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【WHERE TF ARE YOU?】
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[justify][font=helvetica][color=#9D1309]Do your best! :D I believe in you![/color][/font][/justify]
"Come away, O human child! To the waters and the wild with a faery, hand in hand, for the world’s more full of weeping than you can understand." - W.B. Yeats
Snow Leopard
Soldier
Corner Poet
Faded visage - calloused accusations. Raze the cheer to leave behind the sear.
【Solitary】 ✧ 【Passionate】 ✧ 【Protective】 ✧ 【Melancholy】
Aedan is in a state of emotional turmoil and his personality has begun shifting quite a bit. He is practically unrecognizable to those who may have known him before the incident that brought him to Sabine's attention. The young man has become reclusive, needing to be alone to ruminate on the past and his mistakes. He blames himself for a lot of what happened and has grown to resent himself and internalize the views of society in regards to homosexuality and drinking blood. He no longer feels the freedom to be himself since that expression has led to many tragedies in his life. He also experienced much abuse at the end of his 'life' and harsh betrayal. Because of this, his seclusion also stems from a fear of betrayal from others and being hurt. He is afraid of getting close only to end up losing the person so he figures that it is better to be alone than get close. No one gets hurt that way.
The young solider has closed himself off and takes solace in writing. Writing had been a simple pleasure before Sabine and he didn't always get a chance to write but now he finds himself with more time on his hands than he had ever wanted. Poetry offers him an escape and a way to express his emotions and get his words out. It has become his social outlet since he doesn't feel comfortable enough to actually express himself to real people. It gives him a sense of peace since he isn't bottling everything up but eventually he'll need to talk to someone; writing can only do so much to keep one unburden.
Though generally introverted now, Aedan can also be very reactive. This side of him is generally revealed around Sabine or those that push his buttons too much and force him out of his comfort zone. This has eared him the title 'snow leopard' by Sabine thanks to his lashing out and sudden outbursts. He gets very loud and lashes verbally as well as physically. He is very hot and cold towards the demon that had rescued him mostly because of his own confusion about the situation, grief, and disgust about the situation he finds himself in.
And since Aedan is military trained and made his livelihood by being a guard for one of the remaining nobility, Aedan is quite protective and is never without his sword. Though he is very quiet around the others because he is new and uncomfortable with expression, he does see the others as a sort of family and will do what he can to protect them. Even those he hates and does not care for. He will not allow them to be hurt by others. He knows that most of them had sad endings just like he did and they are all stuck in this situation so he doesn't want harm to come to them and he failed to protect those he loved before. He does not want to make the same mistake again.
Beneath it all, Aedan is a softy. He is a romantic and very passionate individual. He will devote himself to one thing with a single minded abandon. He loves sweet things and enjoys romance though it hadn't turned out well for him before. Seeing romance brings out a mix of jealousy and deep seated sadness and longing to Aedan. He often tries to avoid the scene and gets reactive if someone tries to touch him or show him love. It is one of the reasons why he lashes out so strongly against Sabine and Damien who often forgets that he hates being touched. His aversion to being touched has only grown stronger since Damien tried to show him affection which ended up with him feeling trapped and excited. To a certain extent, he has grown to fear feeling aroused towards others.
Be gone creature in darkness, haunted steps echo in my ear. Remember, never look behind at the demon reflected.
Aedan is a young man standing at 5'8 and weighs 150 pounds. He sports a lean build thanks to his training in the military. He sports a boyish face with defined cheekbones and rounded edges giving him the appearance of being younger than he is. His long limbs add grace to his movements and he is quite flexible. Though he has a pianist's elegant fingers, they are calloused thanks to his sword training, making them rough to the touch. His light blond hair is airy and cascades around his face giving him a slightly more feminine and delicate look though he is far from being fragile physically. Though his hair is a bit long in the back, he generally keeps his hair down and rarely puts his hair in a tiny ponytail. His somber blue eyes spark easily when forced into action and look far more like daggers when he is pissed off though generally they have a forlorn look about them. Aedan is a mix of looking young and vulnerable and being a hardened soldier. In his life before Sabine, he used this to his advantage to throw people off guard with his childish like attitude and disposition.
Aedan generally likes the fashion of his era. He likes wearing his uniform and the formality it gives him. Since he likes to be alone, he feels like the outfit gives him a physical way to tell people to back off. He is not particular about the color of his outfits though he generally likes white or black and navy blue. His clothing generally is buttoned down and he sports cuffs and gloves when he goes out. It allows a better grip on his sword which he carries with him at all times. This is probably the fanciest part of his outfit. He wears a stylish sword belt with various engravings. The sheath of his sword is black with gold trimmings and the sword itself has a decorative hilt of gold and silver fashioned like a blooming flower that buds around his hand protecting his hand. This was actually a gift he had gotten from his parents and is the only personal possession he has from his past.
