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Skulduggery Pleasant
A wise-cracking skeleton detective with impeccible taste in clothing and a dangerous arsenal of elemental magic. He's probably your hero.
0 · 1,332 views · located in 
Terra
a character in “The Multiverse”, as played by ViceVersus
Description
So begins...
Skulduggery Pleasant's Story
- Seen 75 Times • Page 2 of 4 • 1, 2, 3, 4
"Boring, naaaaw .. " It was clear that Sanguine had given this considerable thought, "Me and Cate Blanchette, right? We'd hit it off. Maybe she'd be one of those detective things, but not freaky like you, no offense -- "
" -- none taken," Skulduggery murmured, winding that ragged scarf back around his neck.
" -- right. Anyways, she'd try to catch me. And each time I'd just get a little closer to killing her. Maybe cut some of her hair with my," he groped for his switchblade, but did not withdraw it, "well, you know. I do love the redheads. And eventually she'd realize she'd fallen for me. Her -- "
"What a dreadful movie!" The skeleton detective shook his head. "Where's the plot, the substance? Who's directing it?"
"Aw, shoot. I dunno, Michael Bay or somethin' like?"
"My, you are naieve."
" -- none taken," Skulduggery murmured, winding that ragged scarf back around his neck.
" -- right. Anyways, she'd try to catch me. And each time I'd just get a little closer to killing her. Maybe cut some of her hair with my," he groped for his switchblade, but did not withdraw it, "well, you know. I do love the redheads. And eventually she'd realize she'd fallen for me. Her -- "
"What a dreadful movie!" The skeleton detective shook his head. "Where's the plot, the substance? Who's directing it?"
"Aw, shoot. I dunno, Michael Bay or somethin' like?"
"My, you are naieve."
"Old news, darlin'. Old news." Billy-Ray waved his hand, but he didn't dwell on it too much. Skulduggery did not say anything to the matter either, and he didn't even tilt his head to the side. He just let Sanguine talk. Which was rare. "I'll do the filming sometime. Still working on a script. I ought to have you in it, you know. Maybe you'd be the first victim."
"May I be in it?" The skeleton detective said suddenly.
"May I be in it?" The skeleton detective said suddenly.
Both Skulduggery and Billy-Ray stared at Valkyrie. It was a rather eerie scene, as neither of them directly had eyes -- but the girl was laughing so hard it didn't matter anyways.
"She's a menace." Sanguine frowned.
"Isn't she?" The skeleton agreed sadly.
"Does she do anythin' useful?"
"Not really. No, not really at all. She makes smart remarks and gets in the way."
"Wouldn't it be easier," Billy-Ray once more stroked the front of his jacket, "to just, oh, cut her quietly across the throat?"
"She'd scream. And flail. Kind of a lot. It would make a remarkable mess. Besides, she makes me look good. Everyone needs a brooding, socially awkward teenager to follow them at all times. It improves one's confidence in one's already impressive poise and demeanor."
"She's a menace." Sanguine frowned.
"Isn't she?" The skeleton agreed sadly.
"Does she do anythin' useful?"
"Not really. No, not really at all. She makes smart remarks and gets in the way."
"Wouldn't it be easier," Billy-Ray once more stroked the front of his jacket, "to just, oh, cut her quietly across the throat?"
"She'd scream. And flail. Kind of a lot. It would make a remarkable mess. Besides, she makes me look good. Everyone needs a brooding, socially awkward teenager to follow them at all times. It improves one's confidence in one's already impressive poise and demeanor."
Skulduggery Pleasant did like to make an entrance -- and smashing in through the front window was certainly one way to go about doing so.
The way the glass shattered spoke more to how fast and hard Skulduggery had been thrown than how much mass he had -- after all, he was just bones and cloth and a few spare bullets. But no, in reality the detective had seen himself speeding towards the rather solid window, and managed to precede his untimely contact with a well-placed burst of air.
So shatter the glass did, and Skulduggery tumbled skull over feet until he reached a crouched position. Once more his head was knocked askew, and he jerked it back in place.
"Oh hello!" Skulduggery rose to his feet, not before grabbing his hat that had fallen to the ground along with him. He dusted the bits of glass from his suit, still talking to Valkyrie. "We have company, by the way. I just thought you might like to know."
The way the glass shattered spoke more to how fast and hard Skulduggery had been thrown than how much mass he had -- after all, he was just bones and cloth and a few spare bullets. But no, in reality the detective had seen himself speeding towards the rather solid window, and managed to precede his untimely contact with a well-placed burst of air.
So shatter the glass did, and Skulduggery tumbled skull over feet until he reached a crouched position. Once more his head was knocked askew, and he jerked it back in place.
