Gobfang Rotskab's Story

Fleet Greensmasha

Onboard the flagship Greensmasha, Gobfang was busy sorting his "loot" into separate piles and hiding them around his room. "Let'z see 'ere...I'z gots me sumfin shiny...and dis fing 'dere be filled full 'O explosive fings...were I'z my teef? I shnuk it around somewhere---" Soon an explosion rocked the ship. It was not an attack, just one of the engines blowing up. A normal occurrence for ork technology. However there was just a small problem, they had nothing to repair it with.

Soon Gobfang, Badsnaga, and their Kaptain, Gutgor, came together to devise a solution to this plan. Badsnagga would fiddle with the tellyporta pad and zap the boyz over to a nearby planet to begin raiding it. However since Badsnagga and Gutgor were arguing who should go in first, Gobfang was was asked, but thrown into the tellyporta pad to scout first.

Gobfang soon appeared on the surface of Desera, in front of him there were to humans on patrol. The second he spotted them he drew his giant double big shoota and cocked it. " 'Oi ya Gitz! time fer ya ta taste dakka!" He then unloaded a full clip of dakka into both soldiers, filling them both with more than 200 bullets in less then 5 seconds. Once the area was clear he surveeyed the area making sure it was clear for the rest of the crew to come in safely.

Fleet Greensmasha

It had been a normal sort of day. Hitting things with a wrench, uncontrolled fires, Gretchinz screaming in agony and probably even dying. You could even say it was a fun day for Badsnaga. You know, until his beloved left engine blew. It'd all gone to Chaos since then. At least it wasn't him that had to go through the tellyporta first. Even though he sold it with utmost confidence to the Kappin, he really...Wasn't sure where it would lead. Or if it was safe. Or that it wouldn't suddenly explode. Or atomize you, or..Really, he just wasn't sure about it.

Plus seeing that Nob thrown through, scared look on his face was priceless. And hey! He didn't even explode into a fine red paste as he passed through. Always a good sign. Usually. Sometimes. Eehhh...It was par for the course, anyway.

Badsnaga snatched the radio up from his workbench. A crude shell of a thing that had no right working, and electrocuted the last Gretchin to touch it to death, but how he was proud of it. Sure, little com buttons, badges, ear pieces. They all worked. Hell, they all worked better, but this? This was style, this was Flash. This was kustom made for Gork's sake! With a little swell in his voice due to pride he pressed the button labeled "Tok". It crackled to life, emitting primarily static. At least it didn't kill him, first good sign. He carefully brought it up to his head and shouted into it. Because shouting makes it work better. How else can they hear you?
"Oi!...Oi!......OI!" Nothing but static. A bad, bad sign at least.

His first instinct was of course try and convince the Kappin to sent another Nob through, but. The "I'ma crump ya, ya zoggin git." look Gutgor had sort of dismayed him. Besides if he couldn't show faith in his tellyporta, how could the boyz trust it? Or any of his gear? Holding his head up he tossed the "fone" over his shoulder and grabbed his Wrench-knife-saw-thing. "Crumpa" he called it, and bravely walked past the Kappin. "Ight boyz. M' gunna go frew. Cya gitz on da uverside!" With that, he stepped onto the pad and vanished.

Kaptin Gutgor was a fan of explosions to be sure. In fact there was little he loved more than watching things going boom and pieces flying everywhere. It was only topped by his love of hitting things. Or shooting things. Or crushing things. Or kicking the nearest Grot if he could. Or drinking. Or fighting. Or teef. But what he certainly wasn't a fan of was when it was his own stuff that was going boom. Especially when the gretchin loving Mek wasn't smart enough to carry enough spare metal around to actually fix the zogging engine when it decided to break.

And then the git actually thought he was going to trust him to go through his tellyporta first. As though it wasn't his fault they were now flying in circles, he was even getting dizzy just watching the same rocks go by outside. Luckily for him, and also for the Mek, there just so happened to be a Kommanda lurking too close by to his powerklaw and he found out first hand that not volunteering to go first so the Kaptin doesn't get zogged isn't exactly a very good idea. When he vanished without a trace Gutgor was almost upset that it was because the damned thing actually worked and not because the Mek had mucked it up again.

