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Arabella Swift

"You dumb fucking bitch,"

0 · 2,667 views · located in Booth Lane College

a character in “Skins: Secrets Out”, as played by LivyGrey

Description

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Intelligent | Sensitive | Confident | Charismatic | Sarcastic

[ Light Behind Your Eyes || My Chemical Romance ]

” Made a pledge to never grow up a bitter dinosaur
Never make mistakes that I made before
Never feel entitled
I just want to know I've contributed

I wanna live selfless
Instead of just floating by
Living every day like it's my last
I can catch up on my sleep when I die
Aren't you sick of being selfish?
I wanna show that I try
Living every day like it's my last
I can catch up on my sleep when I die”

β•š ╝





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Full Name: Arabella Astrid Greyson-Swift
Nicknames: Bella, Bells, Arab
Age: 17
Sexual Orientation:Pansexual
Occupation: Philosophy Student
Religion: Agnostic
Heritage: English
Ethnicity: Caucasian
Birth Day: 16th November
Birth Sign: Scorpio
Home Town: Chelsea
Languages: English, Spanish and Mandarin
School Year: 12
Character Role: FC: Michelle Trachtenberg







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Pessimistic || Sophisticated || Loyal || Mischievous || Difficult

[ Selfless || New Found Glory ]

” Its conceptual. You just can't see it.”

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Family Members:
Mother – Anna Greyson-Swift
Father (Missing) – Daniel Greyson
Step-Father – Paul Swift
Younger Brother – Donnie Greyson-Swift
Academic Career: Arabella is a girl with many outstanding GCSE grades- Spanish, Dance, English Literature and Language, Philosophy & Ethics- all of those she achieved A* in and the rest of core subjects she managed all As and Bs. At A-Level, she is studying her A* GCSE subjects and is predicted a minimum of an A. She hopes to go to University in Nottingham but cannot decide what she wishes to study.
Future Plans: Arabella plans on going to University or if not, she has her hopes strung on dance and joining a dance academy but she knows her Mother would be incredibly reluctant to let her work in anything but academics and it’s a daily struggle for Bella to try and convince her Mother that dance could be a productive career for her.
Personality: Arabella is highly complicated and the kind of girl you never really know because just as you’ve got her sussed she’s off again doing something else you never saw coming. She changes with the seasons and the wind, if you can keep up with that consider yourself fortunate because most cannot. It’s hard to tell when Arabella is genuinely happy and that falls down to the fact that she rarely is anymore, she’s so scared of her Mother that she finds it difficult to keep attached to her friends and the moments that make her feel good about herself. Bella makes out to the world she has all the confidence in the world and with her appearance and grades, she does but she’s constantly second guessing the world around her and herself- her personality and her life. She doesn’t have much faith in herself that she’ll make it anyway but this is brought upon her by the words of her Mother. Although Bella is quite withdrawn and occasionally quite cold with the group, she can be incredibly affectionate to all of her friends and the people that she finds a place for her in her heart. That’s what she perceives to be the problem- that she still loves people regardless of how they wrong her, they can wrong her again and again and again but she can never find it in herself to let them go especially in romantic relationships. She’s also fairly untrusting but she isn’t at all paranoid, she’s nearly always got it right about people and she’s quick to suss them out too, she just doesn’t always like to face-up to the truth about them. Bella is known to be the girl who can turn a dinner party into a piss-up or getting her first ear piercing into a full on tattoo- she’s a spirit you can’t hold back but a night out with Bella Swift is never one to forget or regret. Well, maybe regret but you’d have a good one at the time. She thinks in the moment and doesn’t like to plan or plot because she deems it to be messing with fate which is a force she very strongly believes in and avoids challenging. The other thing is, Bella is quite lonely, saddened and weak at times which is what has led to her self-harm and on two occasion’s suicide attempts. She’s supposed to be seeing a therapist but she can’t bring herself to go and is having to be pushed into it by her peers.
Fears: Bella has a crippling fear of clowns, dolls and masks. She’ll never go to a circus and is even quite reluctant to fair grounds in fear of people with painted faces or theatrical make-up, she just can’t handle it. This is why the group have a tradition which they’ve had since they were all 13 to get drunk at Bella’s house on Halloween- that way she doesn’t have to go out and see anybody and she’s always been grateful for their consideration about that, the only other thing Bella is scared of is her Mother. As long as there’s no clowns and her Mother isn’t about- she’s practically fearless.
Quirks: Bella has a habit of pulling faces, lip biting, hip popping, eyebrow waggling- she isn’t always very talkative so a lot of her expression is in her body language and her eyes. She’s very dramatic with her figure and stature but that could be because of her habits and mind set of being a dancer. Another fairly obvious thing about Bella is also is how she tends to accidentally start swearing, speaking or shouting in Spanish when she’s upset or pissed off.
Hobbies: Ballet, street and original dance are all Bella’s really got hobby wise disregarding table top dancing at parties and smoking drugs, she hasn’t got any other distinctive habits.
Passions: Dance. She’s incredibly dancing about her dance and would do anything to make it her career- she’d even live past 25 if it meant she got to spend her life feeling as free and spirited as she did when she dances.
Bad Habits: Swearing, smoking, drinking- they have to be the big three.
Guilty Pleasures: Musicals, she has a big old passion for watching musicals and theatre.
Likes: Alcohol, dancing, drinking, musicals, old TV shows, poetry, piano music, her friends, the idea of travelling, Spain, coffee and green tea. Monster energy drinks, playing with children and animals, helping out, supporting people needier than herself.
Dislikes: Her mother, physically aggressive people, neglected parenting, cheats, liars- people who give up too easily. Being kept in the dark or disregarded, she doesn’t like being challenged or opposed to.
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[font=Garamond] Wild Hearted | Free Spirited | Challenging | Complicated | Affect

[ Stressed Out || Twenty One Pilots ]

”She screams in silence,”

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Face Claim : Michelle Tratchenberg
Height: 5,8
Weight / Build : 9 stone, skinny
Hair Colour: Brown
Eye Colour: Blue
Other:







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Insecure | Delicate | Resentful | Judgemental |

[ Tear In My Heart || Twenty One Pilots ]

”I hate being alone, I long for that feeling to not feel at all. The higher I get, the lower I sink. I can’t drown my demons they know how to swm,”

