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Arabella Swift

"You dumb fucking bitch,"

0 · 2,075 views · located in Booth Lane College

a character in “Skins: Secrets Out”, as played by LivyGrey

Description

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Intelligent | Sensitive | Confident | Charismatic | Sarcastic

[ Light Behind Your Eyes || My Chemical Romance ]

” Made a pledge to never grow up a bitter dinosaur
Never make mistakes that I made before
Never feel entitled
I just want to know I've contributed

I wanna live selfless
Instead of just floating by
Living every day like it's my last
I can catch up on my sleep when I die
Aren't you sick of being selfish?
I wanna show that I try
Living every day like it's my last
I can catch up on my sleep when I die”

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Full Name: Arabella Astrid Greyson-Swift
Nicknames: Bella, Bells, Arab
Age: 17
Sexual Orientation:Pansexual
Occupation: Philosophy Student
Religion: Agnostic
Heritage: English
Ethnicity: Caucasian
Birth Day: 16th November
Birth Sign: Scorpio
Home Town: Chelsea
Languages: English, Spanish and Mandarin
School Year: 12
Character Role: FC: Michelle Trachtenberg







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Pessimistic || Sophisticated || Loyal || Mischievous || Difficult

[ Selfless || New Found Glory ]

” Its conceptual. You just can't see it.”

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Family Members:
Mother – Anna Greyson-Swift
Father (Missing) – Daniel Greyson
Step-Father – Paul Swift
Younger Brother – Donnie Greyson-Swift
Academic Career: Arabella is a girl with many outstanding GCSE grades- Spanish, Dance, English Literature and Language, Philosophy & Ethics- all of those she achieved A* in and the rest of core subjects she managed all As and Bs. At A-Level, she is studying her A* GCSE subjects and is predicted a minimum of an A. She hopes to go to University in Nottingham but cannot decide what she wishes to study.
Future Plans: Arabella plans on going to University or if not, she has her hopes strung on dance and joining a dance academy but she knows her Mother would be incredibly reluctant to let her work in anything but academics and it’s a daily struggle for Bella to try and convince her Mother that dance could be a productive career for her.
Personality: Arabella is highly complicated and the kind of girl you never really know because just as you’ve got her sussed she’s off again doing something else you never saw coming. She changes with the seasons and the wind, if you can keep up with that consider yourself fortunate because most cannot. It’s hard to tell when Arabella is genuinely happy and that falls down to the fact that she rarely is anymore, she’s so scared of her Mother that she finds it difficult to keep attached to her friends and the moments that make her feel good about herself. Bella makes out to the world she has all the confidence in the world and with her appearance and grades, she does but she’s constantly second guessing the world around her and herself- her personality and her life. She doesn’t have much faith in herself that she’ll make it anyway but this is brought upon her by the words of her Mother. Although Bella is quite withdrawn and occasionally quite cold with the group, she can be incredibly affectionate to all of her friends and the people that she finds a place for her in her heart. That’s what she perceives to be the problem- that she still loves people regardless of how they wrong her, they can wrong her again and again and again but she can never find it in herself to let them go especially in romantic relationships. She’s also fairly untrusting but she isn’t at all paranoid, she’s nearly always got it right about people and she’s quick to suss them out too, she just doesn’t always like to face-up to the truth about them. Bella is known to be the girl who can turn a dinner party into a piss-up or getting her first ear piercing into a full on tattoo- she’s a spirit you can’t hold back but a night out with Bella Swift is never one to forget or regret. Well, maybe regret but you’d have a good one at the time. She thinks in the moment and doesn’t like to plan or plot because she deems it to be messing with fate which is a force she very strongly believes in and avoids challenging. The other thing is, Bella is quite lonely, saddened and weak at times which is what has led to her self-harm and on two occasion’s suicide attempts. She’s supposed to be seeing a therapist but she can’t bring herself to go and is having to be pushed into it by her peers.
Fears: Bella has a crippling fear of clowns, dolls and masks. She’ll never go to a circus and is even quite reluctant to fair grounds in fear of people with painted faces or theatrical make-up, she just can’t handle it. This is why the group have a tradition which they’ve had since they were all 13 to get drunk at Bella’s house on Halloween- that way she doesn’t have to go out and see anybody and she’s always been grateful for their consideration about that, the only other thing Bella is scared of is her Mother. As long as there’s no clowns and her Mother isn’t about- she’s practically fearless.
Quirks: Bella has a habit of pulling faces, lip biting, hip popping, eyebrow waggling- she isn’t always very talkative so a lot of her expression is in her body language and her eyes. She’s very dramatic with her figure and stature but that could be because of her habits and mind set of being a dancer. Another fairly obvious thing about Bella is also is how she tends to accidentally start swearing, speaking or shouting in Spanish when she’s upset or pissed off.
Hobbies: Ballet, street and original dance are all Bella’s really got hobby wise disregarding table top dancing at parties and smoking drugs, she hasn’t got any other distinctive habits.
Passions: Dance. She’s incredibly dancing about her dance and would do anything to make it her career- she’d even live past 25 if it meant she got to spend her life feeling as free and spirited as she did when she dances.
Bad Habits: Swearing, smoking, drinking- they have to be the big three.
Guilty Pleasures: Musicals, she has a big old passion for watching musicals and theatre.
Likes: Alcohol, dancing, drinking, musicals, old TV shows, poetry, piano music, her friends, the idea of travelling, Spain, coffee and green tea. Monster energy drinks, playing with children and animals, helping out, supporting people needier than herself.
Dislikes: Her mother, physically aggressive people, neglected parenting, cheats, liars- people who give up too easily. Being kept in the dark or disregarded, she doesn’t like being challenged or opposed to.
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[font=Garamond] Wild Hearted | Free Spirited | Challenging | Complicated | Affect

[ Stressed Out || Twenty One Pilots ]

”She screams in silence,”

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Face Claim : Michelle Tratchenberg
Height: 5,8
Weight / Build : 9 stone, skinny
Hair Colour: Brown
Eye Colour: Blue
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Insecure | Delicate | Resentful | Judgemental |

[ Tear In My Heart || Twenty One Pilots ]

”I hate being alone, I long for that feeling to not feel at all. The higher I get, the lower I sink. I can’t drown my demons they know how to swm,”

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History: Bella grew up in Chelsea in London, arguably posh and always well presented she did well at school and had a nice an very comfortable life until her Navy working father went M.I.A and her Mother became slightly passive aggressive towards her two children, Arabella and Donnie but even at this point, things were still bearable. Arabella grew up and always looked out for her Brother, she fought his older school bullies and beat off unworthy girlfriends and did everything a good sister should even though no one ever did that for her. At an excellent school for people who were supposed to be naturally academic or 'gifted', you'd have thought Bella had some kind of social ranking but she was always fairly frowned up on by her peers at school, teachers and various members of her Mother's socialite groups. She became use to it but that never stopped hurting. Eventually, at around the age of twelve in her second year of school she started acting out to try and get somebody's attention, for someone to stop ignoring her and start noticing her- she was sick of being the invisible girl in the background of Donnie's and her Mother's life. She had enough pain and enough upset, so she started kicking off. She smoked and drank on school premises- lost her virginity to a boy five years her elder and started self-harming for the first time. In the short term, Bella got exactly what she wanted- attention. She was excluded from school and attended sessions with a children's therapist and she tried to talk to her Mother and for a while, she gave it a rest but later her Mother's ne boyfriend came along and she felt forgotten and neglected. It started off quite subtle, like forgetting to cook meals for the kids before she went out or dropping her favourite things whilst she was cleaning but the abuse really started when Arabella got expelled from school for robbing the school Nurse's medicine cabinet and over dosing in the girls' bathroom.

