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Tsukino Misaki

"'Every girl's dream,' huh? What a shallow, meaningless fantasy this is."

0 · 304 views · located in Tokyo, Japan

a character in “Missing Pieces”, as played by Feyblue

Description



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"Being an idol is fun - the music, the lights, the dancing - but when you get down to it, it's actually remarkably similar to being a slave. You're bound to the will of an unfeeling taskmaster, forced to think, speak, appear and act according to the rules set out by your handlers, and any attempt to step out of line and be your own person will be met with strict punishment - yet nobody sees fit to care."

"I might as well just be scenery, for all I matter as a person. I'm so tired of living like this..."


░░░AngeL★LunA/Luna-chan░░░


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FULL NAME
      Tsukino Misaki. Her surname means "Moon Field," while her given name translates to "Beautiful Blossom."

NICKNAME(S)
      AngeL★LunA/Luna-chan. The former is her stage name, while the latter is the nickname by which her fans often refer to her.

MISSING PIECE
      She has something of a self esteem complex caused by her constant (failed) efforts to prove herself to her distant mother.

GENDER
      Female

AGE
      16

SEXUALITY
      Heterosexual

NATIONALITY
      Japanese


"That's right... I'm just a pretty doll dressed up in fancy clothes and put on a stage to sing and dance for the pleasure of an audience who couldn't give a damn less who the person they're watching really is, or how I feel. It seems so fun at the time, but... when you get down to it... I think I'm starting to hate it."


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HEIGHT
      5'7"

WEIGHT
      120 pounds.

HAIR COLOR
      Dark, chocolate brown.

EYE COLOR
      Bright greenish blue

SKIN TONE
      Pale.

GENERAL APPEARANCE
      Average in height and lithe in build, Misaki certainly has a rather distinctive appearance despite her modest stature. With long, straight, silky hair of a rich brown hue framing crystal-like blue-green eyes, and a gently curving, mature figure, one can easily see why she was scouted as an idol. Her skin is pale and smooth, with scarce few scars or blemishes to mar its surface. Although her average height makes it a little less notable than it might be in a taller woman, her body is clearly slanted towards her limbs, which, although thin and elegant, lacking significant amounts of muscle, appear neither scrawny nor overly dainty and fragile. Over all, perhaps the best way to describe her would be as an "average beauty," paradoxical though that might seem, as she isn't overly tall nor incredibly buxom, nor does she possess any uncommon features aside from, perhaps, her somewhat rare eyes. Nevertheless, although many aspects of her overall image might seem ordinary, they all add up to a very appealing whole.

      The two outfits she is usually seen in are what make the difference between her rather nondescript daily image, and the iconic appearance of the captivating idol singer, Luna. For her daily garb, she usually just sports her high school's basic uniform, with a white blouse, green and white tie, black blazer, and gray skirt, with knee-high black stockings and featureless brown leather sneakers, the heels of which are slightly elevated to increase her apparent stature. When performing or making appearances related to her job, however, she changes out this attire for a much more flattering ensemble consisting of a short, frilly black dress and corset with thigh-high stockings and garters, colored with white and purple markings. With a black ribbon and a flower in her hair to complete the image, she thus favors a somewhat Gothic style of appearance - although, this outfit isn't one she chose so much as one that was given to her for her job, but she supposes things could be much worse.
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"Why? I don't understand it... All the sleepless nights spent rehearsing and studying and bettering myself in every imaginable way, all the days spent running from photoshoots to interviews to performances to school and tests and work and the millions of other obligations I face every single day... All of that was for you, Mom...! So why? Why won't you say anything?!"


