{
}"I'm sorry... Just pay no mind to me. I don't want to speak..."
Dɪᴀʟᴏɢᴜᴇ Cᴏʟᴏʀ ✦ #0E00A8 || Tʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛ Cᴏʟᴏʀ ✧ #5C8AE6
Vocal Theme || Mairieux | Rachie ||
Leitmotif || Hope | Dai ||
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
- Nadine Marise Vallentin
- Origin and Meaning: "Nadine," pronounced "na-deen," means "Hope." Marise, pronounced like "Marie's," with a hard z sound, is a diminutive of Mary, meaning "Beloved." Vallentin, contrary to what you might expect, actually means "Healthy" or "Strong" - the latter usually in an intellectual sense, like a "strong argument," rather than a physical one.
- Val
- Origin and Meaning: It's kind of hard to make a nice-sounding nickname out of "Nadine," so she usually prefers to either go by her full first name, or by this shortening of her surname. Upper class individuals in Agria tend to use their surnames in formal conversations, so this preference isn't all that unusual. It's largely irrelevant, anyway, as she doesn't have any friends to begin with.
- Female
- 16
✦ Role ✦- Girl 1: The Voiceless
- Heterosexual
- Sajou Ayaka, Fate/Prototype
{
}...Huh? You want to know more about me? ...Why?
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
- 5 Feet, 4 and 1/3 Inches.
- 122 Pounds.
- Bright Blue
- Dark Chocolate Brown
- An average girl of average height. Agrian women, especially those of the pedigreed bloodlines, tend to be a head shorter than most of their peers, and Nadine is no exception. Most people she interacts with on a regular basis tend to be at least half a head taller than her.
Her build might certainly be called naturally athletic, as it's prominently disposed towards her limbs - with most of what height she has being made up by her long legs. However, if this is the case, Nadine could certainly be accused of squandering her body's endowments, as, aside from her legs, she lacks any sort of muscle almost completely. What muscle she does have is mostly the result of frequent long walks and the occasional jog or run in order to keep from getting overweight, and even then, she hasn't been entirely successful in reclaiming her figure, as she's just a tad on the pudgy side. Although her rather conservative choices in clothing usually prevent people from noticing the traces of fat still clinging to her hips, she's very sensitive about her weight, and makes some rather extreme - and oftentimes unhealthy - dieting choices in order to maintain her inactive lifestyle while still reaching a certain level of approximation to the Agrian ideals of beauty. For similar reasons, her skin is very pale, with a faint pinkish-white hue that suggests even to those who don't know her well that Nadine doesn't go outside very often. While a valued trait in Agria, it might strike those not from that particular island as unusual. Combined with its soft, roughly uniform texture, almost like porcelain, this coloration gives her a strangely doll-like appearance, especially when combined with her overall body proportions. With thin arms, dainty hands, narrow shoulders, broad hips, and long, limber legs, she certainly looks similar enough to some sort of antique doll.
When I spoke earlier of Nadine's natural endowments, however, I wasn't actually speaking in the sense you might expect. When it comes to her curves... well, they're there, but they aren't exactly all that notable. Her build is just as average in regards to physical proportions as it is to her height - save, again, perhaps in the sole exception of her legs. Regardless of what one likes, however, the fact of the matter is that Nadine isn't exactly beautiful in either the traditional nor the modern sense. She's neither a buxon vixen nor a refined wall flower. Her face, just like the rest of her, is quite simply ordinary. Her jawline is somewhat narrow, but defined, its slight angularity contrasting somewhat with her full cheeks and slightly high cheekbones, which give her countenance a somewhat dull, childlike aspect. Her nose is small and rounded, and her similarly petite ears tend to slip beneath the curtains of her hair and out of sight. However, her eyes are rather deeply set, with faint dark circles always visible underneath them - a natural result of her poor sleeping habits and the imprints left on her face by her spectacles, no doubt - while her brow is rather high. As a result, the uppermost and lowermost portions of her face have a rather rigidly defined, slightly angular form, while her rounded cheeks balance out this aspect, making her countenance a sort of patchwork compromise between the firm features of a mature woman and a childish "babyface."