That was attempt number one but after that, things only became worse and it was a slippery slope. When Bella's Mother brought her home from hospital, the first thing she said to Bella was; '"You dumb fucking bitch," and she hit her with the back of her hand across her baby girl's cheek and naturally Bella cried, so she hit her again and from that day one wards, that kind of pain became frighteningly regular. After being expelled, Bella joined the local secondary school where she met all her current friends and she settled in there to some degree but still suffered with her anxieties and her self-harming habits, the only person who ever knew were FC: Jenna Mcdougall and FC: Oliver Sykes. There were her to best friends after all- her trio. Years later at the start of this summer, she tried to kill herself by washing down alcohol with pain killers but she was found and taken to hospital- this attempt was the most recent and the last one only two months ago. She is know associated with a mental health support society and is supposed to be seeing a therapist but she refuses to go out of fear and is desperate not to attend alone and has admitted she wishes someone would go with her, just to hold her hand whilst she tried to find the words to speak being Bella, the kid no one really cares about, no one's ever offered.

Present: As it stands, Bella is still living with her Mother and is registered for therapy sessions, group and one and one although to date she has attended neither sessions. Her step-father is planning to leave her behind when he takes her brother and leaves her Mother but Bella doesn't know this as of yet and her boyfriend is cheating on her. She's questioning her sexuality and thinks she may also be attracted to women as well as men but wanders if she has feelings for her age old best friend FC: Oliver Sykes. She is attending Booth Lane College and taking four A-Levels in varying subjects. She's also going to frequent theatre and dance classes behind her Mother's back and works Tuesday nights at a night club as a waitress and bar staff, she finds the job emotionally challenging and physically draining but won't tell the others about it in case they try to talk her out of it because she needs to pay for her classes and medication.

So begins...

Arabella Swift's Story

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Arabella Swift

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5:44 AM - Wednesday 2nd September - 3 Hours Before College





The weather was as miserable as the sinful girl walking in it who had her hands cupped together over her mouth trying to get just one spark of a flame to leap out of the lighter, all for the sake of one poisionious stick but she needed it. Like hell did she need it. She cursed under her breath and crossed the road to a bus stop, she didn't look even once but under the dim light of a flickering street lamp, she wouldn't have seen much anyway and so what if she got hit? She sighed and felt a swarm of relief flush over her as she felt the lighter between her hand rush with heat so quickly the tips of her fingers were lightly burnt but she just chuckled and smiled, pushing the lighter away into the pocket of her over-sized jacket and putting her newly lit cigarette between her fingers as to allow herself to take a long, reassuring drag. She hated her job, it couldn't have been more unpleasant and shameful unless she point blank became a prostitute and full on fucked everyone with money. She got treated like dirt at the club- not that she knew much different anyway. She smoked away at her cigarette inhaling every last breath of smoke like it'd save her life, upon sighting her bus- she tapped the cigarette once and then cast it aside pressing her heel into it before it rolled into a puddle of misery drops.

ImageThe bus journey felt a lot longer than it was, she stared glumly out the window with an expression of forlorn. She didn't want to go home and normally, she'd go straight to college and not bothered but there had been one two many drinks thrown down her that night and she definitely needed a shower and a change of clothes. The bus journey was only about twelve minutes long and as much as she wished it was quicker, she was it was longer too. The bus pulled up right next to her house and she stepped off with the most brief of 'thank you's and she stared at the house. The door was painted and peeling, the colour of Ivy as her Mother said but it reminded Bella more of ogres or baby faeces. She walked slowly up to the picket fence and opened the small swinging gate that once again, her Mother had left open and then she opened the door and headed inside the crumbling cottage trying not to look tired or weak. She made her way upstairs, avoiding all persons possible. She passed her Brother but he didn't bother her so she disappeared to her room and stripped off and stepped straight into the water savouring the sensation of scalding water against her shivering cold skin. She lathered shampoo in her hair and gave a sigh as she washed it all out and conditioned before stepping out of the shower and wrapping herself in a towel and catching her own eye in the mirror. She barely recognised what looked back at her, dark hair pressed back and stuck to her skin and her eyes wide and blue- make-up free for once and she sighed ruggedly and dried her face before gathering up her make-up and working very carefully dashing her lids with eye-liner and smoky grey shadows.

Make-up done, she voted to dry her hair and moisturize her skin. She walked back into her bedroom feeling like she was shrinking under all the deep purple walls and the heavy canopy. Her room was filled with different lights, candles and plants but it made her feel so small and hollow. She leaned under her bed to grab her hair dryer but screamed a certain curse word out of fury when she caught her toe on the bed post.

"Fuck!"

Image She hissed through her teeth as she sat on the floor sulking sourly. "Fuck are you fucking kidding me, such a fucking dumb fuck," She growled at herself but eventually she soothed herself and sat back down and calmly used her hair brush and her hair dryer and focused on styling her hair how she liked to, so it felt quite straight and silkily down the sides of her face. Hair and make-up complete, she got dressed and then sighed feeling just a bit more relaxed now she was ready for college and to face the day for what it was. Deciding she was ready, she fell onto her bed and sat with her legs crossed and she put some music on her iPod and sparked up a cigarette and she exhaled heavily before inhaling the thick tar fumes and she closed her eyes sighing softly, she hummed along to the music dancing with just her arms but she didn't get that into it, she was just unwinding and finding herself before she had to drag herself to college. She was half looking forward to seeing her friends but on another level was concerned to, there was always something going on with her friends and she wasn't sure if she could deal with it today but on a different point, she had no choice but to deal with it. She hoped everyone was okay but the truth was, the answer was probably no. First day of college, first day of the new life- something was bound to happen as sad as she found it, the odds were most definitely on.





Characters Present

Character Portrait: Arabella Swift Character Portrait: Celine Dawson Character Portrait: Jamie Chapman Character Portrait: Yeong-gi Mirren Character Portrait: Fee Akkerman

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7:06 AM - Wednesday 2nd September - 1 Hour Before College





Arabella didn't move for maybe two hours after she laid down on her bed but she didn't catch up on the sleep she'd been deprived on, she simply listen to a couple of albums and stared at the ceiling, it was a habit of hers, to stare. People thought she was rude and nosey but she was just so curious about everything and so absent minded. She started thinking about people, Jamie, Fee, Celine- her friends but never once did her boyfriend occur to her, maybe it's because subconsciously she knew she was being made a fool. She twisted her phone around in her hand, scrolling through the contacts with miserable eyes full of melancholy as she looked at the dates next to them. She hadn't heard from anyone for two weeks but her best friend, the most treasured person in her life had been absent from her life- completely 'MIA' for months now. What was he playing at? The more Arabella thought about it the more she figured she must have done something wrong because all of her calls went ignored, messages might as well have never been sent and if she walked past his house- it just so happened he wasn't in. She felt awful. There was a pit growing in her stomach like she had something to be guilty for but she didn't have a clue so she pressed the green key on her phone and hoped for the best as she listened to it ring.

"Jamie?" She uttered to the dead phone line. She was praying he'd pick up. She really needed her friend around, she hated being alone because no body else had bothered to call over summer. She'd just been left to manage her job and her own problems alone with the only company of her wretched mother.

"Arabella!" The scream of her name pierced through Bella's head like a shard of glass through skin and Bella found herself whimper slightly with resentment, reluctance and fear. She looked at the phone, even if he'd answered now she couldn't talk. So she cursed loudly chucked her phone aside forgetting to hang up and walked downstairs preparing for the worst. She heard her name ring through the air again and the broken brunette clenched her jaw tightly to restrain her tongue from lashing out and saying something she'd definitely regret.

Her mother stood in the kitchen looking as scruffy and disheveled as a runt border collie. It still broke Bella's heart to see her mother in such a state because she hadn't always been like this- she hadn't always been so still inside and cold. She was hanging over the dish washer like a vulture pointing with a skeletal hand at the flashing light on the machine in horror, shouting like a banshee at it like she thought it'd accomplish something with a little bit more motivation.