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ImagePERSONALITY
      ✦ Distant ✧ Cynical ✦ Sarcastic ✧ Devoted ✦

      Misaki is an individual who many people may think they understand in an instant. With a melancholic, yet kind and polite exterior, she devotes herself to any and all things that are expected of her, without holding anything back, as though she refuses to accept any outcome short of the best one possible. She assists others without question, and without asking for anything in return, as though she doesn't know how to request compensation for her actions, or to say "no" to something she doesn't want to do. A dedicated student, far be it from her to accept anything short of an A in any academic venture, and unimaginable that there might be some extra credit activity she hasn't done twice just for good measure. Her teachers and classmates all speak highly of her diligence and generosity, but something nobody ever seems to notice is the fact that despite her impeccable reputation and incredible determination, she doesn't seem to actually have any friends, with everyone around her either being intimidated by her serious character, or unable to approach her due to her busy schedule. She doesn't really interact with her peers much, nor does she seem to have any real hobbies. When she's not studying, she's rehearsing for her performances, or carrying out interviews, or endorsing commercials, or something similar. There's always some important thing she has to do, and although she doesn't show them often, the telltale signs of exhaustion will appear in both her appearance and demeanor now and again, as her hectic lifestyle takes quite a toll on her constitution.

      Although she hides it well beneath this outgoing, invincible facade, the real Misaki is a great deal different from the confident, fearless, and cheerful persona she dons to protect her image as an idol. Directionless in life, she follows the instructions given her as though she has no choice, living solely for the praise of those around her, and the brief, fleeting fulfillment it brings. Unable to relate to others, she feels useless, judging herself solely by how people see her. She thus became an idol in the hopes of being acknowledged and admired, but ultimately, this only led her to more confusion and depression as she found herself being forced into a mold which she could not break for fear of losing her fans, and, by extension, her job. She was forced to act cutesy and audacious, as though confident in everything she said and every move she made, which in turn caused others to see her as a contented, self-assured young woman, when in reality, every second she lived was filled with torturous indecision, desperately hoping she had made the right move and had followed her instructions adequately. Without some sort of prompt to guide her, she feels uncertain and afraid of how people might view her actions. Consequently, the more people expected of her, the less and less she found herself capable of living up to her own reputation, even with the code of conduct she's been forced to abide by to protect her real nature from being found out. She knows one day she'll slip up, ruin her image, and be thrown aside as a washed-up has-been, becoming a laughingstock amidst the very people who once cheered and applauded at the sight of her. Even assuming she can maintain her mask of perfection, she can't stay an idol forever. When she becomes less attractive, or people grow tired of her appearance and voice, she'll still be thrown away and forgotten, a prospect that horrifies her, since losing the one thing that has made her important in such a way would be the ultimate concession of her own meaninglessness and uselessness.

      Another thing that disturbs her greatly is the flaunting of her own body while she performs. With costumes that pander directly, and oftentimes blatantly, to the tastes of her audiences, she feels as though, little by little, she's selling her dignity in exchange for fame. Although there are plenty of people who freely and openly profess their love and adoration for her, it's become quite plain to her that all they "love" about her is that she's a pretty girl who serves as a blank, cheerful "ideal" onto which men can project their dreams and desires. Nobody cares who she actually is or what she likes or how she feels about anything - just that she's beautiful, intelligent, kind, and never seems saddened by anything life throws her way. So long as she can pretend to be this "perfect" girl, of course people will love her - but they'll only be in love with an assumed image. As an idol, her only job is to be an actualization of the dreams of her fans - nothing more, nothing less. In that case, is it really her who people are praising and applauding? Does she really deserve the love and attention she receives? Such doubts plague her mind, made all the more poignant by the fact that the one person she wants to praise her more than anyone has only come to hate her for what she's become.


