[The Manor - 5 days after Castle Ball, late night][Flashback â Newhaven, approximately 16 years in the past]
The boyâs hands were pressed against his ears with all the strength he had in him, but still the screaming was horrifying; he didnât know what exactly was happening, but he wouldnât dare open his eyes. Trying to shut out the screaming of one voice only made the shouting of the other sound louder⊠The words piercing through his ears painfully: âLIAR! CHEATER! I WILL MAKE YOU PAY!â
The child was shivering in fear and pain, tears silently running down his face as he was curled up on the blood soaked floor; eyes still tightly shut. All of a sudden a second pair of, equally small, hands covered his own and successfully drowned out all the sound, and there he sat, in the silence⊠In darkness⊠For what seemed like forever⊠Until a female scream echoed so high no amount of sheltering could keep it from reaching his ears⊠And the boy opened his eyes to his motherâs terrified figure. Her eyes locked on him, and on the other boy who had been trying to help cover his ears, and she froze for a brief moment of hesitation before moving to drag both toddlers by their hands out of the house... Still covered in blood.
. . . .
âHey, wake up, little boy!â A girlâs voice pierced through the young boyâs ears and he was startled by it. The bad men had told him and his brother that they were just playing a game, that as soon as they were done, his mommy would come and get him. He didnât know how long ago that was, it seemed like it was so long ago⊠He couldnât remember. Too long. Way too long.
âWhatâs your name?â She spoke again. âI know you can talk, I heard you calling your mommy when they brought the two of you in.â She stated.
The boy simply shivered, shaking his head in negatives over and over, his eyes wide in terror, as he crawled away from where the girl was standing.
âItâs okay, you donât have to tell me.â She assured him. âI have to call you something though⊠I know! Luckas! You could be a Luckas!â She giggled. âIâll call you Lukey⊠You know, you remind me of my brother a little bit. Heâs not here anymore, they sent him away a while ago, so now heâs gone, but they canât get rid of me though.â She stated proudly. She extended a curious look towards the quieter boy in the corner. âHey there, I almost didnât see you!â She said.
Lukeâs brother didnât react, he simply sat in the corner, wide eyed and staring blankly.
âIâll call you something too⊠Hmmm.... How about... Matthew? Thatâs a nice name. MattâŠâ She smiled sweetly at the both of them. âListen, I know itâs scary down here, but you have to trust me when I say youâll be alright.â She smiled at Luckas, since he was, unlike Matt, looking at her curiously. âMy name is Samantha, by the way. You can call me Sam. Can you say it? Sam.â
Luckas shook his head again, the horrified look still in his eyes.
Sam smiled. âDonât be afraid, Lukey, itâs alright. You know why? Iâll tell you a secret, try to remember itâŠâ She paced to the limits of a line that was drawn on the floor, limiting the space where the boys were allowed to go, and crouched down, speaking in a tone slightly above a whisper. âYou are much stronger than theyâll ever know. One day, theyâll be the ones afraid of you.â She stopped, tensing a little when noises were heard coming from upstairs. She smiled. âRemember that, okay Lukey? Iâll come back later.â
. . . . . .
He had tried to get out. The door was left open and he took one step outside⊠One step before it all went to hell.
Luckas didnât bother to try and defend himself, or fight back, it was worse than just taking the punishment⊠He had learned that the hard way. He didnât listen to the curses being shouted at him, he didnât care for the pain, he never cried or whined anymore, he just let it happen, and afterwards he lay, still, as motionless as possible waiting for the pain to go away; sooner or later, it always did. He wasnât sure how long heâd been laying on the cold ground before the door opened and someone entered; the footsteps too light to be one of his âhandlersâ. Sam.
âOh⊠Damn it... LukeyâŠâ The girl whispered. âYou canât even move, can you?â
At the words, Luckas tried to push himself up, but the girl was right, he was too weak to do it.
âItâll be alright⊠Youâll see⊠Iâll take care of you.â She stated in a soft whisper.
Luckas couldnât move, but internally he panicked when he felt hands on him⊠That was not allowed, definitely not allowed, he couldnât get in trouble again, but there was nothing he could do about it. He was carried and laid comfortingly in blankets, opening one of his eyes slightly to look up at the older girl as she lifted his head to make him take a drink of water. âThere you go sweetie. I know it hurts, but itâll get better. I promise.â
Sammy stopped talking after that, and simply sat beside him, humming softly a soft melody that Luckas had never heard before. It soothed him, almost made the pain go away, and soon he drifted off to sleep.
[Flashback â Some dark place of the past, about 13 years ago]
(Inspirational Music: Down in a Hole â Alice in Chains)
âYou were warned! Repeatedly, Samantha! And you know this is what happens when you break my rules!â The man shouted, mercilessly beating the young girl down, kicking and stomping her on the floor. The sound of crying was joined by the sickening sound of breaking bones and soon enough, she couldnât even cry anymore.
The six year old boy simply watched with tears running down his face as the one person who had ever shown him kindness was broken down before his eyes. Once the man left the basement, the boy crawled as close as he could to the girl without crossing the line drawn on the stone ground, but he couldnât reach her. After a moment of hesitation he crossed the line completely. Sitting next to the fifteen year old girl the boy struggled against yet another rule, reaching out his hand and withdrawing it before it touched her face. Her eyes were open, two green lights in the dark cold room. Her breathing was soft and slow as if breathing alone was just too exhausting. He couldnât. He didnât have the courage to touch her, but he needed to get her attention somehow. He needed her to know he was there. It took a lot of effort, especially after being silent for as long as he had, but he managed to get his voice to sound just loud enough to be heard, never above a whisper. âS-SamâŠâ He stammered, calling her name like she had always asked him to.
The girl opened a faint smile, her eyes closing slowly. âYou did it⊠Lukey⊠Iâm so proud.â She whispered. âD-donât let them⊠Decide⊠Who you are⊠Y-youâre stronger⊠Remember?â She managed to mumble, reaching for the boy and gently brushing a few strands of black hair away from his eyes.
Luke shuddered at the touch. He wanted to pull away from it, but didnât have it in him to deny his friend of that moment. He felt she wasnât going to make it, he could almost see life leaving her body, little by little, at every breath. Knowing that he couldnât possibly help her, he did the one thing he knew he could do: He curled up on the cold ground as well and snuggled close to her, a bit startled when she wrapped one arm around him and much more so to hear her sobbing, even so, he didnât move away from her, rather he turned his back so he didnât have to look. She was slipping away, so he would let her hold him, but he wasnât going to watch; he couldnât. Slowly, the sobbing stopped and the room fell silent. He could feel her heart beating slowly and her breath beginning to fade into nothing. It didnât take long, soon she was gone, but Luckas still couldnât move out of her embrace. His black eyes caught his brother where he sat; he hadnât moved from his habitual corner the whole time. Matthew was simply watching the scene with a blank expression in his eyes as if he couldnât really see a thing. With a shaky breath, Luckas closed his eyes. âSam.â He whispered again, before drifting into sleep.
When Luckas woke up in the morning he felt himself choke as someone was holding him up by the back of his shirt and the collar was pressing against his throat. The unusual amount of light flooding the basement meant that the door was wide open. Once the boy felt he could open his eyes, he noticed he was being held up over the girlâs dead body. âLook at her! See what you did, you little piece of shit? You killed her! Thatâs what happens when you disobey, you little freak!â With an angry growl the boy was forcefully thrown across the room, pain invading his body as he collided with the stone wall. âStay on that side of the line!â
More and more the man shouted, but Luckas wasnât listening. The boyâs eyes were fixed on the pretty, lifeless, features of the girl lying on the dirty floor. Did he kill her? Had he done that? He couldnât remember anymore, his mind was blurry, his head hurt⊠How could he have killed her? She was the only one who ever cared for him. He couldnât have⊠It couldnât beâŠ
Boots blocked his view as the man stood before him, forcing him to listen. âYou are a killer, a monster, and that is all youâll ever be. Accept it, embrace it, and learn to play by the rules. Itâs the only way to ever leave this room alive.âLuckas opened his eyes and sat up in a panic, finding a pair of yellow eyes staring at him in the dark; he tilted his head intrigued at the sight, almost forgetting his nightmares as he made out Samâs form in the darkness; he had never seen her eyes light up that way, and he couldnât understand what that meant. âSammy?â He mumbled, still a little groggy.
âYou were calling my name.â She whispered; the yellow light fading into the usual dark green and making the room completely dark again. âIs everything alright?â
âJust bad dreams...â He mumbled. âWhy are you always in my room?â
âMy house...â She chuckled.
âYeah, yeahâŠâ He sighed.
âI like watching you sleep, itâs interesting. Does it disturb you?â She asked.
âI donât know.â He replied. âWhat do you mean interesting?â
âYou mumble things, and you whine sometimes⊠Itâs interesting to watch.â She answered, standing up from her chair. âI can leave if you want.â
âNo!â Luckas caught himself objecting before he even thought about it. âI mean, you donât have to⊠If you donât want toâŠâ He mumbled.
She chuckled and stepped away from the door, walking to his bed and sitting on the edge. âWhat were you dreaming?â She asked, in a soft tone.
âJust⊠Old memories...â He shrugged, trying to hide the shaking in his hands by slipping them under the covers.
âI heard you calling âmommyâ.â Sam stated simply, her eyes fixed on him. âAnd I remember when I last heard that.â
âPlease, Sam⊠I donât want to talk about it.â He muttered.
