Jake Lave's Story

Leon had been snoring peacefully in his warm bed, but of course that didn't last long. Laci interpreted his slumber, forcing Leon to get up. He yawned loudly, stretching up as he walked over to his dresser, seeing the long sleeves of the shirt he'd been sleeping in had been pushed up, revealing the scars he'd inflected on himself so long ago. He pulled out his paint slathered jeans and long sleeved t-shirt. He knew that they were supposed to leave in a few hours, but that didn't mean than he couldn't finish up a project he'd been working on. Leon slipped out his door, silently walking towards his art studio, trying his best not to wake anyone else up, hey he was just courteous like that. He could see Laci dancing in the studio next to his, smiling widely. Not only was this house a miracle sent from heaven, Leon was so lucky to have a roommate he actually liked.

He entered his messy studio, smiling as he walked past his other projects to reach his current project. It was just a painting he was doing for some lady who offered to pay him for his work. Leon only worked for a few moments, loosing focus on the canvas before him. He walked out of his studio, walking towards Charlotte's room. He suddenly stopped, he wasn't going towards her room, no, not at all, why would he? He walked towards the kitchen, grabbing the sketch pad he'd left there the night before. Leo looked back to his previous sketches, a few of them containing Charlotte. She seemed to be his latest muse, all his artwork seemed better and he was more creative as of late. Not that he'd ever tell her that to her, no need to inflate her ego. Leon sighed, rubbing his neck, he was rather confused as to were they were in a relationship, he hated her of course, but he sort of liked her. It was futile, trying to figure it out, he just opened his sketch book to a new page, drawing the room around him as he plopped down on the comfy sofa, waiting for the others to come downstairs.

---

Riley woke up with a long yawn, stretching slightly and... knocking over a glass of water? He looked to the tipped over glass with sleepy eyes. He shook his head, taking the cup downstairs, still in his pajamas, a plain grey shirt and navy boxers. Riley smiled as he saw Beth cooking in the kitchen, "Nice try Bethy." he grinned, placing the cup in the sink. He whistled lowly to himself as he walked around the kitchen towards Beth, looking over her shoulder to the pancakes she was making. "Yum, but aren't we having brunch later? Seems like you're trying to fatten me up so I won't be the prettiest in the house." He half joked, grinning. What could he say, he was proud of his body, he wouldn't lie. "I'll go wake the children up." he smiled, walking back up the stairs, entering Jake's room first, "Hey Jakey, Wakey Wakey... oh that rhymed." he grinned, "Beth's making breakfast, if you want any." He left the room shortly, knowing there would be no convincing him if he didn't want to get up. He moved on to Claire's room, silently walking in. He'd always been secretly protective over the girl, but never told her, unsure of just how she would react. Riley hesitantly walked into the room, he was always sort of cautious around her, only playfully teasing most the time. "Hey Claire, you awake?" he squatted down to be eye level, "Sleeping beauty, time to wake up to your prince." he teased, grinning, carefully tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

Bethan frowns lightly at her failed - and the fact that she couldn't laugh at him for pee'ing himself - prank and then feins innocence, "What on earth are you talking about Riley?" She grins, looking away from the pancakes and at him in his boxers.
"Honestly, you're not even dressed." She winks and attempts to flip the pancake, only semi-flipping it and making it fold over.
"Yum, but aren't we having brunch later? Seems like you're trying to fatten me up so I won't be the prettiest in the house." He says and she laughs lightly, "Oh Riley, you should know, you were never the prettiest in the house."
Although as she says that she knows she's lying, he really was very good looking and maybe if she didn't see him as more of an older brother she'd like him but, no, that would never happen - It would just feel wrong.

She nods and rolls her eyes as he refers to their housemates as 'children' and puts more mixture into the frying pan, removing the first pancake.
Beth waited, on edge, for Jake to come down.
Even though she was meant to be his mentor they had an odd relationship, never sure whether they were friends or not.
She knew just how to rub him the wrong way and although sometimes it could be fairly amusing, he could get angry and if Beth's being honest he can be a little scary.

