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Keeping Secrets.

Some city, Somewhere

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a part of Keeping Secrets., by dreamingreality.

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dreamingreality holds sovereignty over Some city, Somewhere, giving them the ability to make limited changes.

1,822 readers have been here.

Setting

Default Location for Keeping Secrets.
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Minimap

Some city, Somewhere is a part of Keeping Secrets..

7 Characters Here

Beck Hades [318] "Secrets are best kept all hush hush you know? You don't want people finding out you're somebody you are not..."
Elisa Grace [313] "Secrets will destroy you, just like they destroyed me."
The Minors [78]
The Grace Family [64] The family, The "help," and a dead boyfriend.

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Beck Hades.

Well things lead to other things. Things Beck regretted doing with Millie. Anger had completely consumed his whole body and mind causing him to take out every desire upon the redhead. The blonde stood their with water trickling down his back, though no amount of bathing could cleanse him. He slammed his fist hard against the wall of the shower, before doing the same with his head which caused the world around him to spin in rapid circles. Then he smelt blood, and saw a steam of crimson run down his face that was most certainly blood. He felt like he had betrayed Elisa...even though he was pretty sure, especially now that she felt no kind emotions for him.

"Beck? Get out of there! What the hell are you doing Beck?!?" He heard Millie cry as she dragged him out of the shower and began mopping up his bloody head, muttering curse words and seductive comfort in his earlobe. He did not utter a single word and just hung his head in silence until she had finished, before throwing on a hoody and some faded jeans and he leaving with out a glance in her direction.

The youth just walked. He did not even know where the path he was following headed. He did not want to be here or anywhere else. He just wanted to completely vanish from the face of the earth, he did not want to face what he had done or what he was going to do. The meeting was today, maybe not also with his own gang, but with the Emeralds too. Becks body felt so dead and numb inside, maybe tonight it might be feeling the same way, just more...well physical.

A tingle of familiarity flicked up his spine and for the first time in a long while his eyes rose to find himself along side a park with the woman who his mind could just not let go of was seated upon the swing. He did not approach, just watched.

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Elisa rocked back on forth on her swing, not noticing anyone or anything around her. She was so focused on the pain she felt that little else mattered. Every ounce of hope she had every clung to, the small amount of light that had ever lit the darkness she shrouded herself in, was gone. It was her fault that she couldn't stand up to her parents, her fault that she and Beck had fought, her fault that her daughter would never really know who her mother was. She blamed herself for everything and didn't feel like she deserved to live any more.

So that moment, on the swing, she decided that she wouldn't. She wouldn't plague the Earth with her presence any longer. She cried silently, tears falling down her face. After tonight, Elisa Grace's life would come to an end and with it all the pain she had ever felt. Part of her felt like a coward, but the rest of her was screaming to just do it already. Her crying got harder and her breathing more rapid as she held her head in her hands, contemplating all the ways she could do it. It wasn't just a thought anymore, it was a plan; a plan that she would go through with the moment she got home.

Finally, as the tears stopped falling and the pain turned into numbness, she stood up and walked to her car. Not looking anywhere but her destination and not thinking about anything but what she felt she needed to do. The drive home took longer than usual, the scenery just rolling past in a grey blur.

When she reached her house she didn't bother to speak to anyone, though Alan was the only one there and he was probably in his room. All of her movements were mechanical, like she was a doll being controlled by someone else. Everything in Elisa's world had turned black and white. There was no color, no life.

She immediately went into her bathroom, filling the tub with water, watching it as it filled, thinking that this was going to be the spot she died. The spot where her family, or more likely Alan or Allison, would find her body. Her parents would tell Jessa that she had moved away, or was a maid that they had fired. Elisa wouldn't be the disappointing daughter who had killed herself, she would be a nobody: a memory and a lie.

She sent Beck what she thought would be a final text, only reading "I'm sorry." She then submerged herself in the water, fully clothed. In one hand she held a razor that she had taken from an unused pencil sharpener, and slowly slid it up a vein. Deep enough to kill, she assumed. Blood rushed out of her wrists, staining the water. With her already fragile state, it didn't take her long to pass out from blood loss.

The last thing she saw was Jessa screaming and Alan rushing in.

Jessa had come home early.

Elisa had forgotten to lock the door.