âI understand, do you want me to just stay, is that it?â
Luke nodded, resting his head over his knees. âMatt covered my ears.â He mumbled. âWho was covering his?â
âWhat are youâŠ?â Sam stopped herself mid-sentence and heaved a little sigh. âNever mind.â
âI couldnât see her face⊠I really donât remember anymore⊠Even nowâŠâ He mumbled, raising his head to look at her. âMy mother⊠Why canât I remember?â
âNo one remembers that early in life, Lukey⊠Donât push yourself too far with this. I said I will find her for you.â
âDid you ever find your mother, Sammy?â He muttered. âWhat makes it so much easier to find mine?â
âMy mother wasâŠâ Sam took a deep breath before she continued. âMy mother was a captive of the Brotherhood, so to speak. See, the cause would be compromised if the Master was to have a child with someone tainted by Enlightened blood. It became tradition for the Master to bring a woman of pure blood from outside the Land, from Terra, to bear him children⊠Whether she wanted to or not. And by a woman I mean a female old enough to bear children, which can be just as young as an eleven year old, interesting, huh?â She pulled her legs up on the bed and scooted over closer to him, but still keeping a respectful distance. âThatâs what I know of her; she was somewhere between eleven and twenty years old, from Terra, not a hint of enlightened blood on her⊠And as soon as she got pregnant she was sent back. I was born and then brought to my father a few months later and no one ever spoke of her again.â
âIâm sorry to hear that, Sammy.â Luke mumbled, glancing towards her and taking notice of the fact she had gotten closer.
Sam just shrugged. âIt doesnât matter really.â
âYour father seemed like a pleasant man.â Luke muttered.
She snickered. âYou donât know the half of it.â
âDid you kill him?â Luke asked, lifting his head as he heard an audible âmeowâ coming from outside the door.
Sam chuckled and stood up, answering his question as she walked to the door. âNot with my own hands, but I was there.â She opened the door and a scruffy-looking white cat, with big pointy ears, immediately crossed the doorway, meowing incessantly and rubbing up against her legs until she finally picked it up in her arms and hugged it gently. âSeth, sweetie⊠Why are you wandering about at this hour?â She asked, gently rubbing the cat between his pointy ears. âYou miss mommy, huh? You spoiled little bratâŠâ She chuckled, shutting the door before walking back towards the bed and sitting back down, dropping the cat beside her on the sheets. She gave Luke a rather apologetic look. âIf I toss him out, he will scratch the door and meow until your ears bleed⊠Iâm sorry.â
âItâs fine.â Luke muttered, glancing away as the cat began wandering around the bed and sniffing everything. It was actually not okay, Luke really disliked cats, but he didnât want Sam to leave, so if he had to put up with the cat he would.
âI can go and take him back to my room, itâs perfectly fine.â She offered, already beginning to stand up when she felt a firm grip on her wrist.
âPlease stay.â Luke whispered, releasing Sam rather quickly as Seth hissed at him; pointy ears flattened against its skull and back arched in an intimidating gesture. That wasnât what scared Luckas however; it was the catâs right eye⊠It had turned red for a split second before fading to a pale blue, unlike his other eye, which was of a similar pale tone, but green.
Sam chuckled softly. âSeth, donât be a meanie.â She scolded. âIâm sorry, Lukey, heâs just a bit territorial.â She stated, pulling the cat onto her lap.
âHis eyeâŠâ Luke mumbled. âWhatâŠ?â
Sam sighed. âYes⊠Seth and my other cat Pandora are rescued from my fatherâs crazy plan to imprint animals⊠He made me try to give them telepathic abilities⊠It didnât work, well⊠Not completely.â
âNot completely?â Luckas asked, raising an eyebrow.
âSeth and Pandora are the only two survivors out of twelve kittens. They didnât quite develop an ability of their own though, they only became telepathically bound to me.â She explained, absently stroking the catâs fur. Seth curled up into a ball in her lap, emitting a low purr and closing his mismatched eyes. âIâve had them for seven years now. I think cats are so much better than dogs. Theyâre only loyal if they respect you, they cannot be tamed⊠And they do not need you.â
âWhat is the point of having them, then?â Luckas asked. âI donât like cats, theyâre unreliable.â
âTheyâre far more reliable than humans will ever be.â Sam retorted.
âThat⊠That may be true.â Luke stated, rubbing his eyes and letting out a yawn. âBut being more reliable than people is not much of a feat, now is it? Plus, at least dogs give a shit.â
âDogs are needy, and stupid.â Sam stated simply. âFine though⊠Letâs just disagree on this and lay this discussion to rest before it gets violent.â
Luckas chuckled. âHuh⊠Never thought thatâd get a rise out of you âMistressâ. Youâre always so collected.â
Sam laughed softly. âGo back to sleep boy⊠Youâre tired.â
Luckas laid himself down with a weary sigh, rubbing his eyes in exhaustion, but not very eager to fall back asleep. âYou know, I like you better this wayâŠâ He mumbled.
âWhat way?â Sam asked, leaning back against the headboard and watching him with the corner of her eyes.
âWhen you act like yourself.â He answered. âI like you, Sammy. I donât always like how you act thoughâŠâ Luckas answered, closing his eyes. âYou need to laugh more.â
She sighed softly. âYou donât know what my self is like Luckas⊠Iâm not that kid in the basement anymore.â
âSure you are⊠In the end, I think thatâs all weâll ever be.â Luckas replied, immediately drifting off to sleep.
[The Manor - 6 days after Castle Ball, early afternoon]âLuuukey...â
A familiar voice sounded in the room, almost singing his name cheerfully, as Luckas simply lay across his bed slightly entertained with a book. âWhat.â He mumbled, not surprised at the fact he hadnât heard the door open, still trying to keep his focus on the pages.
âWhat?â Samâs voice repeated a bit coldly and slightly menacingly. âWho do you think you are to talk to me that way, Pet?â
Her tone was enough to make any other Brother wet his pants, but Luckas knew his Mistress a little better than that. âHmph.â He mumbled, raising his eyes from the book to find her standing beside his bed, arms crossed over her chest and a severe expression in her eyes. âIâm no oneâs pet, and you better remember that.â Luke replied in a low growl.
Sam giggled in response, sitting on the bed facing him. âSuch a rebellious little puppy you are, Lukey, love⊠What is making you so cranky? Tell meâŠ.â She snickered. âIs it because of the nightmares, huh? I could keep you company again tonight, maybe⊠Check under your bed for monsters and all⊠Or pretty ladies, we all know how scary those can be.â
âShut up.â Was all Luke managed to say as he set the book aside and sat up straight, his face so close to hers they were breathing the same air, his eyes glowing red in clear rage, his fists clenched tightly; not at all amused by Samâs playful comments.
Sam didnât seem frightened by his response at all. âWould you rather I pretend not to know why youâve been spending your days locked in your room lately?â She asked, raising an eyebrow. âYou obviously miss your little girlfriend, so why donât you just go see her?â
âSheâs not my âlittle girlfriendâ, and I thought you didnât want me to see her.â Luke replied, the anger still in his tone. âIf it goes against your wishes,
Mistress, then I have no reason to do so.â
âMaybe not, but what I really wished for is that you did not
want to see her anymore, but you clearly do, so it doesnât matterâŠâ She heaved a small sigh and gently stroked the side of his face with the back of her hand. âIt doesnât matter.â She repeated in a soft whisper, lowering her hand from his cheek and reaching for the book he had tossed aside, skimming through its pages casually. âFor someone who doesnât believe in the Gods, you read through mythology books too often.â She stated.
âI like the stories.â He answered, taking the book from her, not wanting her to see it had Annieâs name on the back cover. âTell me Sam⊠Do you think it was the Godsâ powers that corrupted the humans, or humanity that corrupted the Gods? Have you ever wondered, if they really cared for the humans and thatâs why they wanted to stay?â
âI think⊠They had their own selfish reasons to want to stay. I donât think they could care, except maybe Heart, but there are selfish and harmful ways of caring as well.â She stated.
âAre there harmful ways of caring? Like what?â He asked.
âWell, everything can be harmful if itâs excessive, Luckas... Even love...Especially love...â Sam said with a little shrug. âLike⊠Thinking you know what is best for someone, but not taking their will into consideration. Like clinging to someone and not knowing how to let go⊠For instance.â
âWhat if they couldnât help it?â Luckas asked, now leaning back and resting his back against the headboard. âWhat if they tried not to get attached, not to get involved, but just couldnât help it?â He paused, taking notice, by how Samâs expression had changed, that she understood exactly what he meant. âHypothetically, of course.â He added.
âI think⊠I think those hypotheticals of yours are not hypothetical enough for me to answer impartially, Luckas. If you wanted to know my opinion, truly, on what this is truly about⊠Iâd tell you that it will only end badly. Much like the Twinsâ involvement ended badly, even if they did care for the humans, it didnât turn out well for them to go against the natural order of things.â
âIâm not sure I followâŠâ Luckas mumbled.
âI think you do; this is not my business, or at least it wonât be until it interferes with our cause directly, but I think you should forget this woman, Luckas; because in the end of it all she is going to die. Sure, everyone will die someday, but she will die as a result of your actions, even if not directly, and you will be left with choosing between living with that fact, or dying as well. Thatâs how I see it ending.â She replied, leaning back on the bed for a moment, planting both her hands on the mattress and resting her weight on them as she stared up at the ceiling. âYou will suffer, or die, and I will suffer for losing you, and she will be dead either way.â
âWhy?â Luckas asked, almost to himself, his voice sounding slightly like the whining of a kid seeing his favorite toy being taken away.