"It's broken! You stupid slut you've broken it," She hissed when Bella finally came to stand in the kitchen.

"I'm not a slut Mum. And I didn't break it. I haven't touched it," Bella replied weakly standing as far across the room from her superior as she could,

"You are slut and you did! Don't you dare try and lie to me. Show some respect for your a Mother. You goddamn mistake," Bella didn't look up, she didn't want her only parent to know that the words still hurt and if she looked up it would be written all over her face that she was broken hearted.

"I need to go to college. Then I'll go to the bank and transfer some money so we can book a repair," Bella caved staring at her own feet.

"Yes you bloody will now get out of my kitchen," The screeches continued and Bella was forcefully shoved out of the kitchen and she ran upstairs to grab her bag and her phone then she rushed out of the door and didn't look back. Her heart feeling lead like in her chest as she rubbed her arm which ached from being so angrily grabbed and then she sighed and sparked put her hand in her pocket. She hadn't expected to find a joint in there, she couldn't remember the last time she'd worn these jeans but it must have been a shit night if she had drugs left over. She weighed it up in her head then growled 'fuck it' to herself and sparked it up as she started the 10 minute walk to college with 60 minutes to kill. She exhaled into the cold morning air and sighed kicking up some dirt on the floor sourly, wishing she could bury herself under it and not face the rest of the day.

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Arabella Swift Character Portrait: Jamie Chapman

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wednesday 2nd september
on the way to college





Jamie had been forced to stop and put his head between his knees, the panic gripping his lungs and making it next to impossible to breath. As he finally managed to calm his breathing, his phone started buzzing in his pocket. He fished it out, his heart momentarily stopping as he saw the name. Bella.

That certainly didn't help things, and he sat back on the bench, running his hands down his face. His phone continued to buzz on his knee. He couldn't talk to her. He couldn't. Not like this, not while he was still too panicked to pretend everything was fine. And besides, he was supposed to stay away anyway. Her fucking boyfriend had dirt on Jamie, and Jamie was under no illusion that he wouldn't talk. He wanted, so, so bad to pick up and just talk to her, but didn't. Instead, he declined the call, getting back to his feet. He didn't need all of this shit on the first day.

On shoving his hands back in his pockets in hope of stopping them from shaking, he discovered the pair of headphones that he'd been looking for. They'd disappeared a week ago. Exhaling heavily, he plugged them into his phone and tapped into a song, praying that they were still working. The music blasted into his ears, loud and strong, and he turned it up even further until the only thing he could hear was the music. He'd be fine.

As long as he entirely avoided Arabella and that whole "where the fuck were you why haven't i heard from you are you avoiding me" conversation. And the whole "how come you hardly came out all summer" thing from everyone else. And the whole A-level talk from his teachers. So, basically, he'd be fine if he went home and slept for the next week and a half. Maybe more.

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Arabella Swift Character Portrait: Celine Dawson Character Portrait: Jamie Chapman Character Portrait: Fee Akkerman

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Wednesday 2nd September - 7:27 AM – Booth Lane – Outfit

β€» Mood: Bitter - Agitated - Skittish
β€» Listening To: Lake of Fire - Nirvana
β€» With: No one
β€» Dialogue Colour: #BD3C3C
Bella was a miserable sight as she started the walk to school, obviously by the time she retrieved her phone, the call would have been over regardless of Jamie's response to it but she found herself scrolling to her recent calls just to check, just in case he had bothered to pick up because even that would be a positive change but she was met with disappointment and she scowled at the screen. "What the fuck have I done Jamie? Can't you just bloody tell me?" She whispered aggressively shoving her phone back into her pocket before she continued to sourly trudge towards school in lace black tights and an interesting black and white dress designed around the concept of 'Ying and Yang' it was very Bella, in fact the whole outfit screamed 'Arabella Swift, don't fuck with me. This peace sign is a sign of irony'. She'd changed again this morning because she felt so boring and common in her skinny jeans that she hadn't quite been able to help herself but she kept her boots, she always tended to wear the same black pair of beaten up soft-leather Dr Martens. The jeans and jacket however were gone, replaced with a completely weather and season inappropriate dress which unsurprisingly, Bella found a thousand times more comfortable. She wondered about if her boyfriend would have arrived on campus yet because she figured her thoughts she should be with him rather then Jamie but she hadn't much from him either. In fact, Bella had gone quite neglected by most people over the summer but even more so by the ones she was supposed to love, for example her Mother, her boyfriend and her best friend. It made her jaw clench with frustration because she simply didn't understand. How could they all leave her alone to struggle through the so inharmonious life she'd been helplessly thrown into. The more she thought about it the lower she found herself feeling because it made her question if she'd even crossed their minds. Had any of them thought about her or missed her? The boyfriend she loved so dearly had been someone she yearned to be around all summer but had she even been in his thoughts for a second? She'd heard the rumours and she couldn't say she wasn't suspicious about them- it'd make sense too. If he was cheating on her, the distance he'd created between them, the way that skinny blonde bitch followed them around school like a rabies infected lost dog. She closed her eyes tight for a moment and took a breath, trying to push it away from her mind and blame it on her natural paranoia instead but part of her still cringed at the thought.

No he wouldn't.

That's what she kept telling herself.

"But he would wouldn't he Bella? Because you're not good enough for him. You're not good enough for anybody- your Mother, Jamie...him," Her striking eyes glazed over with a mist of misery and fear but she didn't weep. Bella was the last person to publicly shred tears. No Bella, would handle all her self consciousness, her self loathing and paranoia like any deranged girl would- she took her blunt up to her lips and took a long reassuring drag and hold it for a while before exhaling the fumes in perfect ringlets, like she'd been smoking her whole life and she chuckled sourly as the clouds floated away.

She was leaning against the college gates, her joint was burning itself short and her finger tips were starting to feel scorched but it was a numbing pain Bella appreciated, so she took a last dangerous breath of relief before dropping it to the floor and stamping it out with her boot. The collection of stubs that had built up last year (thanks to Arabella and her associates) in the general area she was standing in had been washed and cleared away over the summer and none of it remained but here was to a fresh start as Bella left the butt of her smoke on the floor and smirked at it sorrowfully. She hummed Nirvana tracks to herself as she stared at the shrubs outside school that you could see where already starting to slowly decay and she sighed, she'd feel sad summer was over if there was a reason for her to wish it could be prolonged but there wasn't. The last six weeks could have arguably been the worst of her life, every problem she'd ever dealt with seemed to have come back and haunt her over the last one and half months but this time, there was no one there to hold her shoulder whilst she picked up the pieces and glued them together.

Not a single soul.

Bella sighed and the morning air chilled the gas enough to make it fog before her momentarily before it drifted with the wind. She was normally relieved to be back at school, away from her and away from her Mum but standing next to the gate that morning, she felt physically sick and she even found herself holding her stomach as if pushing hard enough would push the pit of anxiety inside her away all together but of course it wouldn't be that easy, nothing ever was. She was completely absorbed in her own thoughts and the world span around her like a carousel in black and white, it was nauseating just to watch but it was okay. Bell was used to feelings similar to this and she always found one way or another to cope.

She felt like she knew nothing, nothing about herself, her school work, her friends, her history or her future but she took resentment in knowing one thing for sure, she didn't have enough substances on her that she could smoke to get her through even half of the day she was about to be tossed into.

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Arabella Swift Character Portrait: Jamie Chapman

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wednesday 2nd september
on the way to college





By the time that the school came into Jamie's view, he'd almost entirely calmed down. The music blasting in his headphones meant that he could hardly think, let alone overthink. He could forget that now he was going to have to see him every day, that he was going to have to face Bella at some point, that he was going to have to try and make up some stupid fucking excuse as to why he hadn't stayed in contact. The only thing was, nobody else had seen much of him either. His lies would be somewhat plausible. But vocal rest and a broken phone only explained away some of the time- he'd have to make up something to explain the rest.

