultimate magic, he really wished he could see past this casserole. Well it was slowly dripping off his face and into his mouth, albeit not much for pleasant, better for self-defence. Ah! His eyesight was returning, now he could see that the girl was, indeed a human, and directly in front of him.

Biscuit saw the broom shaft extending from her grip to his cranium, had he been bashed upside the head? He looked down at the witch and asked her, “Why did you think hitting an armored man atop the head with a stick was a good idea?” Biscuit reached forward and grasped the broom, yanking from her grasp, “Don’t play with things like that, it’s dangerous you know.” Sighing Biscuit quickly shot his hand down into his bag and grabbed his water skin, splashing the remains of its nourishment onto his face. With his face clear of horrifically smelling casserole he looked down at the lady and smiled, “You seem unclean, what to bath together, with the great Biscuit von Von?” Last but now least making sure his bright green eyes were in view he let out a wondrous wink, Biscuit figured to the best way to make sure he didn't have to cut or get cut by this girl again was to use his, maybe, sexy body.

Setting

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Biscuit von Von Character Portrait: Caroline-Marie Begonia

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“Why did you think hitting an armored man atop the head with a stick was a good idea?” Marie took a couple deep breaths, only to have her weapon disarmed by the armored thing's strength. “Don’t play with things like that, it’s dangerous you know.” "Well, it's only- blegh!" Marie spit the green goop from her mouth before speaking again, "It's only natural to attack the bad guys, right?"

Marie removed her hat and began fanning herself, and the rather slimy toad atop her head. "But, I'm assuming you're not one of 'em, sorry for that," she added a grin which gave an uncertainty of whether it was a serious apology, "But, anyhow, you also aren't the guy I'm looking. Y'see, I'm looking for a knight named-"“You seem unclean, what to bath together, with the great Biscuit von Von?”

"Biscuit von Von?" Marie parroted, "Oh, the Biscuit von Von! I've been looking to find you for a while now! Not exactly how I pictured you, but your a Knight, I suppose." She placed that hat atop her head again. "And bathing? What do you think magic is for anyway?!" Marie had always made the assumption that because magic was meant to be convenient, magic could be used for anything.

"But, I mean, I would love a chance to speak with 'ya, about your big quest and all, and, uh," She glanced around, watching all the women turn nearly as green as her with envy, "Perhaps, inside? I mean, if there be any taverns around, Mister, umm..."

Setting

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Biscuit von Von Character Portrait: Caroline-Marie Begonia

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Well finally the girl had come to her senses and stopped assaulting Biscuit, but not about the whole ‘Dear god you smell horrible and are green’ thing. Biscuit almost left as soon as she refused to enjoy a bath together, what kind of self-respecting women would refuse that. Boring introductions from the girl aside, although she still forgot to mention her name, she was not done with Biscuit. "But, I mean, I would love a chance to speak with 'ya, about your big quest and all, and, uh; perhaps, inside? I mean, if there be any taverns around, Mister, umm...". Ha, clearly even though she could resist a bath with him, she was obviously still enthralled with him.

“Alright Miss, shouldn't be hard to find a tavern or inn, what kind of town lacks one!” Biscuit let loose a hearty laugh and grabbed the little Witch by the wrist, which he would regret later when he cleaned his armor. Biscuit needed to write a letter anyway so a tavern was a great place to go… did he still have paper and a writing device? With only a quick scan of the area he located a building which was undoubtedly a tavern, a sign hanging near it labeled ‘The Tavern’.

The tavern was rather boring, small windows with dim lights zooming through them located around the perimeter of the area, a few tables were scattered around the area. The barkeep himself looked rather generic and ignorable, most barkeeps look the same, so they all come from the same family? Either way locating a free table, which wasn't hard as folks generally don’t drink at two in the afternoon, Biscuit sat a table in the corner of the room. “Soooooo… Whats do you from me little Miss?”

Setting

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Biscuit von Von Character Portrait: Caroline-Marie Begonia

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Sitting down with Biscuit, Marie tried to figure out exactly what was wrong with the place she was sitting. Maybe, it wasn't so much as the place feeling right, as it was the people sitting there not matching. One of which was a man fully dressed in armor, as if metals made a good replacement for copper, while the other was some woman who looked like a large frog placed in a dress.

"Anyway," Marie began, "I figure it's best if I introduce myself, considering you don't even realize who I am. Well, I'm..." she took a second to come up with a cool introduction, while making a dramatic pause, and with an inhale, she said "a Scatman! the Discombobulator." She paused for A moment while letting that sink in.