âFor the same reason wolves donât befriend bunny rabbits Luckas. Youâre a predator, and she is⊠Well⊠Prey. I wish I could put it in prettier terms, but it is what it is. She is no different from the ones you killed, on my command, and the others you are yet to kill, and we havenât gotten to that yet, but⊠One day her time will come. Who knows then, you might have to kill her as well. What will you do then?â
âI will do what I have to do.â Luckas stated, raising an eyebrow as if the question was taken as an insult. âI swore my allegiance, now havenât I?â
Sam snickered. âDown, boy.â She sighed softly. âIâm simply trying to help you Luke. I donât think you fully understand the consequences of this, âfriendshipâ of yours. I think you underestimate the ways in which this can affect you. You know, Iâd hate to lose my favorite pet.â She stated, with a playful grin.
âPerhaps you would rather I forget this whole thing and spend my free time curled up at your feet?â He asked in a slightly annoyed tone.
She sat up straight letting her gaze fall from the patterns of the ceiling and onto his face. âAnd what if I do?â She smiled. âIs that so evil of me?â
Luckas chuckled softly. âYes, yes it is Sammy. What did you say about clinging to someone and not knowing when to let go?â
Sam fell into a laughing fit for a couple of minutes at the words. âOh, you poor innocent puppyâŠâ She chuckled. âYou should know by now that I donât ever let go.â
[The Manor - 6 days after Castle Ball, late night]âWhere am I?â
âDoes that even matter now?â
âI donât know... Iâm not sure... I donât know who I am anymore.â
âHave you ever truly known that? Does anyone ever truly know?â
âI was certain of thingsâŠâ
âYou can never be certain of anythingâ
âI donât want to die without knowing whatâs truly real.â
âYou are already dead, Brother, no matter what is real.â
The darkness was absolute. If there was such thing as complete and absolute absence of light, this was it. It was as if nothing existed but the haunting voices that whispered as if coming from every direction at once, and still⊠All was empty.
âDo you know Brother, what fear truly feels like? Have you ever screamed in terror? You have never felt such things, have you? Because you are already dead.â
âI have.â
âShow me.â
âWhat?â
âShow me fear⊠Scream for meâŠâ The voice laughed maniacally when there was no reply from Luckas. âSee? You are dead and just donât know itâŠâ
The laughter continued for what seemed like forever and finally Luckas could feel himself standing in the center of an empty room; that same dreaded basement where he spent most of his childhood years. He knew he was standing there somehow, but for some reason he still couldnât see anything. The shadows seemed to swallow him whole and all he saw was black.
âA man with nothing to lose is a dead man. If you fear nothing, you have nothing, and so you are dead. You died here. Why fight then? Surrender.â
âI have people now.â Luckas argued. âIâm not ready to let go.â
âPeople? Look, we both know how that ends.â The voice mocked. âPeople judge, and expect things and when you eventually let them down they abandon you. Theyl betray you, and youâre left all alone with your thoughts again. Just you and your thoughts⊠Just like old times⊠Wouldnât that be delightful?â The voice said, exploding into giggles. âJust you and me, Brother⊠Like old timesâŠâ
The light went on in the room, somehow. There were no torches, lamps, or windows, but there was light now, as if it appeared out of nowhere. The pitch black became a light yellow, as if Luke was surrounded by sunlight, even if not warm. All was light, except one thing: In front of Luckas there was a large mirror that seemed to extend through an entire wall. Or at least he believed it to be a mirror, since its surface was jet black, and nothing could be seen in it but darkness. Still, Luckas was sure that it was a mirror for some reason. As he stared into it, trying to see something inside, he thought he saw shadows move. He thought he saw eyes in the dark, and as he tried to get a better look he definitely heard voices, whispers, calling his name from the shadows, calling him in different ways and different voices, some familiar, others notâŠ
âBrotherâŠâ
âLukeâŠâ
âLuckasâŠâ
âMy Dear LuckasâŠâ
âFoolish boyâŠâ
âLittle verminâŠâ
âLukeyâŠâ
âLuckasâŠâ
âWhat are you?â
âWho are you?â
âPlease⊠DonâtâŠâ
âI beg you⊠Have mercy!â
âIf you didnât want me to like you Luckas, then you most definitely are going about it the wrong way.â
âIn the end, you'll always be someone's pet, because you're too weak to function without someone on the other end of your leash.â
â⊠I saw something in you that I didnât want to let dieâŠâ
âIâm sure no one would give a crap if I let you wander off and drop dead somewhere, but Iâm still not going to let it happen.â
âWill it hurt?â
The voices were constant and, even in whispers, they seemed to get louder and louder somehow. Familiar voices, people he liked, hated, strangers, victims, all of them mixed inside his head trying to tell him who he was, what he was, where he belonged⊠Or that he simply didnât belong at all. It all brought an ache to his temples and chest and he felt as if he was suffocating. Placing both palms on the dark surface, he leaned against the black mirror, pushing against it as if the gesture would somehow vent his anger and frustration, but, in reality, it did no such thing. He closed his eyes, or at least he must have, because next thing he knew, watching him from the darkness were a crowd of glowing eyes of all shapes and colors, a few of them recognized as familiar: Samâs green eyes, Lenaâs blue, Essâ violet, and every other he ever encountered⊠Every mind heâs ever met⊠Luckas was lost in watching the shadows. At one point or another he swore he could see silhouettes moving amongst their dark surroundings. He felt like he wanted to join them, but it didnât matter how much he pressed against the surface of the mirror, it would not let him pass. That was when he heard it again⊠Not just any voice, THE voice. This time it didn't seem to come from everywhere at once; it was right in front of him and that was when Luckas saw what he first thought was his own reflection, and it spoke: âYou died here, you just donât know it. You died here with me, so long agoâŠâ
Before Luckas realized that he wasnât really looking at himself, even though the person in the mirror did in fact mirror him, the âimageâ pushed against him. Suddenly he felt skin against his hands as the âimageâsâ hands pushed against them. Luckas stared into its eyes, same as his, the face, the hair, everything, but the smile⊠Much deeper, far more psychotic, and absolutely delighted⊠That was Matthewâs face. âMattâŠâ Luke whispered, stumbling back under his force. Mathew let him take his distance, but always walking towards him, slowly, his smile widening at every step.
âDid you really think you were free of me?â Matthewâs voice sounded much like his, only it echoed as if he spoke from the bottom of an abyss. âI will always be with you, brother, another part of you; the strongest part of you. I am your shadow and you may leave me behind, but I will never truly leave you.â
Luckas was shaking, fear taking over him at the sight of his twin; Matthew couldnât be alive, Luke knew as much, but the sight of him just caused him panic even so. âYouâre dead.â He mumbled. âYouâre not real.â
âOh, but neither are you, brother.â Matthew replied, his grin widening, as manic as it had ever been. âNow, little brother⊠Scream for me⊠Show me fear⊠See what I see⊠Isnât that what you always wanted?â
Luckas continued to walk away until he felt cold stone press against his back; he was cornered, and even though he knew Matthewâs gift could never hurt him, that he was dead, that this could not be real⊠None of it mattered. The only thought in him was that if Matthew got to him, he would never let go⊠He would drag him to hell with him⊠Perhaps that was his fate, but he didnât want to go just yet.
As the twin neared, Luke realized that he was now holding something; it felt like a knife, it was a knife⊠And without a flinch Luke buried it in Matthewâs chest the moment he was close enough, but he must have closed his eyes again, because when he opened them again Matthew was smiling as wide as ever; triumphant. âYouâre dead Luckas, you just donât know it.â He whispered.
Luckas looked down⊠He was never the one holding the knife, it seemed. Matthewâs hand was the one on the handle, pushing the blade slowly, straight through Lukeâs chest.
âAlone, Luckas; you and me⊠In the dark⊠Forever⊠Thatâs how it ends.âLuckas woke up abruptly, his right hand gripping the front of his shirt, shivers crawling their way up and down his spine. His chest ached as if a blade had in fact gone through it, and sweat was soaking his clothes and hair. âItâs not real... not real... Itâs not real...â He muttered under his breath, trying to will the shivering away. âIâm not dead... Itâs not real... Iâm not dead yet... Not yet... Not yet...â
It took Luckas a few minutes to steady himself, open his eyes, and allow himself to slip back into the present, to the real world, or what was left of it. It was still dark outside his window, the sky was clear and in the dark room he could still see some stars sparkling in the dark blue background above, the house was silent as it usually was and everything seemed perfectly normal. Luckas inhaled slowly and forced himself to breathe it all out; his hands still shaking from the very vivid dream. The memory of his dead twin unpleasantly and persistently clinging to his mind. The words spoken still lingering in the background:
âIn the dark... Forever...âLuckas couldnât remember ever being this frightened before. It wasnât full blown terror, but it was the closest he had ever been. If it had been for real, then perhaps... Luckas snickered softly under his breath, running one hand through his sweaty hair as he forced himself to get out of bed. As soon as his bare feet touched the stone floor, however, he felt little claws sinking into his ankle painfully. âArgh, damn it, Seth!â He shouted, picking the cat up by his neck, ignoring the several more scratches to his arm, and tossing it out the bedroom door, slamming it shut and muttering. âStupid fleabag!â On his way back Luckas froze where he stood, the corner of his eye catching his reflexion on a mirror on the wall, without much thought to it, he picked up one of the sheets and covered the mirror with. âI said not yet.â he mumbled.