Soon, the house was in a frenzy. Alan was on the phone with the paramedics, Allison - Jessa's nanny - was on the phone with the Grace's while simultaneously trying to calm the toddler. When the ambulance arrived, Elisa was nearly dead, and at the hospital she had flat lined, but by some miracle - they were able to fix her. With the help of donated blood, a ridiculous amount of stitches, and the tiniest bit of luck, Elisa's suicide attempt at failed. She was alive. When she opened her eyes, she was alone in the intensive care unit, aside from a nurse checking her vitals.

Fuck.

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((Hello? o:))

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Beck Hades.

The blondes hands fumbled over the keyboard on his remaining phone, causing him to delete most of his sentence and rewrite again and again until the text had perfect grammar and spelling. This was not something Beck would usually do; normally a "np" would be his reply, but this was Elisa and she was most certainly worth more than a once word answer. His heart slammed violently in his chest as he tapped send and waited for a reply from the poor girl.



Elisa<3
4:56- I'm sorry.


5:59- I'm sorry I was rough on you too...its just things are not easy for anyone right now you know that.
6:04- Elisa? Hey hun, I really am sorry. xx
6:19- You are scaring me you know that?
6:28- Gods sake I just want a single answer...




And so then he called her only to be greeted by a few seconds of the dialling tone and then a harsh and robotic default answer machine that just made his heart sink in his chest. Beck did not even bother leaving a message, as he wanted to speak to Elisa personally. A inhuman kind of whine escaped his lips as his head fell into his palm and he began to panic. He ran moral reasoning through his mind time and time again but none of it seemed to sink in. She must be busy...She must be away from her phone...She must be so angry and be ignoring me...

I'm sorry....

Those words just seemed unnecessary and so they scared Beck. They burnt in his mind. Pained his nerves. Call it lovers instinct but he ran to her house.

The youth was only to be informed by a glum looking Alan, who hesitated before explaining that Elisa was in hospital due to a accident though he refused to state the ward and what exactly this so called accident was. Angrily Beck slammed his fist hard upon the brick wall of her uncomfortably neat home, grazing his side and sending a light shock of pain from his palm. Alan blinked hard with a kind of disgusted but despaired expression, as though wondering if he should scold the male or comfort him. "Thank you," He grumbled to the chef half heartedly before pumping all his strength to race to a bus stop which would take him to where Elisa was, though of course he had no idea where she was resting. He did not even have a clue what state the poor girl was in. She could be dying and he would not even have any idea...
***

"ELISA!???...." His voice roared as Beck pounded down corridors, bobbing his head around doors and peeping in at ill and wide eyed patients who clearly did not appreciate his company. A few time spare nurses scolding him and scuttled after the blonde but he was far too quick and ignorant to notice.

He just needed to make sure his girl was safe.

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"Oh honey, you're awake. Do you know what happened?" The nurse said, with an unusually thick southern draw and cheery disposition. Elisa nodded her head, still to exhausted to say a word. Her arm throbbed painfully and when she looked down she noticed it was covered in bandages. There was no way they didn't know this was a suicide attempt, absolutely none. It was clear as a day.

"You had an accident. Tripped and fell carrying a crafting knife. Don't worry, I'm a bit of a klutz too." The nurse didn't believe her own words, but she had been told that that's what had happened and with Elisa's parents being huge benefactors no one in the hospital would question it. Elisa frowned. Even something as serious as this was too embarrassing for her parents to accept. They were probably pissed she didn't actually die. After all, she was a problem child and her death would be a huge relief. That's how it felt, true or not.

She laid there, in scratchy sheets, her suicide attempt running through her mind like a scene in a movie that just kept playing over and over and over. Jessa's scream was what she could remember most clearly, the rest was a bit of blur. She felt sick to her stomach. How did Alan and Allison explain that to her? She was too little to understand what Elisa had done or why. I'm sorry, Jess. I'm so sorry you had to see that. She thought, as a tear fell down her face.

The nurse asked her a bunch of questions about her pain level, how she felt, and told her that all she had to do was press a button if she needed anything but she would probably be discharged in the morning. The lady in scrubs left, leaving Elisa alone. She thought of Beck and how he was probably still so pissed at her for everything. She wondered if he had gotten her apology.

Then, interrupting her thoughts she heard her name echo through the hall. "ELISA!???...." That was her name and that was definitely Beck's voice. Despite her exhaustion, she managed to sit herself up. "Beck!" She yelled, hoping he could hear her before getting out of the bed and opening the door. Down the hall, wild eyed and running like a mad man, was Beck. She was weak, she was tired, she was pale, she was bandaged and stitched, starving, feeling half dead, but she ran to him and hugged him tightly as she could with tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry..." She repeated, not letting go, and sobbing into his shirt, not caring that the only thing she was wearing was a hospital gown.

