Ashamed of my past faults, I remain; I avow my own iniquities; But in my vault, cut off, from confession; Leaden in my lurid and cold last home; This haunting hill is where I lay, endlessly; The worms shall eat on the tainted reeking meat The fate of all
The Tale of Stingy Jack
by RydeDAWG
There was once a man that lived in Ireland who went by the name of Stingy Jack. Why was the man's name Stingy Jack you may ask? Well, Stingy Jack was a callous old man that loved to play tricks. He loved to play tricks so much that he didn't care who he played tricks on. Friends, Strangers, Church folks, and why he would even play tricks on his old mother. News tends to spread fast in small towns, like the one that Jack lived in, so fast that every man heard about the deeps of Jack from Dublin to Belfast. Eventually the old snake, known as the Devil, heard about Jack and his transgressions. The Devil's impatience and desire began to cloud his judgment for all things sensible. He wanted Jack's soul and he wanted it now.
On a chilly Irish evening, when the fog was beginning to settle again, and the folks needed a few more drinks; Jack entered his favorite pub. Being the callous old dog that Jack was, many people didn't like the idea of having a pint with a man such as him. Stingy Jack didn't mind this one bit; for Stingy Jack was a queer fellow that always said: "Better to drink alone than with a friend who may make me foot the bill."
But things would be different for Stringy Jack tonight, because tonight Stingy Jack had company. Not any company mind you. No, this company was of the queer type much like Stingy Jack himself. He wore black double-breasted suit that was buttoned from his neck to his waist. A red squared handkerchief in a beast pocket and a tie that matched so lovingly. The Man's pants alone were so clean and pressed that he made even the cleanest looking folks in the bar look like simple peasants; he even wore shoes that were so polished someone could have mistaken his shoes as mirrors.
"Hello there, Jack. Mind if I have a few drinks with you?" The Devil asked.
"Depends Devil, if you can hold your spirits as well as an old Irish man like myself." Jack quipped.
The Devil laughed and gave old Jack a bright but toothy grin that could send shivers down any man. Not Jack though. The Devil could tell this was the very Stingy Jack that Ireland was in a buzz about and he was going to love collecting his soul. So the night went on and both the Devil and Jack drank until morning. Sharing laughs and stories of their lives. The time came though for the two to be on their way and that was when the devil told jack.
"Jack you've been living a bad and mischievous life so I'm here to talk your soul to hell with me." The Devil said. "Now don't you fight me Jack because we both know you won't win with how old you are."
"Your right, Devil, I have been living a sinners life…but before I go to hell with you how about I play one last trick?" Jack asked looking at the devil with his old brokenhearted eyes.
"Well I suppose that won't do any harm." The devil rubbed his chin and smiled. "No I don't suppose that would do any harm at all. I do love a good trick myself…so Stingy Jack what do you have in mind?" The Devil said as he leaned in with a laugh and a wag of his tail.
"I was thinking, being the old snake that you are, that you could change yourself into a gold coin. We will pay the all the drinks using you as the coin and then you will transform back once I leave and we'll have committed two sins: Theft and trickery. " Well, the old Devil nodded his head as he thought about the idea. It was a splendid idea! Thought the Devil. So soon the Devil nodded his head and transformed into a gold coin. The coin bounced around on the counter a few times before coming to true landing. Jack then swooped his hand down and put that coin in his pocket where he kept his old crucifix. That old Devil was trapped in Jack's pocket; stuck in that shape of a coin until Jack decided to let him go.
"Why you old bastard!" yelled the devil. "You tricked me! Curse you Stingy Jack! Curse you and all your family!"
Jack hit his pocket and grumbled. "You hush up now, Devil. You won't be cursing my family or me on this day. Your stuck in my pocket until you make an honest deal with me!"
"Yes, yes anything just let me out of this pocket and away from this cross!"
"Alright Devil if I'm gonna let you go you got to promise me that you will leave me alone and my family. You hear me devil?" Jack asked.
"Yes I understand and I accept so please just let me out!"
Stingy Jack kept good too his word and let that Devil out of his pocket. With the coin in his hand he put the devil under his thumb and flipped him a few good times then tossed him away.
A few years passed after that night, and one would think that any man would learn to live a godly life after such an encounter, but not Stingy Jack. Oh, no, Stingy Jack wouldn't learn his lesson because he was a queer and callous old fool. This would catch up with Stingy Jack because word went around about his misdeeds and his tale of how he tricked the devil. People from Dublin to Belfast heard the stories, but no one believed him. No one, except that old Devil.
Now Anger fuelled the Devil's desire for Stingy Jack's soul and he wouldn't be having some old fool going around ruining his name. While Stingy Jack slept under his apple tree the Devil came to him. Though this time he didn't come as the classy English-man he came as years ago; oh no this old Devil was furious and he let Stingy Jack see his true form.
Jack looked up at this gruesome Devil with a fright when his eyes opened. Stingy Jack shivered and could hardly muster the courage to speak to the devil. Though one would think he wouldn't get a word in edge wise with his flaming old snake.
"Stingy Jack! You made a fool of me and you've been telling the story to everyone! Now Jack I will take your soul with me to hell and there you and I will spend eternity together where I'll flip and toss you around!" The Devil roared.