And if that grot smuggler thought he was going to send in another one of his boyz he had another thing coming. That git would go through before he did if he liked it or not! He didn't even need to throw this one, which was a shame. He had really wanted to throw the zogging git for letting his engine blow up. Again the tellyporta worked without a hitch, so of course that must mean it would always work, at least long enough for him to get through too. Perhaps the Mek wasn't entirely useless.

The Kaptin stepped onto the pad, giving a grunting nod to the grots working the machines to throw the single crude switch, before with a flash of yellow lightning he vanished into thin air.

He swiftly reappeared on the planets surface with a crack and a boom and angry grunt as he felt the singing of electricity still flickering over his face. He looked around, more than a little annoyed to see that rather than being met by his Mek and whoever that Kommando was, that he was on his own, in the middle of nowhere, with no sight of his boyz no matter where he looked. That git was going to get a right good smashing the moment he saw him for throwing him off into the middle of nowhere. The git probably hadn't even left the Greensmasha and was just waiting for him step through to take the ship for himself.

He took in a massive lungful of air, opened his mighty jaw and roared into the sky, knowing full well that if whatever heard him and didn't come looking and it wasn't green it was going to be crumped.
"BADSNAGA YA GI'! WHEN I FIN' YA I IS GONNA USE YA HEA' TA BEA' THA NEX' MEK WITH!"

Gobfang was waiting for the rest of the crew, as soon as...well he did not know how to count past three. He decided to contact the ship and he pulled out what resembled a radio and began speaking into it "Oi! Oi! Wat you gitz waiting fo---" But before the ork could finish his sentence, the radio is his hand exploded into bits and pieces. So much for a radio.

Gobfang decided to pocket the destroyed radio and began looting the two human bodies. Better used as parts for his next invention. But before he could think of a new plan he heard one angry ork yell at the top of his lungs. It was the Kaptain and he was not to happy to be zapped on a random location. Being one of the smart strains of ork, he knew exaclty which direction it came from and hurried over in the direction where the Kaptain was or else they would be zogged.

Once he located the Kaptain, he quickly ran over and presented what he found. A map of a town he looted from the two soldiers he had just killed. "Oi! Kaptain! I'z found a map to one of 'da 'umie settlements on dis 'ere planet. we'z can get 'ta 'da raid and fix 'da ship." He reported.

To say the Kaptin was unhappy to see the Kommando actually show his face not soon after he had bellowed for him was a small understatement. He had been hoping that he would have had to hunt the git down in order to smash the gretchin lover. And if that git thought a 'umie map was going to do much to improve his already foul mood he had another thing coming. A little bit of paper with pointless marks on it didn't really do much to appeal to him, after all who needs a map when you can just go the most direct way there?

"Dat Mek still be a useless git! If 'e ha' looke' after tha engins be'er we wouln'n' be on dis zoggin' plane'!" Still he lugged himself over to the where the Kommando stood and snatched up the map, an awkward enough thing considering his one arm actually capable of picking anything up was covered in a huge powerklaw, that pretty much skewered anything he tried to grab, map included. He spun the thing backwards and forwards as it hung one of the giant talons of the powerklaw. Though he couldn't really make head or tails of the damn thing he wasn't going to admit that. He was the Kaptin and had an image to uphold after all. He looked around himself as though he was trying to figure out what was around them.

He finally gave up with a grunt and shook the map off of him, tearing it just a bit more than needed to get rid of it. "Where be tha' zogin' Mek when ya be needin' him? There be a 'umie town jus' down there." He waved vaguely to his left it give the impression he knew what he was talking about. "An' I ain' go' any boyz ta take tha damne' thing! An' ya be only good fa throwin' once ya useless gi'!"

"WAAAAAAAAGGGHHH! Badsnaga shouted at the top of his lungs, wind flapping his lips in all manner of grotesque ways. If anyone had heard it they just might've been afraid for their life, but the chance of that was nil. Nothing in the universe could be heard of the roar, and ceaseless exploding sounds coming from his very own, brand new, Warbike. As he sped down an incline fast enough that he should've been feeling some G-force, he felt like the Ork. The big Ork! Even like a Big Mek at that moment! Of course, that was short lived. It turns out there was a sound that was louder than his new bike, and that was the Kapptain's Waagh!

So much for a fun day. Still, the bike might just save his life.