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History: Bella grew up in Chelsea in London, arguably posh and always well presented she did well at school and had a nice an very comfortable life until her Navy working father went M.I.A and her Mother became slightly passive aggressive towards her two children, Arabella and Donnie but even at this point, things were still bearable. Arabella grew up and always looked out for her Brother, she fought his older school bullies and beat off unworthy girlfriends and did everything a good sister should even though no one ever did that for her. At an excellent school for people who were supposed to be naturally academic or 'gifted', you'd have thought Bella had some kind of social ranking but she was always fairly frowned up on by her peers at school, teachers and various members of her Mother's socialite groups. She became use to it but that never stopped hurting. Eventually, at around the age of twelve in her second year of school she started acting out to try and get somebody's attention, for someone to stop ignoring her and start noticing her- she was sick of being the invisible girl in the background of Donnie's and her Mother's life. She had enough pain and enough upset, so she started kicking off. She smoked and drank on school premises- lost her virginity to a boy five years her elder and started self-harming for the first time. In the short term, Bella got exactly what she wanted- attention. She was excluded from school and attended sessions with a children's therapist and she tried to talk to her Mother and for a while, she gave it a rest but later her Mother's ne boyfriend came along and she felt forgotten and neglected. It started off quite subtle, like forgetting to cook meals for the kids before she went out or dropping her favourite things whilst she was cleaning but the abuse really started when Arabella got expelled from school for robbing the school Nurse's medicine cabinet and over dosing in the girls' bathroom.

That was attempt number one but after that, things only became worse and it was a slippery slope. When Bella's Mother brought her home from hospital, the first thing she said to Bella was; '"You dumb fucking bitch," and she hit her with the back of her hand across her baby girl's cheek and naturally Bella cried, so she hit her again and from that day one wards, that kind of pain became frighteningly regular. After being expelled, Bella joined the local secondary school where she met all her current friends and she settled in there to some degree but still suffered with her anxieties and her self-harming habits, the only person who ever knew were FC: Jenna Mcdougall and FC: Oliver Sykes. There were her to best friends after all- her trio. Years later at the start of this summer, she tried to kill herself by washing down alcohol with pain killers but she was found and taken to hospital- this attempt was the most recent and the last one only two months ago. She is know associated with a mental health support society and is supposed to be seeing a therapist but she refuses to go out of fear and is desperate not to attend alone and has admitted she wishes someone would go with her, just to hold her hand whilst she tried to find the words to speak being Bella, the kid no one really cares about, no one's ever offered.

Present: As it stands, Bella is still living with her Mother and is registered for therapy sessions, group and one and one although to date she has attended neither sessions. Her step-father is planning to leave her behind when he takes her brother and leaves her Mother but Bella doesn't know this as of yet and her boyfriend is cheating on her. She's questioning her sexuality and thinks she may also be attracted to women as well as men but wanders if she has feelings for her age old best friend FC: Oliver Sykes. She is attending Booth Lane College and taking four A-Levels in varying subjects. She's also going to frequent theatre and dance classes behind her Mother's back and works Tuesday nights at a night club as a waitress and bar staff, she finds the job emotionally challenging and physically draining but won't tell the others about it in case they try to talk her out of it because she needs to pay for her classes and medication.

So begins...

Arabella Swift's Story

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Character Portrait: Arabella Swift Character Portrait: Jamie Chapman
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Wednesday 2nd September - 5:18 PM – Jamie's House – Outfit

β€» Mood: Concerned - Quiet - Envious
β€» Listening To: Car Radio - Twenty One Pilots
β€» With: Jamie
Bella simply grinned in appreciation of his talent and ability as he took over with the song and she sat turned her head whilst she was sat in her chair to look at him and she really looked at him this time, the way his expression was fixed and focused, his eyes locked on the keys but the quirks in his face that gave away that passion he had for music- it was that moment set in her mind that made her realise two things, one that she could never let Jamie stop playing music- she'd never let him abandon that talent even if he wanted to and two, he was genuinely the person she cared most for in the world and she almost felt guilty for thinking it because surely that should be her family- her parents and step-sibling but she couldn't bring herself to care that much about them, not the way they treated her and made her feel. Even her step-dad, he was a good man, never shouted, never hit her- never even swore in front of her but he didn't help either. He just stood down and let it all happen until his son came into the picture- he'd defend him.

Just not Bella.

She shook the thoughts from her head because she was happy here, with Jamie and his keyboard, with nothing else but the music. She was happy and she was content and everything else she wanted to leave behind just for a little while.

When he finished the song, she looked at him in disbelief shaking her head and smiling widely in a way that was so rare for her, you could see her pearly white teeth, perfected by braces as a child and lines in her cheekbones and the light rushed to her eyes- a genuine smile, something pure, guilt free and real. It was real. That was what made everything so important to Bella- that moments like this when she wasn't covering herself with any kind of façade, they were true and they were genuine, it's what she lived for.

As she grinned immaturely at her best friend she sighed slightly.

"When did you get so good? Seriously J," She laughed just looking up at him with this inability to help the excessive amount of smiles reaching her face. She couldn't quite help herself but to when moments like this came to be. "For as long as I can remember- you've been amazing at this and it still knocks me out every time, seriously," She told him in a sincere but light hearted tone and she meant what she said to, it did take her breath away how flawlessly he could play a song on first try and how he just knew when to come in and mix everything up again. She envied it too but more than anything she admired it.

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Arabella Swift Character Portrait: Jamie Chapman
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wednesday 2nd september
at home





Jamie shrugged a little, smiling to himself at her compliment. She looked really happy, and his brain couldn't comprehend the possibility that it could be because of him. He was so used to thinking, to believing, that all he could ever do was ruin things and make people miserable. But here she was, beaming because of him. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen her smile so broad.

He'd never seen her smile like that with Jace.

He shook those thoughts from his mind and shrugged a little. "I've been playing piano ever since I was old enough to distinguish the notes from each other. Just sheer practice," he said, shrugging a little. He pulled his sleeves back over his hands, now that he no longer needed to be able to use them. He was terrified of Bella seeing his scars and reacting exactly like his mother had- freaking out and then, ultimately, abandoning him. He found himself hoping that, for once, his father was out of the house or so stoned that he had no clue of what was going on, so he wouldn't come up to see Bella. If he did, then she'd know that he'd relapsed, and he couldn't bear the thought of her knowing that.