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Beck Hades.

"Beck!"

Elisa's voice echoed down the corridors, pouncing off every wall and ringing sharply through his ears. The hospital seemed to slide into slow motion as the blonde turned on heel towards the sound before meeting the gaze of his brunette, bandages wrapped tightly around her tiny skeletal wrist. His pupils switched from her eyes to the white that hid the wounds and he instantly new that this was no accident. She had wanted to take herself away from this world drowning in her own crimson mess.

Beck blamed himself.

The blonde froze on the spot; his eyes threatening to let out salty as Elisa dashed towards him. She hid her face into his chest and repeatedly told him that she was sorry. The whole situation felt a little unreal to him, and he could not quite manage to pull his arms around him until after a moment or two of assessing the situation. Though instead of a embrace, the blonde gently scooped her up and carried her back into the room she had just left and placed her unhealthy thin body under the sheets.

The youth then knelt at the side of her bed, his hand lightly holding hers, completely encasing the tiny thing. Not a single word escaped his lips but what was warming in his mind could have not been any louder. I slept with Millie, I failed to support my gang, I failed to look after Elisa, I lead her to suicide. I did it. I'm sorry. Slowly the tears slid down his face as a nurse tapped him on the shoulder, waving a guestbook in his face and scolding his entrance. He scribed his name with shaky hands as she still continued her lecture, but all he heard was the ringing of his own thoughts...

The youth then managed to look at Elisa and lock with her eyes. His lips opened as though he wished to say something, but they closed just as quickly. He sighed, lightly pouring warmth into her cold palms by tracing his index finger on the centre.

"Its like looking at a trampled flower...I'm pretty sure I stepped on you. I'm sorry Elisa..."

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She had never felt smaller, than when Beck carried her in his arms as she soaked his shirt with tears and apologies. By the time he had laid her back on the bed, the tears had stopped and her eyes were left red. She saw his tears and they made her heart drop. Never in her life had she seen a boy cry, much less a boy named Beck Hades. He was always so calm, so flirty and carefree. He was a refreshing splash of color in a world that seemed so black and white. She loved him for it.

"Its like looking at a trampled flower...I'm pretty sure I stepped on you. I'm sorry Elisa..."

"You have nothing to be sorry for," She said quietly, her green eyes resting on his hazel ones. "You didn't sign up for this mess." She smiled and remembered they were just friends. He had no obligation to her to be here, to worry, or to scoop her up in his arms while she cried. She had forced her crazy life upon him and no amount of words could describe how sorry she was about it.

His hands almost felt hot against her icy ones. She was always cold and always tired and more than anything she just wanted him to hold her. For being a friend, she was awfully in love with him and she just didn't have the guts to say it. Elisa didn't deserve him, or she felt like she didn't. She had already put him through so much in a simply platonic relationship and he still didn't know everything and it was unlikely he'd stick around to learn the rest.

She briefly wondered how he had figured out where she was. Nobody would have called to tell him, they didn't have his number, and her parents would be too busy worrying about themselves. There were so many thoughts running through her head and she didn't know what to do with them all, so she pushed them aside for the time being.

As his index finger traced circles in her palm, she twined her fingers in his. "Thank you," She whispered: for being there, for running through the hospital like a crazed person, for being her friend, and for making her smile. There wasn't just one thing she was thanking him for, the list could go on for endless hours. And in that thank you were the words she could never allow herself to really say.

I love you, Beck Hades.

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Beck Hades.

"You have nothing to be sorry for,"

The blondes eyebrows raised questioningly. He was pretty sure Elisa was not thinking that back when she was screaming at him and forcing him to leave her company. Of course, he did not blame her for being angry before. None of that mattered now to Beck. He just needed to make sure she was alright and willing to continue breathing in air to go on with life; though she was doing well in hospital, there was nothing saying that she would not attempt again once alone.

Even though he had ran the words "suicide attempt" through his mind time and time again, it still felt like some kind of horrible nightmare that he had just awaken from.

"You didn't sign up for this mess."

"Woah woah woah!..." Beck stumbled out the exclamation with a kind of false smile ghosted on his lips. "Yes I did Miss Grace! I'm here for you always, I have said that time and time again and I really hope you believe me!" He leaned in closer to her, pupils still staring right in the back of her skull as he gave her hand another reassuring squeeze. Elisa needed to believe that. Beck did mean it after all. She was right he never signed up for this, he wanted to help his Elisa.