Her lips are somewhat thin, but have a distinctly pink hue of their own, which she seldom bothers to enhance or otherwise tamper with, as she doesn't often bother with makeup, given how little she concerns herself with social functions in general. Her teeth are in decent enough condition, and for the most part, they retain their original white hue. Her wide-set cheeks also have faint dimples in them, if one cares to look, but these are seldom visible save when she smiles, which isn't as often as you might think. Overall, her face has its charm points, but there are also several less-than-ideal aspects of her countenance, of which she's all too aware. For example, she's deeply ashamed of what she calls her "shut-in eyes" - or, more accurately, the dark blotches beneath them - and of the lingering baby fat in her cheeks, feeling it makes her look overly childish and clashes with the rest of her face. She doesn't really complain about her appearance, or fuss over it too much, but at times, it's pretty clear that she feels a bit overshadowed by others when it comes to matters of beauty.
Still, even somebody like her has a few things that they're proud of, and in her case, these particular crowning glories are her eyes and hair. The former she holds in esteem because of their rare color - bright, icy blue, like a clear summer sky. Coupled with her somewhat pale complexion and rather dark hair above them, their color really stands out in her face, making them seem to almost glow. They tend to be quite expressive as well, as the height of her cheekbones and the prominence of her cheeks causes them to narrow or widen quite notably as her expression changes, which, coupled with her for the most part pristine teeth and natural dimples, gives her quite the smile - were she ever to indulge in one. In short, her eyes may not be "deep and bright as twin pools reflecting the light of a full moon," or something similarly flamboyant, like the heroine in a romance novel might have, but they certainly grab one's attention right from the moment you look at her face. It's all the more unfortunate, then, that they're usually obscured by a pair of simple black-rimmed spectacles, meant to compensate for her farsightedness. Her hair, however, usually remains uninhibited. While brown may not be a terribly unique or striking color for hair, in her case, it just sort of works. Its color is rich and vibrant, and compliments her fair skin and bright eyes by tempering her natural colors with a darker aspect. However fetching it may be, however, it can be a bit hard for her to control. It tends to be very straight near the base of each strand, but as each grows longer, it starts curling out and away, which eventually prompted Nadine to simply limit its length to that of her own neck, as well as keeping it trimmed just above her eyes to keep it out of her face while she reads. Nevertheless, her hair's somewhat quirky nature does give it a rather curious appearance, as it appears so dark it's almost black close to her head, but as the individual curtains begin to curl, diffuse, and scatter, with each hair going its own way, they don't absorb nearly as much light, and so seem to grow brighter they further they go from her head, giving her "natural highlights" of a sort. As a whole, her hair is very soft, but as each strand curls outward, its texture ceases being something a romance author might describe as "smooth as silk" or the like, and becomes more... fluffy, I suppose, would be the best word to describe it.
As mentioned earlier, her usual manner of dress is fairly conservative, yet casual - mostly blouses or pullover shirts coupled with skirts or shorts or the like, with the occasional addition of something like a cardigan sweater if the weather happens to be cold. As a student of the Twin Stars Academy, she's usually seen clad in the women's Machinist uniform when on campus, consisting of a button-up white blouse with a bright red ribbon fastening the collar, over which she wears a navy blue sweater with matching red trim, and a short gray skirt with white accents. A universal constant of her wardrobe, however, are several roughly identical pairs of opaque black tights that she usually wears with everything that might bare her legs, be it shorts or a skirt. Due to her very conservative upbringing, Nadine would be kind of embarrassed to even let so much as her legs go uncovered in public, as a woman baring any skin below the collarbone - with the exception of hands - is viewed as scandalous on her native island. She favors fairly simple footwear - usually featureless sneakers or sandals - and also tends to go without any major accessories. Although she has a few small pieces of jewelry and one or two more formal outfits she brought with her, she very seldom uses them, as her various social phobias tend to dissuade her from attending any sort of social functions. Like her other outfits, these formal garments are also usually very conservative due to Agrian social and sexual mores.