He hadn't noticed himself starting to bite his nails again, until he brought his attention back to the room. He grinned apologetically at Bella, and hoped that she wouldn't look too closely at his hands and his nails bitten to stubs.

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Character Portrait: Arabella Swift Character Portrait: Jamie Chapman
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Wednesday 2nd September - 5:18 PM – Jamie's House – Outfit

β€» Mood: Concerned - Quiet - Envious
β€» Listening To: Car Radio - Twenty One Pilots
β€» With: Jamie
She shook her head and smiled at him gently, running a hand through her untamed chestnut hair. "Don't downplay it to practice- it's amazing, even the best pianist can't play that easily from ear and you know it," She told him gently, she noticed how he seemed to space out a little for a moment but she didn't comment on it. She knew Jamie was more sensitive than her about things and by now, she'd learnt when to and when not to say anything and she chose her battles- whatever was on his mind it was bound to be important and if it was troubling him, she wouldn't brush it over the carpet either- so she let him be, till he started biting his nails again then she moved over to swot his hand but he stopped before she could and she pointed at him playfully.

"Stop- I'm going to buy you some of that Sally Hensen stuff- you know that thing you paint on them and it tastes really bad and it's supposed to make you stop. You'll make your fingers hurt and bleed and shit and I'd know- I used to bite them too remember?" She smiled at him gently and chuckled a little moving to sit next to him so she could reach the keyboard too. "Guess the song," She told him. "I'll be impressed if you get it," She admitted before pressing her fingers to the keys and starting the notes of 'Honeymoon Suite' by Creeper, she knew the song perfectly it was one of her favourite songs in the whole world.

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Character Portrait: Arabella Swift Character Portrait: Jamie Chapman
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wednesday 2nd september
at home





He smiled a little bashfully as she told him off for biting his nails. He had vague recollections of his mother trying to get him to stop as a kid, but evidently, it hadn't worked. Or perhaps it had, but as his anxiety had worsened, his habit had returned. With his genetics, though, he was probably lucky that was the only thing he was addicted to. Well, besides the whole alcohol thing.

He sat down on the stool, keeping close to the end to allow her room, and adjusted the stand so it was low enough for them to reach. He preferred playing standing up, as that was how he played on stage, and it felt less rigid and formal. But for Bella, he wouldn't complain about it.

The song she started to play was completely unfamiliar. Out of habit, he found himself playing a melody to it, but he didn't honestly know what it was. Every so often, it kept hitting him that this was probably the last time he'd be able to do this, that she'd be gone after tomorrow, that he mightn't even be here. He wished that he could stop time, but he couldn't.

"Have I heard you play this before? I can't honestly say I know it," he said, but kept playing the small melody.

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Character Portrait: Arabella Swift Character Portrait: Jamie Chapman
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Wednesday 2nd September - 5:18 PM – Jamie's House – Outfit

β€» Mood: Concerned - Quiet - Envious
β€» Listening To: Honeymoon Suite - Creeper
β€» With: Jamie
She smiled knowingly as he played along with his own little melody and she kept playing and her fingers danced up and down the keys naturally with a contented expression. Her eyes were half closed, she didn't need to look- she knew the song so well it was distracting to look at the keys, she turned her head slightly to look at Jamie when he spoke and she grinned at him. "You've heard it before- I played it for my finals in high school, remember and I came out of the exam and I said I played better than 'Picasso' because I mixed him with Mozart or god knows what I meant but dyslexia happened and you didn't let it go for years," She reminded smiling gently. She didn't expect him to get it really, it was a song they listened to or played often- Bella had once played it in the club at about 3AM when the band left the stage and she was done waitressing but it was probably her favourite song in the world that was produced in the 21st century.

She sang it quietly to see if that'd make it any more obvious but she didn't expect him to guess but she sussed it'd be pretty awesome if he did. The tune feel past her lips easily and she could sing the song surprisingly well when she covered it on piano- the quirkiness of the original vocalist meant it suit her more and came to her more naturally. It was unique and it took something unique to pull off.

"We got hollow hearts and heavy heads,
We will never get better,
Mid-july and dead inside,
I feel the expectation in conversation,
Whether it's forever or not,
Alone an dead inside,
So let's get hexed,
Let's hang out..."


She watched him in the corner of her eye to see his reaction, desperate to catch even just a glimpse of what he was really thinking and feeling but she didn't ask, she returned her gaze to the keys and threw her heart into the bridge, the words seeping from her mouth and the music dancing off her finger tips as naturally as if she wrote it herself.

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Character Portrait: Arabella Swift Character Portrait: Jamie Chapman
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wednesday 2nd september
at home





He found himself staring at her as she played and sang. There was something about her that eased the constant anxiety. She didn't make it go away entirely- the only thing that could do that was sleep. But she did ease it, and she distracted him a little. Like right now, he felt like maybe things were going to be okay, like the bad things weren't going to happen and he'd be fine.

He still didn't recognise the song, but he did remember her story. It seemed like a happier time, like a different life. Probably because it had been. Before he'd accumulated the alcohol stash under his bed and the scars on his arms and legs and his nail biting habit. He missed those simpler days, the days when things were less scary and easier to handle.

To stop himself from biting his nails, he pulled his sleeves over his hands and rubbed them together awkwardly. She'd never asked why he kept his sleeves over his hands, and he hoped she never would. He didn't want to keep telling her lies, but sometimes, it was better than telling her the truth.

He liked to listen to her sing- even if it wasn't perfect, it was honest and raw. Everyone called his vocals raw, due to their nature and the actual emotion that so often fuelled them. But this was raw in another sense of the word- raw in that they weren't polished. She didn't sing to get it right, she just sang along because she wanted to. He'd been singing and screaming for so long that he had an inbuilt reflex to get it right, and he didn't even realise he was doing it half the time.

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Character Portrait: Arabella Swift Character Portrait: Jamie Chapman
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Wednesday 2nd September - 3:25 PM – Jamie's House – Outfit

β€» Mood: Happy - Lively - Reflective - Protective
β€» Listening To: Honeymoon Suite - Creeper
β€» With: Jamie
Bella played the song through to the end, the whole while the edge of her lips was curled into the slightest sign of a smile though she never committed to it because she was conscious of how much she kept grinning like a child. On the last few notes, she broke her façade however and a quick smile glided over her lips before she turned to look at Jamie properly and reveal the song.