"But, you can just call me a Specialist, which is really just a Magician. Anyway, and I got a mission, besides blowing up Cleveland. I wanna know all the magic possible, and even some that are impossible, and be the world's best Witch. It would be really, cool, I'd even be more famous than you! Anyway, and this Dark Lord guy, he's supposed to be dead, right? But he isn't, thanks to magic! I want magic like that, so if I were, to say, die, hopefully in a firey explosion, I could just poof myself a 1-Up Shroom and I'd live again. But, I'd have to find the guy, and O figure, you're looking for 'im too. And, on any big adventure, the hero's gotta have some smart sidekick with him. Win-Win! Whadyasay?"

Setting

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Biscuit von Von Character Portrait: Caroline-Marie Begonia

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The little witch girl had been ranting about explosions, magic, and the Dark Lord. Despite all of this ranting she had still completely failed to mention her name, or Biscuits devilishly good looks. However her offer was sounding quite good, some sidekick with MAGIC, imagine the secret techniques he could do with her help! Explosive Axe Crush! Slimy Axe Crush! Large Axe Crush! Fantastic, also she could be helpful in other ways he guessed; I mean most people did expect him to have a sidekick…

“Alright Miss, you may assist me on my great quest to go slaughter some loser! Just remember that I am the awesome one!” Biscuit stood quickly from his seat, sending the stool spiraling away at the force of his stance, Biscuit had become excited as he had just come up with the best idea he had ever come up with. “First thing you can do for me is an important task! While I go buy things I need you tooooo,” reaching into his bag he pulled out a paper, purple crayon, and a (mostly) live pigeon, “Write a letter to the Princess Emelia Elendria explaining what I’ve been up to so far!” Slamming the materials on the table, and hearing a completely unrelated painful ‘caw’ from nearby, Biscuit dashed out to go buy materials.

Setting

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Biscuit von Von Character Portrait: Caroline-Marie Begonia

0.00 INK

“Alright Miss, you may assist me on my great quest to go slaughter some loser! Just remember that I am the awesome one!” "I am the awesome one." Marie repeated with a grin, "Sounds good to me!" Then, suddenly, Biscuit took a stand, at full force, with no holding back. Such a stand would put most wrestlers to shame. A stands as such had the power to block the sun, and make another sun! Truly, if so much detail is described in a stand, than the writer would have been absolutely uninspired to write about anything else, either that, or even that writer was that impressed, over a stand.

"First thing you can do for me is an important task! While I go buy things I need you tooooo,” Marie's grin was so wide, one couldn't even duplicate it, even if they stuck a banana in their mouth horizontally, but if they managed to hurt themselves doing it, then tell them to TAKE THE PEEL OFF FIRST, MORONS! “Write a letter to the Princess Emelia Elendria explaining what I’ve been up to so far!” What a letdown, nothing more to describe. I mean, Marie had been imagining something more grand, like spying on a meeting of evil dudes (though, nowadays, people did that by Mobile Crystal Balls, which everybody seemed to use, and spend endless hours playing Aggravated Sparrows and Elf Ninja), or liberate a nearby village being pillaged by trolls, (she had the perfect kicking spell), or at least a secondhand dragonslaying.

Marie sat there, crayon in hand, elbows on table, hands on cheeks, toad in hand, brain left in the forest, trying to think of what to write to the Princess. Brainstorming all she knew about the Princess, and about Sir Biscuit, she wrote;

Howdy, Princess!
It's your one and only Sir Biscuit von Von writing here! If it's only one von, it's not me. Anyway, I figured I'd tell you about what I'm doing as of now, and have been doing, as you've probably been worrying your pretty little butt about me. Every waking moment worrying about me must be terrible, seriously woman, you must have some real issues.

Anyhow, I'm doing absolutely fine away from you, great actually, never better! As of recently, I came into some generic village, couldn't even find it on a map. Not to sure why I'm here in the first place, but I met this lady, named Caroline-Marie Begonia, and she is really cool. She's got all this magic that far surpasses my own skills. She's also known as the Discombobulator. Though, I still need to give her the broom I took from her back.

Anyway, so we went to this Tavern together, and she wanted to be my partner in crime for defeating the Dark Lord, if you even know who he is, he's rather obscure and all that. But for we go find him, I decided to do a little shopping, while my new partner did a task of utmost importance for me, something only she alone could accomplish.

Anyway, so I am doing absolutely excellently without you, now that I have Caroline-Marie with me. I'm sure you're fine as well though, after all, your a blooming princess! You live in a castle! I'm sure I hardly have to worry about you. Just don't get yourself kidnapped by dinosaur-turtles like some dumb princesses, alrighty then?
- Sir Biscuit Von


After finishing, she rolled up the paper and tied it to the pigeon. At first it was reluctant to fly, but after having been told of some really good grilled bird stands, it was more than happy to deliver the message. "I'm sure the Princess will be absolutely convinced it was him," Marie told herself in satisfaction.