ImageLIKES
      ✦Singing - From a young age, Misaki has loved to sing, which is part of the reason why she became an idol in the first place.
      ✧Sweets - Although she'd probably be too ashamed to admit it to anyone, she has a massive sweet tooth, and adores sweet foods and drinks.
      ✦Reading - Studious in the extreme, she immediately strikes one as being a bit of a bookworm. But, what most people don't realize is that she enjoys reading works of fiction just as much as keeping up good grades in school, and, although she doesn't get the chance often anymore, she loves to just hole up in her room with a good fantasy novel and read it cover to cover.
      ✧Romance - A closet romantic, Misaki is actually surprisingly girly in her tastes in fiction, considering her outwardly serious demeanor. Whether it be a movie or a novel, or in some cases even an Otome Game - although she would never tell anyone about this - she finds a great deal of happiness in watching the relationships of other people succeeding, be they real or fictional. As normal, healthy relationships are something she would greatly like to have herself, and her job doesn't exactly offer her room to date, for now this is the closest she can get to true love.
      ✦Attention - As someone who perpetually judges her own merits on the reactions of those around her, Misaki couldn't live with herself if she wasn't respected by her peers and superiors. She just wishes earning the praise of her mother could be so easy.



ImageDISLIKES
      ✦Insults - She's not someone who takes criticism or mockery well, even if it's meant in jest. Quickly becoming defensive or despondent, she can hold a grudge over a surprisingly small verbal slight for quite some time.
      ✧Awkwardness - She hasn't interacted with her peers in what you'd call a normal fashion very much at all. Consequently, given her chronic uncertainty, any sort of intimate or personal situation has a tendency to put her on edge, causing her to rapidly distance herself. This, combined with her cold exterior, makes her come off as a little bit of a Tsundere sometimes.
      ✦Cats - She has a bad history trying and failing to interact with them. She's much more of a dog person, as they don't claw you nearly as much.
      ✧Spicy Food - It's not that she doesn't like the taste - she just can't handle the burning in her mouth afterward. This leads to a somewhat amusing sort of culinary masochism as she finds a dish she greatly enjoys and begins scarfing it down, stopping only to pour entire glasses of water down her burning throat and wipe the tears from her eyes before going right back to eating.
      ✦Physical Contact - Although her mother wasn't exactly abusive to her, the woman's sometimes violent punishments and chastisements, combined with some particularly frightening experiences with rather dangerously clingy fans, ended up giving Misaki a bit of a complex about being touched which still asserts itself to this day. Although her reactions aren't very extreme - no mental breakdowns or anything similarly debilitating - she has been known to respond to unexpected hugs with flailing and the occasional slap.



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TALENTS
      ✦Charisma - Kind, polite, pretty, photogenic, and possessing a beautiful and clear voice, it's quite easy for her to earn the adoration of those around her, which is one of the main reasons why she's been so successful as an idol.
      ✧Intelligence - A straight-A student possessing an excellent memory, she's diligent in her studies, and has reaped the results of her determination in the form of near-flawless grades.
      ✦Cooking - She's been making meals for herself for quite some time now, since her mother was never there to cook for her. Although her culinary creations are always rather simplistic, and can sometimes be a little bit strange, what she does know how to make, she makes well.
      ✧Organization - She's been a class representative for several years in a row, and has micromanaged the events orchestrated by her class in all of those years. By now, she's gotten pretty good at it.
      ✦Efficiency - She does things as quickly and directly as possible so as to avoid wasting energy - a nessecity for someone whose life is as hectic as hers.