"Oh hello!" Skulduggery rose to his feet, not before grabbing his hat that had fallen to the ground along with him. He dusted the bits of glass from his suit, still talking to Valkyrie. "We have company, by the way. I just thought you might like to know."
The troll shouldered his way in through the gap in the window not a second later. He was big, and he was mad. There were four bullet-sized holes peppering his chest and shoulders, gouging into the mottled flesh, but they seemed to bother it only as much as mosquito bites.
And Skulduggery was the mosquito.
"Rather unfriendly company, I must say." The skeleton detective raised a handful of fire, this time. "Best not to use the good china, I don't think. What's the phrase? Bull in a -- "
The troll howled, and charged at the skeleton.
And Skulduggery was the mosquito.
"Rather unfriendly company, I must say." The skeleton detective raised a handful of fire, this time. "Best not to use the good china, I don't think. What's the phrase? Bull in a -- "
The troll howled, and charged at the skeleton.
Skulduggery reared back with the fist full of fire, and drove it into the troll's stomach. It was messy and it was savage, but it had to be done.
"You know .. " the skeleton detective said as the flesh burned and the troll howled, "I am rather glad I don't have a sense of sm -- "
The troll gripped Skulduggery around the middle with familiarity, as though this had happened before. It sat up, and threw the skeleton the length of the room where he landed unhappily in the tangle of tables.
Before Valkyrie's eyes, the troll's smoking, flaming flesh began to heal. So did the bullet wounds, too. The scars were knotted and horrific, but they healed all the same. The troll looked for a second like it didn't know what was going on -- but when it realized that it could throw punches again, there was an evil little smile on it's thick, fat, face.
Skulduggery teetered this time as he got to his feet.
"The dangerous ones? Yes, I suppose," he looked grimly at the regenerating troll, "but you could also say I annoy the interesting ones, too."
"You know .. " the skeleton detective said as the flesh burned and the troll howled, "I am rather glad I don't have a sense of sm -- "
The troll gripped Skulduggery around the middle with familiarity, as though this had happened before. It sat up, and threw the skeleton the length of the room where he landed unhappily in the tangle of tables.
Before Valkyrie's eyes, the troll's smoking, flaming flesh began to heal. So did the bullet wounds, too. The scars were knotted and horrific, but they healed all the same. The troll looked for a second like it didn't know what was going on -- but when it realized that it could throw punches again, there was an evil little smile on it's thick, fat, face.
Skulduggery teetered this time as he got to his feet.
"The dangerous ones? Yes, I suppose," he looked grimly at the regenerating troll, "but you could also say I annoy the interesting ones, too."
"Working that out as I go."
Skulduggery used a gust of air to fling the scraps of table at the thing, as he leveled right cutting an arc, he started throwing more balls of fire.
They seemed to confuse and dazzle the creature. The troll would watch his own skin go up in flames with a curious expression, and then he would realize the pain --
-- the skeleton detective found his way behind the bar. He had two bottles of tequila in hand.
"I would suggesting moving, Valkyrie."
And then he lobbed the in the air.
One smashed on the ground at the troll's tiny feet, the other hit the creature in the stomach bounced back, and rolled safely away without causing any smashing. The alcohol caught on the flames and soon there was a lot of flaming, stamping, crying troll wandering around.
Skulduggery vaulted over the bar, now, as he was the only one who could get close to the horrific spectacle.
"I'm not entirely sure what to do now!" The detective admitted, "but it sure seemed like a good idea at the time."
Skulduggery used a gust of air to fling the scraps of table at the thing, as he leveled right cutting an arc, he started throwing more balls of fire.
They seemed to confuse and dazzle the creature. The troll would watch his own skin go up in flames with a curious expression, and then he would realize the pain --
-- the skeleton detective found his way behind the bar. He had two bottles of tequila in hand.
"I would suggesting moving, Valkyrie."
And then he lobbed the in the air.
One smashed on the ground at the troll's tiny feet, the other hit the creature in the stomach bounced back, and rolled safely away without causing any smashing. The alcohol caught on the flames and soon there was a lot of flaming, stamping, crying troll wandering around.
Skulduggery vaulted over the bar, now, as he was the only one who could get close to the horrific spectacle.
"I'm not entirely sure what to do now!" The detective admitted, "but it sure seemed like a good idea at the time."
The troll moaned, acrid smell of its own flesh filling the air. It would have died, fallen over, smoldered away in the most graphic way possible if it had not been enchanted. Skulduggery realized belatedly what he had done. He was torturing a creature that would never die, never have an end to its pain.