Beth makes four more pancakes, having two extra incase anyones hungry although she doubts it as they're having brunch with the Nox's anyway.
She places the - slightly 'crispy' at the edge - pancakes on the table with half a lemon and a little pot of sugar.

---

---

The scariest part of going to sleep was losing control. Even now, Claire was afraid of going to sleep, though the nightmares had long since disappeared. The darkness surrounding her, the dreams vivid but forgotten... all of it was strange, and as most people knew, Claire was just about scared of everything. But here, people seemed to understand. She didn't know why; perhaps because they were probably paid to take care of people with troubled pasts, and knew how to hide disgust. Because the mentors they had given to each person had been relatively perfect, with nice, tucked in lives, good memories, and very little tragedy. They couldn't understand; she couldn't imagine them ever understanding her.

"Hey Claire, you awake?"

Well, maybe Riley would. Her mentor was slowly growing on her, though she didn't show it. In the beginning, she couldn't help but feel irritated by his arrogant manner. She hadn't understood him, and hadn't believed that he could ever help her. But... somehow, over time, her perspective of him changed. He tried to take care of her, at least. He was good to her, and though she never thanked him for it, one day, Claire planned on telling him how much it meant to her. But her tongue was forever frozen in these matters; she was too unfamiliar with the good in life, always hesitant to take a step into the warmer waters because she doesn't know how she'd fit in. She'd lived in the darkness all her life; wasn't it natural for her to be afraid of light?

She began to blink sleepily, opening her eyes and finding his face right in front of hers. "Sleeping beauty, time to wake up to your prince," he said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

She opened her eyes completely now, wide and alarmed. This scene was too familiar, and she didn't want to go through it with Riley. Not Riley. She sat up quickly and started to pat her hair self-consciously. "I'm... I'm awake," she said softly, getting off the bed on the side farthest away from Riley. It made her nervous, to be so close to him. It had been awhile since the two had been rooming together (courtesy of the program), and being around him still made her antsy. She wasn't normal, she knew; other problem children were fine with their mentors. Why wasn't she? She was so damaged, too damaged, and it made her feel alone.

She stayed where she was, Riley across from her, the bed separating the two. She began to laugh nervously and started untucking and tucking her hair behind her ear, but remembering how Riley had done that, suddenly stopped. She tried to remain still, avoiding eye contact with Riley. It was too uncomfortable, and having a man wake her from bed in such a manner... that was what Master Tad had done. And Riley wasn't Master Tad. He wasn't anything like Master Tad.

But the two were both arrogant, both teasing, and both of them lived with her, were too comfortable with her... more than she had ever wanted. It made her more skittish than before, and Claire began to physically tremble in fright.

---

---

---

If anyone called him Jakey Wakey ever again, he would sock the living daylights out of him.

Jake rose to the annoying face of Riley West, the man he had come to dislike since the very beginning. He couldn't stand cockiness in anyone. He got out of bed and threw on a white T-shirt, leavin his black boxers on out of laziness. He sent a quick glare Riley's way. "It's Jake," he said simply, as the mentor walked away. He was mentoring this pathetic little girl who jumped at every word; it was ridiculous. Didn't she know that the only way to get anywhere was to fight hard? Well, it wasn't his fault she was such an idiot.

He began to search for his mentor, the annoying Elizabeth Rose Johnson. She went by Beth, but he called her Elizabeth; no nicknames for him, thank you very much. They weren't friends, they were just these two people randomly assigned to each other. He couldn't stand the girl, really; she was constantly trying to fit him into a mold that was perfect. Obviously, he wasn't perfect; if he was, he wouldn't be here. If he was a mentor - not that he ever wanted to be, of course - he would let the other person grow on their own, and talk to them only if they approached him first. That was how he wanted it. Stupid girls, always trying to barge their way into everything. He began to grumble as he searched.

The smell of pancakes came towards him, and Jake suddenly began following it. Elizabeth must have made breakfast.

Well, she wasn't a stupid girl; at least she could cook. Kind of. The thing was, things were changing subtly in their relationship. Slowly, she was beginning to... accept him, and slowly, he was seeing parts and parts of her, things that painted a deeper picture of her than before. He had tried to resist it; he didn't want any friendship between him and a stupid know-it-all girl. But he couldn't have stopped it even if he had tried, so Jake had given into it. Slowly, he was finding friendship with her, a kind of understanding.

