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He had to have guessed I was lying. Nicolai is smarter than that.. Why won't he realize?
I pulled a bag off the dispenser and tossed a couple of apples in.
I picked up a peach and stared at it.
Maybe he doesn't want to realize?
We've been friends for so long, maybe he just can't picture me that way?
The thought was understandable. And quite possible..
I put the peach in the bag and walked away from the fruits, no longer hungry.
I snatched up a few other things and payed for the food.
I made my way to the car while struggling with the bags, Holding the keys in my mouth and four bags on my arm, I managed to lift open the trunk without dropping anything. I shut the trunk and rounded the car. I got in the car and kept my eyes on the steering wheel while waiting for Nicolai.
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"Do think Lacey will like them?" He asked.
I gazed at the flowers. My throat tightened.
Nodding, I put the keys in the enginition and pulled out of the parking lot.
I stayed silent for the rest of the car ride and didn't utter a word.
Cause if I did, I was afraid all my feelings were going to come out right there.
And he'd laugh. I know he would.
& His laugh would kill me.
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I stared at the rose for a moment and fixed my attention back on the road.
Glancing at Nic, I managed to smile.
"Thanks."
Taking the rose from his hand, I tried not to notice how our fingers slightly brushed against eachothers. I set the rose down carefully on my lap.
Pulling into the Driveway and rolling to a halt, I got out of the car.
"I'll get the bags, You go on in." I said to Nic, almost cheerfully, before shutting the door.
Walking behind the car, I opened the trunk and gazed at the bags.
I hated how kind he was.. Why was he so kind to me when he actually doesn't feel a thing..? Why? ..It tore me apart And I hated it. But most of all, I hated how I loved him.
I almost laughed at how pathetic I was. Getting so upset like this over Nic, My friend Nic, that I knew since god knows how long. Practically my brother. I mean, It's Nic for gods sake. Nic.
I wanted to cry. Thats what I wanted to do. Just lay in my bed and cry. Cry all the Sadness and Anguish away.
But the tears wouldn't come. I knew they wouldn't. I hadn't cried in so long, I no longer knew what tears were.
Reaching into the car I took out most of the bags and headed to the house. I wondered if the world could hear my heart breaking. Cause thats what it felt like. Like it was going to shatter before me into itty bitty pieces, And I was afraid I wouldn't be able to put it back together.
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I kept my gaze on in front of me and walked into the house, Plopping the bags on the kitchen counter, I left them there. Not bothering to put them in pantry or Refrigerater, I walked upstairs. I stopped for a moment and listened.
Did I just hear a voice..?
It came again. Lucas & Dani. I almost smiled. Almost. But it wouldn't come. Instead I felt something else.
Left out. No, that wasn't quite it. Lonely. There we go. Lonely & cold. Everyone was busy having fun and here I was sulking in an empty hallway. I thought about calling Jamie or Mom. But they'd only lecture me to come back. I lowered my gaze to my tennis shoes, Hating this feeling. This feeling of emptiness.
But it wasn't just because Nic. No, it was because there was no one. No one around to exchange secrets with. No one to just simply have a conversation with. They were all too caught up with themselves and the excitement of the Summer and what came with it. And here I was.
Making my way to my room, I shut the door behind me, angry at myself for falling. For letting it happen. Walking over to the mirror, I looked at myself. And then something shattered inside me because hot tears were rolling down my cheeks and sob escaped my lips.
I turned to my bed and lied down. Pulling the covers over me, I curled up and let the tears roll down my cheeks. But I didn't make a sound for the fear that someone would hear me & they would laugh also. And I wouldn't be able to take it.
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Shit.
Pulling the cover so it was covering more of my face, I wiped my eyes with my sleeve and cleared my throat. Having my back faced to the door. Making it nearly impossible to see my face, I replied, "Yeah, I was just shutting my eyes for a moment."
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