He turned towards the sound with a violent drift and cracked back the handlebar, the engine gunning to max with a deafening roar, the sound of an explosion, and plenty of smoke. It might have been made of human parts, but it was Orky. Real Orky. Cobbled together from the remains of two human vehicles, welded with a pistol somehow, and painted bleak red with the only thing around. Blood. It ran. And it ran fast. Badsnaga even had time to put a little dakka on it. His only regret was that it didn't have enough, then again.."Never enough Dakka.." with that he gunned the engine again and somehow it went a little faster.

He could already see the Kapptain up ahead, and he flashed his boss the toofiest grin he could. "Oi, Kappin! I built I's jus fa ya!"

Gobfang kept quiet when he watched the Kaptain fiddle with the map, to say that the massive ork in font of him did not know how to use a map was a bit of a understatement however saying something like that would have got him killed. He was thankful to Gork and Mork that he had picked left since that's where a human settlement was. However when the Kaptain mention they had no boyz to take the town, he realized that it would be a bad idea to go in unprepared.

Of course the sounds of a distant Waugh caught his attention along with the sounds of a warbike. Only some orkz were smart enough to make a machine and the only other ork that could have followed them was Badsnaga. Sure enough he saw the ork made bike make a stop.

Of course, Gobfang realized that the warbike probably made enough noise to be heard halfway across the planet meaning that some patrols are gonna find them. "Oi! Oi! With all 'da noise you'ze makin' you'ze gonna attract 'da 'umie attention on 'da planet. Course da 'umies gonna be krumped good if dey try 'un fight 'da orkz. I'z keep lookout, warn 'da rest of ya when I see 'da gitz." He spoke before placing a paire of googles on his face cloaking himself with an invisibility field before running off in a random direction to keep an eye out.

At first the giant Ork assumed the massive roaring was coming from inside his own head as he slowly getting a headache from the utter uselessness of the Orks around him. First his Mek causes them to be stuck in space, then gets them all lost on some strange planet without anything around to smash, then doesn't even have the decency to turn up when he bellows for the git. And to make matters worse there just wasn't enough around here for him to clobber, other than his Kommando, and right now he needed every Ork he could get. Useless or not.

He was pleased to see however, that the noise wasn't coming from his own skull, but rather it was coming from the rickety warbike that was coming straight down the hill towards them and was looking like the handiwork of the most annoying Mek he had ever had the misfortune to encounter. As the warbike ground to a halt he stomped his way over to it, seeing the Mek in question sitting there as though all had been forgiven. He quickly reassured the Mek that he was not forgiven for his constant blunders by smashing him in the face with the barrels of his dakkagun. That would teach the grot for messing up Da Greensmasha.

He turned back as the Kommando starting blithering about keeping a lookout in case any more of these 'umies were lurking around. Trying to avoid having to do any actual work more like. There's little lazier than a Kommando, sneaky gits trying to hide out away from where all the fun was. He should have thrown a few more of them through the tellyporta when he still had the chance, get rid of as many of the freeloaders as possible.

He practically threw himself onto the back of the warbike, not exactly having the ability to properly grab ahold of anything without just crushing it did had its disadvantages.
"Oi, ya lazy gro'. Dere be 'uimes ta crump, an' we ain' gonna ge' i' done from all da way o'er 'ere! Ge' drivin' dis damn thin'! An' fin' some way o' shou'in' up ta Da Greensmasha! Weze be nee'in' some boyz down' 'ere!"

All of Badsnaga's hopes were dashed with one swift, unbearably painful Thawk. He clutched his head and howled from the impact of the Kapptain's Shoota barelz, at least the Boss didn't just up and shoot him, right? Right..? Either way he shook it off as best he could and gunned the engines repeatedly, signally for the Kommando. "Get ova 'ere ya git Kommando! We ain't got all day'a jus sit 'ere! 'Umies to crump, lootz to take!" Despite the fact that he was a Mekboy he was still an Ork, and Orkz of all kinds love a fight. Good or otherwise.

"I' ya dun get yaself 'ere inna 'ext two seconds, weze levin' wi'out yaz!" There was no stopping this Orktrain now. They had a warbike, and lotsa Dakka. This planet was about to become an Ork planet.

While the Kaptain and the Mekboy were bust talking, he could see dust trails in the distance. using his googles Gobfang saw a whole group of human vehicles, trucks, lots of trucks. Apparently the group he had killed was supposed to have reported in but since he killed them all they sent out a team to find out. Of course the other orks did not know about that so he was safe. But before he could say anything he heard Badsnaga tell him he had two seconds to get on the bike or they would leave without him. Running at the speed of ork, Gobfang ran back to the bike and took a seat right behind the mekboy. "Floor it ya git! 'Umie trukks, lotz of em!" He called out as she readied his twin-linked big shoota and saw that the dust trails were nearly upon them.