Whatever had given the troll this regenerative power ..
As the beast collapsed, finally, no longer able to moan as the fire ate at its lungs (it seemed spellfire was particularly more vengeful when it came in contact with alcohol) the skeleton detective felt a twinge of pity. And then almost as quickly as it came, it left.
"Finish it off," Skulduggery ordered. He lifted his gloved hand, and added more fire to the obscene blaze, "or it'll just heal completely, and be even more angry."
Whatever had given the troll this regenerative power ..
As the beast collapsed, finally, no longer able to moan as the fire ate at its lungs (it seemed spellfire was particularly more vengeful when it came in contact with alcohol) the skeleton detective felt a twinge of pity. And then almost as quickly as it came, it left.
"Finish it off," Skulduggery ordered. He lifted his gloved hand, and added more fire to the obscene blaze, "or it'll just heal completely, and be even more angry."
That was, of course, when Skulduggery decided to push his way in through those main doors that Valkyrie was trying to push out of.
The two stood stock-still, facing each other for maybe ten seconds or so. Skulduggery reached up slowly and took off his hat, revealing that bleach-white skull of his. If he had eyes, he would have blinked them twice.
"Well, hello," the skeleton detective said mildly, "did you decide that our meeting was so important you were about to come find me?"
The two stood stock-still, facing each other for maybe ten seconds or so. Skulduggery reached up slowly and took off his hat, revealing that bleach-white skull of his. If he had eyes, he would have blinked them twice.
"Well, hello," the skeleton detective said mildly, "did you decide that our meeting was so important you were about to come find me?"
Dom reached behind him, took up the bottle of vodka, slammed a glass down and poured the drink. His gray eyes never left Amber's and the old man was far too old, and far too wise to fall for her mumbling.
"Here you go, miss" the gnarled bartender grunted.
"Here you go, miss" the gnarled bartender grunted.
"You aren't wearing a watch."
Skulduggery tilted his head to the side.
"You never come look for me."
The skeleton detective slowly began to unwind the scarf from his neck.
"And you are very, very bad at lying," he turned his head slightly, eye sockets peering out the window, "which means I can only assume you were going to get into trouble. Because that is the only thing you manage to do at least with some sort of skill."
Skulduggery tilted his head to the side.
"You never come look for me."
The skeleton detective slowly began to unwind the scarf from his neck.
"And you are very, very bad at lying," he turned his head slightly, eye sockets peering out the window, "which means I can only assume you were going to get into trouble. Because that is the only thing you manage to do at least with some sort of skill."
"Your fancy sword is going to end people ignoring each other?" Dom arced one of his frizzled eyebrows.
"What was it? A particularly morbid-looking Haracatk? I've told you to stay away from those," Skulduggery just kept staring at Valkyrie, and her innocent smile was rather lost on the detective when he had no expression to offer in return, "I assume it can't be anything actually dangerous because then you would have stopped being so silly ages ago. And so I assume you're more embarrassed because you know very well that what I said is true, and you were just about to go skipping off into trouble."
He tapped a bony finger to his bony skull. It made an odd tapping noise.
"You cannot trick me, you realize. I am much too clever."
He tapped a bony finger to his bony skull. It made an odd tapping noise.
"You cannot trick me, you realize. I am much too clever."
"My voice does have a rather stunning timbre .. " Skulduggery stroked his square, boney chin, "I especially like the ring it gets to it when I'm right. Which is quite often, and I believe I will ask you again. What were you rushing outside to observe?"
"Valkyrie!" Skulduggery's voice became sharp, "you are being childish."
And as though he regretted how irate he had seemed, the skeleton detective added --
"Well, more so than usual. And I shall continue to nag at you about this until you tell me."
And as though he regretted how irate he had seemed, the skeleton detective added --
"Well, more so than usual. And I shall continue to nag at you about this until you tell me."
"I shall give you, I think, 'till the count of five. Yes, five seems a rather admirable number," the skeleton detective nodded, "and after that if you don't tell me, I'll come up with something that you were very excited to go look at, like purses or shoes or something. And then I will proceed to explain it to every villain we encounter, and no one will take you seriously, ever."
The skeleton detective popped up from behind the counter with an apron lashed around his middle. He was still wearing his pin-stripe suit, so he cut a rather comical figure. Skulduggery didn't seem to find it all that odd that he had been, say, hiding behind the counter, like.
"Did you check for enemies?" he asked mildly, handing her a juice box no matter what she had ordered.
"Did you check for enemies?" he asked mildly, handing her a juice box no matter what she had ordered.
- Seen 75 Times • Page 2 of 4 • 1, 2, 3, 4