"It was Honeymoon Suite by Creeper. They were my first gig, I remember going to see them when I was thirteen," She told him gently as she got soaked up in the memory of strobe lighting and chanting crowds. It'd be one of the most incredible nights of her life and being so young at the time, it was such a unique and incredible experience that it'd completely blown her mind and she couldn't sit still for days after as she recovered from the hype of it all. From there her obsession with music grew and expanded from that on wards, it started with posters and collages all over her walls and then it was gigs- all the time, she once went to see Moose Blood and then Neck Deep back to back. She went to gigs of bands she'd never heard of for the atmosphere and to discover new music and it put her sky high, that was her get away. Then came her vinyl collection which now poured out of every corner of her room, she had shelves and shelves of vinyls that she'd collected over the years and then came her job at the club and the band- she threw herself into it, not to get something out of it just to express that burning passion inside her somehow but she stopped going to gigs when things started to change with her Mother and her vinyls go untouched because if her Mother heard them be played, she'd snap them and the thought alone twisted Bella's gut with anxiety.

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Character Portrait: Arabella Swift Character Portrait: Jamie Chapman
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wednesday 2nd september
at home





He nodded as she told him the band, rubbing his hands- or, rather, his sleeves- together awkwardly. "I'll look them up. It sounded great when you played it," he said quietly. His face was starting to ache again, and the fear was starting to morph into that constant, awful anxiety again. Had he been alone, he probably would have started drinking in the attempt to make it go away. It never worked, but that never stopped him. He'd forgotten what it was like to be around other people at home, and that gave him a mix of emotions.

"I'm sorry for abandoning you for so long," he said quietly, wanting to bite his nails but not allowing himself to. She'd probably just give out to him and get frustrated because he wasn't listening to her and... He forced himself to take a deep breath. She wasn't going to get mad. She wasn't going to get mad. They'd be fine. For now, anyway. Tomorrow was a different day.

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Character Portrait: Arabella Swift Character Portrait: Jamie Chapman
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Wednesday 2nd September - 3:25 PM – Jamie's House – Outfit

β€» Mood: Happy - Lively - Reflective - Protective
β€» Listening To: Honeymoon Suite - Creeper
β€» With: Jamie
She smiled softly at him and her expression warmed like his praise and opinion genuinely meant something to her and she did but she figured he must have known that by now. She noticed how his mood subtly but quickly seemed to change and a small frown of concern appeared on her lips, she didn't like hearing him apologise like that- she was still gutted they hadn't seen each other for so long but she couldn't blame him could she? It was Jace.

All Jace.

The person who was supposed to support her more than anyone, took away all the people who supported her the most.

She bit her lip and shook her head, leaning over gently touching his arm to make him look up at her. "Jamie, don't apologise for that. That wasn't your fault- I know that now, but I'm so, so, sorry for how I reacted. I guess I've spent too much time around shitty, short tempered and sour tongued people, maybe it's starting to rub off on me but I'm sorry for that but don't you apologise for that- it wasn't your fault and I don't blame you, you okay? You look really...anxious, is it me? Or Jace? No, I shouldn't ask I'm sorry," She'd let go of her lip before but she bit it again now to keep her mouth shut, a habit you'd often se her do when she was trying to stop herself from gobbing off at a teacher, or rambling ahead and embarrassing herself or just generally when she was starting to feel ashamed of herself or too vocal.

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Character Portrait: Arabella Swift Character Portrait: Jamie Chapman
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wednesday 2nd september
at home





He wanted to pull away from the physical contact, but knew that she'd take it the wrong way. It wasn't that he didn't want her touching him- it was more that he didn't want anyone to touch him right now. That was how he knew he was getting really bad again.

He shook his head as she said about her getting angry, and then again when she asked if he was anxious because of her or Jace. This kind of anxiety was too general, the type that made everything seem intimidating and scary and made him want to just sleep for another twelve years.

"It's... complicated," he said, shrugging a little, pulling his sleeves even further over his hands. The mention of Jace made something flinch inside of him though and twisted his stomach. Of course his demons had to start getting to him after he'd been so happy. Well, it had been his own fault- he'd been overthinking every little thing and that had just brought it on himself.

"But I'm fine, seriously. It just seems so long since we hung out that this seems a little surreal," he said, forcing himself to grin before he looked over at her. He wasn't lying- but he also felt like the surreality of the experience was more to do with his anxiety than anything else. But she didn't need to know that. He needed to keep all of these secrets from her.

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Character Portrait: Arabella Swift Character Portrait: Jamie Chapman
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Wednesday 2nd September - 5:18 PM – Jamie's House – Outfit

β€» Mood: Concerned - Quiet - Envious
β€» Listening To: Car Radio - Twenty One Pilots
β€» With: Jamie
She withdrew her hand and buried both hands in her sleeves, it wasn't for a reason as sincere as Jamie's- she just did it out of habit because her jumper had become too big now she'd lost weight over the summer. She looked up at him as she subconsciously knotted her hands in her lap, her warm burgundy tipped fingers interlocking. She nodded softly, looking down and away again. She couldn't lie and try to say she understood why he was so anxious and nervous- they used to hang out like this all the time, ever since they were first friends, it was nothing knew but the moment he spoke about the surreal feeling of it all and how it was slightly weird when it hadn't happened for so long hit her because she could agree that was actually kind of true. She wasn't oblivious to the fact he wasn't giving her the whole series, no body could pull the wool over her eyes for long- she was too quick witted and thoughtful to be caught out like that and she knew Jamie, so it was even easier to pick apart the gaps in his stories when she wasn't receiving the whole truth but she figured there was little she could do about it regardless- if he didn't want to tell her, he wouldn't tell her. there wasn't even a point in trying to change his mind or make him tell her.

"Ok." She replied softly, pulling the same fake grin he did which felt far too easy to mimic for her liking. She brought her hand up to her face and messed with a bit of her hair absentmindedly as they talked- well tried to. She knew they were both stumbling through it but thinking opposite things- she was completely aware of that point but it saddened her to think that their relationship had become so secretive, shaded and tactical. She genuinely cared about him so much, she didn't know how to comprehend it but it was hard when he would only ever let her know so much- small bits and pieces that he always carefully selected. But what could she say?