Aedan also has a thing for earrings. He generally wears studs but his favorite types are earrings that dangle. Often times he sports studs on one ear and a long earring on the other. Before he didn't have the courage to wear them around his unit but now that he lives with Sabine, he doesn't have to worry about being fashion forward or being teased by 'friends'. He doesn't often go out so he feels relatively safe wearing them.
He doesn't often ask Sabine to buy clothing for him and only has 5 different pieces of clothing though he has asked for his guilty pleasure of earrings. Besides his jewelry, he does bug Sabine for paper and a variety of pens and ink for his writing.
Color drips with every beat. In memory frozen the face of despair.
【Reading】 ▬▬▬ Aedan has always liked reading all sorts of books and poetry. Generally speaking, he likes romances and and legends.
【Writing】 ▬▬▬ To go along with his love of reading he enjoys writing and generally writes poetry.
【Sweets】 ▬▬▬ Aedan enjoys sweet things like cakes and pastries. His favorites generally consist of strawberry flavors or filling.
【Nature】 ▬▬▬ The young man loves nature and can sit among the flowers or watch the animals for hours. It is peaceful.
【Writing】 ▬▬▬ Aedan generally can be seen with a pen and paper writing poetry or short stories in the library or the settee beside the garden.
【Reading】 ▬▬▬ If he isn't writing, Aedan has his head in a book and can read well into the night until he has finished the book.
【Observing】 ▬▬▬ Since his arrival, Aedan has picked up the habit of sitting down in a settee and just watching people and nature. He generally takes this time to reflect or just gain information on the other members of the house.
【Loudness】 ▬▬▬ Aedan doesn't care for loud noises like banging or yelling since it is very disruptive. Trains going by often startle him awake or catch him off guard.
【Himself】 ▬▬▬ He was selfish and then not strong enough to protect the one he loved. He very much blaims himself for what happened to his lover.
【Being touched】 ▬▬▬ Aedan does not like being touched in any sort of manner, especially not in a flirtatious way. He has been hurt by those he trusted and since he was punished for showing affection, any display in kind makes him uncomfortable and angry.
【Drinking blood】 ▬▬▬ Drinking blood makes Aedan feel like a monster but also is exciting so all in all it is something that perplexes and disgusts him.
【Being Dependant】 ▬▬▬ The soldier has always had a distaste for being dependent on others since that means he cannot help himself. His need for blood makes him dependent on Sabine which he can't stand.
【Getting close】 ▬▬▬ The young poet is afraid of being close to others because that requires one to be vulnerable. Last time he did that, he was betrayed and his lover was murdered for it. He doesn't want to feel that pain again.
【Losing Control】 ▬▬▬ Aedan has a growing sadness and anger he recognizes and is afraid that these darker emotions will suffocate him in the end.
【Losing loved ones】 ▬▬▬ Since he has lost so much, he fears losing anyone that he may get close to. This ties in with his fear of getting close so he isolates himself to protect himself and others.
Hands stretched skyward, murmured plea 'don't forget me'.
Aedan was born from rather poor parents. They didn't have much status or anything really that belonged to them. His parents both worked in factories and he too ended up working in the grueling and dangerous factories as a child. He knew early on that he didn't want to spend the rest of his days working most of the time in factories like his parents. They weren't living; just existing. He wanted to improve his life and at the time, there were no laws that protected children in factories. Aedan knew that his only way out was through the nobility. He had to find a way to get noticed.
So, the young boy decided to try his luck in the military. He snuck into the training grounds and started to train. He did get noticed and though originally he was going to be thrown out or imprisoned, the captains decided to keep him on and monitored his progress since he only came to attention because he showed promise. And so, Aedan found himself training as a soldier. He did get some accommodations for his family so they could live nearby and worked at the castle instead of the factories they had been slaving away in before.
When he was 15, Aedan was transferred to the guard detail for the king's right hand man, a noble adviser. Aedan took to the job eagerly and with much diligence. Since he was still a 'poor' boy he constantly felt the pressure to prove himself against the other guards who were born for this and trained earlier. His eagerness and determination continued to shower him with positive attention and he rose through the ranks quickly. His family was soon living comfortably. They were still poor but his parents did not have to worry about income anymore and factory work was never a threat looming over their heads again. Aedan usually gave them all of his money; far more concerned with their well-being than his own.