Her rather meager wardrobe isn't necessarily because she doesn't care about her appearance, however. As mentioned above, she's keenly aware of how she looks, and, more often than not, rather ashamed of it. However, it's also not only because she's afraid of socializing. If anything, the main reason is actually because she spends so much of her money on books, she has little pocket cash left to pay for any new clothes or other such things.
- Bright Blue Eyes: Although they crop up frequently in fiction, blue eyes are actually one of the rarest eye colors natural to Humans. What's more, blue eyes are recognized on her home island of Agria as a sign of innate nobility, being one of the hallmarks of "Fair" heritage. Due to this fact, women with blue eyes are prized very highly in her homeland. As such, they're one of the few features than Nadine truly prides herself on. However, even this part of her isn't safe for her regrets. After her history of being overshadowed by others, maybe she doesn't feel as though someone like her deserves such a trait of "nobility."
- Fluffy!: As mentioned above, what her hair lacks in length, it makes up for in fluff, seeming to frame her face in a little brown cloud. It kind of just makes you want to pat her on the head - although how well she'd take this is always in question.
- Glasses: She's seldom seen without them, due to her farsightedness making it somewhat difficult for her eyes to focus on objects directly in front of her without wearing them. Given how much she loves reading, it's no surprise that she only really takes them off when she's sleeping or bathing. As such, they've become something of a distinctive feature of her countenance, perhaps even to the same extent as her eyes and face shape.
- Pale: Nadine is several shades paler than almost anyone she hangs out with on a regular basis, making her stand out as a bit odd to most people who see her. This, and the dark circles beneath her eyes are something of a dead giveaway of her shut-in lifestyle, and tend to earn her a bit of mockery and derision outside of her homeland.
- Adjusting Her Glasses: The way she chooses to adjust her spectacles should they slip down her face tends to say a lot about her emotional state. If she actually reaches up and takes hold of the frames of each lens, she's probably pretty calm, and is likely in a good mood. If she adjusts them by giving a firm push on their bridge with her index finger, however, she's probably concentrating very intently, and is likely angry, or upset. In this sense, her glasses are almost like an extension of her expression.
- Expressive, Yet Silent: Due to how difficult it is for her to vocalize, she tends to express herself through other ways. The most obvious would be by messaging people using her P.T. so that she doesn't need to raise her voice, but that isn't the only way one can figure out what she's thinking. More often than not, her emotions are painted very plainly on her face, while her expressions and gesticulations have a certain exaggerated, theatrical element to them that makes it kind of easy to see right through her. If she's worrying about something, her eyes will shift from left to right and back again, as though looking for a physical solution to a mental problem. If she's scared or uncomfortable, she tends to fidget a bit to distract herself. If she's sad, she'll avoid the eyes of others, sulking in a way that makes it painfully obvious to see that she's moping. And, if she's happy, her rare smiles tend to be so bright and obvious that you can't help but notice. In this sense, it's possible to get a good idea of what she's thinking about, even though she almost never speaks.
{
}I don't really have much to say, least of all about myself. If you've got nothing good... better to say nothing at all, right?
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
- Nadine is nothing if not a mass of apparent contradictions. She is quiet and gloomy, yet generous and kind. She's witty and creative, and yet seldom able to put any of her thoughts into words or ideas into actions. She's weak and cowardly, running away from everything that intimidates her. And yet, when it comes to the things that matter most to her, she'll be the first one to take a stand. She's emotional, empathizing easily with the plain demonstrations of feeling in her books. And yet, when it comes to real people, she can never tell what they're feeling or thinking, and has no idea what steps she should take to bridge the disconnect between herself and others. She's honest even when she doesn't want to be, her feelings painted plainly upon her face for all to see. On the other hand, first she has to be made to feel something. Distanced as she is from others, she spends most of her days rather disinterested with the real world and all things and people in it, feeling she has no useful input to provide even if it were solicited.