Jack looked around quickly and his eyes landed on the last apple that hanged on his tree for the season. Jack then returned his gaze to that old Devil and smacked his lips and looked as pathetic as he could.
"Yes Devil I have done an awful thing to you and I'll go with you too Hell like I know I deserve. I just ask that I have one last apple from my tree before we go. I would go up and get it myself but I'm far to old and weak to be climb this tree and it would take far to long."
The Devil looked up at that one last apple just hanging there. This would be a sort of last meal. Thought the Devil and he saw a last meal as a reasonable request from any damned man who may never know the taste of food again. So the devil nodded and up he went as he climbed that tree to get that last apple. But before the devil knew it Jack whipped out his pocketknife and craved a cross into the bark of the trunk. The old Devil was trapped once again and Jack Smiled over his victory.
"Poor old Devil seems to be stuck up in a tree. I find being stuck up in an apple tree a much more poetic prison for the snake that tempted man to eat the forbidden fruit. How does it feel that things may have taken a complete circle for you, Devil?" Jack asked as he laughed and jeered.
"Damn you, Jack! Damn you Jack and Damn your whole Family you old Bastard!" the devil roared from up in the tree.
Jack picked up a stone and threw it at the devil and hit the being right between the eyes. "Hush now, Devil. You won't be damming me or my family today and I won't let you down until you make a deal with Me."
"What do you want now, Jack?" the devil sighed.
"I want you to promise that you will never claim my soul! Even after I die you must never claim my soul!" Stingy Jack said.
"You've been more trouble than your worth, Stingy Jack. You have a deal so let me down from this tree!"
Jack again kept good to his word and let that old Devil down from the tree. The Devil glared at old Jack and slivered away back into the bowls of Hell where Jack thought he would see the last of that old snake.
Years passed and again Jack never learned his lesson. Though it wouldn't mind because Jack was old and couldn't cause too much trouble towards the end of his life. And like all men, Jack finally died known as the queer old callous man called Stingy Jack from Dublin to Belfast.
Jack would first find his trip would start at the gates of heaven where he saw a man that stood out front with two very large angels standing next to him. The man wore the purest white robe Jack had ever seen and he thought this man looked nicer in his simple white robe than the devil did in his fancy suit. The Man also held in his hands a book that was tucked underarm.
"You must be Saint Peter!" Jack said.
"I am." Saint Peter said simply.
"Well Saint Peter would you mind telling your angel friends here to open the gates of heaven for me?"
"Yes."
"Yes?"
"Yes I would mind telling them anything of the sort before asking your name. So spirit…what is your name?"
"Oh, My name is Jack, Saint Peter…people called me Stingy Jack."
Well Saint Peter took that book that he held underarm and he opened it up. With a simple blow from his breath the pages began to turn one after the other so fast that it was open and closed in five seconds flat.
"I'm Sorry but it says here that I am not to have you let in." Saint Peter said tucking that large book back under his arm. Jack found that a bit unexpected and with his mouth still agape he looked Saint Peter up and down.
"You didn't see that in that book of yours! The pages flipped to fast for anyone to see anything. Check that book of yours again."
"I will not because I did see what was written about you. I am sorry Jack but you must leave you have lived your life the way you wished now be on your way and find a different place to rest."
With his head held low and his heart crushed Stingy Jack left the gates of heaven. Not even he could think of a way to trick his way into that place. Seeing no other choice for himself Jack made his way to the large iron door of Hell. There sitting in front of that large door sat the devil on a large rock.
"Hello again, Stingy Jack, come to find rest in hell I see." He said before Jack could open his mouth. "But last I checked I had a deal with you and I plan on keeping that deal. I will never be able to claim your soul." That old Devil smiled so big at Jack that he finally felt those shivers run down his spine.
"Oh but you must let me into Hell! Heaven has rejected me and if Hell is to reject me as well then I will have to wonder the darkness that is in-between these places!" Jack pleaded with the devil.
That old Devil though had no compassion for the old rival and he just tilted his head as he took in Jack's sad face. Finally Satan stood up from his rock, opened the large iron door and stepped inside. Slamming the door in poor old Jack's face.
"Devil please let me in!"
"I will not, Jack! I am going to honor our agreement!" The Snake laughed.
"What will I do with myself!?" Jack panicked.
Suddenly the peep door opened up and a burning coal from the eternal pit flew out at Jack. Jack stood back scared and looked down at it for some time before hearing the devil's voice one last time.
"Use the coal jack…oh and good luck with the rest of your eternity." The laugh rang out; it eventually got quieter as the devil went deeper into Hell.
With the eternally burning coal, pocketknife, and his turnip from his pocket Jack made a lantern to help light his way. Heaven rejected him and Hell couldn't take him. Stingy Jack walked into the darkness of the afterlife with only his lantern in his hands and a crashed and broken heart. The folks that saw Jack's old Ghost would dub him Jack of the Lantern. With hate and fear building up in his mind and his broken heart wailing in his soul Jack forever became an evil spirit. Though soon people found a way to trick the old trickster himself by craving lanterns out of turnips and potatoes. Making poor old evil Jack loose his way in the darkness