Slowly, the youth moved forward again, clearly hesitant and clumsy. Beck was pretty sure if he aloud it his cheek bones would be flushing a pale pink right now. He did not really have any idea what he was doing and so placed a gentle kiss on her forehead out of instinct; wordless. It was something so naïve and so gentle that the action did not seem to have come from the blonde. It was not flirty or sexy and there was no humorous content to it, just pure honest...love...?

That then triggered a remembrance of events in his mind. A thick cut hid somewhere deep under his golden hair from where he had smashed it against the shower after a long night of regret with Millie. Of course he decided to keep such a conversation away until she noticed his head, which of course was not what the most important thing was right now. He sighed and forced out a stupidly boring question as he pulled his body onto the bed alongside her, close enough so their hips touched softly but nothing more.

"When are you being discharged? Are they going to help you with...this?"

Hands still intertwined.

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"Yes I did Miss Grace! I'm here for you always, I have said that time and time again and I really hope you believe me!"

Elisa wasn't sure what to say to him. She felt like they were just words, product of the situation she had put herself in. Nobody willingly makes a crazy girl a part of their life. Especially not a crazy girl with so many skeletons in her closet she practically had an entire cemetery in there. Maybe she'd believe him, if she didn't constantly devalue herself.

"I'm sorry I screamed at you. I get defensive. Nobody ever confronts me about anything. I don't know how to deal with it when they do." She said, chewing on the inside of her cheek. She was nervous and felt like she was admitting to a problem she still wasn't ready to face. Her eyes started with well up with tears again, but she stopped herself before any started to fall. No more crying, not today. She put back on that small, empty smile everyone was so accustomed to seeing. It was the only thing that felt natural to her right now. A smile to cover up all her problems.

When his lips touched her forehead, her cheeks turned an embarrassing shade of pink and she put her hands over her face to hide it. That kiss, though entirely innocent, felt far too raw and emotional and it was difficult for her to handle. When he crawled into the bed next to her, the color on her face on intensified but instead of hiding in her hands she could now hide in his shirt that was still slightly damp from all her tears.

"When are you being discharged? Are they going to help you with...this?"

Her heart began to pound at this question and she wasn't entirely sure how to answer. She was being discharged tomorrow morning, which wasn't the average three day psychiatric hold for people who attempt suicide, and she was almost sure Beck wouldn't be happy about it. "I-It was a..." Her voice shook slightly as she spoke and she took a deep breath to try and calm herself. "They were told it was an accident. I'll leave tomorrow. You don't need help when it's just an accident." She wasn't sure if she wanted the help to begin with, even if it were an option. Despite telling herself she wouldn't cry, a single tear fell, though she quickly brushed it away.

She was so tired of all the cover ups and the lies.

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Beck Hades.

"I'm sorry I screamed at you. I get defensive. Nobody ever confronts me about anything. I don't know how to deal with it when they do."

Beck exhaled lightly, running his fingertips through his hair with his spare hand like he usually did when he was trying to place together words in a sentence. He rarely found that difficult to do, what with his overly confident attitude and normally being slick enough to role compliments and cover up statements off his tongue when ever needed.

However, sometimes he struggled for words when he was neither "Flirty Beck Hades" or "Leader of the Shards". It may have sounded odd but Beck found it difficult to be someone who was not acting or fitting to a needed role; he could not be himself when he did not know who himself was anymore. "I know, I know. I approached it wrongly, so I'm sorry too." He said with a low tone. "I mean you saw me with some guy who looked like his face had been run over by a truck right? You were bound to ask questions, I was not right to go prying into sensitive areas just because you were curious,"

"When are you being discharged? Are they going to help you with...this?"
"I-It was a..."
"They were told it was an accident. I'll leave tomorrow. You don't need help when it's just an accident."


The youth let out a roar of a snarl and had to grit his teeth in order to stop curse words and angry comments escaping. His breaths were heavy and uneven, eyes cruelly narrowed as though examining in detail what she had just said. "If that's what your parents have told them they need stabbing through the eyes...Sorry if that offends you. Alan told me the same thing too but I guess its different for him, his job is on the line." Beck pulled a arm around her as she curled into his chest, once again stroking her soft pale skin upon her arm for comfort purposes and also the fact her could not resist her touch.

"You know you could go and get..." He stopped, closing his jaws with a click of his teeth and lowering his head. It was likely that Elisa did not even want help, and he did not want to start a argument once again and so he lead the conversation down another path, though it was very similar. "I used to be on Benzodiazepines, after I got caught up with the whole gang thing I was very skittish and panicky. They helped me... Have you not ever thought about just...talking to someone? You don't have to have medication."