Nadine's most notable trait is fairly obvious to anyone who's had to deal with her in any regard more significant than, say, passing her in a hallway. Namely, she seems, at first glance, to be incapable of speaking, as when directly addressed, she only responds via either vague signs, gestures, and expressions, or by writing messages to others using her P.T. Thus, while most who actually meet her assume she's somehow physically mute, they soon find that her vocal cords are fine - as she's capable of vocalizing, a realization that usually takes place when someone or something surprises her and she lets out a squeak of fright. She still has a tongue, also, so those who deal with her for a long enough period of time to realize these things oftentimes wonder, then, why it is that she doesn't speak. While she is mute, this condition is more psychological than physical, as she has an intense anxiety about actually trying to talk to others that makes even attempting to speak a veritable nightmare for her. If given no other choice, she'll break out in a shivering, cold sweat, her breath catching in her throat as though physically refusing her will that it be turned into words. She feels dizzy and nauseous, and soon falls into such a state of panic that she feels as though she'll vomit. It's worst when she's in an area with multiple people, as their attention makes her feel even more anxious. Between her choking, nausea, elevated heart rate, and overwhelming anxiety, trying to speak when people's attention is on her can actually be physically painful for her, driving her to avoid raising her voice whenever possible. To those who aren't familiar with her circumstances, however, she can under certain circumstances appear to simply be petulant, many people making the mistake of assuming that her silence is some childish and stubborn refusal to acknowledge other people, akin to sticking her fingers in her ears and saying "La La La, I can't hear you."
Her second most notable trait is likely part of this particular problem. While Nadine doesn't care much for the world around her, she absolutely adores the thousand fictitious worlds that exist within her books. If there's even the slightest chance to read, she'll be found with her face buried in some novel or another, her eyes almost immediately ceasing their unfocused, blank wanderings and focusing with the utmost intensity upon the story before her. While reading, it's almost as if she forgets entirely about reality in favor of the world contained within her books. And, in this state, she's almost as easy to read as the books themselves. Her eyes will go wide with shock whenever there's a surprising plot twist, or she'll start to grin and giggle to herself if somebody says something funny. You could probably discern the general themes of an entire novel without ever turning a page yourself just by watching Nadine read it. She almost looks like she's actually reacting directly to a world only she can see... which is kind of a problem, really, since it means that once she starts reading a book, one has to practically pull her away from the page in order to get her attention, as she ignores everything around her in favor of concentrating entirely on the story. Some might call this sort of infatuation "cute." Others, on the other hand, might call it "annoying."
Aside from these more obvious manifestations of her personality and preferences, however, Nadine can be very, very difficult to get a read on as a person due to her conscious inability to speak. Without her attitude to use as a frame of reference, one must base all judgements concerning her upon the ways she reacts to things. As such, some aspects of her nature are entirely obvious, while others are much harder to discern. What one can easily tell after a few encounters with her is that she seems to have a certain double standard about how she reacts to comments on herself. If one praises her, she might flush with embarrassment and shake her head to try to deny it, but she's almost always smiling, seeming overjoyed to have earned someone's approval, almost like a puppy who's just been told she's a good dog and will get a biscuit. On the other hand, though, if one criticizes her, she'll simply nod and look away. The first is infinitely more obvious, but the second is definitely more notable. When praised, she'll seem very happy for a short period of time. However, when criticized, Nadine's demeanor will undergo an infinitely more permanent shift, as she'll seem much more subdued and wary around the one who scolded her, as though she's deliberately trying to make herself inconspicuous to avoid further criticism. Lacking much in the way of self-esteem, she thus tends to judge herself by how other people react to her. If she does one thing right, then that's a sign she's on the right track. However, if somebody says she did something wrong, then she can never allow herself to forget that mistake, desperately trying to avoid repeating it. A compliment will make her day. An insult will cast a shadow over her entire world, one that may potentially linger for the rest of her life.