She was no better.

Smoking, marijuana, alcohol, lack of self esteem, unhealthy lack of eating and her home situation were all things that she lied to him about being frequent and mildly obsessive. She didn't tell him about how humiliating and awful her shifts at work were when the people she had to serve the clubs were never more than sleazy men and women- there was nothing she could say because she'd been pulling the wool over his eyes for just as long as he'd been trying to do the same to her. She didn't tell him that some days, she could easily just get on a train and another come back- so it clicked in her head that she was just as bad, possibly even worse. She swallowed back the urge to sigh and looked up at Jamie and smiled softly.

"Is it me or does it feel like days go really slowly since a few months back?" She was asking the question in a genuine manner of wander. She thought they did- she constantly felt like everything was dragging, like there were chains on her wrists and legs with masses on the end but at the same time, it didn't always feel like a bad thing.

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wednesday 2nd september
at home





He'd done it again. He'd made things awkward between them, all by lying. If he'd told her the truth, about the constant, crushing anxiety, about how he didn't want to get out of bed 99% of the time, about how all he ever wanted to do was sleep, about just wanting everything to go away, then there wouldn't be this awkwardness. Everything would be out in the air, and they'd be fine.

But they wouldn't, really. Because she'd think he was making it all up for attention, that he was trying to make sure that she wouldn't go away, and she'd hate him then, and he'd be alone again. And then, Jace told everyone that he liked her, it would just confirm that and she'd really hate him then.

At least, when they hadn't been talking, all he'd had to do was miss her. He hadn't had to worry about what would happen if she found out all of his secrets because he didn't have to worry about her finding out. But now, that was different. He wished that things would just stop being so complicated.

He nodded at her comment. "They either drag by or go past in a blur," he said, shrugging a little. The days that flew by were usually the days where he slept for the vast majority of the day or drank for the whole day. They were the best days, if he was honest.

"When I was sick over the summer, every single hour felt like a day. I couldn't do anything I usually would to pass the time, so I ended up sleeping most of the time," he added. In reality, he hadn't minded that. He'd been glad of an excuse to sleep for that long without anyone realising that something was up.

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Wednesday 2nd September - 5:18 PM – Jamie's House – Outfit

β€» Mood: Concerned - Quiet - Envious
β€» Listening To: Car Radio - Twenty One Pilots
β€» With: Jamie
She nodded quietly in agreement, she sat back in the chair again, leaning her head against it dopily like she always would have done before, looking up at the ceiling and her hair all spread out around her shoulders as messy as it always tended to be. "Yeah, that sounds about right," She agreed to his first comment. It was true as well, sometimes she could blink and the day was gone but other times, it felt like she was spending centuries after centuries just sat in her room listening to the same old vinyl records till the lyrics were scratched into her memory deeper than scars. She sat up a bit straighter and looked over at Jamie, just appreciating his company. She knew they were both kind of sad or worried in different ways but there was still an element of his presence like there always had been they she found comfort and reassurance in- like the presence of a priest, mother or officer, an element security. Jamie had basically been the only person she'd ever really trusted and thinking in her head about how much she'd fucked everything up, almost made her cry with the guilt of knowing this was all her fault.

If she hadn't let her feelings for Jamie get so complex, she wouldn't have felt the need to runaway from them and into Jace. She'd only known Jace a year and dated him for 9 months of that and not a moment of that she could recall had meant anything as much to her as just playing piano with Jamie and she knew that, she always had but the thought scared her- so she ran away from it, like she ran away from it. As a child and sometimes even known, Bella was always known to run off and hide- absolutely anywhere she could find, woods, cupboards, trees, hostels, youth groups- she'd disappear and see how long it took people to find her and she'd always watch to see if they even bothered to look. Most of the time they didn't but Bella could distinctly remember Celine and Jamie finding her once when she took flight during a trip to the woods and that was the first time anyone had ever bothered to find her. The memory made her smile a little and she looked over at Jamie.

"Hey, do you remember all those weekends we spent camping in the woods with Celine when we first met each other? I haven't been for ages," She mumbled thoughtfully, finally sitting up properly again and pulling her hair down one shoulder. "It was cool up there- I can remember we tried to scare Celine once, you know when we hid behind that massive Willow tree? God, I felt awful afterwards though, she shit herself," She recalled smiling a little. "We should go up there again sometime, you know the whole old time's sake thing?" She rambled away from a moment and then caught herself rambling and stopped, playing with her hair as she thought about it.

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wednesday 2nd september
at home





He smiled at her story, well able to remember that particular incident. Like all of his memories, though, it was like he was seeing them from another person's point of view or through a screen- like they weren't really from his life, like he was watching someone else's story. That had been way, way back, back before his brain decided to fuck itself up or his dad relapsed. Back when things were a lot better.

He also could remember the time that Bella had disappeared without telling anybody when they were all supposed to be going over to Celine's to hang out. An hour had passed, and she still hadn't turned up. She hadn't answered anyone's calls or texts, and Jamie had been starting to get majorly anxious. So they went out to find her and found her in those very woods. Jamie could still remember the fear of that afternoon.

But the thought of doing it in the future felt even more detached than his memories. Especially today of all days, he felt like if he lived to see the morning, he'd be doing well. But he couldn't tell Bella that.

"What about this weekend?" He asked. Going any further away than that seemed impossible. Even saying that he'd be in a fit state to go at the weekend seemed like he was setting his hopes to high. He felt like he was lying, saying that he'd be able to go. His stomach twisted suddenly as he thought of his father. He'd be leaving him in the house by himself, with only the occasional company from his mother passing through.

But assuming Jamie and Bella were still friends at the weekend, Jamie would need the time away.

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Character Portrait: Arabella Swift Character Portrait: Jamie Chapman Character Portrait: Celine Dawson Character Portrait: Fee Akkerman Character Portrait: Yeong-gi Mirren
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Wednesday 2nd September - 5:18 PM – Jamie's House – Outfit

β€» Mood: Concerned - Quiet - Envious
β€» Listening To: Car Radio - Twenty One Pilots
β€» With: Jamie
She looked surprised and quickly looked up elated when he suggested going at the weekend.