The mekboy snickered as he looked towards the dust trail, gunned the engines and took off at breakneck speed right towards them. The engine roared like canon fire, the thruster burned at max and the side Dakkaguns let off occasional shots without any provocation. Badnsaga looked over his shoulder, shouting cheerily." 'Ay Kapptain. Wot ya says we go crump dem 'umies an' da trukks. Da mehta wood 'elp Da Greensmasha. Be dem fun too!" Why he asked was a mystery, considering they were already atop the human convoy.

"WAAAAGH!" was the only warning giving as the warbike flew directly into the first human truck. The explosion was terrific.

The second Gobfang saw the bike about to ram the human truck, he also gave one big and hearty. "WAUGHHHHH!" Soon he was engulfed in a fiery explosion only burning the paint off his shoddy armor.

The second the explosion cleared, Gobfang raised his Twin-linked big shooter and began to open fire on a human truck that was trying to shoot them with a large calibre weapon. Of course being a Kommando Nob and being a smart ork, his aim was not so messed up that he would miss a barn when he was standing right next to it. Instead his stream of hundreds of bullets each found their mark in the opposing truck, filling it with hundreds of holes before the truck gave out and spun out of control before crashing into the sand.

"Sos I ain't fast", Killwakkah grumbled after landing dust, "Ain't nothin fer me ta do if I gotz there first anyhow!"

Then a fireball shot into the sky shining on heavy goggles, "Haw! Therez me orkz now wit a flare! Red'z comin' ya gitz!"

A haggard brigandine on this painboy is flexible and separable. Killwakkah didn't speed up fast but he keeps on going the red made everything heal fasta. Killwakka's robust frame underneath showed tats both peace-like and WAUUGH under armless oilskin connecting the brigandine. Once Killwakkah got to speed the thumpin' got louder and woe betide the poor humie he used to stop with.

The prospect of a proper fight was certainly one to get Gutgor excited. A fight against weak 'umies was likely to be little more than murder as he simply walked right over them. It never failed to entertain him when he stepped on a 'umie head and watched bits of skull go flying every direction. And the idea that there was a whole convoy for him to crush was equally exciting. So exciting in fact that as soon as he caught of said convoy just ahead of them, he lept from the back of the warbike, as well as an Ork could when weighed down by massive armour, just as the warbike crashed into the lead truck. What he didn't do however was factor in momentum, and so he too followed the warbike through the back of the truck which did a surprisingly good job of slowly him down.

He emerged from the burning wreckage of the truck with a roar, just in time to see the second truck go veering off in an awkward spin under a hail of dakka. The third truck was coming straight for him however. He gave the oncoming hunk of metal a grim, toothy grin as he raised his massive powerklaw above his head as just before it crashed into him brought the jaws down on the front of the truck.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!" Came the might raw as the powerklaw bit into metal. The truck crumpled around where the powerklaw dug through it, as the driver learned to his dismay as he suddenly went flying out of the truck, barely missing splattering against against Gutgor, instead ending up being impaled by the burning remains of the first truck.

The Kaptin shifted his grip and spun the truck over, flipping it over onto its side and walked past the ruined wreck, pumping dakka into it from his dakkagun. The giant Ork laughed in glee at the carnage he had been able to unleash with such little effort. "Da' all ya go' ya useless gro's?! I don' nee' ma boyz ta crump da lo' a ya!"

Badsnaga had jumped off the warbike at the last possible second, the ensuing explosion knocking him flat and setting some of him on fire. It wasn't smart, it didn't make sense, but goddamn was the whole scenario just awesome. He looked around with a toofy grin as the rest of the crew splattered the poor 'umies. It was carnage and death everywhere, just the way it should be! With satisfaction in his heart he stumbled over to the wreckage and pulled Da Crumpa out from it. Gork he loved this thing.

"WWWAAAAGGGHHHH!" He flung Da Crumpa at the last 'umie trukk, pulling out his tiny red shoota pisstal and unloading dakka into the passengers. There's be more than enough from the wreckage for him to rebuild Da Greensmasha's engine, but right now. He had a better idea. "OI! Kapptain. Wot ya says 'e us crump dis 'ole planat 'un makes 'i ourz?"