-About an hour later-âHow come youâre not in bed Lukey? Is it about your little girlfriend?â Sam asked, sitting across from Luckas on one of the kitchen tables and snatching a cookie from the plate that was place in between them on the wooden surface.
âWhy must you keep calling her that, Sam? Luke muttered, fiddling with the cookies heâd stolen from the pantry, but not eating. âAnd what makes you say that?â
âBecause it annoys you; but also because I have eyes and Iâm not dumb.â She leaned over the table, resting her chin in her hands, and snickered. âI heard you call for her in your sleep. Were you having a wet dream or something?â
âNo. I was just randomly naming people I know.â He muttered sarcastically. âIt wasnât even about her.... And stop spying on me.â
âYou donât want me to stop spying on you. Iâve asked you at least four times if I was bothering you and you avoided the question altogether. You like it that I watch you sleep, makes you feel safe, but you donât want to admit it and you donât want to lie about it; so you avoid answering.â
Luckas sighed softly and stuffed a whole cookie in his mouth to keep himself occupied as he chewed on it in silence.
âHow come you donât have a nickname for me like everyone else?â Sam asked curiously.
Luke swallowed hard and coughed slightly before answering. âI do⊠Itâs âSammyâ. Why, you donât like that?â He took a sip of water. âAnd itâs not everybody elseâŠâ
âJust the ones that matter.â Sam stated, with a little smirk. â...Whether itâs because you like them ot because you donât... Do you forget who youâre talking to?â
Luke chuckled slightly under his breath. âNever.â
Sam sighed softly. âLukey, why donât you tell me what is troubling you? You might feel better, and maybe I can help.â
âIf I⊠Give you a hypothetical⊠Will you promise to keep it a hypothetical and answer me honestly?â
âSure, and Iâm always honest.â Sam replied. âTell me.â
âLetâs say you are incredibly good at chess.â
âI
am incredibly good at chess.â She chuckled. âBut please, go on.â
âYou never lost a game, and the more you win the harder it is to find a worthy opponent. It starts to get too easy. Not any less fun, but less challenging... And you NEED the challenge. One day you run across a great opponent, you play and it ends in a draw, and every time you play after that it ends the same way. It doesnât matter though, because the game is still exciting, never boring, even after it all starts to get familiar. Now, nothing about you has changed, you still feel the urge to win. In fact, a part of you feels a nearly uncontrollable urge to win. The problem is that if you beat this player, you will never get to play with this person again. The game ends.â Luckas let both his arms rest on the table and leaned forward, letting his chin rest over them as he stared into Sammyâs green eyes. âSo now, what do you choose to do? A part of you desperately wants to win, but then thereâs this other part of you that is terrified that if you do, youâll never be able to enjoy the game the same way again.â
âWhat you are asking is whether I would choose to hold on to the certainty of âinstant gratificationâ or risk the mere possibility of âtrue happinessâ.â She smiled softly. âKeeping this as a hypothetical as you asked me... I donât think you can keep playing for a draw indefinitely, and if you donât play to win you will eventually lose. So, I donât see it as much of a choice really. I think the question is: How long can you stall before the inevitable happens? So I see it as there are two options; or you play to win and be temporarily satisfied with the victory, or you will eventually lose and be left with nothing.â She chuckled. âWell, of course, you can forfeit, but I know youâre just not that kind of player, are you, hun?â She reached out and placed a hand over Lukeâs arm near his cheek. âAre you alright sweetie?â
âI guess. Iâm just tired⊠Donât want to go back to sleep.â He mumbled.
âWhat was your dream about?â
He sighed. âChoices⊠And lack of choices⊠Inevitability⊠DeathâŠâ
âThose can be frightening, I know.â She agreed. âAccepting fate is the most frightening part of being alive. Accepting that some things are not an option⊠Making sacrificesâŠâ She smiled. âRemember when you asked if I believed I was the Goddess?â
âYou said you didnât know what you believed.â Luckas answered, with a nod.
âI donât. I do know what I hope⊠I hope Iâm not. You know why? Because in all the Myths, in all the stories⊠The only thing that doesnât change is that Terra was lonely. Either she loved Duncan and watched him die, or she didnât love him or anyone⊠If she was a Goddess she was put on this realm to betray her siblings⊠If she was a human she was used by the Gods⊠Me? I was born with a purpose to serve. Nothing more, nothing less⊠Maybe if I succeed Iâll have a chance of being more, but until thenâŠâ
âWhy? Why not choose something different?â
âBecause I believe, Luckas... I believe that after all the buildings crumble, all the ashes scatter, all the bodies are consumed by the earth⊠Those who live will see beauty as it only have been heard of in legends. Even with everything I had to put up with to make it happen⊠I think itâs worth it.â
âEnough to die for it? If you do what you plan, wonât it kill you?â
âIâm not sure, Lukey⊠Itâs⊠Uncertain⊠How it affects my bloodline, since itâs something apart from true Enlightened, but not exactly from another source. Iâll only know then, but.... Probably, yes.â
Luckas was going to say something else, but he stopped himself as he felt a sharp pain in his temples that made him shoot up and sit up straight in his seat, rubbing his eyes. He felt something inside his chest he was unfamiliar with and a chill ran down his spine as he heard Essâ voice echo inside his mind, calling his name⊠Something wasnât right.
Slowly Samâs voice began to sound faintly in the background, but he wasnât listening. He simply stood up and started to walk out of the kitchen. âIâm going for a walk⊠Need to thinkâŠâ He mumbled. With the corner of his eyes he was able to catch sight of Sam still watching him intently as he crossed the doorway⊠She was clearly not happy with this.
[Ravenâs Camp - 8 days after Castle Ball, early evening]Luckas had somewhat regretted walking out on Sam the way he had within only a few minutes of leaving the Manor. The sudden urge to run in the direction of the Ravenâs Nest had faded some, but not disappeared entirely. It was there still, and he knew that unless he kept going it wouldnât stop nagging at him. He had to take a longer route through the forest; the Wolves seemed uneasy for some reason and he felt was best to avoid going near their camp. He could handle if someone tried to hold him back, but he just didnât want the distraction. For that reason, it took a few hours longer than heâd like to reach the camp.
The sun had already set on the second day of his trip by the time he finally reached his usual spot under the oak tree. It didnât take too long to spot Essence where she sat, his first greetings going unanswered, confirming that in fact something wasnât right, until she finally addressed him.
âLuckas, can you just stay...and keep me company...but not ask any questions?...If you want to know what the fuck is going on, I give you permission...go inside my brain...because I don't feel like discussing anything....I can't right now...." Her eyes were red and puffy, tired from her lack of sleep, yet she couldn't relax to that point. Her expression was empty, vacant of any further emotion, except the obvious sleep deprivation as she stared off into the fire...her tone so quiet, one had to put together the random pieces they understood into a coherent sentence.
Luckas stood staring for a while, trying to read something in her expression, but failing however; not that he couldn't tell something was wrong, that was pretty clear, but he couldn't even take a wild guess as to what sorts of feelings were hidden underneath the emptiness and exhaustion. He wondered if someone with a normal sense of empathy would see it differently, or if it was truly that concealed. Finally he simply nodded and quietly sat, not like he wasn't planning on staying either way. "I'll ask another time." He stated quietly.
Ess barely took notice of Luckas' movements as he went from standing to sitting not too far from where she herself remained positioned. Her mind faded in and out of the present, into blank thought, making her forget that she had even spoken which had been the first time that day any words had escaped her. Vaguely she realized her earlier visitors whom she acted as if she never noticed their presence, not answering their calls or concerns...almost like a waking coma. Was she at the point of not feeling emotions at all? Was she simply too drained to care or process? Or maybe she was just that good of an actress...to the point she could fool herself into insanity.
Luckas remained quiet where he sat, not bothering to pretend he wasn't staring, because that's exactly what he was doing. He didn't know what was happening and doubted he'd know what to do if he had the whole story. He heaved an audible sigh as if trying to get rid of the silence and yet not be too loud. He wondered if Captain would know what this was all about, but still he didn't want to move.
Ess took in a deep breath, as if she momentarily forgot to keep breathing, her fingers absently scratching along her collarbone, curious blood stained linen strips peeked out from beneath her shirt. She had argued for a while with the medics on their âadviceâ to bandage her wounds, until she passed out from some drug one of them managed to slip into her water. She wasnât ashamed of what she had done to herself, but wanted it to be shown off to the world, a piece of her soul peeking out from the darkness. Besides that, she hadnât slept and in defiance to their orders, she managed to slip away when they had fallen asleep in a chair beside her. âKeep an eye on her...â The Captain had said. When they came looking for her, trying to coerce her back to the cabin she responded by unsheathing her relic blade, her eyes empty and almost black from the lack of glow they usually emanated. They left her alone after that, for the most part.
âMaybe you were right LuckasâŠ.maybe itâs not worth feelingâŠ.with all the pain and angerâŠ.just for the possibility of something goodâŠ.to feel neededâŠ.to be lovedâŠ.maybe it does just make us weakâŠ..â Ess paused before incoherent mumbles escaped her, ââŠShouldaâŠcouldaâŠwouldaâŠpast is pastâŠ.still haunting my futureâŠwhat if it was all a lieâŠ.what if Iâm a lieâŠâ A shaky laugh startled the air, causing Ess to look around searching, but for what she didnât know. âI no longer know my own worth.â
"Am I boring you? Did you lose interest yet?" A curious smile curled her lips.
"Boring me? Well, maybe just a little..." He answered with a little smirk, his expression seeming more lost in thought than actually bored. "Did I lose interest? Surprisingly, no."