He didn't take out his headphones or even turn them down as he approached the school. His eyes just drifted towards the ground. He really didn't want to be there. He wanted to just be asleep and sleep until his messed-up brain sorted itself out and his mother and father sorted out their problems and his father got clean again and his mother actually returned to giving a shit about him. And maybe then he could face Bella and tell her boyfriend where to shove it.

But not while everything else was still in pieces. Everything was continuing to get worse. He wasn't even sure if his mother had been at home at all the night before. He had hardly seen his father in three days. He'd found himself on the bridge again during the week and had had to drag his sorry ass home and drink until he passed out. He couldn't remember the last time he'd spoken to Bella. She had been his best friend, the one person he would have considered confiding in, but her bloody boyfriend had changed that. He was screwing her over, Jamie knew it. But he couldn't do anything.

He glanced up through his hair briefly to catch sight of a familiar figure hovering around the gates. His heart plummeted into his stomach, and he could feel his breath catching again. Why hadn't he left ten minutes earlier? He would have missed her. Maybe she wouldn't notice him. He kept his head down and headphones in, saying a silent prayer to whatever deity ruled these things that Bella wouldn't see him.

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Arabella Swift Character Portrait: Celine Dawson Character Portrait: Jamie Chapman Character Portrait: Yeong-gi Mirren Character Portrait: Fee Akkerman

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Wednesday 2nd September - 7:27 AM – Booth Lane – Outfit

β€» Mood: Bitter - Agitated - Skittish
β€» Listening To: Alive - Pearl Jam
β€» With: No one
β€» Dialogue Colour: #BD3C3C
Arabella is the most eagled eyed girl you'd ever meet and with Jamie being the one on her mind how could she miss him? Everything about him was so familiar, his facial expressions, the way he walked and always tried to keep his head down. Bella recognised these things and they were the things she knew and associated with Jamie- heavy music, fretting and always hiding behind earphones, she liked those things about him because they were part of him and he was her best friend. She adored him, had since they met as kids and there would always be reassurance in just seeing him around but at the same time, she was still Bella and there was a churning anger in the pit of her stomach that made her question how the hell he could ignore and avoid her for a whole summer. A whole freakin' summer.

She folded her arms across her chest like a bitter faced child, a habit she'd had since she could walk really. The slightest aggravation and the arms would cross or she'd ball her hands into fists at her side like she'd lash out but only 3/10 would she actually ever do anything and she'd clamp her jaw tight, accidentally grinding her teeth because that's how Bella coped with frustration and upset and walking Jamie walk straight past her like she wasn't even there hit home and all of these little side effects, the physical displays of Bella's passive aggression lit up in her body language almost instantly like a fire work and she cursed.

She started walking over, she was only an arm's reach away from him- close enough to bark and get his attention but she suddenly stopped and she became almost lost in the swarm of the student body as they brushed past her in the opposite way. She just couldn't believe, Jamie wouldn't even acknowledge her- even if he was angry, couldn't he of scowled or gave her a little shoulder barge on the way...just anything. She just wanted to know. She wanted to know where she stood with him, what she'd done to mess things up because from where she was standing, he was pissed off at her and she must have done something to bother him but in all the time she'd known Jamie they'd never fell out- not properly, maybe once or twice over petty things but nothing serious. Nothing that condoned over a month of absence from each other's lives.

She could still see him and the quick witted side of her had a thought.

How was he reacting when she called?

Last year, she'd always call in the mornings to fore warn about dramas or to give him a heads up on where to meet. It'd be normal, casual- she figured he wouldn't pick up but he also wouldn't think anything of it either. It was plausible.

So she found her phone and she cowered by her locker once she reached it and hit dial, watching Jamie from across the hall to see what he did. Would he glare and scowl at the phone? Because then he'd be pissed. Would he look at her name and just ignore it? Because that'd mean he was over her- beyond wanting anything to do with her or caring either way, negatively or positively or what? The possibilities were endless and Bella was just so desperate for even the tiniest pinch of closure. She'd asked her friends, if he'd said anything- she'd been subtle of course, just dropping up make believe stories to cover her tracks so no body had to know anything was wrong.

So Bella stared.

She slipped back into the habit of staring and turned her gaze to the phone and then Jamie and then her phone, in what felt like a painfully infinite moment but once it passed, she flipped around and pre-occupied herself organising her locker with things to help her get through the year, a secret bottle of booze, spare cigarette packets and a couple of text books for her classes- nothing else struck her as important.

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Arabella Swift Character Portrait: Jamie Chapman

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wednesday 2nd september
at college





At one point, Jamie thought that Bella was approaching him. But when he finally dared to look up and see, she was gone. Maybe it had just been his imagination. It was breaking his heart having to do this. He didn't have any other choice- if he didn't stay away, her boyfriend would tell her everything. The thought of that had already given him several panic attacks. Even though this was already eating away at their frienship, her knowing would bury it for good.

He reached his locker and started piling his stuff into it. As he was replacing one of his band's stickers on the inside of his locker, his phone started buzzing in his pocket. Without thinking, he pulled it out, taking out one of his headphones as he did so. He glanced at the caller id and froze, his finger hovering over the answer call button. Bella. Again.

Was something wrong? Calling him in the mornings wasn't anything new, but calling him twice in the space of an hour after a summer where he'd hardly spoken to her was unusual. What if something was wrong? He should answer and find out.

But there was a lot of people around. He could be there, watching him. He could be the one calling him from her phone to see if he'd stick to his promise. Jamie's stomach twisted. He really, really wanted to talk to her, but couldn't. The fear of what her boyfriend would do was just far, far too great. He ran his free hand down his face, leaning against the locker beside him. He was a shit friend. He should answer and tell her boyfriend exactly where to shove it. Fight him or something. But he'd managed to find out about Jamie liking Bella- what if he found out about everything else?

The thought of Bella knowing that, of knowing about his depression, his drinking habits, his father... He felt his breath hitch in his throat and quickly shoved his phone back into his pocket, running his hand down his face and turning back to his locker. She was better off without him. If she hated him, then maybe it wouldn't hurt her as much if he died. Maybe she'd be glad to get rid of him. She probably would. After all, he'd been a shit friend. Everyone would probably be glad to get rid of him. He wasn't even that good of a musician, so it wasn't like Celine would miss him from the band. He was entirely replaceable.

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Arabella Swift Character Portrait: Celine Dawson Character Portrait: Jamie Chapman Character Portrait: Yeong-gi Mirren Character Portrait: Fee Akkerman

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Wednesday 2nd September - 7:27 AM – Booth Lane – Outfit

β€» Mood: Bitter - Agitated - Skittish
β€» Listening To: Alive - Pearl Jam
β€» With: Her Boyfriend
β€» Dialogue Colour: #BD3C3C
She shouldn't have been surprised when he didn't answer but regardless she was gutted and finally decided to give up. She couldn't see his expression, not his facial expression but she could see in his body language he wasn't as happy as he'd been at the end of the school year. The last time she'd hung out with him was probably one of the band practices and nothing since. She sighed heavily and was just in the process off putting her phone away when she found a hand on her hip pulling her into something hard and warm. She was forced flush against a chest that was rising with the rhythm of a familiar chuckle and Arabella laughed softly and turned around to see him. She turned her eyes up to meet her boyfriend's and she grinned softly at him. Although he was a distant boyfriend he'd been significantly more present in her life than Jamie and something encouraged her to think that had to mean something and at the end of the day Bella loved him- so, so what if he didn't remember to call?

"Hey stranger," Her words were intended as a subtle dig at his neglecting personality and her suspicions but he was too arrogant and oblivious to catch on- that's why she bothered saying it, she knew it'd go straight over his head. He didn't even say anything to her, he kissed her for a lingering moment then pulled her to his side and started walking down the hall with a cocky aura radiating off of him. Bella looked incredibly small next to him and Bella wasn't one to shrink to anyone other than her mother but the way she was held in such a tight bound to her boyfriend's waist made her look like a stylish new clutch purse in the hands of a skeletal glamour model. She was reduced and compressed into a shadow- she was his dusty trophy but unlike a trophy she didn't always shine.