A dark humorous thought echoed in Becks mind. He wondered how many meds he would need to take to cool down after revealing his identity to a good number of bastards who would not mind him dead...

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"If that's what your parents have told them they need stabbing through the eyes...Sorry if that offends you."

While the fury in his eyes was a terrifying thing to behold, Elisa couldn't help laugh quietly. "I'm not offended. My parents are..." She trailed off, not quite sure how to describe them or how she felt about them. She desperately wished she could say she loved them, that her mother was her mom and her father was her dad, but in reality they were just the people that supplied the means for her to be born. But then, when she stopped to think about it, there was a time when they weren't horrible. "Before I screwed up they were intense, but I could deal with it, I just never realized how much they cared about appearances until then. Before Jess." She shifted uncomfortably in the bed.

"Alan told me the same thing too but I guess its different for him, his job is on the line."

"Had he told you and my parents found out that he did he would've been fired on the spot. It's happened before," Elisa explained, relaxing in his arms as she listened to his heartbeat. Despite the serious conversation and subject matter, she was comfortable and happy with the fact that she fit perfectly against him. Everything about him was calming to her, at least in that moment. She felt save there, in his arms, and even if he didn't feel the same about her, she was okay with that because she had him now.

"I used to be on Benzodiazepines, after I got caught up with the whole gang thing...."

I got caught up with the whole gang thing
The whole gang thing
Gang


While she had had suspicions about his involvement in something like that, she was never entirely sure and the rest of what he was saying went in one ear and out the other. Beck, her Beck, was in a gang. Her heart pounded and she wanted to take him by the hand and out of town and away from that lifestyle. A lifestyle where he wasn't safe and could get hurt at any moment. She thought back to the bloodied man and how one day that could be him. She wrapped her arms and legs around him and clung like a mother fucking koala, despite the fact that it hurt her arm quite a lot to do it. "I'll keep you safe," She whispered, still refusing to loosen up her hold on him. "If it means I have to keep you right here and never let go, I'll do it."

If anything were to ever happen to Beck, it would kill her. It would destroy everything and her world would start crashing around her. If this were any other time, and she hadn't just tried to off herself, she would have been pissed and told him he needed to get his ass out of that because he was too good for that life...but right now she was scared and unsure of what to do about it.

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Beck Hades

"I'm not offended. My parents are..."
"Before I screwed up they were intense, but I could deal with it, I just never realized how much they cared about appearances until then. Before Jess."


Beck tilted his head to the side, as though causing his thoughts to tumble and concentrate on one side of his brain. As she fidgeted in the plain covers he continued rubbing his thumb comfortingly on her arm. Once again he opened his mouth and moved his tongue as though to speak, though only a unclear and meaningless"Hma.." came out. What exactly did he want to say? "What do you mean? Before Jess? You mean before they had your sister they seemed like different people?" Of course he would never understand with out any where near enough facts to fix together a conclusion...

"Had he told you and my parents found out that he did he would've been fired on the spot. It's happened before,"

"Alan got sacked and rehired? He seems pretty loyal to the family and a big part of your house so it must have been something pretty drastic for them to want to get rid of him..." He said, more talking to himself then Elisa of course. The blonde found himself kind of shelling his body around the brunette, donating all his warmth to the girl. It was kind of like what mother cats did with their kittens. It was kind of like bliss.

"I'll keep you safe,"
"If it means I have to keep you right here and never let go, I'll do it."


"Hey..." Beck chuckled lightly at her body clinging to him. It sent shocks along his spine and make his skin tingle with a nice feeling. "You do realise you are not wearing very much beautiful, not that I am complaining of course! But I'm unsure if you know that what with the way you're holding me..." Of course this conversation was completely pointless and purposely off topic to what she had said. Even though the words themselves seemed nice and flirty and Beck like, his voice was most definately rough and uneasy round the edges. He swallowed and paused for a short length of time before plucking up the courge to respond with something similar to an answer. Heart pounding in his chest.

"Please don't let me go then Elisa...It's funny because you really have no idea..."

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"What do you mean? Before Jess? You mean before they had your sister they seemed like different people?"

Elisa gave him a sad smile, and watched his hand on her arm. "Jess isn't my sister, Beck." She was so quiet when she said it, having never come so close to admitting it to anyone and she inhaled deeply before continuing on with: "That boy who died, she's his. And I...She's...She's mine." The air, at least on her part felt incredibly tense. Her heart was pounding inside her chest, so hard she was afraid it would jump right out. She was terrified he would leave her now, and she wouldn't blame him if he did. Her life was far to complicated for anyone to get involved in. She had an eating disorder, suicidal tendencies and a kid that she pretended was her sister because her parents told her to.