âHave to sayâŠIâm surprised as well. Course Iâve had a lot of surprises as of lateâŠâ Her tone grew dark, almost ominous as she turned back to the flames, the flicker of light dancing in her eyes. She literally bit down on her lip, letting the blood trickle down her chin slowly. Ess had much to think about, and yet there was this wall preventing her from processing much of the revelations. She was trying to connect the dots, and the more she realized the more her anger grew, so she kept pushing it aside until she could figure out how to approach it all. Ess knew it was only causing her more pain, as much as she tried to suppress it and not deal It wasnât her way, yet she felt like giving up. If she faced it in that moment, she knew she would break down again. Were her beliefs wrong? Was she living a lie all this time? She felt so ashamed for the weakness she was showing. Why couldnât she stay strong? Gradually the emotions floated across her face accompanied by a subtle chuckle which she choked down the second she realized her facade fading.
Luckas had gone quiet for a bit, thinking, mulling over Ess' statement that he was right. Was he right? His mind tracked back to the last time they discussed pain and what she had told him then. Finally he heaved a small impatient sigh. "What do you want to do, Lady?" He asked finally. "If you want to not feel, I can make you forget whatever it is that is troubling you. Even if, not so long ago, you told me that you would not do such a thing given the choice. Suppose that just means you lied to me and you donât actually believe a word you said back then, which would also mean youâre just as full of shit as everyone else and I was wrong to think otherwise, but oh wellâŠâ He shrugged. âItâs like I said: people usually turn out to be disappointing one way or another.â He sighed heavily and shook his head in fake disappointment, a slightly amused smirk crossing his features. âAlthough, I must admit that is quite satisfying to finally be right about something, even if that something is that being a coward pays.â
If Luke was trying to get her to voice her thoughts, trying to get a rise out of her, it had worked. The violet glow appeared in her gaze, almost blocking out the darkness of her pupils in her sudden fury of anger. A deep growl in her voice, as if it were not her own; it was the push she needed. âYou KNOWâŠI would not lie to you. Is it a crime to feel broken? To feel lost and not understand what I should do? Maybe I only feel what I was taughtâŠwhat I came to believe was wrong, if people just run away and stop caring. Iâm sorry I wanted so badly to have faith in something, to find my own purpose for being here.â
If Ess wasnât so dehydrated, tears would have been flowing freely down her face. Her voice faded into a whisper as she turned finally to face Luckas. âJust let me wallow for a while until it passes, until I can make sense of it allâŠ.I donât want to be like âthem.ââ
Luckas managed to control himself to keep from laughing; he couldn't help being amused, although something told him it wasn't quite the right sentiment in a situation like this. He let Ess talk and simply nodded quietly, a little smirk breaking through despite his efforts to keep a straight face. "Good." He stated simply, in response to her last statement, ignoring all the rest. After going silent for another moment he noticed the bandages showing under her shirt. "What did you do to yourself there, Lady?â He asked, raising an eyebrow and momentarily forgetting heâd decided not to ask questions yet.
A mixed eruption of emotions took over Ess, her fists clenching as she simply quirked a brow at Lukeâs question and observation. She simply responded by gently pulling down her shirt, exposing the bandages just above her breasts to quickly rip off the linens. âWell, I discoveredâŠ.the little secret you and Lena were in onâŠYou knowâŠabout âBlue EyesâŠ..â Essâ lips parted in a devilish grin as she continued. âWhat, you donât like the tattoo? I thought it wasâŠ.fittingâŠ.â She spat, letting the annoyance escape in her tone as she glanced down at the tattoo she had taken hours to crudely engrave into her flesh. It was an eerie oak tree, engulfed in flames, appearing unshaken in destruction. âMaybe when it heals some moreâŠI can add some colorâŠI dunnoâŠwhatcha thinkâŠ..My Dear âŠLuckasâŠ?â
"I see..." Luckas' amusement faded slowly and he flinched slightly, but now he understood a bit more what was going on. "Wasn't my place to tell... None of my business...â He mumbled, looking away from her. âAnd Lena..." He snorted out in annoyance. "I can't speak for her. Who knows what went through that woman's head?" He sighed. "So, what, you ran out of journal space and had to doodle on yourself? Honestly, Lady, I think it suits you."
Ess scoffed at Luckasâ reasons for keeping Jakeâs identity to himself, rolling her eyes. âPleaseâŠ.I didnât ask whyâŠ.I think I understand whyâŠand although Iâm not happy about itâŠI get itâŠ.â She trailed off, leaving it at thatâŠ.smiling just a bit as he commented her tattoo âMaybe the journal thing is growing tiredâŠ.â She shrugged, scooting closer in his direction. âAndâŠsince when am I not your business? You are making it quite clear that I am.â Ess sighed, rubbing at her eyes, feeling a bit timid in saying anything else at this point. Not because she was afraid, but because she didnât know now what she could talk about with Luke, per say. She just wasnât sure what to feel at that point. Ess was clearly unhappy with him, and even after all theyâve been through thus far, he was still there. That meant more to her than he could ever know. She knew she wouldnât stay upset with him for very long.
Luckas sighed softly at Essâ words on knowing why he hadnât told her the truth. He shook his head and kept quiet on the matter. When she asked about her being his business he smirked slightly and mumbled. "I didn't mean you, Lady. You are most definitely my business, whether you like it or not." He stated, firmly, even though his tone was so soft it was as if he wished she couldn't hear. He went quiet for a bit after that, his eyes examining her carefully. "You look like you haven't slept in a while. You should, you know, at least rest for a bit..." He pointed out, trying to sound severe, which just didn't sound much intimidating, surprisingly. â⊠And donât make me force you, because I can do that, you know.â
Ess scooted again, so close this time she let her arm brush along Lukeâs. Taking a deep breath she leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder. She didnât care if he would try to brush her aside at her touch, because she had a feeling he may just let her. She caught his words that he spoke barely at a whisper, enough to catch the gist of what he said. âWell if youâre sticking around, who knowsâŠI may actually get some sleep. I feel better when youâre here, even when Iâm mad at you.â Ess pointedly sifted her arm beneath his, giving a slight squeeze. âMaybe the nightmares will stay awayâŠâ
Luckas winced only slightly, but he didn't pull away when Ess leaned into him, he simply shifted in his seat a little uncomfortably, but otherwise remained quiet. It wasn't quite what he meant, but she was resting so he thought it best not to complain. "Suppose I'll just have to stick around, then." He stated, heaving a small sigh.
Ess lifted her head and stared into Lukeâs eyes. âSorryâŠ.if I make you uncomfortable you donât have to stay if you donât want to. Iâll manage.â Her eyes were questioning, a sad smile cracking along her lips as she let her hand find Lukeâs. Gradually, she lightly traced his palm with her finger, trailing up and along each of his fingers. It tickled her how he appeared much warmer than she was at that moment, and how her body wanted to absorb the heat. She wondered for a minute if she was fevering or if it had something to do with all the blood she lost over a short period of time.
âYouâre right, I donât have to stay if I donât want to.â Luckas stated simply, but didnât move a muscle from where he was now, lowering his gaze as he mumbled. ââŠAnd Iâm not that uncomfortable.â That was true, in a way⊠Although he wasnât sure he understood whether Ess was mad at him or not after all. He spent the next few moments silently trying to control the urge to pull his hand away from her touch until it finally faded. âMaybe the nightmares will stay away⊠Wouldnât that be nice?â He whispered quietly to himself.
Ess let out a shaky sigh, slipping her fingers between Lukeâs. âSo why stay then? Although Iâm not complainingâŠâ Ess decided to stand, still holding onto Luckas she rose from his side and took one step forward as her knees gave out from her, causing her to almost trip over Tala. âI donât want to sleep, but perhaps I should.. Lay down.â
When Aiden didnât find Ess in the medicâs cabin, he knew it was best to just check on her from afar and if need be, he could offer his assistance. She was weak but he knew if he upset her, she would not hesitate in making it known once again. For the most part she just sat by the fire either ignoring or scaring away visitors.
Aiden was only away for a few minutes, but when he had come back to his spot within a nearby tree line, he began cursing himself when he spotted Luckas beside Ess. The veins in his forehead began to protrude while his fingers clenched the crossbow along his back, quickly retrieving the readied contraption and taking aim.