"Who were you on the phone to Bells?" He asked in a misleading charismatic tone. She quietly explained she'd been trying to get hold of people to make plans, leaving Jamie's name out of the matter as to avoid questions and she smiled lightly at him but it was small and slightly hollow in it's appearance.

"Hey, come meet Fee and Celine with me, I could use a hand finding them and I want to catch up- I feel like I've barely seen you this week," She asked softly looking up at him hiding her hopefulness but his reaction she had seen coming. The venomous chuckle with a patronising smirk on the side. She sighed to herself and bit her lip as she listened to him ramble about how important it was for him to go meet the 'lads' and she scowled a little at the floor, turning her head so he wouldn't see. "Okay fine, I'll go find them myself then," She sighed, shrugging his arm off of her waist and walking back the way she'd came towards the music building- suspecting she'd at least find Celine around there somewhere if not Fee on route. As she stalked off, he didn't even watch her go, didn't even look bothered but it was crystal on Bella's face she was trying to pretend she wasn't phased by it.

She sighed and pulled out her phone and dialled Celine, desperate to find someone who might actually talk to her properly.

"Hey Celine?"

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Arabella Swift Character Portrait: Celine Dawson Character Portrait: Jamie Chapman

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wednesday 2nd september
at college
current theme song: low- marianas trench





Jamie's heart skipped a beat as he caught sight of Bella across the hall, frowning at her phone. Shit. It had been her calling him, not the boyfriend. It was as if the mere thought of him had summoned him up, because he appeared, wrapping his arms around Bella's waist. Jamie turned away, leaning his head against the locker and resisting the temptation to bang his head against it. Two panic attacks, two missed calls from Bella, and now this. What a wonderfully shit morning. He shouldn't have gotten out of bed.

As he continued to busy himself at his locker, trying to distract himself, a hand clamped on his shoulder and spun him around. Bella's boyfriend was practically nose to nose to him. Fear constricted Jamie's chest once again.

"Were you talking to Bella?" He asked, keeping his voice low and calm. Jamie forced himself to meet his eyes.
"No," Jamie answered, thankful his voice didn't shake. The boyfriend smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes.
"Good. You remember our little arrangement, right?"
"Yes."
"It's good to know you won't cause any trouble, Jamie. You understand these kinds of things," he said. Jamie didn't react, just focusing on keeping his breath steady.
"Well, Jamie, I'll see you around. Keep that arrangement in mind," he said, walking away with a confidence that Jamie could only dream of. Jamie watched him go, before slamming the door of his locker shut. His heart was pounding, and he was suddenly frustrated at himself. He should have said something, he should have stood up for himself. That way he could have finally spoken to Bella and wouldn't have had to deal with this again. But instead, he was now going to have to continue to deal with this. He was a fucking coward.

Shrugging his bag onto his back, he headed outside. He needed to find Celine or somebody. As he walked, he tried calling her, but her phone was engaged. Typical. He resisted the temptation to hurl his phone at the ground as he got outside, leaning against the wall. He could still walk home. Nobody would even miss him. How could they? It wasn't like he'd be able to hang around with the rest of his friends, anyway. Bella would be there and he wasn't supposed to be around her. God, he just wanted this all to be over so fucking much. He didn't want to be here. He just wanted to sleep, where the thoughts and all of his problems couldn't get to him. He just wanted his problems to be gone when he woke up. But that wasn't going to happen.

He took out his phone and stared at Bella's name. He could just call her, explain everything. Her boyfriend wasn't around right now, he wouldn't know. Then, maybe things would be less awkward. His finger was hovering over the call button, but he ended up sighing and putting his phone back in his pocket. It felt like it was never going to end.

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Arabella Swift Character Portrait: Celine Dawson Character Portrait: Jamie Chapman Character Portrait: Yeong-gi Mirren Character Portrait: Fee Akkerman

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Wednesday 2nd September - 7:27 AM – Booth Lane – Outfit

β€» Mood: Bitter - Agitated - Saddened
β€» Listening To: Holding On To You - Twenty Øne PilΓΈts
β€» With: Her Boyfriend
β€» Dialogue Colour: #BD3C3C
Bella sighed, how typical for no one to answer. She pursed her lips and gave up on finding anyone, she turned back the way she came past her boyfriend, past the lockers and her class and made her way to music. She wasn't talented in the level that Celine or Jamie were but she could carry a note and hell she could play piano and violin. She hadn't brought her violin in today but there was always school ones laying around in the music room. She didn't lock up behind her and she contently flowed into the empty audiotorium She thought about it for a long time and then sat down at the piano and ran her fingers over the keys delicately for a moment before she slowly began to play. She pretended not to hear the school bell ring for classes and she gently played a piano cover of a synth-pop song she's always secretly adored, not that she would admit- Jamie and Celine would take the piss I bad but she played it well and she even knew the lyrics to rap along as she played.

Bella tried not think too much whilst she was playing because she was still gutted about Jamie ignoring her calls because from what she could see he was in a perfectly fine situation to talk and her boyfriend was an arrogant prick- she couldn't think about it. She just wanted to enjoy not being at home even if that was easier said than done.

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Arabella Swift Character Portrait: Celine Dawson Character Portrait: Jamie Chapman Character Portrait: Fee Akkerman

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wednesday 2nd september
at college
current theme song: low- marianas trench





He must have missed both Fee and Celine somewhere along the way, because they didn't pass him while he was outside. They could have been avoiding him, either- he wouldn't be totally surprised, if he was honest. He'd been a shit friend to everyone all summer. Band practice had been completely screwed up because of him- with him unable to scream or even sing, they'd been limited in what they could practice. He was sick of his own shit, so it made sense that they were too. He was starting to consider going home. After all, he had a free period first thing. Generally, it was meant for them to study, but nobody would notice if he wasn't around. He had picked up his bag and had started walking away, when an idea struck him. By the time he got home, he wouldn't even have time for a nap. But the music rooms were always left open, and as a music student, nobody would think twice about him going in to practice. It wasn't sleeping, but it was as good.

He slipped his headphones in and started walking towards the building, turning the music back up to the full. The song playing was one he was considering doing for his final exam, and as he walked, his fingers tapped out the familiar rhythm on his leg. The music meant that he couldn't hear the music coming from one of the rooms, and he was so zoned out that he didn't pick up on the presence of another person as he entered it. He shut the door and took out his headphones. The piano hit his ears then, and he turned around. "Shit, sorry, didn't realise there was..."

His words trailed off as his brain finally noticed who was at the piano. Bella. He froze, his mind going blank. A summer of hardly seeing her, and then this. He was at least glad to find out that she hadn't been hurt, that the several calls this morning was just her trying to get in contact with him. But what did he say now? How was he going to explain it? His feet wouldn't even move to let him leave.

He should have gone home.

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Arabella Swift Character Portrait: Celine Dawson Character Portrait: Jamie Chapman Character Portrait: Fee Akkerman

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Wednesday 2nd September - 7:27 AM – Booth Lane – Outfit

β€» Mood: Bitter - Agitated - Saddened
β€» Listening To: Holding On To You - Twenty Øne PilΓΈts
β€» With: Jamie
β€» Dialogue Colour: #BD3C3C
Bella went stiff with embarrassment when she heard a voice and almost fell of the piano seat in a hurry to turn around to apologise for skipping class but then her eyes locked on a familiar brown haired boy and the dark eyes that'd been haunting her thoughts every time she remembered the friend she felt like she'd lost.

Soon enough defensive sarcasm kicked in.