Not that he would ever tell her; Jake didn't like talking about feelings, ever.

"Pancakes for breakfast?" he said once Elizabeth came into view, just as she placed the pancakes down on a table. "Put five on a plate for me; I'm hungry!"

Jared woke up screaming... again.
It seemed like this had become a routine like thing for him. Fall asleep, wake up screaming his head off, being terrified of something that had appeared in his dreams.
He didnt even remember what the dream -or rather, nightmare- was of, he didnt know what caused him to wake up every morning and feel like he had been seconds away from death...
Wait, no, that was wrong.
Jared did know what frightened him so much, he just preferred not to think about it.

Staring up at the perfectly white ceiling, Jared took a few moments to allow his brain to realize that he was absolutely fine... probably just a tad bit paranoid, but fine.
He was safe, completely safe with a bunch of other people who were... Jared didnt know specifically where, but were thankfully not in the very room he was in at the moment, but they were in the area.
They were nice, most of them, anyway.
Jared knew right away that some of them wouldnt be very friendly, and indeed some of them were definitely not Mr/Ms. Nice, but that was to be expected, of course, how could they be?
Most of them probably had a more fucked up past than him.

Jared, also thankfully, wasnt at home... or was he? This place practically was home now, he would be there for awhile, so yes, he was at home, a second one. He was glad he was at the better of the two.

Sitting up, Jared took a quick look around his room. He couldnt help but feel a bit disappointed to find that it was still a bit messy with clothes scattered across the floor, but then again, Jared hadnt bothered to clean the room at all, and he didnt expect some sort of magical cleaning fairy would come in and do it for him.
Sighing, Jared pulled himself out of bed and quickly put on a clean pair of clothes... he hoped they were clean, anyway, with almost every piece of clothing he owned laying on the floor, Jared had no way of knowing what had been recently washed or not.

Next, Jared took the time to do his best to try and brush his hair in a way that it didnt look so... well, like he didnt look like he just rolled out of bed. However, he failed at this, and four minutes later Jared's hair looked more tangled than it did before.
"Terrific." He muttered, staring at his reflection in the mirror.
Jared tried to avoid the next part of his morning routine nearly every day, but for some reason he always found himself staring sadly at the ugly scar that marked his face, the one thing about him that people actually noticed.
He hated it, he hated how he had gotten it, he hated how people looked at it, Jared didnt want the hideous marking. He didnt want the reminder of... Jared shook his head, immediately blocking the thought.

For a second he considered going back to bed, and then Chloe's voice sounded from downstairs, and Jared decided that he want some breakfast, though he imagined Harmony might of eaten most of it already.
He walked downstairs and passed through the dining room. Jared was surprised to see people setting the table and decorating everything in such a way that it looked like they were expecting The Queen or something to come over for an afternoon tea, he had to admit that it looked nice, though.
Jared entered the kitchen and served himself a plate of two blueberry pancakes and a few pieces of bacon. Before he actually ate anything, let alone sit down at the table, Jared said a quick good morning to Harmony and Chloe.
Asher's probably sleeping... He guessed, taking a seat at the table.
"...Where's Delilah?" Jared asked, hoping the question didnt seem odd.

Chloe smiled as Jared padded down the stairs. She smiled at him and ruffled his hair a little. "Hey, don't mind the staff, you'll get used to it. Since me and Delilah usually host functions for the program." She shrugged and walked to the backdoor, watching the staff as they set up everything for the brunch. She smiled thankfully to them then sighed and pushed a hair off her face.

"Where's Dehlilah," Jared asked awkwardly, making Chloe smile.
She smirked and placed a hand on her hip. "Don't worry she'll be down soon," She said before grumbling under her breath, "Or I'll drag her out of bed, I swear her and Asher would wake up at noon if I let them." She composed herself and smiled again.

She was about to yell at Asher and Dehlilah when she heard him at the top of the stairs. "Har-Bug! Did you save me some food? At least a crumb, right?" He said jokingly pulling her into a hug.
"Asher! She's eating." Chloe protested with a pout. To which Asher completely ignored.