His pointer finger loosened and remained just beside the trigger as he watched, waiting to see if Ess was in any immediate danger. After a few moments, his shoulders slumped, letting the device fall to his side. Hooking it to his belt he decided to approach the two, just reaching the fire light as Ess went to stand and stumbled to the ground. He picked up his pace and found his way to her other side, a sweet concerned expression crossing his face. âEssenceâŠ.you canât push yourselfâŠnow after the other dayâŠ..PleaseâŠâ
Luckas simply heaved a small sigh. âWhy ask me questions that you already know the answers to, Lady?â He said, standing with her since she hadnât really let go of him yet, which was a good thing because she didnât seem to have much strength left to even take a step without stumbling. âI think youâre right Lady, maybe you should lay down for a bit.â He agreed, putting a firm grip on her arm as if to support her weight if she were to stumble again. Distracted with that, Luckas didnât quite notice Aiden until the man was right beside Ess. The sound of the manâs voice, caused him to tense, but he seemed to be able to keep his calm despite the fact it was clear Aiden had been watching; which Luckas immediately resented him for. With a slightly annoyed sigh, he shot Aiden a glare and stated in a slightly amused tone. âBetter watch it Lady, I think you have one too many stalkers.â
Ess scowled at herself for practically almost falling into the fire pit, but smiled when she felt Lukeâs grip on her arm. She opened her mouth to respond to him but was cut off by Aidenâs voice, turning abruptly towards him. âYes yesâŠ.to the both of youâŠI did just say I was going to lie down. Iâm fine thank you.â Essence went to step again and found both the men to have a grip on each of her arms, making it a bit impossible for her to go in one single direction. Pausing a moment she giggled, âI know heâs been keeping an eye on me as well Luckas, but since you are here I donât think the concern is necessary, Aiden, although appreciated.â Aiden attempted to lead Ess in his direction towards the tent, frowning when Luke still had a hold on her. âIâve got it, Luckas.â Gently Aiden bent his knees, moving his hand from her arm to support Essâ back and the other lifting her legs as he picked her up into his arms, bringing her into him. âI was the one who found her the other day, LuckasâŠshe could have diedâŠwhile you were âŠ.AWAY.â Aiden smirked a bit as he cradled Ess who stared up at him wide-eyed, her brows narrowing in defiance as she tried to squirm. âAidenâŠIâm not helplessâŠIâm consciousâŠand Iâm not bleeding outâŠkindly put me down nowâŠâ Ess stated firmly, her stomach knotting up in embarrassment.
The only reason Luckas let go of Essâ arm to begin with was because he knew he was going to lose his calm, and heâd rather not have that happen while holding onto her. Despite wanting to cause Aiden severe pain simply for his presence, he wouldnât have done much more than glare, at least for the moment, wasnât for his insistence to pick Ess up without the least bit of warning, or consent. Ignoring Aidenâs mention of his absence, despite it being what stung him the most, Luckas opened a slightly menacing grin and growled softly, putting himself in front of the man. âFor someone who attempted to lecture me on not knowing how to deal with a woman, mate, you donât seem to be very good at listening to one when she speaks. Now, you heard the Lady say your concern is not needed, and to put her down⊠I suggest you do that before I feel the need to force you.â He muttered, a red sparkle flashing behind the black of his eyes.
Ess pushed against Aidenâs chest, still fidgeting as he set her down, steadying her as she regained her balance. Discretely, she gave a wink towards Luckas as she stood between the two men. âAiden, you are being quite rude. Yes, I thank you for your help and concern, as Iâve stated beforeâŠâ Ess abruptly turned her gaze back and forth between their faces as she spoke to both of them. â..And what is this about a lecture? Is there something I should know?â With a deep sigh she steadily walked around Aiden towards her tent, not taking any help from them. âAidenâŠdo notâŠever try to cast blame on Luckas for something that is not his fault.â The violet in her eyes dimmed in their glow as she forced another smile. âLuckas? Are you still staying the night?â When Ess moved aside, Aiden took a step forward so that he towered over Luckas, staring down into his eyes. He didnât tear his gaze aside as he answered Ess, âApologies my friend, I was only trying to help you, since you did lose much blood.â Aiden kept quiet when asked about Luckas and his conversation weeks ago, quirking a brow when he was scolded for his words. . He wasnât sure if she expected an apology for that, that which would never come for he believed Luckas was only around for whatever convenience it provided. Instead he turned his back on Luckas and followed Ess in concern to make sure she didnât fall, making sure not to crowd her.
Unexpectedly he gasped at her words to Luckas to her invitation to stay. For the first time he admitted jealously, but held in his words as Ess leaned into him and thanked him again for his help. She gave him a gentle squeeze and added with a snarky grin. âLuckas, youâll stay with me again, wonât you?â Aiden shot an angry glare over his shoulder at Luckas.
Luke smiled, looking up at Aiden as the man stood tall before him, not seeming intimidated in one bit and mouthing the words ânice tryâ when Ess scolded him on his words. He held Aidenâs gaze until the man turned away from him, at which point he replied to Essâ question on the lecture. âBeast Boy and I had a chat a while back, nothing really important, but if you want I can show you sometime⊠Once youâve gotten some sleep.â He answered with a shrug, responding to Essâ question of whether or not he would stay by following after her and Aiden towards the tent. He hid his annoyance at the hug she gave the man, taking comfort in his anger when she asked him once again if he would stay. âOf course Iâll stay, Lady.â He answered with a confirming nod, smirking at Aiden as he went in the tent without a care, showing clearly that heâd slept there before.
Aidenâs caramel gaze hardened as he watched Luke, flinching at what he meant when he said he could âshowâ Ess what they had discussed that night. Muttering to himself in disbelief he almost lunged after Luckas into Essâ tent if he hadnât softened at her embrace. As Luke disappeared, and was still within earshot, Aiden gently lifted Essâ chin to stare in her eyes mouthing, âAre you sure?â Ess shrugged which only caused Aidenâs eyes to narrow. âAnswer me this thenâŠ.are you spoken for? Do you want me to give up?â
Essâ jaw fell in awe at the abrupt questioning and in such an awkward time that she didnât answer at first, her eyes fluttering frantically as if searching for the answer, moving to turn as if to look for Luckas, but Aiden gently held her firm. âDonât look at him, look at me EssenceâŠplease.â Shaking her head she whispered back, âI want to beâŠ.â Squinting her eyes shut, she began to feel guilty for Aiden, not wanting to cause him pain; after all she was his friend even if sometimes it wasnât easy.
Aiden released Ess, tugging lightly on one of her curls, âI knowâŠyou have things to sort outâŠ.guess we all do. But I saw youâŠ.I truly saw you. You canât deny if HE wasnât around, youâd give me an honest chance.â
Ess stepped back and sighed, opening her eyes once again, her expression cloaking the frantic array of thoughts flooding her brain. âIâm sorry AidenâŠwhatever youâre searching forâŠYou wonât find it in meâŠ.maybeâŠcoulda, shouldaâŠ.wouldaâŠbut Iâm not what you need. If you wonât understandâŠor at least accept thisâŠthen we canât be friendsâŠâ A sickening feeling crept up on Ess and she swallowed hard to keep herself focused.
Aiden nodded slowly, forcing a smile as he reached for her hand and attentively brought it to his lips before turning on his heels and walking away. âGoodnight Talon.â He said nothing else but simply noted to himself how she didnât answer his question directly and it gave him a bit of false hope that he tucked away in case she changed her mind. He would show her loyalty, and be there when she called, if ever. âShe never said to give up..â He thought to himself.
âAidenâŠ.â Ess stopped herself shaking her head as she let her friend walk away. What did she do? She didnât understand what he meant about âtruly seeing her.â At this moment, she wasnât even sure what she saw in herself. Ess breathed slowly, trying to calm her nerves, forcing to keep control of her enlightenment. Tala began whining at her feet as she looked up at the stars, the white sparkles blurring and starting to spin in steady circles above her before it all went black.
Luckas was quietly waiting for Aiden to leave. He had just sat quietly trying to control his urge to order the man to punch himself in the face, over and over until he fell unconscious. He caught bits and pieces of what was being said, he was honestly trying not to listen, deciding to keep himself calm for the moment, letting his mind wander elsewhere, to where he was technically supposed to be now, and to who might know where heâd gone⊠That was something he would have to be careful with for a while. It was only when he heard Tala whine that he let his full attention return to the present, and walked to where the wolf was standing next to a fallen Ess. He eyed Tala curiously for a moment. âYouâll not bite my head off now, will you?â He asked, crouching down to check that her pulse was regular and she didnât have a high fever, before picking her up and getting her inside and tucking her under blankets. âIâm not helpless, Iâm not unconscious⊠How ironic.â He whispered, amusement in his face as he sat down, keeping a watchful eye on Tala as the wolf curled up next to Ess. Luckas pulled his knees closer to his body and let his arms rest over them. Taking a deep breath and finally letting out some of his frustration, mumbling under his breath. âI got this Luckas⊠You were away, Luckas⊠Pathetic little hypocrite, was probably happy as hell that I wasnât here. Doesnât know when to shut up, doesnât know how to back off⊠Will have to teach him a lesson⊠Who the hell does he think he is? I better not catch him lurking or I will gauge his freaking eyes out⊠The prick...â
Essence's form was still in her slumber, Tala curled up to keep her snug beneath the piles of blankets. Not much time had passed when Tala's head snapped up in alert, ears perked as she tilted her head in question with her intense stare upon Ess. The woman's face went from a peaceful expression to one of anguish when her brows furrowed and a subtle groan penetrated the silence.
Ess opened her eyes to find herself standing in the all too familiar open space, brown fog rolling in around her. She had a pretty good idea how this dream would go, and was happy to be in a state of sleep where she recognized that she was dreaming. At the series of giggles echoing around her, she sprinted forward in search of the oak tree, knowing she'd find the boy.
As the fog cleared, she almost rammed into the boy, who already was staring up at the oak tree just a few steps away. He turned around, deep blue eyes smiling up at Ess, causing her heart to melt while sending a fueled anger that made her soul tremble. "You're dead Jake....you broke your promises...."
When the boy spoke, it wasn't the voice of the child she remembered, but of the man who was now Jacob. "Forever and ever, Ess...sometimes the hardest ones to love...are the ones who need it most.."