"Oh hold on a second! I know you! You're that guy I was like best friends with half my life until you spontaneously went completely MIA. Oh fancy seeing you here, oh wait- I already have earlier when you ignored my-" Bella stopped herself and turned around, she was only saying all these petty assaults because she was hurt and didn't want to admit it. She was only saying it because then she didn't have to admit to any kind of emotional attachment to something or anyone. She stood straight but never had a girl looked so small, she was skinnier than the start of summer, less tidied and well kept- apparently she'd stopped straightening her hair and there was ever so many subtle changes in her appearance but flashes of dark purple on her skin at the side of her neck were one of the obvious ones but you couldn't see it much thanks to Bella's impressive mane of dark ebony locks.

She held her elbow and looked down at the ground and she couldn't bring herself to look up again after she turned her head away. "Why?" She asked him quietly gazing at the floor. In her head there were a thousand ways she could have lengthened that sentence and a thousand more questions she could have asked after it but she didn't. Jamie would have been as worried about this as she was- she knew that because even if Jamie hated her Bella and wasn't feeling guilty (which part of her hoped he was) he'd be like; 'fuck I have to talk to this dumb bitch' and she knew that- she knew him.

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Arabella Swift Character Portrait: Jamie Chapman

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wednesday 2nd september
at college
current theme song: low- marianas trench





Jamie was more than used to her sarcasm- but it felt completely different when it was directed menacingly towards him. He felt himself tense, and he wished that the ground would open up and swallow him. Fuck, why did everything have to be so complicated? He forced himself to look up at her and felt his heart sink. He didn't think he'd ever seen her look so small. Guilt overwhelmed him for abandoning her. He knew that things had been bad between her and her mom, and by the looks of things, they hadn't gotten any better since they'd last spoken. He wasn't the only one with problems.

She stared at the floor, and his heart just kept sinking. He should have been braver, should had stood up to her boyfriend, should have faced the repercussions. Then he would have been there, and things would have been better. Or he should have just jumped off that bridge and answered everyone's questions. Removed himself from the equation for once and for all.

His own eyes fell to the floor as he pulled his sleeves further over his hands and wrapped his arms around his body. He didn't know what to tell her. That her boyfriend was screwing her over and told him to stay away? That his junkie father had relapsed and Jamie was terrified to let anyone any closer in case they found out? That he wanted to die, and that he thought isolating himself from everyone would make that easier?

"I can't tell you," he eventually said softly, wishing that he could just bury himself inside his hoodie. A thought suddenly hit him, one that made his chest feel like a giant was sitting on it. What if he found out? He'd kill Jamie. He'd think that something was happening and he'd kill Jamie and everybody would know and...

Jamie pressed a fabric-covered fist to his mouth and took a deep breath. He couldn't panic. Not here, not now. The next breath hitched in his throat, and he covered it with a cough. He needed to go somewhere and calm down, but he couldn't leave. He just needed to hold on until he could leave somewhere and deal with this.

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Arabella Swift Character Portrait: Jamie Chapman

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Wednesday 2nd September - 7:27 AM – Booth Lane – Outfit

β€» Mood: Bitter - Agitated - Saddened
β€» Listening To: Holding On To You - Twenty Øne PilΓΈts
β€» With: Jamie
β€» Dialogue Colour: #BD3C3C
"No one is holding a gun to your head Jamie. You should know by now- even the most fucked up shit people tell me stays with me, you used to tell me everything. Then you just disappeared, no apology, no explanation, no row, no fall out, no sudden move across the country, you just disappeared- it wasn't even gradual. You were just here one, gone the next. You have no idea how much I needed you around this summer, I...I...I've never had anyone else Jamie- you know that, he doesn't give two shits about me, Celine and Fee have each other, no real family but it was all okay because I had you by my side- till I didn't," It started to become apparent she was trying not to cry because she'd allowed her hair to fall in front of her face and her lip trembled with sorrow. Her hands had nothing to clutch- not even a sleeve, so her nails dug into her own skin and flesh on the inside of her palms.

"What are you so afraid of Jamie? People at school- they don't fuck with us. We built our reps and our ground- no one bothers us anymore. No one's going to bother with you because then they're bothering with me and if they're bothering with me- their bothering with my ever so affectionate boyfriend and then they're fucked aren't they? So no one's fucking with you Jamie. What's going on? Just what is so bad you have to ditch your friends and ignore the door bell- even though you caught my eye through the window when I walked up the path," She didn't mean to let out so much but the one thing Bella had always been good at after arguing with people and fighting with people, was talking- talking in English, Spanish, French- any kind of talking came quite naturally to her which is why she rambled so much now. A defensive anxiety mechanism that led her to feeling like she had no control over her own tongue.

When she stopped talking, she heard how his breath hitched and it was a sound she'd grown to hate hearing over the years of friendship she'd had with Jamie because she recognised it as a warning sign, a panic alarm- a foretelling. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Jamie. I've fucked up. I'm sorry- are you okay?" She asked quietly her voice breaking a little occasionally as she found herself slumping into the piano seat miserably.

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Arabella Swift Character Portrait: Jamie Chapman

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wednesday 2nd september
at college
current theme song: low- marianas trench





The more she spoke, the worse he felt. Every word was like a knife- and the worst thing was, it was all true. He couldn't look at her, already knowing her expression, her posture, her little habits when she was upset. Every other fucking time, he'd been able to give her a hug and make her feel better- because it had never been his fault before. But now it was. The more he thought, the worse he got. And he couldn't stop fucking thinking. Bella just kept talking, like she always did, saying everything she had to say. And the irony was, while there wasn't a gun pressed to his head, it felt like there was one pressed to his throat, the lump in his throat was so huge.

He wanted to tell her that every single time he'd known it was her at the door, he'd sat on the other side, wanting to open it, but had been too scared of what would happen if he did. Too scared. The story of his whole bloody life, summed up into two words. As she mentioned her boyfriend, the panic worsened, and his brain went into overdrive, reminding him of what would happen if he found out and what that would mean and what would happen to him and...

Hearing her apologise was the final straw. As she asked if he was okay, his legs grew weak and he slid down the door, his hand still pressed to his mouth. He shook his head, his hands moving from his mouth to his hair, curling into fists. He'd always managed to hide the worst from her, but now that wasn't going to happen. It was times like this that he understood why his father took drugs. Jamie would have given anything, anything, just to escape what he was feeling right now. The fear of what her boyfriend was going to do, the fear of what would happen if she found out... He pulled his head in closer to his body, wanting to make himself as small as he felt.

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Arabella Swift Character Portrait: Jamie Chapman

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Wednesday 2nd September - 7:27 AM – Booth Lane – Outfit

β€» Mood: Bitter - Agitated - Saddened
β€» Listening To: Holding On To You - Twenty Øne PilΓΈts
β€» With: Jamie
β€» Dialogue Colour: #BD3C3C
[font=Garamond] Bella fell apart almost as quickly as Jamie did after that moment and she flocked to his side like she always had, the whole way through their lives no matter what happened- when something went wrong Bella was there in a hurry, if he dropped a glass, if he tripped, if he got in a fight, if he had an accident, if he got hut or worked up- she was always there. It was just her personality to do that for people and that's why she knelt down in front of him so quickly there was a smack that shot through the room which was the sound of bone against wood as she tried to get to Jamie and help.

"Oh shit Jamie I'm sorry. I'm here it's okay. It's okay. You don't have to tell me anything, I didn't mean to get worked up- you know me. I do that but it's okay, it's gonna be okay Jamie. Just breathe, please just take a deep breath- count them. Take a deep breath and count it, count every one you take for me," Bella was terrified but she tried to hide it behind her eyes as she knelt in front of her the most person who ultimately meant more to her than anybody else- absolutely anybody and wished she could make everything okay.

She didn't dare hug him or take his hand- she didn't want to make things worse for him but she didn't know how to make it better. It dawned on her this was her own fault and tears escaped her eyes as she looked at what she'd created- if she'd just been a bit more understanding, considerate and thoughtful- they might have made up by now instead of having to go through this.