"Alan got sacked and rehired? He seems pretty loyal to the family and a big part of your house so it must have been something pretty drastic for them to want to get rid of him..."

"No. Not Alan. We had someone before him that got fired. They got tired of the secrecy and confronted my parents, and that was that," She stated bluntly. "So no one talks. As far as anyone's concerned, whatever my parents say is the truth. Even if it's not." The corners of her mouth turned down into a frown. As far as her parent's were concerned, they were God and Elisa's world was their doll house. They controlled everything in Elisa's life and it was so tiring to play their games, but she had no other choice. They were her parents. She had to listen.

"You do realise you are not wearing very much beautiful, not that I am complaining of course! But I'm unsure if you know that what with the way you're holding me..."

Her cheeks turned a startling color of tomato red but she still didn't let go. "I don't care. As long as you're here, I know you're okay and I'm...I'm happy," She whispered, placing her lips on his shoulder in a gentle kiss. She wasn't exactly a happy person and she still felt that death was the only thing that could fix all her problems, but in that moment she had Beck and it was okay.

"Please don't let me go then Elisa...It's funny because you really have no idea..."

"I won't Beck. As long as you let me, I'll never let go." And that was all she could think to say to that.

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(I'm sorry this post is messy and long. If its annoying you about the two different subjects you can focus on Jess on your next post and the gang on the one after. Sorry for being so complicated and kind of character selfish.)

Beck Hades.

"Jess isn't my sister, Beck."
That boy who died, she's his. And I...She's...She's mine."


At that point his heart sank. He was unsure if that was disappointment, jealousy or just pure despair about what she had been through. Beck turned and locked eyes with his brunette, expression showing a tangle of emotions crossing and constantly changing. He gave her a light squeeze before deciding to start a conversation. "You were 14 or 15?...wow...Oh god..." Was the first thing he said which might have come across as somewhat rude but he kept his voice low and gentle.

Beck really did not know what to say at all. It was pathetic how little help her parents had given Elisa and it was kind of sinking in on how much this guy had meant to her. Even if he was just a teenhood fling, (Which with all the facts and Elisa's comments about him, he was pretty sure he was more than that) he was the father to Jess. At that very moment he also realised Elisa could now never be interested in him, he could never be Jess's father and he could never be anything comparable to the boy she was with before. "I guess you have been though a hell of a lot then...I'm sorry..." He whispered lowly, trying to force more words out of his mouth but was unable to pluck any from his mind.

Speechless.

"I don't care. As long as you're here, I know you're okay and I'm...I'm happy,"
"I won't Beck. As long as you let me, I'll never let go,"


Yet her she lay, planting kisses on his shoulders and clasping her near naked body around him. Being honest that cut through Beck like knives. She had tones of secrets and hushed words and it hurt him because he knew he had just as many. However he wanted nothing more than to protect the girl he loved. However Beck was only human...he wanted to fall back into the arms of someone who could not even support herself.

He was being selfish.
He did not matter right now.
She needed help not him!
Keep your mouth shut Beck...this is not important right now.
Elisa only matters.


"I am the Leader of a gang I don't want to be in named the Shards, however to keep myself safe I selfishly asked my friends to keep my identity a secret. But the The Emeralds, my rival gang, found out by us having a imposter in the group and they caught me and....and they cut me up before I managed to be dragged out. They don't know if I am the leader anymore and so are now attacking my gang members until I show my face again..." His Adams apple bobbed hard in this throat as he turned away from Elisa. "I'm showing them I still exist next week to stop people getting hurt just like the man you saw before. I'm scared and I'm angry and alone. I...I slept with Millie last night after our argument and this morning even before I found out about you ended up bashing in my head pretty badly... Not that any of that has any significance."

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ooc||
You're not being character selfish at all. xD
The Jess situation can be dealt with later.

------

"You were 14 or 15?...wow...Oh god..."

Thinking back, she realized how young she was and how young she still was. Her whole life seemed very surreal when she thought about it, like a dream where she was just watching it all go down. She chewed on her bottom lip, embarrassed and thinking he must have thought so terribly of her now. "I know," Was all she managed to squeak out in response. For having a baby, Elisa had never been a mother. She had never gotten the chance to be and she didn't deserve that chance anyway. She was far too selfish and broken to ever be called someone's 'mom.'