Even leaving her social awkwardness and lack of self-esteem aside, Nadine is... kind of a dork. Okay, that's an understatement. She's an IMMENSE dork. She tends to take everything very seriously, with a very strong sense of responsibility, judging things rather strictly based on right and wrong and always trying to do the right thing, so as not to regret her choices later. This extends even to things most people would find insignificant due to the strict nature of her conscience. She's the kind of person who feels obligated to do every bonus assignment the teacher gives out, because if he asked at all, that means that he wanted it done. She's the kind of person who realizes that the cashiers gave her fifty cents more in change than they were supposed to, and so returns to the store thirty minutes later to give it back. What's more, she doesn't deal well with conflict - in part because she's too anxious to defend herself vocally, and in part simply because she has almost no backbone when it comes to standing up to others. If somebody asks her for a favor, she'll probably do whatever they request just to avoid an argument. Put simply, she doesn't know how to refuse someone.
Her seriousness, coupled with her relative social inexperience, can make her seem a bit thick at times, as she doesn't always pick up on what is a joke and what isn't. This especially rings true with people poking fun at her, as she's very easily embarrassed, and doesn't always realize that playful quips and jabs aren't meant as actual criticisms of her. She's also terrible at reading the mood, and so tends to take vague emotional cues rather poorly. If someone were depressed and avoiding others, she'd probably assume that they were mad at her in particular, and try to apologize - despite the fact that she herself is depressed and avoids all other people intentionally, and so thus has every reason to understand what they're doing and why. This is partially because she just has very little experience interacting with others, and partially because she tends to fill in the blanks when it comes to what other people are thinking based solely on her own feelings. Since she dislikes herself, that's the first thing she'll assume others feel. On the flip side, if she were trying to cheer somebody up or make amends to someone, she'd probably give them book recommendations, since that's the only surefire way she really knows how to improve her own mood.
She's not stupid, however. Possessed of a keen, somewhat analytical intellect, as well as a very good memory, Nadine is a fairly good student, since she finds it easy to remember most details she needs without even having to write them down. However, she doesn't feel that this makes her particularly smart, either - it just means that she's good at memorizing and recreating the products of other people's intelligence. When it comes to practical experience and wisdom, she's... kind of clueless. She doesn't know how things work, or how to fix them if they break, despite her professed interest in becoming a Machinist. She's also rather bad at math and the sciences in their more advanced forms, because while she can easily remember, say, her times tables, the plethora of formulae inherent to systems like trigonometry and calculus are too complicated even for her to remember. And, given how much she tends to rely on her memory, she tends to panic when she finds that she can't actually remember something she needs to know. As such, she ends up losing focus, which only makes it harder for her to remember other things. Because of this, she does very well as an aspiring Machinist when it comes to theoretical subjects, but rather poorly when it comes to more practical learning.
Because of her innate sense of responsibility and tendency to overthink things, she's also more than a little hyper-critical of her own flaws, which is partially to blame for her lack of self-esteem. Something of a perfectionist, she tends to categorize and arrange what she perceives as her own shortcomings into an unforgettable litany leveled against herself, and changes reality to fit her perception of herself rather than changing her perceptions of herself in accordance with reality, as mentioned above. And, every time she's criticized, she just adds another accusation to her list, slowly weighing herself down with personal flaws she's too focused on hiding or circumventing to even consider that they might not even exist, or be as severe as she feels they are.