She was about to whine about him getting Harmony riled up when he gave her a peck on the cheek, making her blush. She sighed, a little upset that Asher so naturally fit into Her and Chloe's life. "Morning." He said sliding past her and making a plate "You're going to spoil brunch you keep feeding me like this." he told her jokingly.

She looked down, "I like cooking," She mumbled, "Anyway I'm glad your dressed," She added with a half smile as Asher sat down next to Jared and began talking to him.

Chloe tapped her foot impatiently as she waited for Delilah. When her sister came down the steps, in a lacy tank and shorts. She sighed deeply "Delilah, what the hell are you wearing?" She asked "Tell me your not wearing that to brunch," She rolled her eyes, "Actually I have the perfect Outfit for you, and it goes with mine?" She added with a smile, since she and Delilah used to coordinate their outfits when they were kids. She pulled a dress out of a bag that was like hers except it was a ivory that complimented Delilah's pale skin and pale hair, making her look like an angel. While hers was a peach color that complimented her tanned skin and golden hair. The sisters looked very much alike with their wild blonde curls and stunning blue grey eyes. However Delilah inherited their mothers pale skin and their fathers naturally pale blonde hair and Chloe had their fathers golden skin and her mothers golden hair. So together they almost looked like a angel and a goddess. Though Chloe envied her sisters slender body, and her innocent vibe. While she had a more sensual air about her and she inherited her father's side of the family's curvy figure.

She gently stood behind Delilah and did her hair, which was in a ponytail. She felt no need to ask, since she walways styled everyone's hair. She quickly turned it into a bun with a braid surrounding it.
She quickly did a braid around her hair next in a loosefishtail. "Ok now get dressed in that dress and you'll look insanely pretty."

Just as she was about to enthuse about the outfit Delilah spoke "I. . . Uhm I have to visit a friend soon. I might have to leave a little early."
Chloe's face fell slightly, making her smile less bright and more forced, "Your... your leaving?" She asked quietly. "Your leaving the brunch.... early?" She said though the last part came out like a whisper.
She sighed and glanced at the clock,"Our guest will be arriving in a few minuets," She walked toward the the back door and glanced back at her " I wish you'd stay and help," Then she walked out back.

---

Harmony pouted as her mom walked out the door and tugged at Asher's shirt "Why is mama sad?" She asked staring up at him with her big brown eyes. She pouted and just as quickly as she asked she changed the subject "Mama wouldn't let me go swim today, she put a blanket thing on the pool and wouldn't let me wear my pretty princess dress." She tapped her chin ad if she was thinking and said "I think it's Mr. Chris's fault, whenever he calls mama cries." She said with a frown.

She balled her tiny hand into a fist and pretended to punch the air "If I ever see him I'm gonna do this and that," She said imitating a kick, which made her stumble a little. Then beamed a dimpled smile at them and got back up.

She loved Aunt Dee, and Asher, and Jar-Bear. Asher made her mama happy and he made her mama smile. But Mama never lets her call Asher daddy. She glanced as her mom came back inside and sat in a stool, well more like she jumped around in the stool. "Dad.. I mean Asher, can I have a cookie" She said seeing the look her mom gave her.

---

"Harmony I told you, you can't call him that, Asher isn't your daddy," Chloe said with a straight face, picking Harmony up and grabbing a cookie out the cabinet and handing it to her. She knew Asher would be mad that she said that but it was the truth. Asher isn't Harmony's dad. She wished that she met Asher before she met Chris but she didn't. I mean she knew him for two years now. Since he was a problem child last year but the fact of the matter was, she didn't want him to get too close to harmony. Just so he could leave when things got tough. She glanced at him and turned away quickly. All that could come from her and Asher was hurt. And she couldn't handle hurt. Not again, not ever. She realized the time and said "Clean your plates everybody should be arriving in like a few minuets."

Elizabeth turns when she hears Jake's voice and sees him standing there, in a plain white top and his boxers.
"Honestly," She sighs slightly teasing just to test his mood this morning, "I'm starting to think you want me to see you in your underwear."
Yes, they'd had a shaky start and even now it was impossible to say what their relationship really was but at least they could talk to each other without an argument..Most of the time.