The next part of their conversation came out of Beck so fast and there was so much to take in all at once, it almost made her dizzy. Her eyes grew wide the more her talked about being a gang leader, how he was hurt, about him purposefully exposing himself, and finally sleeping with Millie and hurting himself earlier that day. She wasn't sure which part to react to. She was sad, scared, jealous, and angry at the same time. How was she supposed to handle all of that information at once? It all broke her heart in several different ways and made it so that she wanted to push him away and comfort him all at once. Her seventeen year old heart was overloaded with emotions and her brain so crammed full with thoughts she thought she might spontaneously combust at any moment.

"I...you...Uh," She struggled to find words. "Why don't you...just...leave? You can't stay if you're going to get hurt! And why would you bash your head in like that?" Finally, something came out of her that wasn't just sounds, though the look on her face was one of pure confusion. Her eyes darted back and forth from the wound on his head and back to him: searching for something though she wasn't quite sure what it was. Then, though it was probably the least important thing he had said, it hit her. Beck had slept with another girl, and recently too; within the last twenty four hours he had had sex with that girl named Millie. It shouldn't have hurt her as much as it did, it shouldn't have rattled her that badly. They weren't together, it wasn't like he cheated, he wasn't hers...but even so, she was having a hard time not completely falling apart.

"I don't think I needed to know about that part with Millie," Elisa said quietly, pulling away from him and looking anywhere but directly at Beck. She had tried to make it sound more like a 'Too much information, dude' but instead sounded like she was about to cry. Her voice had even cracked a little when she said Millie's name.

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Beck Hades.

"I know,"

Elisa clearly could not find anything to say about the subject either. Her lack of a response made Beck wonder if he had offended her, but her arms still clasped tightly around him said otherwise. The blonde could see the uneasiness swarm behind her eyes. She knew? Then why was she so young? Why was she not protected? Of course he knew that mistakes happened, and no matter how hard you try to erase them, they still leave smudges.

Not that Jess looked like a mistake to Beck. She was a cute little fucker.

"Why don't you...just...leave? You can't stay if you're going to get hurt! And why would you bash your head in like that?"

The youth sighed heavily, leaning back against the bed frame with his pupils finding the ceiling more interesting than the beauty at his side. "I can't. I want to protect all of them. If I leave the person who will follow in my place is a lot more reckless and violent...." He explained, voice quiet and dark in case of anyone eves dropping. "So it would be like a commander sending his troops to their suicides. At first I thought it was brave staying for their own sake, but now I just realise how stupid I am."

He then traced the cut along his forehead with his fingertipswhich had neatly been stitched up by Millie and hidden by his hair. Beck chewed at this inside of his mouth, recalling breaking down and thudding his skull hard against the tiles of the shower. "I regretted sleeping with her and upsetting you. Generally just all my life choices being honest."

"I don't think I needed to know about that part with Millie,"


The blonde noticed the wobbled in her voice and the harshness of her tone, though could not exactly pin point what it was meant to imply exactly. Elisa had pulled way from his embrace and turned to face the wall. It made him extremely uncomfortable. "Hey..." He said, placing a warm hand lightly on her arm. He wanted to believe she was jealous but Beck was pretty sure that was only what he wanted to think. Still, curiosity always kills the cat.

"That...that kind of sounded like it upset you. I'm sorry Elisa...Why?"

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"I can't. I want to protect all of them. If I leave the person who will follow in my place is a lot more reckless and violent...."

"Gangs are reckless and violent, Beck. How did you get yourself involved in this anyway?" She sighed, putting her hands over her face and feeling slightly frustrated: mostly because she didn't want Beck to get hurt and he was so willing to throw himself to a group of rabid dogs. Couldn't he see that he was worth more than the blood and the fights and all the dangerous things he had gotten tangled up in? Things that had already scarred him and could kill him? Plus, Millie was in this gang of his. Even though that wasn't important at all, her jealousy made it seem like a valid reason for him to leave.

"I regretted sleeping with her and upsetting you. Generally just all my life choices being honest."

Elisa's eyes darkened, looking into Beck's. "Don't you ever hurt yourself again. You're too good for that, B." She knew telling him this made her a hypocrite. She was all bandaged up in the hospital for trying to kill herself and it was likely that she'd try again in the future, if her mental state hadn't drastically improved by then. She swallowed hard at the thought, but at least now she knew that Beck had Millie and she was sure Allison would continue taking wonderful care of Jessa if Elisa ever did manage to kill herself. She tried to clear her mind of those dark thoughts, but only managed to quiet them. At least she had now turned away from Beck and he wouldn't see all those emotions written on her face.

