Hello, my name is: Robert Connor Lancaster
But you call call me:Robbie, Rob or Robert
My role in this story is: A-Team Member Four
I'm only: 23
I was born in: Nashville, Tennessee.
And on the: Twelfth of October
People say that I'm: a sweet person. Everyone sees me as the baby to the group, the one who is always more hesitant. They think I'm some pure white,
innocent child but I'm not. What see is the side I want them to, the carefully calculated maneuvers and the perfectly practiced smiles. I am a bright guy but I don't like to show it, I prefer go out of my way to seem average.
I love to spend time with my friends. I have done everything I could to keep them. As much as I would have liked to give up on the games a while ago but I was desperate to stay a part of the group. It's gotten bigger but I quite enjoy it, the more the merrier. We've become a real force to be reckoned with. My family life at home kind of sucks, so these people are the closest I have and I'm not ready to lose them just yet. We started off as just acquaintances but we've grown to have a truly strong friendship, and with some of the girls even more than that. Nothing has every really been serious though, the closest I've come was with Fauna back home, but I was like eleven marrying a nine year old on the playground so that doesn't really count.
I love to have fun and am truly a joy to be around. People say that my smile lights up the room and it's something I do often. I always find myself either smiling or laughing, even if its just at some stupid, semi-humourous comment someone made.
The side that no one sees though is my darker one. The one that has a compulsive need to gamble. Blackjack, to be specific, not that I'm any good at it at all. I'm actually quite awful, but I keep feeling the need to play, as though somehow I think I'll get a good hand and win all the money I've lost back. I hate the fact that I can't stop, I'm trying but I keep finding myself back in that dark place again. And then afterwards in an even darker place. One that has left scars along my hips and legs
I absolutely love:
-Candy
- My friends
-Popcorn
-Movies
-Oreos
-Walks
-Hikes
-Dogs
-Children, as long as they're not annoying
-Eating out
-Buying the things I want
-Winning money
-Pizza
But I can't stand:
-PDA
-Gambling
-Getting drunk, usually leads to blackjack
-Smokers
-Buses
-Police
-Crowds
-Seeing couples doing coupley things
-Dark chocolate
-Drama
Oh, and I'm petrified of: falling back into gambling again. I'm finally starting to pull myself out of the hole I've dug myself and falling back in would start the cycle all over again
If I could, I'd love to be: free, free of my addiction and the dark hole it spins me into
But in reality, I work here: At a restaurant downtown as a host
Shhhh, don't tell anyone, but: I have an extreme addiction to blackjack which then leads to self harm and cutting.
My life so far? Well...: I was born to an average middle class family in Tennessee, and by family I mean a recently married couple who had never planned on having any children. I guess that's why I was the only one they had. We never had much growing up, lived in a decent enough house, went to an alright public school. They never went out of their way to ensure I had everything I wanted. I never went through any hardships our can say that I had any traumatic experiences, I lived a good life and can't really complain about it.
Fauna, Fauna was my best friend. Despite how young we were, and our age differences we got along great. I saw her nearly every day between school and living around the corner from one another. She was, and still is, the prettiest girl I'd ever seen. We were so young and stupid but we were inseparable and for once in my life my family approved. I can honestly say that I loved her. It all came to a crashing halt though. When I was 17 , my father was offered a position in New York. It was a dream come true for them, everything he had worked so hard to achieve. I had no choice, as much as I wanted to stay, I was dragged away and plopped in the city. I was alone and in a new and unfamiliar place. I missed home so much, I wished everyday to go back, I would have traded all of my new shiny things for my old life. However, that's in the past now, she's in the past; my past, but the past none the less.
Over the years my accent disappeared, somewhat of my own accord but nonetheless gone. Now it only appears after some liquor. I got used to the money and my new life. I made some new friends and got accustomed to my new surroundings. My family's new success made them more distance. They had even less time for me now and instead chose to buy me off with new toys and a hefty allowance. This allowance turned out to be a bad idea. I took out my frustrations on the blackjack table. I needed to win at something, anything, for once in my life. I started slow, betting the change I had in my pocket. The more I lost the more I thought I needed to get it back. I thought if I could win just one good hand, bet just enough to win and refill my savings. But I never won, the more I lost the worse I felt. Soon I began cutting, in places no one can see. I felt guilt and pain it was my outlet. I sill feel the urge to gamble whenever I get stressed but I am trying to recover from it, I'm so close to beating it but also so close to relapse. I know that if I do I'll lose everything, everything I've worked so hard to keep.
I met Wisteria when they were in their last year of high school and she initiated me into her little group. I soon found comfort in them, and being new to the city, being let into one of the tightest knit groups was a blessing. So when Wisteria suggested our little rebellion I went along with it. It was fun at first and we truly had a blast but even when it got old and I was worried about the outcome I didn't back out. The others might blame her for our current situation, but I don't, none of us expected to be punished let alone completely cut off. Now that we are stuck moving into this massive crap shoot of an apartment I will be sharing an apartment with Fletcher. That's a scary thought, I mean he's my friend and everything but he gets a little out of hand sometimes and blacks out. What's even scarier is the idea of what kind of sketchy people we will be sharing a building with. Not that I hope to be spending much time in my apartment anyway. I'd much rather be spending my time with Wisteria, now before you get any ideas its nothing serious, just a little fling. I do care for her though, for me it's more than just a bit of lust, I actually enjoy spending time with her which is something that I haven't felt in the longest time.