FLAWS
      ✦Lack of Social Skills - Having seldom interacted with her peers, she finds it difficult to read people and discern how they're feeling, sometimes coming off as insensitive or emotionless because of this. The fact that nobody ever really talks to her much as an equal doesn't help things at all.
      ✧Physically Weak - The one major area Misaki is an utter failure in is athletics. Having focused so much time and effort on her studies, and without any real friends to get her outside doing things, she has thus ended up lacking much of the exercise most people her age have, causing her to tire easily and to be rather unable to lift heavy objects.
      ✦Dependence - Her mother's severe manner has driven Misaki to constantly try to prove herself in new and amazing ways, hoping to finally earn the affection of her distant parent. Until she does, it's unlikely she'll view anything she does as a truly successful venture. Although the praise of others gives her some slight courage, the fact that she bases her self-esteem entirely on the way others treat her makes her horribly uncertain at almost all times, and especially susceptible to insults and belittling.
      ✧Caffeine Dependency - Due to her incredibly busy lifestyle, there's seldom a night where she actually gets enough sleep. In order to stave off exhaustion, she can usually be found drinking soda, tea, or small energy booster drinks pretty much everywhere she goes in order to keep herself awake and alert. On the flipside, this means that on particularly bad days, she can fall asleep completely without warning, leading to some rather embarrassing situations, as the aloof girl can be unexpectedly cuddly while asleep.
      ✦Tsundere - ...This one doesn't need much explanation. Since she has no idea how to read people or how to deal with social situations - especially intimate or romantic interactions - she generally tries to hide her uncertainty and awkwardness through her usual cold, unassailable facade, which can lead to suspiciously specific denials of things people never suggested, and even the occasional insult. Nevertheless, when she gets flustered, it's kind of obvious, no matter how hard - or perhaps BECAUSE of how hard - she tries to hide it. She's without a doubt a nice person, and can be perfectly cordial so long as she's not out of her element - it's just she sucks at dealing with people. The number of romance novels and games she plays may also have something to do with this particular trait...

FEARS
      ✦Abandonment - Perpetually terrified that people will stop caring about her if she fails to meet her own absurdly high standards, a fear of no longer being admired and loved drives a great deal of her perfectionist personality.
      ✧Image - Another thing that terrifies Misaki is her perpetual dread of what other people actually think of her, as she always worries that even the slightest slip might reveal her true personality and cause those who were once her fans to be disgusted with her.
      ✦Solitude - Although she's become used to it by now, she has a crippling fear of being alone, especially dying alone, which is seeming like more and more of a possibility given her issues interacting with others, and the fact that, despite her fame, she's never actually been on a date in her life - especially not since becoming an idol, since any sort of romance would sully her "pure" image, and anger the fans drawn in solely by her sex appeal, thus making it taboo.
      ✧Being Discarded - More than just an abandonment complex, Misaki has seen firsthand what happens to idols who lose their beauty, their fans, or their image. She doesn't want to lose the fame she's worked so hard to earn. She'd sooner die than go back to being a no-name loner who nobody cares about.
      ✦The Dark - A rather lame fear for someone her age, but she's always been a little twitchy when she can't see the area around her. With fear of monsters replaced by fear of muggers, rapists, or other such attackers, she finds it difficult to stay calm when alone late at night - although she tries to hide this fact from others, too.



"I thought I'd become successful, that I'd made myself into a person people would admire, into a daughter she could be proud of. But that's not what happened at all, is it? All I've done is become a doll - a shallow, superfluous existence whose only purpose is to provide something interesting to look at, and nothing more. I don't get it... where did I go wrong?! Why is it that even though I've done everything I possibly could to make people proud of me, I still feel so pathetic?! What is wrong with me?!"



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FAMILY
      Father - Kageyama Kenshiro - Alive - 40 - Estranged
      Mother - Tsukino Natsuhi - Alive - 37 - Estranged

BIO
      To understand Misaki's life, it is first necessary to understand the circumstances that lead to her birth. Her mother, Natsuhi, was, at 21, an up and coming star in the movie business, landing several acclaimed roles through equal parts chance and talent despite her young age, having run out on her strict family to pursue her dreams of being an actress rather than inherit the family business. One unexpected hit lead to her being rapidly scouted out and hired for even more prestigious productions. It seemed she was on the fast track to tremendous fame and success. But, it was around this time that it all went wrong for her. Beginning an affair with a famous baseball player, the two unexpectedly conceived a daughter. The father, who had only been in it for the fun, wanted nothing to do with raising a child, and swiftly bolted, leaving her mother to deal with the issue of raising their daughter herself. Unable to continue acting due to her pregnancy and the aftereffects thereof, Natsuhi found her brief fame gone in an instant - and she never forgave Misaki for taking it from her.