Ess growled, "What does that even mean?!" She stared as the boy turned back around and proceeded to light the oak tree on fire. "No! What are you doing?!" Ess cried out, noticing that there was a new detail to the dream that wasn't there a moment ago. Another figure was tied to the oak as it went up in flames, the smoke making it impossible to tell who it could of been. Yet as the heat emanated off the undying branches, she felt herself screaming as she found herself surrounded by the blaze, the tips of the flames splitting open her flesh like a sausage with a crackling, wet sizzle. A chilling scream erupted from her lips: From the pain of burning flesh; from the pain of a loss she feared to endure.Luckas' mind was beginning to drift off after he was done muttering his curses at Aiden. He rested his head over his arms, feeling sleep coming to him, but resisting it. For some reason he just didn't want to let his mind slip away just yet, as if he was waiting for something. It was just then he caught movement with just the corner of his eye and he turned to face where Ess was stirring in her sleep. He kept a close watch on the sleeping woman, a slightly concerned expression crossing him, but he was unsure of whether or not to wake her... That is until she screamed; at that moment Luckas jumped from where he was seated to try to shake her awake, meanwhile Tala began pawing at the blankets in an attempt to free Ess from them. "Lady, Lady, Lady... Wake up..." Luckas said, gently shaking her by the shoulder, but to no effect. He let out a slightly frustrated sigh, pulling the blankets off as he noticed the flush in her cheeks and lightly tapping the woman's face with the back of his hand. "Lady, wake up." He called. "Wake up." Finally he sighed, taking in a deep breath and shouting: "ESSENCE!", giving Ess one forceful shake.
Ess shot up straight, wide-eyed and panting to catch her breath as she clawed at the base of her neck along her tattoo. It was as if she were trying to pat herself to make sure she was still there, although she kept muttering something about fire. "I couldn't let him burn..." Ess fell into a temporary coughing fit, Tala licking at her face furiously as if the wolf was trying to cool her down. It was another moment before she actually saw where she was, looking from Tala to Luke a bit surprised, from the stares and in a daze from her confusion to what exactly was going on. Slowly she pulled in her knees, wrapping her arms around herself as she began to shake but she was far from cold, she felt like she was fevering and began kicking at the blankets at her feet annoyingly. "I'm awake now, right?"
"You're awake, Lady. Either that or we're both asleep." Luckas answered, trying to shake off the concern from his face as he pressed his palm against her forehead and added. "You're fevering, do you want me to get a medic? Or the Captain, I can go get the Captain." He dropped from his crouch onto a seating position next to her and tilting his head to the side and mumbling. "I think the tattoo suits you better than I thought." He ran his fingers through his hair absently. "Who was burning?"
Ess shook her head stubbornly, "I don't need to wake the Captain... or anyone else. I'm fine Luckas..." Ess smirked laying her head upon her hands and knees, watching him curiously. "Really, I am. This happened the last time I had this dream....course I didn't know all the details before.....and guess I still don't...." She shrugged at his question, an eerie feeling creeping up her back, cause the hairs to rise upon her arms. "Luckas....what do you mean the tattoo suits me better than you thought? ...Did you see? Or do you want me to use you for journal space, too?" Ess chuckled momentarily, cut off by another coughing fit, beads of sweat accumulating along her brow.
"Should I believe that when I saw you faint moments after saying you were fine?" Luckas asked, raising an eyebrow. "And I doubt you were this weak last time." He argued. "Do you know what people say? That one cannot die in their dreams?" He smirked. "Well, Lady, that's crap. Hang on." He stated standing up and walking out of the tent, returning a few minutes later with water and half a loaf of bread. He sat and parted the bread in half and pushed a piece to her. "Eat and drink, or I will wake up the Captain." He threatened, sitting the water bottle in between the two of them. "I did see... bits... Tried not to, but apparently that's not my decision anymore" He took a bite off the bread and sighed. "Supposed I should try and explain this now, well... Apparently when I tried to erase your memory five years ago that created some sort of link between us... And apparently you can randomly make me hear and see things that happen to you... Somehow... Lena explained to me that it has to do with how my mind was vulnerable when I tried fiddling with your memory, and how you fought back not to forget... Although, she wasn't sure why... Exactly..." He went quiet and took another bite of the bread, taking his time with chewing on it, before mumbling. "That's why I'm here."
Essence gave a defeated sigh, her eyes gentle as she surrendered and nodded, taking the piece of bread from Luckas and nibbling on it slowly. "You mean, like you do with that trick of yours...like you did to Jasper, getting him stuck in his head?" Ess picked up the water to take a sip and almost choked on it before forcing herself to keep down another swig. When Luckas began explaining that there was some oddity between them, Ess froze staring at her bread. Her mind began racing through her memories, her dreams prior to running into Luckas once again and then the past few weeks. She finished chewing another bite of her bread before her list of questions spewed forth from her lips. "Luckas...is that why I think you're here when you're not? What did you see? What have you seen? Does it work in reverse? ...Does this mean when you haunted my dreams....you weren't just a figment of my imagination?" Ess looked around the tent for her journal, roughly tossing her stuffed bear aside, not even wanting to look at it at the moment. "I wrote it all down..." Finally she stopped caring about where the journal was at the moment and just leaned into Luckas. "What do you mean that is why you're here? You worried about me, my Dear Luckas?" She whispered gently, Tala sniffing at her side for her leftover bread.
"Luckas...is that why I think you're here when you're not? What did you see? What have you seen? Does it work in reverse? ...Does this mean when you haunted my dreams....you weren't just a figment of my imagination?"Luckas chuckled slightly at the list of questions taking another bite of bread. "I'm always here, it seems that's not my decision anymore either. I haven't seen much just... burning tree... I haven't seen anything before, just heard some things... Felt some things..." He gave a light shrug. "It may work in reverse, but I'm not sure. Did I haunt your dreams Lady? Perhaps you haunted mine." He said, raising an eyebrow. "I don't know for sure though... I still can't remember what I dreamt back then." He stopped to think about it for a moment or two before whispering. "That would explain though... Because I felt I was there... I knew I couldn't be there."
As she asked if he worried, Luckas flinched only slightly, reaching for the water he took a sip, clearing his throat before replying. "I meant I came here, because you called for me. I heard you." He stated. "I wasn't worried exactly, but suppose if something were to happen to you that would leave a rather uncomfortable silence in my head." He said with a little smirk.
Essence listened to Luckas, finishing off all but one bite of bread which she held out in her hand for Tala; gently the wolf lapped up the bread with a huff and rested her head upon Ess leg, staring over at Luckas as if perplexed. "I guess, I find an amount of comfort that you're always with me then, and that I'm not losing my mind." She heaved a long sigh, her fingers lightly trailing over Tala's snout. "It's always your decision Luckas, because if you didn't want to be here, you don't have to be. I mean, couldn't you just turn off the link or something?" Ess kept her gaze upon Tala, her mind jumping from one thing to the next from all that had happened over the past week, absently wiping the sweat off her forehead, a few curls stuck to her cheek. A sudden giggle escaped her, "Oh the irony, who would have thought that we would be the voices in each otherâs heads. I think it does work in reverse..." She pondered her last words a moment, shaking her head. "I heard you humming.... the first time I had the nightmare...back when I didn't know who the boy was.."
Ess grabbed the water from Luckas, drinking deeply, a small stream leaking out the sides of her mouth and down her chin. It did feel good, and she did go longer than meant to without food and water, but it seemed to hit her suddenly as she finished off the bottle. "You know...certain turn of events have made me think over a few things in my life....for the better and worse perhaps. But, I think knowing something and hearing the truth of it are very different. I mean...you say I know you pretty well, but guess certain things I need confirmation of. .." She paused a moment, not sure where she was going with this. "Well, just so you know...if something were to happen to you...I'd have more than an uncomfortable silence in my head. You being missed, I think, is only just tapping into the well." Ess absently rested her head on Luckas' shoulder, keeping her eyes averted from his, a surprising ache in her chest began to throb at her own words. She closed her eyes and again, saw the oak burning, realizing that she chose to burn instead of whomever was trapped against the flames. Not sure of what it all meant, she had a feeling she would indeed dream it again.
{Adam Gontier - Wicked Game}Luke winced slightly. "You heard that?" He asked, a little bit uncomfortable. "You were scared, I could feel... And I couldn't calm myself to sleep." He sighed, opening a little smirk as he realized he could trigger this himself. "I'll try to keep it down next time." He went silent after that statement, closing his eyes as he let Ess speak. He wasn't quite sure he understood what she was saying and it was a bit frustrating. "What you mean by confirmation?" He asked, absently, so lost in his thinking he didn't even react to her resting her head on his shoulder. "If there's something you wish to know, I'd say it's best to ask, don't expect me to grasp some hidden meaning, or whatever..." He mumbled. "Not that I don't appreciate the knowledge that I would be missed, despite it being a lot less comforting than one would imagine, but it begs the question: Why?" He chuckled. "And before you begin lecturing me on how I need to deal with the fact you are my friend, yet again, let me explain that I honestly don't understand. As much as I don't understand what you mean when you say I don't have to be here, that it is a choice, when it's clearly not. I mean, yes one can say I choose to come and I could choose to leave and not come back, but then I can argue that I have tried. So is it a choice really?" He inquired. "Choices are rational, but there is a whole set of instincts programmed to manipulate our rational thinking, a whole part of our minds that works with the sole purpose of deciding things behind our backs, so... How can we ever know what we truly want? How can we truly choose anything?" He sighed. "I'm not complaining, I don't consider myself all that good at making choices..." He lowered his voice slightly and added. "...Maybe Lena was right after all." He followed that statement by shoving the last piece of bread in his mouth and chewing on it quietly thinking he might have spoken his mind a bit too much.