"Really?" She asked grinning a little. If she was honest, she'd admit to being surprised he could even remember. She thought she was the only person who cared about those kind of things- like it skipped everybody else's mind. Bella was an incredibly reflective and thoughtful person, so memories like that weren't constantly resurfaced and reconsidered often with more affection and fondness than she cared to admit. Her entire brain was like a memory bank but she had a way of forgetting all the band ones- she didn't let them possess any part of her if she could help it.

"Do you seriously wanna go? I thought you'd think it was stupid," She admitted softly running her finger tips through her hair, her every movement laced with that dancer's grace that captured every single gesture she ever made. She hadn't been dance yet this week, she planned on going tomorrow and she was excited to think about it but she was far more excited to consider another go at their old school camp out trips.

She looked at him grinning gently. She knew she'd struggle to get approval from her mother, so she figured she wouldn't tell her and just go anyway- disappear, she was good at that. She'd just leave and bite the bullet when she got home because it'd be totally worth it just to get a taste of all the thrill and fun they used to have when they were young.

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wednesday 2nd september
at home





Despite his bad mood, he couldn't help but smile at her excitement. But inside, something sank at the thought of letting her down. He didn't know how he was going to make it until then. He didn't know if he wanted to get through the next few days. But he also didn't want to let her down.

"Yeah, I'm serious. It'll be good to get out of the house for a bit," he said, allowing himself a genuine smile, despite those dark thoughts leeching his happiness. If he could forget what was going to go down in the next few days, he'd be fine. He could imagine that he only had a few days of normal school before the trip. Nothing bad was going to happen.

"I'll bring a guitar, you bring your violin, we can have a real unusual jamming session there," he said. The depersonalization that so often came with his anxiety and depression was getting bad- he still felt like he was talking about somebody else, like he was planning a trip for somebody that wasn't him. He himself wasn't going to make it that far.

He glanced at the alarm clock on his dresser. "Do you have to be home for any particular time?" he asked. He felt bad, but he kinda wanted to be alone. He simultaneously wanted to be alone and with her- again, like two different people. He didn't know how to handle this.

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Wednesday 2nd September - 5:18 PM – Jamie's House – Outfit

β€» Mood: Concerned - Quiet - Envious
β€» Listening To: Car Radio - Twenty One Pilots
β€» With: Jamie
She laughed a little and nodded gently. "Yeah, it'd be amazing.," She admitted smiling softly at him running a hand through her crinkled brown locks, always fiddling as was known to be in her nature. She was always preoccupied doing multiple things- Bella blamed it on dyspraxia but she didn't know for sure why she did. At his question she raised her shoulders slightly;

"They don't know I'm here so no, I guess I'll head back when you're sick of me," She replied quietly briskly moving on from the fact she hadn't told her Mother or Step-father where she would be. It wouldn't be taken as a surprise anyway when they noticed her absence so the thought didn't trouble her or rise concern in any part or shadow of her mind. She looked at Jamie and there was still a clear amount of concern clouding in her sharp ice blue eyes but she didn't voice it, she spared him the trouble of having to explain everything because she knew he wouldn't want to but she was worried- she didn't feel like she was talking to the same old Jamie anymore. It didn't feel entirely like, it was completely him.

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wednesday 2nd september
at home





No. No, she couldn't stay until he got sick of her- because then she'd be here, right in front of him when Jace texted her and told everything. He'd have to face that there and then and he couldn't face that. As much as he wanted to, it couldn't happen.

"Well, in that case, I better tell my parents you're moving in," he joked. As he spoke his phone started to ring. He was, for a moment, afraid of who it might be- but when he glanced at it, it was one of the girls from the shelter. He grinned apologetically at Bella. "I'd better answer this," he said, standing up and heading out into the hall as he answered it.

"Hello?"
"Hi, Jamie. Listen, can you come in? I know you're not supposed to be working this week, but we've got a dog who's really nervous. If we leave him alone, he starts howling like crazy and starts chewing and peeing himself and everything. We just got an urgent call, and they need as much manpower as possible, but we can't leave this dog alone. Mike promises he'll pay you overtime."
"Sure, I can come in. How long do you need me for?"
"Can't say, I'm afraid. We don't know how long the call's going to take."
"Alright, I'll be over in a few."
"Thanks, Jamie. You're a lifesaver."

He hung up and went back into the room.
"I need to go into work- we've a nervous dog and everyone else is gone on a call. I'll walk you home, if you want," he offered. Part of him was sad that they had to cut things short, and the rest of him was just glad that he could have a little alone time to try and sort his brain out.

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Character Portrait: Arabella Swift Character Portrait: Jamie Chapman
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Wednesday 2nd September - 5:18 PM – Jamie's House – Outfit

β€» Mood: Concerned - Quiet - Envious
β€» Listening To: Car Radio - Twenty One Pilots
β€» With: Jamie
She laughed softly at his joke and smiled lightly. "Oh trust me- you'd get sick of me pretty quick," She scoffed rolling her eyes gently. She nodded understandingly when he wandered off to answer the phone but she knew what he was going to say before he said it anyway and in a way, she was both slightly upset but also relieved- Jamie wasn't himself and she wasn't in a position to try and piece it all together, not him- the story, she'd always have time for Jamie and to help but right now, she couldn't wait on him to give her the full story- she had to go deal with her Mother anyway, maybe if she was lucky she wouldn't be home yet and Bella could try and do some class work before she got home and got her doing chores.

She hoped so.

She was slightly distant for a split second when the thought of her mother loomed into her mind bringing fear and weakness with it and she flinched a little when Jamie's voice finally got through to her. She looked up at him and nodded lightly running her hand through her long silky locks and biting the inside of her cheek.

"It's okay- the Shelter's in the opposite direction, you go I'm sure I'll survive a five minute walk home," She joked softly smiling up at him, brushing off the negative emotions and thoughts that were creeping up on her. The thought of her going home made her stomach physically churn and she unknowingly held her breath for an uncomfortable amount of time just thinking about it as she got up and collected her bag and pulled herself together. "I'll see you at school right?" She asked as she got up to leave, visibly biting her pale pink lip- a sign of thoughtfulness and doubt that she often wore on her face come the time she remembered she had to go home to her Mother.