"I'm sorry Jamie. I am but it's okay, we're going to be okay. I didn't mean it- all the angry words, you know I didn't. I didn't mean it, I'm sorry but that doesn't matter. Just, just find calamity," She looked at him and stared his fear straight in the eye with her own and it filled her with horror, dread and guilt to see how much emotion was behind his eyes.

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Arabella Swift Character Portrait: Jamie Chapman

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wednesday 2nd september
at college
current theme song: low- marianas trench





He was vaguely aware of her proximity to him, but it was far from the most prominent thought in his head. All he could think about was what would happen if her boyfriend found out about any of this, about how he would probably lose Bella forever, about how that would probably ruin his friendship with everyone else, how he'd probably lose everyone- and that was if he didn't kill Jamie first. If he had been at home, he would have been reaching for something sharp or something alcoholic- but here, he only had himself to pull him out of it.

He forced himself to take a deep breath and release it, desperately trying to remember some of the breathing techniques he'd looked up on a rare good day, where he'd been determined to control this. But he could never remember any of them when it actually came down to it. So he just kept taking deep breaths, forcing himself to regulate his breathing somewhat. It felt like an eternity, but eventually, his breathing fell back into it's normal rhythm, and the worst of the panic subsided. He wiped his face, looking over at Bella. Tears had streaked down her own face, and it suddenly hit him that she must have thought it was her fault. He couldn't let her think that.

"Sorry," he said softly, rubbing his hands along his thighs, and stopping abruptly as the pressure caused the cuts to sting. He looked down at the floor, unable to make eye contact with her. "It's not your fault, I swear. Everything's just been..." he trailed off, unable to put it into words. God, she was his best friend. He should be able to tell her everything- about his father, about him, about what her boyfriend was doing. But he'd just gotten so used to not talking that the words didn't come any more.

"I'm being blackmailed," he eventually blurted out, his hands clenching into fists. "Somebody found out something about me... something that would ruin everything if everyone found out. And so they told me to stay away from you, to isolate myself, or they'd tell. I had to, Bella. If they told, then everything would go wrong. It would ruin everything and everyone would get hurt and..." He trailed off again, forcing himself to take a deep breath as the panic started to rise in his chest again. "I didn't want to, but I didn't want everyone getting hurt."

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Arabella Swift Character Portrait: Jamie Chapman

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Wednesday 2nd September - 7:27 AM – Booth Lane – Outfit

β€» Mood: Bitter - Agitated - Saddened
β€» Listening To: Holding On To You - Twenty Øne PilΓΈts
β€» With: Jamie
β€» Dialogue Colour: #BD3C3C
Bella looked at him with sincere sadness and guilt in his eyes. It genuinely broke her heart to see Jamie in the state he was in, especially when she knew on this specific occasion it was all her fault for kicking off- she couldn't just talk to someone calmly about disagreements, differences or any upset- she had to have a go, she couldn't help herself. She stared at him with a sorrowful, grey gaze as she noticed the panic and fear in his.

"I'm so sorry Jamie- I, I didn't even cross my mind that it would be like that. I'm sorry. But what's so bad you can't tell us J, I mean there's plenty of fucked up shit in our circle already, it can't be worse," She uttered empathetically hugging her own knees as she pulled them up to herself. She felt so useless and responsible at the same time, like she should have done something, like she should have been there. "I'm sorry Jamie, is there anything I can do? Is it someone I can talk to or sort out one way or another? It's got to be, there's got to be something I can do- I'm sorry," Her breath hitched a bit as she tried to collect and gather herself but there was still a hole in her throat every time she tried to get all her thoughts into words. It was impossible.

All this time, it hadn't been her? He hadn't been mad?

She was so confused but almost relieved. Third parties, she could deal with that. She was Arabella god damn Swift- she had dirt or influence on just about everyone at school, she was naΓ―ve to the fact the situation was genuinely above her this time, something that was really beyond her fixing.

She hugged her own knees trying to bring herself reassurance. She tried to think who it could possibly be- she refused to think it could be one of their friends, Celine, Fee, Yeong- her boyfriend, no she couldn't bring herself to accept it could be one of them but a massive part of her left lingering suspicion in her mind that made her wince at the thought- but what it was? She wouldn't put it past certain people.

[color-#BD3C3C]"Wait, so someone doesn't want you to be around me? Why- we've been friends for years, that's just petty to try and get in between that now," She uttered looking slightly distraught. [/color]

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Arabella Swift Character Portrait: Jamie Chapman

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wednesday 2nd september
at college
current theme song: low- marianas trench





He shook his head as she asked if there was anything she could do to help, pulling his sleeves back down over his hands. Him telling her who it was would only make things worse, and it had only just gotten better. And it wasn't like he could tell her this secret. The only thing he could tell her about was his parents- and even then, he wasn't so sure if he could tell her that. He'd have to explain too much, and his own fucked up brain would come into it, and then she'd abandon him because nobody wanted to deal with that.

He shrugged at her comment about somebody wanting him to stay away. "If I knew why, I'd tell you. But... I can't. I shouldn't even be talking to you right now. But... I've really fucking missed you, Bella. Trust me when I say that I only stayed away because I thought it would be for the better." But now, he wasn't so sure. If he'd been around, maybe Bella would be better now. Maybe having her around would have stopped him from getting so bad. But he was so afraid of her finding out and of being left alone. But he couldn't just stand up and walk away right now. He just couldn't.

"This is such a fucked up situation," he sighed, leaning his head back against the door. He really had no idea what he was supposed to do. He couldn't shake the feeling that, no matter what decision he made, something bad would happen. If he stayed with Bella, his secret would get out- and he was willing to bet that her boyfriend would also beat the shit out of him. But if he stayed away, he'd break her heart, and the lack of a best friend would probably end up destroying him.

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Arabella Swift Character Portrait: Jamie Chapman

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wednesday 2nd september
at college
playing: lover dearest- marianas trench





Now that this was all out in the open, he knew that he couldn't stay away any longer. The fear of what her boyfriend would do to him and what would happen as a result of everyone finding out that he liked Bella was still there, but he knew that he couldn't just walk away. He needed Bella. He needed her confidence, her strength, her refusal to let anybody break her. He needed her. He didn't say anything as she spoke. It was only as she muttered something about leaving somebody that he looked at her, but still didn't say anything. He looked up at her as she stood up and at the hand she offered. He didn't hesitate before taking it, allowing her to pull him up.

He allowed himself a smile as she asked him to play something, and nodded, going over to the piano. This was his one saviour, the one thing that had kept him sane. When he'd lost his voice, still being able to play had stopped hi from losing her mind. Despite the fact that he hadn't played this particular piano in months, sitting down at it felt like coming home. He ran his fingers over the keys, already forgotten about the blackmail and his secrets and his generally shitty life.

One particular song came to mind, one he'd heard once and had had to learn right away. The lyrics reminded him of his depression and his drinking habits, of how he simultaneously hated and loved them. He didn't have the same vocal range as the singer and couldn't hit all of the notes, but he'd figured out a way of singing it where it still sounded good without him hitting the notes.

He started playing the intro, allowing himself four bars before starting to sing. The music was the only thing he could think about.

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Arabella Swift Character Portrait: Jamie Chapman

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bella. Image
Wednesday 2nd September - 7:48 AM – Booth Lane – Outfit

β€» Mood: Bitter - Agitated - Saddened
β€» Listening To: Holding On To You - Twenty Øne PilΓΈts
β€» With: Jamie
β€» Dialogue Colour: #BD3C3C
Bella smiled at him, an illuminated smile of radiance which she found in hope that she hadn't really lost Jamie from her life after all. Every time Bella heard Jamie play or sing, it left her breathless because his talent was so intense and natural- it hit home with her, being someone who was completely engrossed in music and infatuated by it- she found it all but too easy to appreciate how beautifully Jamie could play. See, Bella- she could play piano and was an impressive violinist but she'd never be able to play as fluently as Jamie did but she liked that, she liked having someone to look up to because she'd never had anyone to aspire too from home so she found that in her friends but she'd always found that in Jamie- even when they were kids.