Ess snaked her arm behind her and Luckas, leaning into it for support as she readjusted herself along his shoulder. She thought long and hard on all he had just said, trying to figure out what she wanted to say and how. "Next time, I'll know it's you and not my mind snapping from reality, so no; you don't need to keep it down. I'm sure...feeling what I feel can't make a lot of sense or be comfortable.." Ess snickered at his familiar words, ones that she spoke that night in the Castle,
"If there's something you wish to know, I'd say it's best to ask..." She opened her mouth to speak a few different times, a word or two escaping and then silence as she tried again, finally she opened with, "Do you wish to know my mind's reasons, or my heartâs? I am mostly an emotional driven woman, I'd admit, which I'm sure is obvious. And you don't understand everything with emotion and try to push it aside or deny yourself what you are truly feeling. I mean, you argue with the aspect of choices, when they are made rationally and irrationally, from our mind or heart or both. " Ess lifted her head, giving Luke a gentle smile as she stared into the familiar black orbs. "I'll tell you why, if you tell me why you came back? You have the choice to live with whatever you're feeling and just stay away, because a part of you believes it would be best. And don't say you don't know, because you do. You just have to admit that it's there, even if it doesn't make sense. Guess what, emotions don't always, and they can be driven by instinct." Ess reached out towards Luke's chin to make sure he was looking at her and paying attention at her words. "You, had the option and power to take me out. You still have it and you could of erased my mind if you thought it best. You didn't. You don't. I knew what you were doing, which is why ....I forgive you Luckas. But with all the anger, you still didn't make those choices." She pulled away and smiled, "Not that Iâm complaining, because at this point, taking you away from my thoughts and memories would...take away a piece of me. Too much has been weaved into my soul to turn back now."
Luckas frowned, slightly more confused than he had been before, not exactly sure of what Ess expected him to answer exactly, what she wanted him to admit to... And he felt as if he had been given a riddle with the most obvious answer he just couldn't figure out, and his thinking led him to pull away from her a bit, moving so that there was a bit of space between them. Finally he replied to her first question with: "If 'both' is not an acceptable answer, then I suppose I'd rather you show me what I can't see for myself. Although, seeing and understanding are two separate things, and one does not always lead to the other." He went quiet for the following moments as he thought. "I don't know what you want me to say..." He mumbled, rubbing his eyes. "I..." He heaved a small sigh as he searched for words. "I suppose I don't like the idea of that silence in my head... Or what used to be there before..."
Ess' smile faded as Luckas moved away from her, responding with herself lying down, her head propped upon her hand as she watched him. She saw the familiar dazed looked of Luke's inner workings, battling or searching... She wasn't quite sure. "You ask me a question which appears complicated for you to understand, when you are unsure of how to answer it back: Why be my friend? Why come back? I will answer to both my own reasons for being your friend: Mind and Heart." Turning over onto her back, she stared up at the painting of her burning Oak.
"Mind: It tells me from what you've shown me, I can trust you when it comes down to it. You won't intentionally hurt me, based on opportunities given but not taken. I see someone that I enjoy spending time with. You make me smile. You understand more about me than anyone, I feel. Maybe now that's because you've been in my head, or maybe because we have much in common. The simple things we enjoy, to the more intricate ones: Like our bloodlust. Although I have to admit, yours will always surpass mine." She gave a tired shrug. "You remind me what I need to focus on, when Iâm not with it, when I show weakness. We, can teach as well as learn from each other. Even in our anger, and disagreements, we are still friends. But I guess that has to do with heart too. See both are so closely intertwined, it's hard to make sense out of it all. So I guess most of those things, is what you mean when you say, 'What you see..'"
Essence went quiet a moment, glancing at Luckas out the corner of her eye and then back up to her painting. With another sigh, she continued. "Heart: Ever since that day we met, my first instinct was fear, yes. But because I thought you were gonna be like all the rest of the men. When you weren't, that intrigued me. It made me curious and want to know more, especially when you began haunting my dreams for so long I saw you age, Luckas. I saw hate, pain, and excitement within your eyes through the passing years and when I found you, it gave me hope that dreams can be made real. I mean... I prayed for Jake to not be dead...even if I'm emotionally wrecked for it now....I will get over it...maybe....give him a rude awakening to who he ran away from." With a small giggle, she kept herself composed. "But, Iâm losing track here...Luckas." She turned again to face him, hugging a pillow tight against her. "I'm afraid if I pour my heart out to you, I'll scare you away....but...I like you. I feel safe around you. You've helped me in ways, no one has. You've cared, even when you won't admit it. I want to help you in return and I want you to see what you have shown me as well: Not everyone is the same. In all honesty, I've never...." Ess released a shaky breath, tearing her gaze from his. "I...am happy to be your friend, even when you can be a royal pain in my ass. Why? Because the important things outweigh the trivial, because I've not felt this way about anyone; not even Jake. I've never shared as much with anyone... Do you understand? Not Aiden, not any man."
Ess pulled the pillow across her face. 'Just say it already.' She thought to herself. Yet she knew she couldn't. She couldn't even tell her best friend that she loved him, why should she be able to say what she was feeling now. 'Knowing and hearing are two separate things', she thought again. "When you and I were fighting...you asked me:
âWhat do you want from me?â" She mumbled beneath the pillow, before peeking out to look at Luckas again. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath before opening them again, glossy ripples reflecting off her violet orbs. "Just⊠You, Luckas."
Luckas listened carefully to what Ess was saying until the very last word, his face focused on his boots and his expression void of any emotion, aside from a slight grimace at the mention of Jake... That was a whole other story he'd have to deal with eventually. "Just me... Might be a little more than I am able to give at this time." He whispered softly, running both his hands through his hair, suddenly feeling very tired. "Here's what I know: Beast Boy says that I am a predator; and I am... I like being a predator, I enjoy killing... I would enjoy killing anything or anyone, in the moment at least... I've learned that about myself lately; a kill is a kill and it feels the same no matter the victim. I was stupid to ever think otherwise. Period. I would enjoy killing anyone in this camp." He snickered. "Some more than others, I'll admit, but the point being that what people say about me isn't wrong. I know you know this, but it just doesn't seem to matter. And I suppose... I keep waiting for the day when I'll be bored of you or that you suddenly see me the same way everyone else does, and the reason I am your friend is not even the fact that the day never comes, but the fact that I fear it and I fear the silence that would follow, and I hate it..." Luckas kept his eyes fixed on his shoes, not turning to look at Ess as he spoke. "Sometimes, I resent the fact that you've gotten so close, that you know me so well... That you care so much, and how easily that can hurt me... How weak it makes me... Now of all times I can't afford that. Still I come back because here is a place where I'm never bored and I don't have to worry, or hide. It has... Kept me sane... If I could dare refer to myself as such a thingâŠ" He admitted, a little smirk breaking through his expression before he finally turned to face her leaning closer to where she was lying and whispering. "I like you... I care... I hate myself for it sometimes, but I can't help it. Is that what you wanted me to say, Lady? Is that what you need?"
Ess watched him intently, absorbing every single breath as a curious ache swelled inside her chest. She may never fully understand Luckas' need and desire to kill and not differentiate those that cross his path, but she still saw herself as different and even those around her. He made a choice every time he came to her 'home', one he openly admitted to battling with daily. Ess kept silent until he turned towards her, leaning closer just as several tears fell across her cheeks. Her voice was similar to a whisper, airy, mostly moved by breath alone with no tone. Not noticing as she spoke she leaned into him as well and smiled as more tears fell. "Luckas...You're not stupid....I may not know everything that you are going through, but.." Violet orbs shined through her tears disappearing and reappearing when she tried to force them back. "Sometimes, even though something inside me says otherwise, I think each time I see you will be the last. I mean, we only have today, so why not enjoy life while we are here. I guess I just needed you to know, and I needed to not feel delusional." Essence stretched her fingers slowly out towards Luckas' face but froze, heaving a shaky sigh. "I hate myself sometimes too, my Dear Luckas...No one really wants to be alone, and we all want to belong and feel safe." Boldly, Ess was so close to Luckas, her lips could graze his skin, yet she hovered as she spoke her last words, her voice rising a bit. "I'm not a greedy person⊠I'll take what you can give."
Luckas breathed in and out slowly, his eyes closing momentarily at the words; they felt foolishly comforting, and a perfect distraction from the fact that he was no longer a man with nothing to lose... He was human and he made it so the moment he allowed himself to care. He opened his eyes to realize how close Ess was to him, and he sighed at her last statement, slowly pulling his face away from hers, but reaching out to carefully wipe a trail of tears from her face with his sleeve. He didn't say anything more; he didn't think he could... He turned away and laid himself down to 'sleep', back turned to her, but eyes wide open as he whispered under his breath. "But you deserve it all, Lady."
Ess' head fell when Luke moved away after wiping at her tears to lie down, not hearing another word from her friend. A wave of guilt rushed over her for selfishly speaking her mind as much as she did. She would make herself be content with his friendship for however long it lasted. Ess wanted to remember to appreciate the time she was given and not dwell on what she couldn't have, even if it hurt. Slowly she pulled a blanket over her friend, making sure not to touch him, sliding back to her spot beside Tala. Nestling down beside her wolf she whispered, "I'm sorry..." Closing her eyes, several more tears squeezed out past her lashes, her breathing slowing as she focused to keep her emotions to herself. Ess very much wanted Luckas to know how sorry she was for causing any and all pain, and wished she could take it away. It was another moment before she realized she had lost control, unintentionally pushing her thoughts outward instead of keeping them in check. With a sigh she forced herself to relax, her mind still whispering, "I truly am sorry..."