Killwakkah hauled across country a bit short of a bike but stopped as well as his get up and go. Loud enough to hear the wumpawumpaWUMPWUMPA went straight into the side of a truck full o' dakka holes as killwakkah uses it to stop. As badsnaga pulls his crumpa out of another truck the ruined a of metal hurls by spinning limbs into the air from humies once inside.

"Ain't been 'ere long an already foun' somethin ta crump in 'da middle of nowherez! Sounds like da Kapptain! Killwakkah 'ere ta hold you orkz together!"

He walks over to Badsnaga the metal slices sealing shut smoothly over a weirdboy's tattoos. Killwakka eyes the ork under bits of fire and loads a red canister into a ork painta, "Oi! Ya gunna put that out so's I'n fix it?"

With the humans all throughly wrecked, Gobfang went to savaging the human weapons and ammunition and filling his bag full of loot. With his quick looting complete Gobfang heard Badsnagga say that they should take over the planet, he of course agreed to it. "I'z agree Kapptain. 'Dese 'umies and 'da trukks did not crump us. 'Da otha' 'umies can't crump us." Gobfang added before he turned his attention to the pain boy that arrived on the scene. By Mork! they had this planet under their control at this point. If the humans somehow injured them they had that doc to heal them up.

Gutgor was almost dissapointed by the fact they had run out of 'umies to crump. They went down far easier than most did and it was hardly even a challenge to smash them in the best of times. Still, he would have preferred to have more of the gits to be able to hit, one truck alone wasn't enough for him, though he had to admit it was pretty funny seeing it all just crumple around him like a sheet of thin metal around a rock.

He turned around as first the Mek, then even the Kommando spoke up with the idea of instead of finding the parts they needed and leaving to go lurking around the galaxy in the hope of somehow hoping to stumble across a battle or two. Instead they could stay here, make the planet good and Orky then move onto the next one and crump them too. They could get a proper WAAAGH! going if they really tried.

"Shu' i' ya gi's, unless ya lo' think ya can be da boss arooun' 'ere?! I was already thinkin' a settin' up down 'ere, dese 'umies ge' crumpe' goo' an' proper. Badsnaga, fin' a way ta shou' up ta Da Greensmasha, weze an' gonna be freebootaz anymore ladz, goin' from one pissin' en' a da galaxy to da other. Wezze gonna se' up a goo' an' proper WAAAGH! WAAAGH GUTGOR! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!" He raised his dakkagun into the air and pumped out some rounds, showing that he did indeed mean business

The clever Ork Badsnaga was off in his own little world, staring at the wreckage. He didn't even WAAGH with is Kapptain, something that would surely get him crumped a bit, but right now that didn't matter. Nothing but the three broken trucks did. The start of an amazing idea was forming in his slightly-less-empty-than-a-normal-Ork's-brain. Maybe he too was a great Ork inventor.

He fished his Crumpa from the wreckage of one of the trucks, oblivious to his comrades. Right now he could see it, feel it all in his head. How every joint, screw, nail, and piece of tape fit together, but not in the usual way..This was something different, something new. Instead of spikes, or Grot's nests, or chains, or just Dakka in the back of the Wartrukk..Something different. Something better. Maybe it wasn't even a wartrukk he was seeing, no, no it was something better.

"OI! KAPPTAIN! I 'ad an 'ida!" His toofy grin was wider than ever, "We 'un needa shou' at da boyz. I 'an build uz a tellyporta inna back'a Wartrukk. Dat wayz oll da boyz 'an jus' port 'ere! We 'an crump dis planat 'i nothin'!" His chest swelled out with pride, and he stuck his Crumpa into the ground. [color=green]"I jus' 'eed abitta time. Oll 'e 'avfta do 'i frow da Kommando frew 'i, an' 'e con tell da boyz. Den day 'an pop up 'erever we iz!"

Gobfange gave a hearty WAUGH with the Kaptain as he announced that they were creating a waugh in this galaxy. One of the best thing a warboss could announce and by Gork and Mork was he exited. He pointed his his gun into the air and began shooting and jumped in delight. This galaxy was going to see some green, and they were going to crump everyone they met. "Orkz I'z 'da biggest 'un 'da strongest 'un 'da smahrtest! WAUGHHHHHHHHHHHH!" He then fired of another barrage from his weapon.