She didn't interrupt him or comment, she sat leant against the side of the piano just listening to him play with the expression of admiration that resembled a child when it sees city lights at night or something new, that so instantaneously captured their mind and attention.

Even if her feelings for the boy were complicated beyond comprehension- she knew she'd always think he was one the most amazing person she'd ever met. She didn't know anyone who was as down to Earth, supportive and talented as him- someone who cared as much about his friends as Jamie did and she admired that- she really did (especially when their group of friends wasn't the easiest bunch to handle). She didn't know he coped with shit and came through better for it all the while but she admired that quality and she knew, he didn't always deal with it and he got upset too like all of them but he'd never let anyone else know because he didn't want to effect them- she admired that too because Bella had never been a person who was particularly good at 'drowning her demons' as such, confrontation was always the way forward for her- she didn't dwell on things and bottle it up, she just went crazy.

Crazy.

Crazy Arabella.

She sighed softly, her eyes locked on Jamie and the piano as she watched him play and sing- smiling softly, revealing just a hint of her pearly white teeth. She knew the song or thought she did at least, she could recognise the lyrics to some degree as she heard them pass from Jamie's mouth, so she figured she'd probably heard him sing it or play it before but she liked it. She knew that much.

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Arabella Swift Character Portrait: Jamie Chapman

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wednesday 2nd september
at college
playing: lover dearest- marianas trench





As he played and sang, his focus was, for once, not on Bella. He was lost in the music and his own thoughts. He was only returned to the real world at the final note. He was still and silent as the notes faded away, allowing himself to slowly return back to the room. He looked over at Bella, taking her smile as approval. He smiled himself, his fingers already tapping idly at the keys.

"I missed this," he said softly. He'd missed the two of them playing together, or even just playing for her. It already was back to feeling like old times, where they'd watch a musical and he'd then play some of the songs from it for her. It was a fantastic way to work on his ability to play by ear and by memory, and he was sure that it had improved his skills.

"I take requests, you know," he said. He had been a fool to give this up. The time spent with her was already easing his anxiety, something that was not easy to do. He was aware that it was more than likely the calm of playing that was stopping him from feeling so anxious, but he liked to think that it was Bella. Either way, he had been stupid to think that staying away was better. He knew that he was being selfish. Staying with her was going to get everyone hurt, but the thought of leaving again was making him anxious. He needed to stay with her, because leaving after this would just hurt both of them.

He never should have gone away.

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Arabella Swift Character Portrait: Jamie Chapman

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bella. Image
Wednesday 2nd September - 7:33 AM – Booth Lane – Outfit

β€» Mood: Bitter - Agitated - Skittish
β€» Listening To: Alive - Pearl Jam
β€» With: No one
As he finished the song, Arabella nodded gently in agreement, her dark tresses falling into her face as she spoke but she brushed them back and looked at Jamie easily smiling at him. She was so glad she'd convinced him to stay- so relieved because at the end of the day, Bella didn't really have anybody else but she'd rather have Jamie by herself than everybody but him- she knew that for sure.

"You are still amazing at piano," She uttered gently, almost chuckling as she looked over at him. "That much hasn't changed," She admitted freely. She grinned and moved over to his side and she leaned towards the key and naturally slipped in to playing 'Goner' she knew everything she was playing at the minute was by the same band but she wasn't fussed- the music she played was what she loved and at the minute, she really loved twenty-one pilots. She couldn't recall if Jamie knew how to play also but Bella's fingers danced across the keys gracefully belting out a delicate intro before she softly sung the first line- her voice, admittedly didn't rival Celine's but Bella had one that was more unique and quirky, it was quiet and meaningful like everything she did.

She looked over at Jamie as she played and smiled at him, the most genuine smile that someone could have admitted to seeing on her face for months. It was illuminated and cheerful which Bella knew she hadn't been that either for a while. When her hair fell into her face again, Bella was desperate not to miss a not so she flicked her hair back out of her way and kept playing- waiting for Jamie to recognise the song, hoping he would.

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Arabella Swift Character Portrait: Jamie Chapman

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wednesday 2nd september
at college





He just shrugged as she admired his skill at the piano. He didn't have to say anything else though, because she sat down beside him, starting to play. The opening few notes were familiar, but he couldn't quite place it. As she started to sing, the sense of familiarity increased- but he wasn't really concentrating on the music any more. She mightn't have been as good as Celine- after all, there was a reason why Celine was lead singer. But Jamie wasn't in love with Celine. He was in love with Bella.

Watching her play, he could feel his heart breaking. If he stuck around, she was going to find out. It was more than likely that the friendship was going to deteriorate and eventually fall apart- just like Jamie. But Jamie honestly didn't know if he was going to be alive tomorrow, or the day after, or the day after that... he just didn't know. He couldn't see himself being a full adult, or even being in university. That was why he appreciated moments like this, moments that distracted him and slowed time down.

Pulling himself back to the present, the song she was singing suddenly clicked in his head. He put his own fingers to the keys, playing a gentle harmony- not overpowering her playing, rather complimenting it. He did the same with his voice, keeping it quiet and adding lower tones to the vocals. It was only as they reached the bridge that he allowed himself to sing over her, knowing that his own voice was more suitable for the harsher bridge.

He stopped as he heard someone come in, thinking that the bell had rung and that there was a class. But instead, her boyfriend stood there. Jamie's stomach plummeted. He was dead.

"Sorry, I was just looking for Bella. She disappeared out of nowhere and I was worried," he said. Jamie felt sick, but forced himself to hide it. He was going to die. Her boyfriend was going to kill him. He'd promised to stay away, and yet here they were, singing together and on a piano. This was beyond secret spilling territory. This was more.

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Arabella Swift Character Portrait: Jamie Chapman

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bella. Image
Wednesday 2nd September - 7:33 AM – Booth Lane – Outfit

β€» Mood: Bitter - Agitated - Skittish
β€» Listening To: Addict with a Pen - Twenty One Pilots
β€» With: Jamie and Jace (Her Boyfriend)
She looked so content and cheerful as she listened to him play and sing besides her. She still thought he was the most amazing and talented person she knew, she admired him for so much more than his musical talent but she did find it hard to not be swept away by how easily he pressed the keys and released flawless notes from his lips- so freely, it looked completely natural to him and it honestly captured her attention and left her more infatuated than anything else she'd ever experienced but she'd always known that, Jamie having that effect her on wasn't something new or sudden.

She complimented how he took over the bridge the best she could as they played, singing more softly and playing the melody more gently as she let him steal the moment and she smiled widely, losing herself in that one perfect moment where she had her best friend besides her again, playing a beautiful song on a piano they'd been playing on since their first year of secondary school. It was so familiar, charming and wonderful- it cut her worries and traumas into tiny fragments that had become scattered and lost in her mind.




Her mother?

Gone.

Her crap relationship?

Gone.

Her loneliness?

Gone.

Her fears?

Gone.

Everything was gone except Jamie besides her and the music and that was perfect but as with everything good, it had to come to an abrupt end.

Bella turned around and looked at her boyfriend dead in the eye with sourness, especially when he accused her of disappearing. "No, you did. You went to see your friends, so I went to see mine- I wasn't going to wait around for you to come find me and sit alone in the hallway," She told him with tone ridden with defensiveness and slight irritation. She knew in her heart and mind that she didn't love him the way she had and she even questioned if she ever had but he brought her security at school, status, defence, security and it was the norm. Bella and Jace- it'd been like that for a year now, it'd be hard to be just Bella, especially with all her friends dispersed and missing in action.