In her own mind, she's "stupid and selfish," due largely to the fact that she finds it difficult to grasp the feelings of others around her. Thus, because she can't understand others, she's stupid, and since she acts according to her own reasoning alone and thus tends to offend or hurt other people without realizing, she's selfish. She also characterizes herself as a coward, due to her somewhat neurotic tendencies. In particular, she's somewhat jumpy, and easily surprised by sudden movement or unexpected loud noises, as well as being easily intimidated by other people. Since she doesn't have the courage to stand up for herself, and gets scared easily by things like ghost stories, paranoid suspicion that something's moving in the dark, or jumpscares, she is, by her own logic, a "coward." However, despite these rather grave accusations, what Nadine thinks of as her greatest flaw might seem somewhat innocuous by comparison. In her eyes, her most dreadful fault is that she is, quite simply, "average." She doesn't have any overwhelming talents, and, while intelligent, is in no way prodigious. At everything she tries, she simply seems fated to remain mediocre, discouraging her again and again and driving her to simply abandon hobbies she otherwise might have enjoyed. While those around her excel, she remains ordinary, a fact which she hates beyond anything else, and yet cannot in any way seem to escape.
And so it is that a girl whose very name means "Hope" ironically has almost none.
{
}Don't... don't laugh at me...!
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
- Fiction: While her love of books is long since common knowledge, this love actually extends to almost any suitable dramatic medium. Films, theater, and perhaps even games of any sort... if there's a story for her to lose herself in, she'll see it through to the end with no complaints.
- Music: She spends a great deal of time listening to all manner of music, having quite the extensive playlist on her P.T. It's one of many things she uses as a getaway of sorts to temporarily escape from reality, helping her calm down when she's stressed.
- Singing: You wouldn't guess it from her timid nature, but she's actually a tremendously good singer. However, just like speaking, she's too self-conscious to sing in front of other people. Even when she does attempt music, it's only through wordless "la"s, and only when she thinks nobody's listening. She tends to get a bit... "hammy" without realizing it, though, so it's sometimes possible for other people to overhear without her knowing.
- Men: Not so much a "dislike" as a "lack of understanding." She's never really had any male friends, and due to her social anxiety, poor self-image, and the stricture of Agrian sexual mores, finds it rather difficult to interact with members of the opposite sex, being rather intimidated by them at the best of times, and downright terrified at the worst.
- The Dark: She tends to get a bit paranoid at times, and thus tends to be a bit jumpy when it's dark out. She particularly hates this side of herself, and thus tends to have a distaste for darkness in general because of it.
- Sour Foods: She doesn't really mind the taste terribly much, but they're so hard to eat! She'd just rather not bother. That way, she doesn't have to worry about her eyes starting to water and everybody laughing at her for crying. ...Not that that ever happened, or anything.
- "So many people are shut up tight inside themselves like boxes, yet they would open up, unfolding quite wonderfully, if only you were interested in them." - Sylvia Plath
{
}I wish people were more like the characters in books. They say how they feel plainly. Even I can understand them. But people... I can never tell what they're thinking about...
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
║❖
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
❖║
- The first child born to a rich Agrian family, Nadine was pampered from a young age by her parents, kept sheltered to keep her safe. Her parents were staunch traditionalists, hailing from a very "pure" bloodline that descended directly from the old aristocrats, distinguished by their bright blue eyes. Although they themselves lacked this particular trait, Nadine herself inherited it, which her parents viewed as an auspicious sign of her potential. Sadly, as she grew, these initial expectations seemed to have been baseless. Having been kept isolated from everyone her own age save for her younger brother Remell for roughly the first nine years of her life, she had no idea what to expect when she finally was sent along with several other children her own age to study under a respected Agrian scholar. Plagued by a perpetual stutter, not to mention her blooming anxiety, she found her attempts to socialize rather viciously rebuffed. At best, the other children couldn't understand her due to her stammering, and kept asking her to repeat herself. At worst, they mocked and derided her for it. Her teachers and parents tried to correct this impediment by having her practice, but all the attention that was paid to her inability to communicate properly felt to her like mockery. Little by little, she began to give up on making her voice heard, to the point that she so hated to try forming words that the very thought of it made her nauseous. Shunned due to the fact it was impossible to communicate with her, she found the distance growing between herself and other people.