Every thought of Millie made her feel as though she was being punched repeatedly in the stomach and Elisa had no idea how to deal with it. She bit her lip through the pain, trying to think of something else, ANYTHING else. She studied the wall she was facing, with its every blemish and imperfection. It had almost worked and then:

"That...that kind of sounded like it upset you. I'm sorry Elisa...Why?"

At that moment she really wished she was one of those people who were complete devoid of all emotion, like a robot. "I'm just tired," She whimpered. She's from his world. Totally opposite from me. It's stupid to think he wouldn't want her. She's part of his world. I'm...not.

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(Sorry for being so late. Had a lot of things to do and invites out cause apparently my social life is somewhat still existing._

Beck Hades.

"Gangs are reckless and violent, Beck. How did you get yourself involved in this anyway?"


Beck could not help but let out a "Tsk" of disapproval at what she had just stated. He pressed his lips into a thin line as he turned to Elisa with a shake of his head. "These reckless and violent people are my friends just remember. A lot of them don't have valid family's or safe places to go back to so The Shards is the only place where they get the slightest bit of emotional warmth. There's a lot more than first meets the eye you know..." He explained in a low and rather monotone voice. "I don't really know how I got involved really. My friend joined and I find myself "visiting him" and after I guess I got...Attached?"

"Don't you ever hurt yourself again. You're too good for that, B."

The blondes eyes saddened and pupils fell heavy, vision rolling to the floor. He lightly felt at the sown wound on his head and recalled the blood and burning warm water sliding down his body as the world began to spin in a blur. "Too good for that eh? Nobody deserves to hurt themselves. Its just emotions that puppet us..." He then began to address her personally. "Sometimes you just need to focus on the reasons to stay and be safe...there is always a reason and always someone who cares..." Beck's eyes rolled to her thin bandaged wrist before he gently and rather sheepishly took it in his hand and began planting soft kisses on where her cuts hid behind the white. He wished that his lips would just instantly heal her, along with her poor broken heart. He did this for a good few seconds before pulling away from the brunette and smiling uneasily. Wondering if what he had just performed would make her uncomfortable or the opposite.

"I'm just tired,"

Clumsily trying to fix his old flirty and confident personality back together he gave Elisa a false smile. Her response made him realise how stupid and ignorant he had been with his words recently. "Would you like me to leave you alone sexy? I could come back later tonight or very early tomorrow morning after you have had some beauty sleep? Not that I want to go."

The thought of leaving her alone scared him.

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(Hawoo)

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((I'll be posting later today. I've been really tired, sorryyyy!))

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((Eep. Sorry for replying so late. I've been tired and busy.))

"These reckless and violent people are my friends just remember. A lot of them don't have valid family's or safe places to go back to so The Shards is the only place where they get the slightest bit of emotional warmth. There's a lot more than first meets the eye you know..."

Elisa frowned at that but didn't say anything. She didn't exactly have a great home life either. Her parents were pretty cold and unforgiving, but she didn't run off to join a gang because of it. Even though she wasn't great at it, she was sure they could all make friends. Hell, they could just be friends with a hang out. She would never understand why they became a gang or why Beck joined up no matter how hard he tried to explain it. Maybe it was how she grew up, maybe she just just heartless bitch, but she didn't get it.

"Why don't you ever talk about your home life?" She said, switching topics. She couldn't recall Beck ever talking about his parents or where he lived. He knew all about her fucked up parents but never really shared anything about his family. He could have seven sisters or be a twin and she wouldn't even know it. It struck her that the situation might be a bit touchy so she tacked on: "You don't have to if you don't want to."

She winced when Beck started to kiss her bandages. Not because it hurt, but because it was embarrassing for her to have to deal with. She couldn't deal with her life, she tried to find a way out, and she failed. Elisa briefly wondered if he thought she was pathetic because of it.

"Sometimes you just need to focus on the reasons to stay and be safe...there is always a reason and always someone who cares..."

She wanted to believe his words and say that she would do that from now on, but sometimes those reasons she could find just weren't enough; not in the heat of the moment, not when those dark and depressive thoughts were screaming out inside her head.

"Would you like me to leave you alone sexy?"

She didn't, she really, really didn't want him to leave her alone. Even though she was hurt over Millie and sad that he didn't love her like she wanted him to, she still wanted him there. While she faced the wall and still refused to look at him, she did whisper a quiet "Please stay."