      Right from the beginning, the young girl seldom saw her mother. Forced to work several different jobs in order to support herself and her daughter once her reserves of money ran out from the medical bills surrounding Misaki's birth, Natsuhi tried and failed to reconcile herself with her family and her estranged lover. But her own family wanted nothing to do with their rebellious, disgraced daughter, feeling that if she would not support them when they needed her, they held no obligation to aid her now that she herself had fallen on hard times. Her ex-lover, Kenshiro, meanwhile, had made it big in major league baseball, and wanted nothing to do with a woman he cared nothing for and a child he would rather pretend didn't exist. So, with nobody left to turn to, Natsuhi was simply forced to take whatever jobs she could get to keep food on the table, and had little time for her unwanted daughter, who was either left at daycares for most of the day or simply put in her crib and ignored. Nevertheless, despite the difficulties of her life, the ex-actress persevered.

      Misaki, meanwhile, was not so lucky. Unsure of how exactly she was supposed to interact with others, she found herself alone for most of her childhood, spending her time reading the books her mother had only taught her to read and given to her so that she wouldn't bother her so much. When she began going to school, she found it difficult to relate to any of her classmates, and, feeling inferior to them, ended up avoiding them as much as she could. Her mother pressured her daily to do well in school, and so she focused solely on her studies, which, combined with her evasive, aloof attitude caused her fellow students to swiftly come to mistake her shyness for arrogance, and to shun her. Although she soon began making the highest grades in her class, and was all of her teachers' favorite student, she didn't have any friends at all - and her mother was as distant as ever.

      Throughout the years, from elementary to high school, this situation did not change. The moment she was old enough to get one, her mother pressured her into working several part time jobs, taking her paychecks to help pay the bills. Although this kept them from going broke, Misaki was still disappointed that no matter how hard she worked, nothing seemed to come of it. Although she voiced this disappointment to Natsuhi, all she got was a slap in the face and a lecture about how she had no right to complain after all she'd put the woman through for her sake.

      Since she'd been young, in order to make herself feel less alone in their empty apartment, she'd taken to singing and dancing as she cleaned and prepared food for her mother for when she came home from work. Although she hadn't had any formal lessons, little by little, she'd grown incredibly good at it as her voice matured and her pitch improved, and as her coordination grew more and more precise. At first, she thought nothing of this hobby, but all that changed after a certain series of events that changed her life forever.

      Close to her 16th birthday, her class made up the large part of the light music club. Consequently, when the singer of that club's band had to travel overseas to attend the funeral of a distant relative, it was in her class that the club asked for an emergency replacement for the upcoming cultural festival. Nobody else wanted any part in it, fearing they'd embarrass themselves, so, wanting to help, and to the surprise of all of her fellow students, the stern, uptight class representative, Tsukino Misaki, volunteered. Although she only had a week to prepare, she enjoyed every second of rehearsal. Between singing, dancing, and wearing fancy clothing she had previously only dreamed of ever appearing in, she felt like Cinderella. And, when the time came to perform, she did so with the utmost enthusiasm, pouring her heart and soul into the show and giving it everything she had. The performance drew a much bigger crowd than expected, as the school was a rather large one in the area, and many of the students had large, extended families who came to watch. Although the band had been initially worried that it would be a flop without their lead singer, to their surprise, Misaki's show was a smash hit.

      But even more surprising was the coincidence that a scout for a talent agency who'd just lost their most well known performer due to a scandal happened to be watching - and he liked what he saw. Approaching Misaki after the show, he asked her if she enjoyed performing. When she responded yes, he posed her the last question she'd ever dreamed of hearing.

      "Would you like to become an idol?"

      Positively giddy at this opportunity, Misaki accepted without a second thought, and agreed to come try out the following week. She kept it secret from her mother, not wanting to disappoint her if she failed - but when she passed her auditions with flying colors and was offered the company's full support as an idol, she returned home and shared with her shocked mother the wonderful news. She had expected that Natsuhi would finally be proud of her, since she was finally going to be her mother's equal. After all, she was going to be famous! If she did well, then they wouldn't have to worry about their financial troubles anymore! Finally, their lives seemed to be looking up.