At 17, his parents had given him a rich sword that had been part of their family for generations as a mark of his accomplishments and he gladly wore the sword and wielded it proudly. At 18, he became head guardsman and was in charge of 20 men. One such man was Ronan; a younger soldier by 3 years. Ronan was also a rather determined soldier and Aedan saw the potential in him and took him under his wing to start teaching him and training him to be his second. That wasn't the only thing that blossomed however.
It wasn't long before Aedan began to realize he had deeper feelings for the younger soldier. He did his best to keep his feeling secret considering the laws that banned homosexuality. The realization that he was gay often kept Aedan up at night in fear and confusion and he prayed that his 'affliction' would be cured. This often led him to be harder on Ronan as he tried to get rid of his feelings. Ronan to however, had feelings for Aedan as well. At a celebration, the two of them ended up in bed together thanks to liquor encouragement and they couldn't go back.
Aedan was happy and loved Ronan more than anything in the world. Before everything went to shit, he had a optimistic and hopeful view of the future. There was always a mischievous light in his eyes and was coy and teasing with his friends. He was full of life and he loved showering Ronan with his affection. He couldn't hide his favoritism from everyone and his best friend eventually cornered Aedan into admitting his love for Ronan.
And that is when everything changed. His best friend told their lord of the blasphemy and the lord did not take kindly to the accusation and demanded proof of the affair. So, the friend brought the lord and four other men to Aedan's chambers and upon opening the door, Aedan and Ronan were caught engaging in the act. In accordance with the law, The two of them were pulled apart and brought into custody. Since both were under the lord's command, he enacted the punishment himself. He forced Aedan to watch as Ronan was tortured for their shared crime before his best friend ran Ronan through with his blade.
Aedan wasn't spared the treatment. Once Ronan had been taken care off and left on the ground bleeding out, his men began to beat him. The lord himself then used Aedan's own sword to slice him through the stomach before he to was left on the ground like trash beside his lover. Aedan reached out for Ronan's lifeless body before going unconscious. Then, he woke up in Sabine's home.
Aedan has only been with Sabine for a year. His personality and presentation however has changed considerably. He blames himself for what happened to his lover and hates the fact that he lived instead of Ronan. Ronan was far more deserving than himself. Ronan had been so young and had yet to experience so much of life and yet... he is happy he is alive. He is grateful that Sabine saved him and yet, he is trapped in self loathing, guilt, and despair, wishing he to was dead so that Ronan wouldn't be alone in hell.
And thanks to the harsh betrayal still so fresh in his mind, Aedan has a hard time fitting in and opening up. He doesn't want to get close to anyone and lose them or have them betray him in his moment of vulnerability or look at him in disgust though obviously that wouldn't be the case considering Damien's open preference. He has closed himself off and that permanent smile he had before seems forgotten. He never smiles anymore and jokes are absent from his lips. He has fallen into a ruminating sadness with writing as his only outlet to get his confused emotions out. The only time any spark of light enters his eyes is when Sabine makes him uncomfortable, forcing him to become reactive. This also happens when the other pets do the same thing.
Thus far, he doesn't have friends really in the other pets and very much feels and acts like an outsider. He doesn't know where he fits in and is unsure if he wants to fit in. He hates that he is trapped with Sabine, forced to drink blood to survive and being dependent on him. He'd never been dependent on anyone and he hates the monster he is becoming and wishes there was a way to escape though he will never try suicide. He has enough sin tacked to his name; he can't add suicide to them.
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"Who are you? The first; the one that started it all. What in your heart coveted the Demon to haunt? Dare I look at the similarities in shared gaze?"
Nicholas is a friendly face and the man has offered some of the sweets he created and it is not uncommon for the two to be in the kitchen with Indigo baking so they have ended up having conversations about sweets and baking. Aedan discovered that Nicholas likes to read so the two also talk about books which creates a nice friendly atmosphere between the two. Aedan is also very curious about him since Nicholas was the first human taken in by Sabine. The similarities between the two of them does unnerve him a little and he is not sure if he really wants to delve into their similarities or if it is better off ignored and just taken as a coincidence.
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"The one called owl; unlikely of friends. Over crepes and sweet things you've ensnared me. Now I find myself at peace in flour and powdered sugar. Sly fox, pull me from my shell. "
Indigo often forces Aedan to be social with her and though he may not really talk about himself, he'll engage the conversation and somehow she got him to try baking so the two of them have bonded over pastries and cooking lessons. Indigo is also the only person thus far that managed to get his lips to quirk the tiniest bit. A way to a man's heart is through his stomach, or so they say.
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"Hellish temper and viper tongue, here cometh one with dagger eyes. Trust not thee inviting lips else be felled by faulty decrees. "
Aedan hasn't talked to Natalia too much but the few times that they have interacted, Natalia made it clear he was not welcome nor liked. Aedan equally detests her attitude. He makes a point to stay away from her and ignore her when she is in the room.