"Put five on a plate for me; I'm hungry!" He says and Elizabeth rolls her eyes, putting three on a plate for him.
"Or you'll ruin your apetite and you won't be able to eat anything at the Nox's." She tells him, one corner of her mouth slightly turning up.
Beth then puts one on her plate and puts a small amount of lemon and sugar on it, rolling it up; cutting it onto pieces.

She then remembers that he's not dressed and glances at the clock, Damn! I refuse to be late. she thinks to herself seeing the seconds ticking by quickly.
"You really have to get dressed, we have to be at the Nox's in a couple of minutes and I will not be late." She says sternly and runs up to her room before he can reply - Probably with something her dainty ears wouldn't like too much.

Once in her room she grabs her bag and wonders whether Riley had gotten Claire up yet, deciding to quickly check on her she knocks lightly on the door, not wanting to frighten the girl who can barely look at her own shadow without jumping.
Poor girl.. She thinks to herself and opens the door slowly as to not startle her.
"Hello," She whispers before putting her head around the door; once she has she stops, not sure what's going on.
"A-Are you ok Claire?" She asks a little startled at the nervous girl sitting up in her bed, that is, until she sees Riley.
Biting her lip she decides to leave them, whispering a faint "Sorry, there's some pancakes downstairs if you want some," and then thinking before adding "if Jake hasn't eaten them all."

With that she disappears back around the door, closing it and making her way down the stairs.
"Jake, you better be dressed." She says, talking to the boy that was two years older than her like a teacher would, her stern voice serious but not cold.

She couldn't believe that she was starting to like this boy - Well, could she really call him that? He was older than her but she was wiser, she didn't blow a fuse every time someone said something she didn't like but unlike her, he was...Jake?

Beth sighs and walks to the door taking her keys from the little pot and waiting for Jake.

Riley watched as Claire panicked, not able to find enough space between them. He wanted to punch himself in the stomach, he really should have known that he moved too fast. He probably reminded her of that scum that touched her before. He could feel his jaw clench and hands tighten into fists at the very thought of those other people that touched Claire, those people that made her this way. Riley looked back momentarily to see Beth at the door, just looking back to Claire. But when he looked back up to Claire, he saw her trembling. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and tell her everything was going to be alright, but he probably couldn't do that either, he couldn't do much of anything but frighten her. That just made him even more upset, but of course who was he going to confront? He didn't want to talk about anything concerning Claire with anyone but the girl in question. Riley stood, trying his best to put on a friendly smile and push back any anger he might have, but couldn't help the guilt apparent in his eyes, "I'm sorry Claire, I shouldn't have... Well the point of my waking you up is that there's food downstairs, and we still need to go to the Nox's brunch. So if you want to get ready, well ya..." Riley normally didn't apologize, normally didn't feel the need to apologize (having a cocky attitude and a huge ego did that to you), but he always felt he was screwing up with what ever he did with Claire. He looked down, mainly so he wouldn't make her feel uncomfortable, but he noticed his attire, wanting to face palm himself when he saw he was still in his underwear. He slowly walked out, giving a small smile to Claire before leaving.

He made it to his room before angrily punching the wall by his door. Riley just went to get ready, stepping in for a long hot shower and making his way towards his dresser, changing into what he hoped would be an appropriate outfit for brunch. He bregrugingly put on a button up shirt, just drying his hair with a towel and letting it be after running a comb through it a few times. He walked back downstairs pausing at Claire's room but shaking it off and walking on, he'd cause enough trouble for her today. As Riley entered the kitchen, he felt as if he was fighting with the cuffs on the shirt, trying to make them straight. He plopped down in the chair across from Jake. "Nice to see you're living." he grinned, leaning back in the chair and toying with the cuffs of his shirt. "Don't we need to leave soon?"

Leon looked up from his sketch pad, hearing noise coming from the next room over. As far as he knew no one was visiting so it could only be either Laci, Jason, or Charlotte. He silently hoped that it was Charlotte, even if he acted like he hated the girl (although he'll admit most of it isn't quite acting) he was starting to grow fond of her. They'd slept together a few times, to be honest Leon thought things might change a bit, but it seemed to stay exactly the same, they still hated each other and still would never tell anyone other wise.