      However, Natsuhi's reaction was the last one she'd ever expected. Raising her hand, her mother struck Misaki violently across the face, screaming at her in rage for now not only stealing her youth and beauty, but now adding insult to injury by stealing the fame Natsuhi had once possessed. Forcing her bodily out of the apartment and throwing out all her belongings after her, her mother said she never wanted to see her again, that she hated her and wished she had never had a daughter. Unable to understand why her mother was so angry with her, Misaki had retreated in tears, nursing her wounded pride.

      Moving into a small atelier in the studio, provided her as a part of her contract, she reluctantly took up her new job as an idol, unsure of what to think of her situation anymore. Although she certainly enjoyed performing, and gave every second of it her all, she still wanted to know why exactly her mother had excommunicated her. Although she tried calling Natsuhi several times and asking her for forgiveness, pleading with her and saying she'd only wanted to make her proud, the woman never let her in when she came to visit, or answered her when she called on the phone. Resigning herself to loneliness, Misaki simply tried the best she could to adjust to her new role while still keeping her grades up in school - something which turned out to be very difficult, as her schedule only got more and more busy, giving her less time to attend classes and to study.

      Although her performances were very small scale to begin with, successful advertisement combined with her own natural charisma and beautiful voice caused her to swiftly gain a cult following on the internet, where word of her began to spread. Her popularity ranking began to rise rapidly as more and more fans started coming to her performances. The prolific growth and rather open affection of her fandom, the so-called "Lunarians," in turn drew the attention of the news, causing more and more interest to become focused on her, and creating a self-sustaining cycle that resulted in her fame skyrocketing. As one of the youngest solo artists in the business - usually, most idols were scouted en masse and performed in groups, while Misaki was iconic enough to earn her own label - this in turn drew even more fans to her performances, until she was well known throughout the Tokyo area. While still not a major celebrity by any means, she began ranking near the top of several major media popularity polls, and raked in a great deal of revenue, saving the agency that had scouted her from bankruptcy. This gave her career a sort of permanence that most other idols didn't have, as, due to the unexpectedly large fan turnout to her performances, she became her agency's main source of income, and was thus, in a sense, indispensable. But, already, she's noticed the agency beginning to scout other performers to put together its own secondary idol group, which, if she doesn't become assimilated into, may surpass her and take the fame she's worked so hard to earn. That, combined with the harassment of some of her more vocal fans - she's had several bad experiences with stalkers - and her grueling schedule have made her begin to wonder if she made the right choice by becoming an idol to begin with. Her sense of guilt at estranging her mother mingled with her fears of being thrown away, filling her with the crippling suspicion that she soon might have nowhere left to call home, and nobody left to turn to, just like Natsuhi before her. It was in this state of mind, thus, that she received a strange letter, inviting her to a place she'd never heard of. Although she usually didn't accept such direct invitations, as they invited stalking and fan frenzy, there was a part of her that hoped that this might somehow be a message from her mother, and that she might have a chance to make amends for displeasing her so. And so, against her better judgement, she found herself taking a day off to visit this "Missing Pieces Cafe," and see what lay in store for her there...


OTHER
      Dɪᴀʟᴏɢᴜᴇ Cᴏʟᴏʀ ✦ #0076a4

      Tʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛ Cᴏʟᴏʀ ✧ #00736a

      Fᴀᴄᴇ Cʟᴀɪᴍ ✦ Shibuya Rin from Idolm@ster Cinderella Girls

      Pᴏʀᴛʀᴀʏᴇᴅ Bʏ ✧ Feyblue

      ⒸⓄⓅⓎⓇⒾⒼⒽⓉ ⓌⒶⓇⓃⒾⓃⒼ
      character basic form © aurei
      modified form ઽ૮૨Α
      edited, modified form Luna Delta



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So begins...

Tsukino Misaki's Story