"I hope the dog turns out okay too," She added, noting she might have seemed to be quite insensitive to that since she hadn't yet commented on the poor creature's situation. "If there's anything I can do- you've got my number," Bella held helped out before on occasional summers with the shelter and when she had the spare cash, which admittedly wasn't often but she wasn't exactly in a great financial position anymore- she was known to donate what she could and she'd always said that when she moved out, she'd adopt one of the animals there but tragically the day she moved out was yet to come but she was still determined to stick to that promise somehow.

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wednesday 2nd september
at home





She seemed to zone out as he spoke, but then came back to herself as he finished. He couldn't say anything about that- he'd been doing that all afternoon. She pretended to be happy as she talked about going home- but Jamie had been friends with her long enough to know when she wasn't happy. But he didn't want to say anything- he didn't want to pry.

He nodded as she commented on the dog. He was pretty confident he'd be able to manage- he'd managed harder dogs before. There had been one German Shepard who had taken to Jamie and only Jamie- he would growl and bite the others if they as much as came near him. But when Jamie was there, the dog was like a different animal altogether. Eventually, Jamie had been able to encourage him to be friendly with others, and he'd gone to a good home. The success stories were the best. Even as a no-kill shelter, there were still those unhappy endings.

"Absolutely." He said, retrieving his keys, wallet and phone and shoving them into his pocket. "I'll walk you as far as the door, anyway," he said as he closed the door behind her. It kept hitting him that this might just be the last time they could hang out- and that terrified him. But he couldn't let his bad vibes rub off on her.

"And if you need me, you have my number. Chances are, I'll be bored out of my mind," he joked, knowing all too well that in an hour, he'd be the last person she wanted to talk to.

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Wednesday 2nd September - 6:18 PM – Jamie's House – Outfit

β€» Mood: Concerned - Quiet - Envious
β€» Listening To: Car Radio - Twenty One Pilots
β€» With: Jamie
She smiled softly at him, chuckling at their brief exchange and nodding softly at his joke. As they walked out and as they started to turn to take their own paths she turned and looked at him for a moment. "It was nice to see you Jamie y'know," She told him honestly before making her way down the frost bitten path back home, taking every diversion and opportunity to procrastinate going home as she started her way home, kicking a stone as she went before refusing to look back incase she could still see Jamie and she had to try and swallow her guilt again.

-

Wednesday 3rd September - 8:47 AM - Home

-

"Are you fucking kidding me? I can't go to school now? I went to see a friend, that's no crime! Jesus Christ, he's the only person in the world who can even pretend to give two shits and I'm not even allowed that anymore?" Her eyes were brimming with tears of sorrow and anger but not a single one manage to fall before the force of a mother's hatred stained her cheek scarlet. Bella didn't mean to cry out but she did and her lip trembled as she tried to hold back any further words, tears or sounds. She bit her tongue till she could feel the skin tearing and she stared at the woman before her. The psychotic bitch who'd created her and she wanted to disappear. She wanted the ground to cave beneath her and swallow her up, she wanted the breath to leave her lungs or for time to freeze just long enough that she could run away and never been again. Her breaths were ragged with panic and suddenly out of no where, the damn broke and the tears were shed. Guided by the grip on her hair, Bella was forced into the kitchen and left to tearfully clean the whole room with less than forty minutes to consider a deadline. Bella swallowed her words and clamped her fists in under her sleeves so her mother wouldn't see how desperately she was clinging onto hope, even though there was none of it to grasp. Left alone at last, Bella let the strings inside her snap and she collapsed against the door holding it shut as she sunk to her knees and finally remembered how to breathe.

-

Wednesday 3rd September - 5:26 PM - Home

-

"He's gone Bella. He left me," The words hung in the air and lingered but Bella said nothing. The side of her face at the back of her jaw was bruising but her hair covered it more or less as long as she wore it down, the real pain was in her eyes as she looked up at her mother. "It's your fault," The pitch of her voice rose and Bella flinched, cowering away from the noise.

"I didn't mean-"

"Shut up! You've ruined everything. If you'd just come home last night and we wouldn't of had to row in front of him now would we? He took your brother, he's not coming back. You dumb fucking bitch, how could you do this to me? I'm your mother!" Bella didn't look up, she didn't speak until her jaw was forced upwards brutally by skeletal fingers and the pitch black nails were dark enough to scratch the surface of her skin.

"I'm sorry," Bella gasped eventually.

"You will be," She was told shortly before she found her stomach being hit and a sudden ache that overwhelmed her as suddenly as the force of a black hole. She stumbled but caught herself just about on the door frame. "Get out of my sight- and don't your dare show your face for dinner and if I even catch a sight of you outside your bloody room, I'll give you hell kid. Get out- now!" Bella's mother fell apart into tears of fury and Bella hurried upstairs, trying to avoid tears as she scrambled around her room panting in panic as she searched every inch of her room, just desperate to call Jamie and be given some words of comfort. She wanted to be lied to- she'd been left behind to rot by the only people who knew the truth and it was nothing but fact that now all she wanted was someone to pretend it was okay and she could pull through.

She convinced herself that was all she needed and shakily began to dial Jamie's numbers and as the phone began to ring she was still battling for breaths and swiping at the aggressively tumbling tears whilst the other hand gripped her crippled torso.

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thursday 3rd september
at home





His arms stung. His legs stung. His face ached. His chest hurt from the panic attack. He just wanted to sleep, but he couldn't. For the first time in weeks, he couldn't sleep. So he'd just decided to get drunk instead. But even that wasn't fucking working- he still felt panicky, he still couldn't sleep, his arms still hurt, right up on his upper arms where he could hide the cuts easily.

He stared at his phone in front of him. He wanted to call Bella, but he didn't want to talk about his problems. And what else could he do? She hadn't been in school, so he couldn't even use homework as an excuse. She hadn't found out about how he felt, but everyone else had. So by now, she probably did know. He still wanted to talk to her, though. But she probably didn't want to talk to him.

He could hear his mom talking to somebody downstairs. He highly doubted it was his father. And sure enough, she was still talking, moments before the door shut and her voice was cut off. He leaned his head back on his bed, taking another mouthful from the glass of cheap whiskey beside him. He was running low, he needed to get more. He'd smuggle it into the shopping whenever he did it.

Almost as soon as he glanced back at his phone, it started to ring. The caller ID surprised him- Bella. Evidently, she did want to talk to him. And if she was going to yell at him, it probably would have been in person. This was Bella they were talking about, after all.