He was glad things hadn't changed, it was exactly this 'hate' that seemed to fuel his creative fire. As Leon walked into the room, he was pleasantly surprised to see Charlotte sitting on a chair, "Hope you weren't planning on reverting back to you're old ways. We still need to head over to the Nox's for brunch, don't forget." he muttered, eyes glued to his sketch pad. Despite his comment, he was actually sort of proud of her for being able to quit like it seemed she had. Leon took a seat in another chair near her, taking to sketching again. But he flipped the page again to a blank page. It was rare that he got a living object to sketch, the fact that she happened to be his latest muse was the cherry on top. Leon had a feeling that he should most likely tell her eventually that she was to thank for all his latest pieces, but was pretty sure she's either end up creeped out or laughing and making fun of him mercilessly.

Leon's gaze caught the clock on the wall. Being too lazy to actually get up, he ended up yelling out, "Hey Laci! Aren't we going to be late?" he questioned, hoping she could hear him from her studio. He looked back to Charlotte, "Aren't you going to get ready?" he asked, not really bothering to wait for an answer as he turned all his attention back to his drawing, focusing on the small details of her features. As creepy as it might sound, Leon had already practically memorized her features, mainly from drawing her so many times before.

((ignore Riley, Elizabeth, Jake, and Claire tags....))

She looks nice today, was Jake's first thought. He would have told her, if he wasn't feeling so groggy. Contrary to popular belief, Jake didn't go out of his way to make people feel like assholes; it just happened. But being around Elizabeth always made him want to be a little better, and as a result, he ended up being a little kinder to her than anyone else. Of course, she still thought him to be a jerk (or so he assumed, anyway), because she didn't know. Girls. He looked at her and nodded his head seriously to her attempt at cheerful banter. He was not a morning person, and he wasn't going to pretend to be one, not for anything or anyone. He sat down and began to rub the back of his head, twisting his head back and forth to crack his neck a few times. "I didn't think you minded," Jake said mildly once he was relaxed, placing his elbows on the table and smiling at her gently. Truth be told, he liked the girl, he really did; she just happened to get on his nerve all the time. But in the back of his head, he knew she was a nice girl. A real nice girl, who had no idea what addiction really was.

But he tried not to look down on her for not having a harder life; how could he help it if she was actually happy? How could he wish for anyone to have the lief he had had? It would be cruel.

Of course, when Elizabeth only put three pancakes on his plate, Jake was beginning to regret the kindness in his thoughts towards her. "Three pancakes?" he said, making a face down at his place, "I asked for five. I'm hungry."

"Or you'll ruin your appetite and you won't be able to eat anything at the Nox's," Elizabeth replied. Jake could see a hint of a smile, and for a moment, he felt deep pleasure at her reaction to his behavior, which he knew was childish. The moment, however, faded, and he rolled his eyes.

"Who cares about the Nox's? I want five pancakes, damn it." Despite his words, Jake began to eat dutifully, keeping his eyes on his mentor as he did so. She ate like a lady. He wouldn't know anything about eating properly, but he was pretty sure Elizabeth could out-manner the Queen, if such a term existed. How did she do it? He didn't understand, at all. Sometimes, during times like these, when these thoughts came to him, he felt far away from her. Detached, foreign, alien. The two were on separate worlds, but for some reason, they had been put together. No, Jake didn't believe in fate, chance, luck, fortune, nothing; that would mean he went through all of this because it was 'meant to be.' How could any misfortune be meant to be? It was life, and the helplessness of people to react at all.

The glance Elizabeth threw towards the clock brought him back to the present time, and after a few exclamations, began running up the stairs. What the hell? "What the fuck is going on?! I'm not even finished!" he said after her, but Jake wasn't one to yell in the morning, so he began to eat quickly, so he could catch up to her and ask her what was going on. He began to study the clock, when he realized that they were probably supposed to be at the Nox's soon, or whatever. He didn't even know why they were going; why didn't anyone tell him these things?