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"Dark cloud roaming to and fro, why do you torment me so? Eyes smolder beneath thine lashes, steps echo shattered heart. What darkness shrouds upon thee and maketh mine quicken?"
Aedan hasn't had a chance to really talk to Lonan thus far. Since he is new, he doesn't talk to most people but Lonan always drifts in and out of the place and both being quite individuals, there hasn't been much in the way of interaction. Aedan does recognize that there is a bit of physical attraction towards Lonan which makes him uncomfortable and the recluse behavior exhibited by the man and the haunted look also makes him very curious about Lonan and what happened to him. He wants to talk to him and learn more about him but his quiet nature and fear of becoming close has prevented him thus far from going up to Lonan.
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xClover
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"Presence that comes and goes. Fire in heart and soft steps. Share in quite words but distance sustained."
Aedan has no particular feelings towards Clover. She is a neutral party. They haven't interacted too much so he doesn't not feel close or angered by her presence. He wouldn't mind just sitting in the same room with her if they happened to be in the same place. Were she to talk to him, he would indulge in pleasantries but nothing else. He does love her eyes however and doesn't assume anything negative. He just finds it interesting.
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"Don't touch me with your feverish hand and hasten my fall! Cloying fingers give way to anguished chagrin. Molten cares stir the demon's lust and thirst for things unholy. Leave me be! Why must you provoke that which lies beneath the darkness in haunted gaze? Friendly smile all I asked of thee."
The two actually didn't start off too bad. They had started off friendly, conversing about books and reading silently together. At first Damien's advances had been misunderstood but when he became far more open about homosexuality, Aedan became increasingly uncomfortable around Damien. Though they had friendly exchanges, Aedan has a certain jealousy and fear when Damien turns affectionate towards considering what happened to him when he had expressed his sexual tendencies and tries to avoid any sort of physical contact with Damien. He has also began to lash out more out of fear around Damien when the man does try to touch him or really starts making him uncomfortable in his skin. He is a bit sad about it though considering he was one of the first people he had begun feeling friendly towards.
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"Sweet ghost lotus. Your silence comforts me and offer solace in madness. A strange serenade, strange duet, with words not uttered by tainted lips. Presence sole balm on shattered nerves. Stay -- don't forsake me. To your petals I cling in silent plea."
The two of them actually started to become friends on accident. Aedan had been working on his poetry and speaking out loud and didn't realize Madison was outside with him. The two of them began talking about poetry and gardening and now often just sit together in silence while they work on their own things and occasionally speak up to assist the other. Though they don't talk often, Aedan has a growing sense of peace around her. Because she is silent, he feels a special camaraderie with her as if she understands the pain inside him though they haven't talked about any of it. Her presence is calming. She is the only person he feels that is genuinely doesn't want anything from him.
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x≡I am just me a man with borrowed time.≡
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"Doll left behind to porcelain life. Yet still hollow, I remain in shrouded guilt. Hopes, dreams long since grey. Heart beats, eyes wake, soul adrift. Once proud in purpose now still darkness; a soldier with no fire. All ideals faulty decrees. Beed-ed life upon ruptured skin reminds sensation."
Aedan doesn't have much love for himself. He blames himself for a lot of the bad things that happened to him and those around him. His homosexuality is also a cause of discomfort so he is not very nice to himself anymore. He has begun entertaining the idea of cutting himself but has yet to do that. He often wishes he had truly died long before he caused the ruin of his lover. He doesn't know what Sabine sees in him except a broken doll.
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"Don't touch me, demon in guise! A savior with fettered salvation. Collector of marionettes - your veins the strings. Toss me in the mire and drag me upon the remnants. Your glacier fingers choke vice. Whispered comfort gives only despair. Why me? Why derive me and not the other more sorry than I? Why torment me with spurious affection in wake of death?
"
Aedan has conflicting feelings for Sabine. Sabine saved his life and he is happy about that and Sabine's almost cute obtuseness endears him to Aedan. In the same vein however, Sabine frustrates him to no end and the demon often makes him so uncomfortable that he lashes out physically towards his captor. Then... Sabine is back to asking him questions and seeking guidance. Aedan mostly avoids Sabine however and so the demon has to come to him if he wants a conversation. And unfortunately, Dami tries to teach Sabine about affection and sexuality and Aedan becomes Sabine's guinea pig often ending with Aedan lashing out and then acting as teacher for the poor confused demon. He also harbors some resentment that he has to drink blood and be dependent on him and views himself as a monster. There is also a bit of anger as to why Sabine only saved him.