"Hey, Bella."

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bella. Image
Thursday 3rd September - 5:48 – Her Bedroom – Outfit

β€» Mood: Panicked - Frightened - Angry - Intimidated
β€» Listening To: Best of You - Foo Fighters
β€» With: Alone
β€» On The Phone: Jamie
She hiccupped a little in surprise when he picked up and she pressed the back of her hand to her mouth trying to cover up the sound before with a quivering hand trying to roll up her last lot of weed into a roll because she wasn't sure how else to cope in that moment. She was panicking and she was crying- the worst with her mother for the evening at least, was over but she couldn't take it anymore- something had finally snapped and Bella couldn't take the pain.

Something fragile was thrown at Bella's door and Bella jumped at the sound of it shattering and the following bellow instructing her to in other terms, be silent.

"Jamie?" She asked with a chip in her voice, even the crackling of phone line couldn't cover up the whimpers of tears coming from her side. "I can't do it anymore," She whispered sadly but thoughtlessly- there was so many things going through her head that she was struggling to contain them and monitor them as she should. She still squeezed her body tight, closing in on herself and contracting every muscle she could as she shakily pushed the joint between her lips and held it with her teeth as she trembled and struggled with a lighter for a moment before the intoxicating fumes began to fill her lungs. In her clumsiness and lack of awareness she managed to acquire an unpleasant burn to her finger tips as she worked the lighter and she hissed profanities as she tried to recover herself but instead it just set of a few more stumbling tears which she choked on as she tried to breath.

Her phone on speaker on the floor by her side, her hand went back to cradling her torso trying to numb the pain but it also made things worst at the same time- she couldn't tell if she was cut or not, she could feel something warm on her shirt but she didn't dare look, she knew it'd been a bottle of wine she'd been swung at with- she could remember hearing the glass fall but she didn't remember it cutting- she'd only noticed that when felt it through her shirt and the pressure she put it on it to stop the bleeding only made her whimper in agony.

"Jamie- she's so vile. She's a monster, bitch- she blames me. It was him. Coward. Coward. Coward. Coward! Not me, it's not my...I'm sorry," Half of what she said was inaudible through her scavenges for breaths and the odd gasp and break in her voice when the tears overwhelmed her- with a shivering hand she smoked the blunt between her teeth but too upset to focus, she fell into coughs which momentarily stopped the crying enough for them both to think, by the time she recovered from her cough, she was half settled enough to dare another drag and this one went down right and was almost relaxing- physical tears still fell but somehow, Bella found silence.

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thursday 3rd september
at home





She was upset. She was really, really upset. From the moment he answered, he knew that something was wrong. She was crying, and he recognised panic when he heard it. His stomach plummeted, and he bolted to his feet, pressing his phone between his shoulder and the side of his face as he started searching for matching shoes.

"Bella, Bella, it's alright. You're okay. You're going to be okay, you hear me," he said, but he didn't know if she heard him. She kept coughing, and he was terrified that she was hurt somehow. And the more she spoke, the worse that fear got.

"Bella, I'm on my way over, okay? Give me ten minutes, I'll be there. You won't be alone with her, okay?" He didn't have to guess too hard at who the "she" was. She and her mother had never gotten along well, and Jamie had always gotten bad vibes from her.

The sleeve of his shirt had blood on it, but that wasn't an issue right now.

"Keep talking to me, Bella, okay? I just can't find any fucking matching shoes. I think the monster under my bed stole them," he said, determined to keep her talking as long as possible. He knew that when he was as upset as she sounded, there was only one thing on his mind, and he couldn't bear thinking about that when it came to her.

"Okay, I have a pair of shoes. I'm on my way over, Bella, okay? I'll see you in less than ten minutes. C'mon, tell me a story," he said, shoving his wallet and keys into his pocket and practically flying down the stairs and out the door. He knew the way to her house like he knew the back of his hand. It was only as he started walking that he realised it was raining and that he didn't have a jacket, but he wasn't going back to get one.

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Arabella Swift Character Portrait: Jamie Chapman
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bella. Image
Thursday 3rd September - 5:58 PM – Home – Outfit

β€» Mood: Scared - Pained - Angry - Frightened
β€» Listening To: Hold On Till May - Pierce The Veil
β€» With: Jamie
She leant against her door, sobbing relentlessly very obviously struggling to formulate her sentences over the phone in a manner that was audible. Hearing Jamie's voice was a comfort that almost taught her how to breathe again and she ruggedly sighed as she tried to catch her breath and inhale the oxygen her body was yearning for, coughing, crying and gasping had her left breathless and for a long while she was silent on the phone except for quiet crying but she found her voice after Jamie spoke about coming over.

"No, no- she'll freak. I don't want her to go at you," She uttered weakly running a hand through her hair oblivious to the roll up still in her finger tips but it didn't cause any damage. She inhaled it again when she felt the reckoning force of panic building up again at the idea of him being in her position- of her Mother taking a shot at Jamie and the image of that in her head made her stomach churn with fear and concern.

She listened to him and was nodding as if he could see her trying to speak, trying to tell a story. "He...he knew...he knew what she's like and he took his son and himself and he left...he left me here J...he left me here- with her, alone," She gasped, her voice failing in parts all the while and her words were constantly second guessed. "He ran away. He was the only person...with the power- stop her, he could...he didn't- he ran...coward," She missed words and the ones she did get out where trembled over and shaken as if they were being thrashed around by a deathly hurricane. She was trying to explain but the words didn't come easily, she choked on them every time and gave in or gave up. Something else hit her door and this time Bella jumped so much pain seared through her bruised body because she could threw herself instinctively away from her bedroom door, to try and get space between her and the wretched woman on the other side and holding her breath- Bella could hear her but soon, it faded to something almost peaceful when she heard her Mother retreat to the loft converted master room and hearing the door shut, Bella looked at her phone again. She didn't dare try and sneak out though, she'd heard what her Mother said and she had no doubt in her mind the promise would be stuck to as a threat worth taking note of.

Bella didn't have a doubt in the world her Mother would give her hell.

She did it everyday.

All Bella wanted right then was Jamie, she just needed his friendship, his company and him. Everything about him she could trust and rely on- there wasn't a person in the world she cared about more and she needed that right now. She needed that strength to pull her together again.