Right after he finished eating, Riley sat in the chair across from him. Oh, this guy. Jake didn't care much about him, and for the most part pretended he didn't exist. The guy got on his nerves, but they lived together, and he didn't want to stress Elizabeth out by beating up one of their housemates. So when he began to make jokes about their needing to leave, pointing out that Jake was already running behind and that he was just so incompetent, he didn't say anything. He met Riley's gaze, his face blank, and left.

Jake made his way upstairs and dressed. By then, Elizabeth was already waiting for him, having lectured him like he was a child. Honestly, it was fucking ridiculous. He wasn't a two year old; how dare she patronize him? He barely glanced at her as he walked out the door, still annoyed. He was a man... not her student at Sunday fucking school. And he wanted to be treated like one, God forbid.

---

---

Claire could see Riley getting upset, because of her. Always because of her. She wanted to reach out and reassure him, tell him, No, it's not you, it's just.. I'm an idiot, irrational, and I don't deserve to be around you. She opened her mouth several times before he could say another word, already regretting her hasty retreat, but the words wouldn't come; they rarely did. The crippling fear that had come to define her paralyzed her completely, and she didn't know what to do. She didn't want Riley to be upset with her, but it was what she did: she was always affecting people for the worse. She hated it! All she did was bring misery to the people around her, because she was a whore; it was what she did. Claire held back tears, not wanting to make the guilt in Riley's eyes worse, but she didn't think she did a good job. "I... I didn't..." Why wouldn't the words come out? Claire swallowed, looked down at her feet, and didn't try to speak again; she was afraid of what might come out. She didn't want all of her feelings to be spilled over the floor, water and blood and pain intermingled.

"I'm sorry Claire," Riley said, "I should't have..."

But he should have. He was trying to treat her normally, and she had been the one to react. Claire bit down on her lip and held back tears of disappointment and remorse. She hated seeing Riley like this. He was normally the livelier of the two, smiling and friendly and admittedly cocky, but at least he was alive. She was dead. She felt useless. The program had done absolutely nothing for her, and she wasn't surprised. She was still the whore, the outcast, the one who deserved all the thrown stones and insults.

"Well, the point of my waking you up is that there's food downstairs, and we still need to go to the Nox's brunch. So if you want to get ready, well ya..." Riley's voice trailed off, and Claire looked up to meet his gaze. Her stomach felt funny, but she ignored it; she must be sick or something, she hadn't experienced that kind of dip before. She smiled cautiously, but by then he had already looked down. Of course he avoided eye contact; it was only to be expected. The smile fell from her face dramatically, and she watched him leave through sad eyes, eyes that felt void and empty. Just like her soul.

Claire knew that her thoughts were dreary. She knew that most people thought she was a 'downer,' that she was unnecessarily sad, that she needed to lighten up. But the truth was, nobody seemed to understand the hole she had dug for herself. Nobody could see the truth. It was easier for them to say nice things about her; they hadn't lived with her their whole lives. She knew all of her thoughts, her actions, her past... and she knew it was tainted, and she was tainted, and completely unworthy of everything around her. She knew the truth, at least. Nobody knew the full story, not one of them. Not one of them had to deal with seeing their shameful selves in the mirror, knowing everything that had happened inside of her.

She dressed, noting the muted, dark colors of her wardrobe. She didn't like to stand out much; she had gotten enough attention in her life. She walked downstairs quietly, and tapped Riley's shoulder tentatively. "I'm... I'm ready," Claire murmured, keeping her eyes downcast. She had never said his name before, as if saying 'Riley' would solidify the relationship they had. She was afraid of the bond that was beginning to form between them, the feelings she had begun to develop towards him. She didn't want any relationships, she only wanted somewhere to stay until she could find a way to be alone forever. It was the reason she was at the program.

But then again, she was on her way to a brunch with a lot of people all around her... the program probably hadn't been the best idea. She was beginning to have feelings she'd never felt before, she was constantly aware of her shame, wearing it like a badge she hid behind. Claire was beginning to feel even more lost; the program was full of good people, people who had never reached the depths of hell on earth, and it was like looking into a well of what could have been, if she had been a good person, too. But she wasn't. And she was trapped, with a man she was beginning to care about, God forbid. And worst of all? Claire had no idea how to get out.