It thus didn't help that her father was, at the same pressuring her to study mathematics and mechanical theory, hoping that she would honor the family by taking up what was now known as Xera's most sophisticated profession: that of a machinist and inventor. However, between her anxiety and lack of comprehension for the material, she found it very difficult. Her brown-eyed little brother Remell, on the other hand, was much more apt than she herself was, picking up with ease the things that she had most struggled with. By the time he was 10, he had already caught the eye of their instructor, while she herself was strongly recommended to pursue a career in the arts. Having taken a liking to books, she meekly obliged. Theater, singing, and the like were all out of the question due to her inability to speak, but perhaps painting, or literature? She tried the former, but swiftly abandoned it out of frustration due to her inability to transpose the images in her brain onto the canvas. Writing yielded more promising results, but she couldn't help but compare her own works to those of more skilled professionals. When placed in the shadow of her favorites, her own feeble attempts at storytelling just couldn't match up.
Her parents were never harsh or abusive towards her. If anything, however, that only deepened her shame, as they quite clearly coddled and pitied her for her lack of talent, while at the same time praising and rewarding her brother. This was, perhaps, the last straw. For all her youth, she was told that she'd inherited her parents' latent ability, as signified by her blue eyes. And yet, she was so easily outclassed by someone who ostensibly was less gifted than herself, despite her best efforts. She felt as though she'd disappointed everyone, and slowly started to give up on the world around her. She did what was required to avoid conflict, but then immediately retreated back into her comfort zone, hiding away from the world and burying her own troubles with the joy she felt in reading. Her parents grew concerned as she stopped talking entirely, seeming to shut everything around her out. They pleaded her to speak, and when that didn't work, they tried to command her. To high-class socialites who lived for the spotlight, it seemed inconceivable that someone who was perfectly capable of expressing herself wouldn't be willing to do so. Eventually, they came to the false conclusion that she must have been deliberately trying to ignore them, and that her silence was an act of rebellion, not only against them, but against her responsibilities in general. Embarrassed by what they saw as a childish tantrum gone much too far, they began to shelter her once again, trying to hide the shame of having a daughter who wouldn't say a word. Little by little, Nadine began to feel the walls of her home closing in on her as her parents tried to force her to break her silence.
Eventually, she couldn't take it anymore. Having saved up her allowance over the years through her rather frugal living and her parents' initial generosity, she offered to pay for her own living expenses if they would in turn buy her way into a real school somewhere, anywhere, away from home. Wanting to at the very least earn her the credit she'd need to attract potential suitors - as a bride of once-noble blood, well versed in the arts, might be used to secure valuable familial connections - and hoping that the experience might help her "grow up" and abandon her childish anger, they agreed, paying for her enrollment into Twin Stars Academy, while she herself rented the upper room in a small, run down tenement hall. Far from what her parents expected, however, she took advantage of being out of contact to make one last try for fulfillment. She selected to study as a Machinist instead of an Artisan, even though she knew it wasn't a field she was talented in, in the hopes of meeting the minimum graduation requirements to allow her to move into an academy for pilots. As the standards she had to meet to just take up piloting were more lax than the requirements to become a Machinist, she felt as though she might actually have a chance. Regardless, she couldn't afford to pass up this opportunity. Succeeding would mean getting a chance finally live out her own dreams, flying the sky, going where nobody had ever been before, and, most importantly, leaving all of her present cares far behind her, in a distant land.
Of course, that's all far in the future for now. For now, the silent girl has more immediate concerns, like keeping up in her courses, living on her own... and dealing with others like her who have moved in just downstairs. Will she find the words to meet them, or will her story go unspoken?
{
}Why? Why do you care...?